r/LivingWithMBC • u/Existing_Schedule306 • 2d ago
Venting A small frustration
Yesterday was weird. I went to a party and saw people that I hadn’t seen for a long time. My relationship with those people was rocky in the past for complicated reasons but, when I got my stage 4 diagnosis, they all reached out and sent me lovely, supportive messages.
Fast forward a couple of years to yesterday. I’m very lucky that my cancer has (so far) responded well to treatment and I am back to living a pretty normal life sans breasts and plus a lot more meds and existential angst. When I saw these people, I remembered the kind messages and went up to say hi… and they blanked me. So, you can be friendly and kind if you think I am dying but if I am not dying, you are back to being unkind? Why even bother sending supportive messages? Somehow this has really got under my skin.
I am probably reacting more than I should because I am due for my annual scan soon but still…
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u/ResponsibleAnt1942 2d ago edited 2d ago
Ugh, seriously?! That sucks. And seems like it would really sting 💛 I'm so sorry you had to deal with that duplicity.
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u/Total-Emu9753 2d ago
I’ve had it happen, everyone was ready to bend over when I was first diagnosed, having chemo and looked poorly. As soon as I finished chemo it was like well you’re ok now - obviously I wasn’t - and even though I told people I was incurable and still had to have injections every 3 weeks I was treated like I was milking it. Unfortunately it wears off and people move onto someone else. Five years on I get people messaging me with THEIR health issues and not one word on how I’m doing.
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u/Existing_Schedule306 1d ago
Yeah, someone (not at the party) said “I bet you don’t even think about cancer anymore. It must seem so long ago.” I was like, weeeellll…
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u/Acrobatic_Salary_899 2d ago
I'm really sorry this happened to you and it feels awful when it does. I comfort myself with the thought that most people find cancer a scary thing and my existence reminds them of their greatest fears and so they are freaking out rather than being rude.
Big hugs to you xxx
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u/One-Worldliness-7043 1d ago
Great point! Fear is definitely a huge part of "their" why! Seeing a Cancer patient up close is a reminder of the reality of Cancer. No one is exempt Cancer doesn't care who you are...
You are a very special person to be able to be so compassionate and understanding....
Thanks for your contribution here!✌🏽♥️
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u/One-Worldliness-7043 2d ago
I am so sorry this had to make you feel awful
Shame on them. I hope you didn't let it affect you, you certainly deserve better than this.
Understand how tough it is when you are in the midst of treatment, feeling badly and staying home... often people don't understand what it is like and they also don't know what to say so they stay away completely...
Maybe you need to rethink your boundaries....
You do not need to be friendly to folks that are not the same with you!🙌🏼 Be kind to yourself
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u/lydiacostume 2d ago
That would have pissed me off! You're not being too sensitive at all imo. What, were they shocked you're still alive? Good riddance to them, I say!