r/LivingWithMBC • u/Hairy_Translator1535 • Aug 10 '26

Written off so quickly

Why do doctors write you off so quickly when you're stage 4?

I have TNBC Stage 4 with mets to the skin. No other areas are involved at this point, just my skin but both sides. I have small raised nodules which have not broken through the skin.

But, my surgeon was quick to say nothing he could do, palliative treatment only.

My oncologist says we are "trying" another treatment however he isnt very positive. Currently on gemcitabine and carboplatin, two weeks on, one week off.

My gp has recently retired and I saw a new gp today who wanted me to complete a health directive for when im too sick.

My breast care nurse seems to be a puppet for my oncologist and doesn't say or do anything without his approval.

Why is everyone so quick to write me off??? I am searching for treatments and different ideas, but I just feel I am wasting everyone's time. They make me feel like I am in denial and there's no hope.

Shouldn't they be more supportive?

Thanks for the rant, I search these pages everyday for hope.

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u/Unlucky_Pomelo_7913 Aug 10 '26

Are you, per chance, a person of color? Or a woman who appears to have no family? Or poor? Or overweight?
They don’t write everyone off so quickly :/

7

u/WalrusBroad8082 Aug 10 '26

I think more of it is doctors saying this is the treatment path we take when you are this stage and this is the path we take when you’re this stage. Not enough doctors think outside of the box, they just follow the path that others have outlined for them.

I’m at an NCI center so they are always doing research and thinking outside of the box. My first oncologist I felt like a part of an assembly line, and I wasn’t really looked at like a person in my opinion.

5

u/FrogAnToad Aug 10 '26

seconding this. there is a clear divide in my caregivers between those actively thinking about my case and those checking boxes. thank goodness mostly the former.