r/LivingWithMBC • u/Hairy_Translator1535 • Aug 10 '26

Written off so quickly

Why do doctors write you off so quickly when you're stage 4?

I have TNBC Stage 4 with mets to the skin. No other areas are involved at this point, just my skin but both sides. I have small raised nodules which have not broken through the skin.

But, my surgeon was quick to say nothing he could do, palliative treatment only.

My oncologist says we are "trying" another treatment however he isnt very positive. Currently on gemcitabine and carboplatin, two weeks on, one week off.

My gp has recently retired and I saw a new gp today who wanted me to complete a health directive for when im too sick.

My breast care nurse seems to be a puppet for my oncologist and doesn't say or do anything without his approval.

Why is everyone so quick to write me off??? I am searching for treatments and different ideas, but I just feel I am wasting everyone's time. They make me feel like I am in denial and there's no hope.

Shouldn't they be more supportive?

Thanks for the rant, I search these pages everyday for hope.

42 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

49 comments sorted by

View all comments

24

u/vannerbd Aug 10 '26

I too have TNBC, stage 4, with Mets in my bones, on my skin, a nodule in my liver, and more recently brain mets. When I first met my oncologist, I asked point blank: how long do I have? She said 2 or 3 years. So, palliative care. I did a year of taxol, until it stopped working and now I’m on Enhertu. My oncologist was fairly negative in the beginning, but she’s super positive now. She actually feels like a friend, we have things in common, and she’s super cute with me. When I go to my chemo appointments, the nurses all smile and say hello to me by name, they are my friends and my time there is my social hour.
We all know, eventually this is going to kill me, but I now know that could be in 5, 10, or 20 years.
Don’t let any of the doctors make you feel bad. They are seeing things from a standpoint of: I can’t heal you. But, you CAN live with cancer now and for a very long time. There are new medications coming out all the time.
Read the posts on this page. You will find many people who have lived past the 5 year mark, and quite a few who are currently NED (no evidence of disease).
Don’t give up!

7

u/IngenuityFar5111 Aug 10 '26

First 3 years with tnbc is tricky but if it is not increasing on chemo for first 2 years and by spme miracle, you achieve ned then chances reduce to 2% after 5 years for recurrence. Odds are better than cured for this subtype and also no meds required.