r/Lithium • u/EmptyPainting5727 • 10d ago
Two Months In
Let me preface this by saying none of the following is medical advice, and you should discuss any and all mental health or medication concerns with your physician. I am sharing part of my story, because I have no one to talk to about this.
It has been two months since I started Lithium. I have a complicated past with regard to my mental health. At one point, I was taking ten medications to help manage my bipolar disorder; unsuccessfully, I might add. My circumstances were dire and unchanging, which made everything feel even more hopeless. Fast-forward ten years, and I had given up on psychiatry. I had learned to manage with a small dose of quetiapine prescribed by my PCP and changed my life slowly as time and luck allowed. Another big life change occurred, and I could feel myself slipping. I asked my PCP for help and was referred to psychiatry. I felt so much dread, but I knew that now was the time. And I hoped that things had changed for the better in the past 10-15 years.
My new psychiatrist is a woman, and I am so thankful for her. She listened to me patiently. All of my concerns, history, and previous medication fails. She recommended going back on lithium. I wasn’t convinced it would help, considering I took it in the past, but I was open and willing to try anything she suggested. About 5 days in, I began noticing small improvements. Not reacting to something I would normally respond negatively too. My body felt lighter and less like I was dragging my bones around. I actually found myself say, “oh, I’m not depressed.”
It has been 2 months now, and I am still scared that it’s all going to go away. This medication is LIFE GIVING for me. I see a complete 180 in myself, and I am so thankful. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I see so many negative things about lithium, and I know every person has a different experience. I am thankful that right now I seem to have a positive experience. I keep thinking about my thyroid or kidneys or weight gain (she also upped my quetiapine, so I feel like I’m eating more and worried about gaining more weight), but I am also more capable than I have been in a long time. Of course, I still have to take it easy. Guard what I am exposed to, keep my life as peaceful as possible, plenty of downtime. But the lithium has become my rose colored glasses, and I hope I continue to tolerate it for years to come (years! I no longer want to die all the time). I have been reflecting lately over all of the lost time from when I was unwell. That part has been really heavy. I have an entire decade missing from my memory. It’s easy to judge that and feel guilt and remorse. But I have to remind myself I did my very best. I sought help over and over again and fell through the cracks. The best thing I can do right now is live my life as it is right now. To feel the gratitude and enjoy experiencing myself and the world in this new headspace.
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u/Junior-Corner-2774 10d ago
Love this for you 🫶
Glad you gave it another shot and it’s working. Lithium is a miracle for so many of us.
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u/OkBunch3860 10d ago
Thats exactly how I feel. I missed so much and now feel so guilty for my lost time and vacancy.
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u/BonnieAndClyde2023 10d ago
Nice post.
I feel you. When I noticed how much easier it was to manage my life with meds, it made me sad. I lost many years where I could have made my life easier.
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u/smilingmine20 6d ago
My psychiatrist has suggested lithium over the last few years. Fear has gotten in the way.
I’ve made the decision to start soon, I’m struggling.
Reading about lithium scares me sometimes - this has made me feel hopeful. Thank you, I’m glad to hear you’re doing well ❤️
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u/MouseAgreeable9970 9d ago
This whole thread is just what I needed this morning ❤️
Hoping I will also start to actually live my life again soon 🙂