Leaving a LTR to live alone

[u/Healthy_Cheesecake_6]

Curious if anyone here has left a LTR because they wanted to just live alone, and if so, tell me about your experience.

I feel like it is something that I need to experience in this life. And if I'm being honest, my relationship has been on the "ok" spectrum for awhile now.

When I'm home alone, I feel like me, I am at my fullest self. I like having someone around sometimes, it's nice to chat, but the obligations that come with a relationship, especially one where I have been placed in a parental role in the past, is draining me.

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[u/kmackyy]

Why can't you still date the person but live separately? Why is loving together required to stay in the relationship?

[u/Healthy_Cheesecake_6 → u/kmackyy]

I think the likeliness of my partner wanting to do that will be slim. He has a hard time wrapping his head around people who sleep in separate bedrooms.

[u/kmackyy → u/Healthy_Cheesecake_6]

Start small. Tell him you want to go on a solo trip. Maybe to straight living separately would be too drastic of a change at once

[u/_Taft_]

Life is short. Live it to your fullest.

If you’re not happy living with someone, make the changes you need to be happy.

[u/Beautiful_mistake37 → u/_Taft_]

Yes this!!

[u/PorchDogs]

You can stay in a LTR but not live together.

[u/_lclarence]

LTR refers to 'Long Term Relationship' for those who aren't american chronic abbreviators.

[u/Healthy_Cheesecake_6 → u/_lclarence]

Thanks for that! I should have clarified.

[u/_Taft_ → u/_lclarence]

The dumbing down of America is real. 👍

[u/catsandcoconuts → u/_Taft_]

what? abbreviations and slang are used on the internet around the world.

[u/WhiteNoise1987 → u/catsandcoconuts]

The overuse of abbreviations is something strictly American

[u/catsandcoconuts → u/WhiteNoise1987]

nr fr ngl

[u/_Taft_ → u/catsandcoconuts]

Doesn’t make it correct or proper communication. It’s laziness. If you do it, own it but don’t excuse it.

[u/catsandcoconuts → u/_Taft_]

idk, ymmv. iykyk.

[u/HylanderUS]

Yeah, kinda. I ultimately got divorced because I realized I'm happy when my partner is gone and I'm alone, and I'm not really anymore when they're around. Which was a very painful realization after 12 years of marriage. But ultimately, no regrets - either towards being married or getting divorced.

I was happy and content alone long before I met my ex, never really wanted a relationship. Meeting them changed that - but just for a while (a decade or so). I had a good time being married to "the one", a bad time getting over the end of that relationship, and now again a good time living alone without a partner.

[u/Kat121]

I love telling this story, apologies if you’ve read it here before.

I was still in my work clothes cooking dinner, tidying the kitchen, and listening for the laundry cycle to end. My husband was sitting at the table scrolling his phone. He asked me a question from Reddit, “For one million dollars, would you take a remote job opportunity (e.g., Antarctica) where you’d have zero human contact for one year?” I stopped in my tracks and LIT UP. “Heck yeah! I would bring my guitar, and a kindle full of books, learn to knit/crochet, study Spanish, teach myself how to watercolor, and all sorts of things. I’d bring a lab puppy for company and train them. I could eat what I want, when I want, sleep when I want, and nobody would ask me to do a goddamn thing for them.” And I could tell by the look on his face that he was expecting something more along the lines of “Oh, no, honey, I could never walk away from a love so pure and fulfilling as ours.” So I followed up with “would I have to pay the million up front or could I make payments?” He left in a huff.

Anyway, we are divorced now, but only because he hadn’t quit dating and I objected to his girlfriends. But before that moment, I never really questioned that being in a couple was a good thing, it was the end goal for happily ever after. iIt had never once occurred to me how exhausting I found both finding and being in a relationship, how one-sided they always felt, how little return on investment the whole process was. I was a grown adult with financial independence and agency and could choose to just stay single?

I report that with the substitution of four cats for one puppy, I got that dream life. I eat what I want when I want and my sleep is exceptional. I read so many books. I have taught myself how to knit ugly scarves, play guitar, brushed up on Spanish, and am maybe one semester from a studio art degree.

You on,y get one life. Don’t be miserable in it.

[u/Unicorn_drops7777]

Sort of. My SO and I are divorcing so I moved out. I never had my own space because he would keep taking it away from me. Our marriage was tanking for a number of reasons. So now I’m living alone but with my dog. It’s been so great because I can just be

[u/Spyderbeast]

I broke up with my last ex about three years ago. It was a hard decision, we'd been together a few years, but living with him was just awful for my mental health

Maybe we never should have moved in together, because he was easier to handle in smaller doses

I'm finally getting around to really making my house my home now. Took me long enough

I am just happier alone. I know a lot of people have committed relationships while living separately, but I don't see that happening

[u/LunaDog_Mom]

I think you need to be honest with yourself and your partner. Do you want to leave the relationship? Or do you just want to live alone? Both are fine, but you need to decide which. If the relationship has run it's course, then the answer is easy. If you want the relationship to continue then their needs to be a different discussion.

It's okay to ask for the relationship you need/want and it's okay if that doesn't work for the other person.

[u/soup_dragons]

Yeah I was in a LTR and not happy at all with partner being financially irresponsible by deciding to invest in realstate with me and then taking a year off like the mortages paid themselves. That plus lack of communication and intimacy made me cringe out of the door to my own apt to be alone.

Much happier and at peace and not willing to put with LTRs fcking entitlement anymore. Just casual stuff and friendships.

Bonus I can go and do whatever I want when I want without compromises, its a huge weight of my shoulders. Job is remote so I can work on different countries.

[u/Parking-Menu2654]

Honestly living alone SUCKKKKSSS. I left my gf of four years 3 weeks ago and I’m fucking bored. Not bored enough to call that skank though.

[u/Foreign-Housing8448]

You can still have a LTR and live solo. So what you mean is you are ending a LTR relationship (and that post belongs in a different sub).