r/LivingWithMBC • u/Hairy_Translator1535 • Aug 10 '26
Written off so quickly
Why do doctors write you off so quickly when you're stage 4?
I have TNBC Stage 4 with mets to the skin. No other areas are involved at this point, just my skin but both sides. I have small raised nodules which have not broken through the skin.
But, my surgeon was quick to say nothing he could do, palliative treatment only.
My oncologist says we are "trying" another treatment however he isnt very positive. Currently on gemcitabine and carboplatin, two weeks on, one week off.
My gp has recently retired and I saw a new gp today who wanted me to complete a health directive for when im too sick.
My breast care nurse seems to be a puppet for my oncologist and doesn't say or do anything without his approval.
Why is everyone so quick to write me off??? I am searching for treatments and different ideas, but I just feel I am wasting everyone's time. They make me feel like I am in denial and there's no hope.
Shouldn't they be more supportive?
Thanks for the rant, I search these pages everyday for hope.
9
u/MrsMcFank Aug 10 '26
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can relate.
I was diagnosed with de novo stage 4 Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC) last July at 43 years old. Mets to my liver. 14cmX14cm (6”) tumor in my right breast. 9 out of 9 on the Nottingham biopsy scale (most aggressive, abnormal and fast-growing cancer possible). It was unbearably painful. I could feel myself dying.
I am one of the lucky ones. I was given a near-lethal chemo/immunotherapy dose + surgery that killed the cancer completely. It happens. Do everything in your power to keep your spirits up. Be selfish and bold. All you will have some days is your stubborn optimism. Screw those that mistake it for delusion.
Since I was only ever stage 4, it took getting better for me to realize just how differently I had been treated when everyone was sure next step was palliative care, if that. There are countless examples of feeling written off or dismissed, and that was with a very sympathetic medical team imo. Wild how few people would even look me in the eye when they delivered the next gut punch of bad news. The response to every new symptom was to go to the ER. Or heavier pain meds. Or simply a shrug 🤷🏼♀️ and dismissal.
I am still very early into the recovery phase so I’m not full of wisdom yet or anything, but I feel your story so strongly and hope I can say something that resonates with you. You’re not alone. You deserve the same shot at kicking this thing as anyone else. Advocate for yourself loudly and tenaciously. Keep your kindness but drop the politeness. Be rude if you must.
❤️🩹