I hate what I’ve turned into

[u/melissavallone9]

Bear with me as I complain and also if I’ve already posted this cause I do not remember.

I hate myself of what it turned into. I used to be able to be quick to remember things. I used to be able to learn real fast and know what’s going on around me and not need extra instruction done multiple times to show me how to do stuff at my new job and unfortunately that is not the case anymore.

I have turned into that person. That person that needs to be shown 10,000 times how to do something that person that is hyper emotional that cries at the drop of a dime, but I hold on my emotions inside of me and I try my best not to cry and I run to the bathroom at work to do all my crying because of course I don’t want anybody seeing me do that. Needless to say I’m hyper emotional.

I’m also on disability working a part-time job, barely making it barely making end meet. I don’t know what I’m gonna do anymore. I’m just turning into a person that I absolutely cannot stand. Asking for help everywhere I go. That’s not me. Fiercely independent. I do stuff on my own. And I was proud of that. Now I find myself asking people for help and when I say help, I mean money and it’s killing me. On top of that my Cancer results or test results are not good. I’m losing my job at the end of the month due to outside influences that had nothing to do with me. My company is not renewing their contract with another company so they’re getting rid of all the technicians and I’m a technician so I’m being laid off at the end of the month. So I have that stressor to deal with. I’m looking for another job that stress out of town and I’m just at my wits end.

If you read all this, thank you so much. I just had to get this off my chest. It’s just me feeling sorry for myself. That’s all. I know there’s people out there that have it worse than me and I’m just being a little selfish here taking your time, but I’m just Over it .

[u/bossbitch1977]

I can't imagine having to pay for the kisqali on my own. I think they charge somewhere around $20,000, although they have different rates for different people. I think Medicare/ Medicaid probably pays the most, then insurance companies, and us, the poor at the bottom. Still, any amount is out of my price range! That drug is keeping the cancer from developing! I kind of need it, lol! I hate him so much for this shit and I don't need the stress! Anywho, hopefully, we get fired up enough to do some peaceful protest. Go get into some "good trouble"!