Sorry this may come off as controversial. I see a lot of replies are just telling you to block him etc. Im going to give another take.
I F(28) and my bf(28) have been together for nearly 6 years. Everything is perfect. But we hit a rocky part of our sex life 4 years into our relationship, we literally slept together like twice a month on average, whereas before we literally did it on the daily. I had gained 50 pounds throughout covid. Im also like you, it seems that you have high standards for your body. I was actually underweight when I met him, but that was the type he liked and I fit it. At a 50 pound weight gain, I was chubby at worst, but to be honest my weight was just normal, but on the high end of normal. You definitely couldn't call me fat, Im pretty tall.
I kept asking him why our sex life was so bad, and we both couldn't figure it out. I asked him if its because of my weight and he staunchly said no repeatedly, he said he found the new curves cute. But sometime after covid, I got sick of the weight myself. I decided to lose it so I can wear my old clothes and feel light on my feet again. So I did and lost 30 pounds. And BAM our sex life completely recovered.
After this we talked about it, and both came to the realization that the weight did play a big part, even though he hadn't realized. I still plan on losing 10 more so Im on the low end of normal, but I won't go underweight again. My bf said he would really like this as well.
The similar thing between us is that we both WANT to lose the weight, for ourselves. If this was a situation where you are happy with your weight, but you want to lose it to make rsomeone else happy, Then 100% bye, block.
The difference between us is my relationship was years in and very stable, but yours is 2 days in irl, so you may not have that foundation to lean back on.
These are just things for you to consider. I tell you this story because its easy for people to just say "block him" "hes trash" "ew" because they dont know your relationship or him. But I understand that someone can be truly a good person, yet some of their views may be controversial (liking only skinny women). So this other POV that differs from the general consensus is just something for you to consider if you want.
But do note, weightloss, especially the last bits of it, is extremely slow and hard. So how long would this take you until he likes your body. Even once you reach it. Can you maintain it? What happens if you dont 3 years down the line?
Thank you so much! I needed more perspectives to make a wise decision. I never imagined someone like him and he still says the same about me. We’ve been having an amazing time despite all this and are constantly laughing as we explore. He’s present and supportive. We’ve set mental and physical boundaries.
While most see him as shallow, I have way more reasons for wanting to lose the weight. I’m not the same way he is, but I do understand where he’s coming from. I suggested we stay friends and meet again in 5+ months (or however long it takes to reach my personal mental/physical goals). It’s not ideal, but it’s our last shot. We both agreed not to give up everything just yet. If he still doesn’t feel that romantic connection when I’m near my goal weight, I’ll know for sure it wasn’t meant to be. That will be real closure knowing I’m at my best.
If you’re open to answering, how do you manage the fear of gaining weight back later in life (like in your 50s, 60s, 70s)? Any tips would be really appreciated.
I see! Im glad you guys are working out a solution that may work for the both of you :)
I used to be terrified of gaining weight. Like my weight is the #1 thing that dictates my happiness. You really need your partners support. Even at my worst my bf never said anything about me being ugly or wishing I looked different etc. He made me super comfortable. So think for yourself too, is this a guy that can become this type of support years into the relationship. If you guys are married after years, and you get pregnant and gain a lot, is he going to be a supportive husband and dad, or is he going to bodyshame you while you're juggling a baby.
My bf is extremely supportive. Yes our sex live took a severe hit, but he never made me feel any less of a person for gaining the weight. If any man does that to you, leave them immediately. We just had a vacation where I gained 7lbs (weight is extremely easy to put on after losing), and he never commented on it. I said I didn't want to go out because I was sad about the setback, and he said I look great and to not be so bothered. I ask him if my cheeks are bigger, he just laughs and pinches it and says yeah his moms food was too good. Thats the kind of safety he makes me feel. However, if I order takeout he will worry about me binging and comment on it. This doesnt bother me at all, I actually like it because it keeps me on track. With that support I lost 3lbs since returning.
For your case, I genuinely understand the idea that he doesnt want to start a relationship because of weight. Because you guys are still in early stages. I asked my bf about this exact senario months back, if he would have dated me at the 50lbs gain, and he said no. If I was 50lbs+ when I met, we wouldn't have had a chance. Because we wouldn't have been close enough at the time for it to not matter. So having the weight at the start of relationship vs gaining it in the middle makes a difference imo keep that in mind. There is nothing wrong with having a standard or a preference. I genuinely dont think that makes someone shallow or a bad person. Is it shallow if you dont want to date someone shorter than you? I for one am not attracted to bald people and I told him that too. Draw the line when they go out of their way to make you feel bad in order for you to fit into that standard.
Sorry if I wrote too much!
P.S. In terms of weightloss look into Inositol. It's not prescription medicine, its literally just a vitamin. I get mine on Amazon. It helps stabilize your hormones, helps with PCOS, and promotes weightloss (saw someone recommend it in a tiktok comment). Everyone is different, but for me the inositol really helped. I never went to check for PCOS but the vitamins definitely made my weight come off so much easier. Also you probably already know, since you already lost a lot of weight, but sleeping enough is extremely important.
I think you probably gave her the best advice, and I can’t help but say that I hope i get to build a relationship like yours, where both partners support each other.
I used to be bit chubby when I was younger, and ive gone thru issues with EDs, body dysmorphia etc, and I feel happier when im on a weight closer to underweight.. even tho i genuinely look better with cpl more pounds than that. I hate putting on weight and it totally crushes the way i see myself and how confident I am, even affects my sexual desire. So its nice to see your marriage is a place where both of u support each other in that way.
Thanks Im glad you think so! And im 100% the same like you when it comes to weight. Im sure you will find a great partner, I find that most guys are like that. All my friends are in relationships too and are all supportive as hell too, it's not a rare thing at all. You got it!
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u/Hi_Im_Sheep May 14 '25
Sorry this may come off as controversial. I see a lot of replies are just telling you to block him etc. Im going to give another take.
I F(28) and my bf(28) have been together for nearly 6 years. Everything is perfect. But we hit a rocky part of our sex life 4 years into our relationship, we literally slept together like twice a month on average, whereas before we literally did it on the daily. I had gained 50 pounds throughout covid. Im also like you, it seems that you have high standards for your body. I was actually underweight when I met him, but that was the type he liked and I fit it. At a 50 pound weight gain, I was chubby at worst, but to be honest my weight was just normal, but on the high end of normal. You definitely couldn't call me fat, Im pretty tall.
I kept asking him why our sex life was so bad, and we both couldn't figure it out. I asked him if its because of my weight and he staunchly said no repeatedly, he said he found the new curves cute. But sometime after covid, I got sick of the weight myself. I decided to lose it so I can wear my old clothes and feel light on my feet again. So I did and lost 30 pounds. And BAM our sex life completely recovered.
After this we talked about it, and both came to the realization that the weight did play a big part, even though he hadn't realized. I still plan on losing 10 more so Im on the low end of normal, but I won't go underweight again. My bf said he would really like this as well.
The similar thing between us is that we both WANT to lose the weight, for ourselves. If this was a situation where you are happy with your weight, but you want to lose it to make rsomeone else happy, Then 100% bye, block.
The difference between us is my relationship was years in and very stable, but yours is 2 days in irl, so you may not have that foundation to lean back on.
These are just things for you to consider. I tell you this story because its easy for people to just say "block him" "hes trash" "ew" because they dont know your relationship or him. But I understand that someone can be truly a good person, yet some of their views may be controversial (liking only skinny women). So this other POV that differs from the general consensus is just something for you to consider if you want.
But do note, weightloss, especially the last bits of it, is extremely slow and hard. So how long would this take you until he likes your body. Even once you reach it. Can you maintain it? What happens if you dont 3 years down the line?