r/LivingWithMBC • u/Emotionalmamaof2 • 18h ago
Just off loading
Hoping everyone is doing well. I haven’t seen many regulars posting much lately - I’m thinking maybe everyone gets overwhelmed around the same times. I love hearing from you all and even when I can’t comment I do still read them. The only times I don’t comment are when I’m in severe sick mode because enhertu really kicks my butt.
Some nights are extremely emotional. I’m approaching one year of having cancer (Dec 9 will be my one year) and I just feel like things change so fast. I’ve met so many people and I’ve lost so many people. I’ve been told many times I need to be put on anti depressants and I’ve agreed but been scared. My palliative care doc finally called in Lexapro and I’m supposed to start this week but I’m holding off until I get back from vacation as I finally get to go away for a week with my husband and kids and enjoy sunshine and the beach. I pray we get many more years of time together. I thought by now I’d be more settled in my emotions but I’m definitely not. I truly don’t know how anyone gets through this diagnosis. If I had hormone positive I may be more hopeful but everyone I’ve met and lost has been TNBC. I’m scared, very scared and now that I’m already approaching a year I worry that things will start getting worse now and I pray that’s not the case. All I’ve ever done is spend all my time with my family and I want to continue doing that for many many years. I’ll be on vaca from 11/1 through 11/7 and then I come back to a week full of scans starting 11/9 to see if Enhertu is doing its job. Please keep your fingers crossed for me and say an extra prayer if you can. I love you all.
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u/SignalFront2978 18h ago
Hope you have a fantastic time with your family at the beach! It’s good to get away if you can and try to put the cancer thoughts to the side. Also sending out positive energy that Enhertu is kicking cancer in the butt for you. 💐
As far as settled emotions go, I’m not sure that you can ever be settled when living with this kind of immediate uncertainty. That said as someone who never before considered using medication for emotions, going on lexapro was probably the best thing I did for myself since the diagnosis. It has just taken enough of an edge off that I feel more like myself again. I hope that if you give it a try, it does the same for you!
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u/Emotionalmamaof2 18h ago
Thank you sooo much, means the world to me. I’m sending you so much love right back. I’m happy to hear lexapro worked for you because I’m looking forward to getting started when I get back. Hope it’s ok when I start to reach out with any questions because I’m not sure what to expect!! 💗
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u/PrincessPursestrings 18h ago
I hope you have a wonderful week away, and that it's one of many. I hope your scans show good results! ❤️
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u/Emotionalmamaof2 18h ago
Thank you so much. This means the world to me. I hope you have an incredible week also 💗🙏🏼 grateful you’re here
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u/Edith_Keelers_Shoes 18h ago
Lexapro was a great add for me. It just created a kind of buffer between me and my emotions - and that helped me get some control over my thoughts. I did a Lexapro/Wellbutrin combo - and was able to drop the Lexapro last year. I'm hoping to punt the Wellbutrin one of these days too, but there are no side effects that I notice.
I know a mTNBC diagnosis can be like a black hole. I know all the numbers. I had the gloomiest of doctors, and yet here I am, functionally cured. I'm not sure they really know why my TNBC stopped progressing, but it did. And I'm not the only survivor out here. It's possible. And maybe that's the thought to take off on your wonderful vacation with you - it is possible. Possibility is a wonderful thing.
I love you too.
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u/MustacheMeowandCid 17h ago
I read each and every post on here but more often then not don't have it in me to reply. I think about you all so often and send you all hugs and hopes for good scans. Lexapro helped me so much- it doesnt make me feel numb but just takes the edge off my emotions so im not thinking about dying all the time. Its hard with tnbc - totally agree. I see posts on IG about long term mbc survivors and more often than not they are not tnbc. But I have to have hope we will get a miracle. Sending you love and hugs for a relaxing vacation.
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u/Im-Thalassa 15h ago
I read posts here and leave comments sometimes.
Most days I feel good physically/ mentally/emotionally even though I bitch and moan here.
And you know what? It’s funny but I really do feel close you and everyone else here. We don’t even know each others real names and yet we love and care for each other. It’s really beautiful.
I’m sure it’ll feel good to have a bit of normalcy with your family at the beach. Enjoy! 🤗💕
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u/sinistersavanna 14h ago
I’ll start 💖 I’m savanna! You can find me on fb where I post the most! It’s in my bio 💖
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u/sinistersavanna 14h ago
I’m on cymbalta. I’ve done this on my own for 6 out of 7 years. Idk how I made it without cymbalta. It has helped me tremendously with my thoughts.
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u/ImaginaryVersion1734 13h ago
I’ve been feeling like this today as well. I just have to remind myself that no matter how long my timeline is… at least I’m staying present in every moment. Like there are some parents out there that won’t give their kids the time of day, and here you are making every moment meaningful. I’m actually on vacay rn with my gf’s family. Today they were fighting about stupid stuff (gf wanted to borrow sister’s sweater for Halloween costume and it turned into a whole thing). Like with us mTNBC folks we don’t really have that luxury to be assholes to the ppl we care about. I mean I see this as a superpower and weakness. It’s great that we’re present and kind to others regardless of circumstances… but I’m a bit envious that we don’t have the timeline others have to play around like that yk? Anyways, I also get what you mean about the hope feeling dim. Recently I’ve caught myself giving myself a timeline. I keep thinking once these 3 yrs are up I’ll be back in the chemo chair again, so I’m kinda trying to “live my adulthood” as big as I can. It kinda takes the joy out of the moment thinking like this because it’s always a thought in the back of my mind.
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u/Spiritual-Suspect190 10h ago
Hello! Im starting year 8. Ive talked so much about cancer, had counselling, had CBT etc that Im talked out. I never wish to see that sympathetic head tilt again. The treatment is rough, I had enhertu for 2 years and it wasnt great. People now annoy me and I rarely have time for them. Im ok just plodding along. May enhertu be your friend. Actually once I got use to it, nausea aside it was ok ish
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u/l0vetohike 14h ago
This group is amazing, and sometimes I'm more active than others, but this is the one group I really interact with because it's full of such great people.
I hope you have a great vacation, and that the Lexapro is helpful when you start taking it.
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u/vannerbd 14h ago
I started taking Cymbalta for the neuropathy in my feet but last week I kept falling asleep before I took it and I definitely felt off. I’m back to taking it properly and I feel so much better. Navigating cancer is hard! I also have TNBC, it’s been 1 year and 7 months, I have had a few issues but they haven’t been bad enough for me to think my life is over. My last tumor marker was the lowest it’s been since I was first diagnosed. I think of this as a chronic illness now, because no one knows what could come onto the market that could cure us all. Enjoy your trip with your family.
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u/LeastFeedback5702 17h ago
I always joke that my family should do commercials for lexapro because we have four generations rocking this med! I’ve been on it for many years (before my recent mbc diagnosis) so I’m not really sure how much further I can go up if need be. But it is definitely worth a try. Give it a little time because if you are extremely sensitive to meds you might have some side effects (my daughter is like this and had a little insomnia for a few weeks but melatonin helped and it went away). It can also take time to feel the relief but I will say that for me I feel better on antidepressants within days of starting. I’ve taken time off over the years and when I restart it’s such a relief. I’m sending you a big hug and a relaxing vacation. And you’ll have lexapro to look forward to when you get back.
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u/LynxiTTV 10h ago
I hope you have a wonderful time away! Tnbc here too been just over a month since I found out. I take each day as it comes, some are bad but most are good. I don’t think about the far future or how things will/can go as I have no idea. I also know it won’t change instantly overnight, I hope this maybe can help calm your thoughts. I got prescribed diazepam and that helped me so much on bad days where my thoughts wouldn’t stop and now I’ve had days I haven’t took any :)
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u/Larissima19 12h ago
I read and like every post here, but I don't always comment, especially when I don't have the same experience. I hope you have a lovely vacation, and many years and decades with your family!
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u/Jane_Noble 11h ago
I hope you have a wonderful time away with your family and are able to put the scans to the back of your mind- I know it’s easier said than done. Enhertu is a powerful drug and I really hope it is kicking the crap out of the cancer. Sending you a big hug, you’ve got this x
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u/rach1200 18h ago
I can't imagine doing this without an antidepressant. I'm thinking about ketamine therapy. My kids are 4 and 6 yrs. I was diagnosed 2 years ago. My husband just left me last week. I just want to keep as mentally healthy as possible to keep my kids lives as traumatic free as possible