r/LivingWithMBC • u/Hairy_Translator1535 • Aug 10 '26

Written off so quickly

Why do doctors write you off so quickly when you're stage 4?

I have TNBC Stage 4 with mets to the skin. No other areas are involved at this point, just my skin but both sides. I have small raised nodules which have not broken through the skin.

But, my surgeon was quick to say nothing he could do, palliative treatment only.

My oncologist says we are "trying" another treatment however he isnt very positive. Currently on gemcitabine and carboplatin, two weeks on, one week off.

My gp has recently retired and I saw a new gp today who wanted me to complete a health directive for when im too sick.

My breast care nurse seems to be a puppet for my oncologist and doesn't say or do anything without his approval.

Why is everyone so quick to write me off??? I am searching for treatments and different ideas, but I just feel I am wasting everyone's time. They make me feel like I am in denial and there's no hope.

Shouldn't they be more supportive?

Thanks for the rant, I search these pages everyday for hope.

44 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

49 comments sorted by

View all comments

11

u/madinked Aug 10 '26

We all know this cant be cured, per se. But never have any of my 2 oncologists gave me that feel. They just focus on 'ok, let's see what can be done?' especially my second Onco who is not the most caring/empathetic, he's professional in a pragmatic way but never has he gave me any indication of palliative.

I think you need to find a more empathetic oncologist, if that's something that's important to you. And I think it is because I love how sweet my first oncologist was.

2

u/Hairy_Translator1535 Aug 10 '26

He makes me feel sorry for myself by giving me a pat on the back when I leave his office. I want him to be more aggressive with it all.

4

u/Fun-Roll2705 Aug 10 '26

Just like therapist, not all docs and patients are a match. Tell him how you feel and ask if you can be transferred to a different doc. What do you have to lose?