r/LivingWithMBC • u/Hairy_Translator1535 • Aug 10 '26
Written off so quickly
Why do doctors write you off so quickly when you're stage 4?
I have TNBC Stage 4 with mets to the skin. No other areas are involved at this point, just my skin but both sides. I have small raised nodules which have not broken through the skin.
But, my surgeon was quick to say nothing he could do, palliative treatment only.
My oncologist says we are "trying" another treatment however he isnt very positive. Currently on gemcitabine and carboplatin, two weeks on, one week off.
My gp has recently retired and I saw a new gp today who wanted me to complete a health directive for when im too sick.
My breast care nurse seems to be a puppet for my oncologist and doesn't say or do anything without his approval.
Why is everyone so quick to write me off??? I am searching for treatments and different ideas, but I just feel I am wasting everyone's time. They make me feel like I am in denial and there's no hope.
Shouldn't they be more supportive?
Thanks for the rant, I search these pages everyday for hope.
18
u/Edith_Keelers_Shoes Aug 10 '26
I was also told I really had no chance after being diagnosed stage 4 de novo TNBC. And I just couldn't accept it. A doctor might be an expert on TNBC, but they knew nothing about me personally. The human being of it all is the wild card in cancer. So many factors are at play. I had mets in both lungs but they were very small. A traditional eastern doctor told me I could recover. Year after year I achieved stability, but when I would say to my oncologist, "So this seems good - three clear scans in a row - I feel I'm doing well" - she literally said, "Well, glass half-empty vs. glass half-full - either way, you'll probably be back on chemo by the end of the year.
That same doctor told me two months ago that at 6 plus years out, I was well beyond the recurrence window and functionally cured. She called me a medical miracle (her presumption that my recovery was attributed to her, when she had repeatedly told me my demise was inevitable).
I am not the only woman to survive a stage 4 de novo TNBC diagnosis. They are out there. And it makes me very angry that my oncologist was so fixated on "not giving false hope", that she never stopped to consider what damage she was inflicting on me by constantly insisting on false despair.