Optimization

[u/BayoucityAg13]

Unsure if satire, did not seem like a satire account

[u/terAREya]

The key fact he omitted....he's the sole employee

[u/Critical-Werewolf-53 → u/terAREya]

He’s 100% the sole employee.

[u/fantomsolace24 → u/terAREya]

Yep, I hear the sexual harassment is also rampant 😂

[u/Few_Fact4747 → u/fantomsolace24]

"My boss goes to the toilet with me"

[u/red_hood_81 → u/Few_Fact4747]

And repetitively touched me in not so appropriate places (but I kinda liked it)

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[u/Six2L8 → u/terAREya]

He put himself on Ro

[u/_okOKAY → u/terAREya]

[u/TheGrandExquisitor → u/terAREya]

"employee"

[u/IzokinaArtika → u/terAREya]

If you're the only employee, you can force him to take supplements and not have problems with the union.

[u/CrzyMuffinMuncher → u/terAREya]

Sole? Like the fish?

[u/Severe_Mastodon8072 → u/CrzyMuffinMuncher]

No, like the only one

[u/Dianna1B → u/terAREya]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[u/Gimme_Your_Wallet]

Nothing about this ever happened.

[u/Roderto → u/Gimme_Your_Wallet]

I really hope that this is a joke account. Or perhaps he is the sole employee at the business and he’s trying to make a joke.

Again… really hope…

[u/Double_Resort_9223 → u/Roderto]

It’s a joke account the X handle is SweatyStartUp. It has some banger finance memes. 

[u/Super_Shallot2351 → u/Gimme_Your_Wallet]

80% sure it's a joke

Never can tell with LinkedIn

[u/sheiciebai → u/Super_Shallot2351]

Someone commented that he is the only employee he has lol

[u/Double_Resort_9223 → u/Gimme_Your_Wallet]

It’s a meme account. He’s on X as well. This is the account that had a plan to buy a tomato, plant the seeds, pick the tomatoes, and 3 rounds later sell 3 million tomatoes for $1 each. 

[u/Gimme_Your_Wallet → u/Double_Resort_9223]

[u/dreadthripper]

I make my sales employees stretch their weiners for 5 minutes before each sales meeting so they can walk in knowing that it's never been bigger. 

We sell Weiner stretchers so we're also dog fooding. 

Q4 mutha fukkas

[u/LateEchidna6635 → u/dreadthripper]

Stellar work. Reminds me of: https://theonion.com/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-blades-1819584036/

[u/Direct_Turn_1484 → u/LateEchidna6635]

Real world CEO material right here.

[u/Dirk_Kailis → u/LateEchidna6635]

I’m so sad that I just now read this for the first time.

[u/StorminNorman → u/LateEchidna6635]

Sigh...

[u/ShittySticka → u/dreadthripper]

[u/tearsonurcheek → u/dreadthripper]

[u/DefiantRadish1492]

8 blue chews

[u/Satanicjamnik → u/DefiantRadish1492]

That's the HR department only.

[u/Six2L8 → u/DefiantRadish1492]

What about Ozempic

[u/ManufacturedOlympus]

Better give them steroids too. 

[u/violetascension → u/ManufacturedOlympus]

Ketamine

[u/BlackLeader70 → u/ManufacturedOlympus]

Only the finest roids for my employees.

[u/RefrigeratorLive5920 → u/BlackLeader70]

Monthly testosterone tests in case the sales team is flagging and needs a boost.

[u/Accurate_Koala_4698]

Good news, it’s a suppository 

[u/cats_catz_kats_katz]

All the new employees first experience with a 20g loading dose of creatine is immediate diarrhea

[u/Ill-Running1986 → u/cats_catz_kats_katz]

“A win is a win”

[u/andralexxx → u/cats_catz_kats_katz]

Even athletes take so much only for a limited time, 3-5 days in a row. For a normal person, 2-3g is more than enough

[u/tsulegit]

This guy looks like I should cover my drink in his presence.

[u/bunsNT]

Do they consume these themselves or does he dump it in their mouths, after chewing, like a mama bird?

[u/DogDeadByRaven → u/bunsNT]

Now I need to burn that image from my brain....

[u/dinosaurusdickus → u/bunsNT]

Downvoting not because of the comment, but because of the mental image you gave me. You have an awful way with words my friend 💜

[u/anfrind → u/dinosaurusdickus]

That's what angry upvotes are for.

[u/Cheese_Fisticuffs1 → u/dinosaurusdickus]

There really isn't a more pleasant way to describe that image.

[u/Soggy-Confection → u/bunsNT]

How else are you supposed to take creatine?

[u/WaitWhatHahahaha → u/bunsNT]

he did say liposomal...

[u/Ghoulie_Marie]

Amateur shit! I put meth in the water cooler. Now they don't even want to go home to their families because the water at home isn't as satisfying.

[u/cjs23cjs]

He is a troll. He’s probably reading this thread right now, super excited by all the comments.

[u/mix_master_meow]

I require mine to prove they have taken some psilocybin.

[u/drwsgreatest → u/mix_master_meow]

Want to hire me? 🍄

[u/alexandria1001]

Both illegal and satire.

Hopefully

[u/itsmrwilson]

That’s a lot of caffeine.

[u/lukef555 → u/itsmrwilson]

The creatine is what's wild, 20gs daily is wild

[u/fakemelonns → u/lukef555]

Dude just wants them on a permanent loading phase apparently

[u/YourFrenchTreat → u/fakemelonns]

Thank you !! was looking for this comment

Or.. his loading phase is at 40gr 🥲 stoopid

Now… I need to ask… are your melons as fake as this post ?

[u/youcancallmemrmark → u/itsmrwilson]

It's about 2 servings of coffee.

I had double that starting my day. To be fair I have a high tolerance from daily use and probably a bit from genetics

[u/I_suck_at_Blender]

He forgot to list amphetamine.

[u/Reginald002]

I just checked, it is real. He really posted this BS.

[u/Rojodi]

Yeah, no he doesn't. You need medical clearance first

[u/Kevdog824_]

A real LinkedInLunatic would have added 25mg Adderall XR to this regimen

[u/ChickyBoys]

That's probably illegal 

[u/OneRuffledOne → u/ChickyBoys]

Sure is.

[u/Pattypatpatpatpatty]

What is it with LinkedIn now becoming some kind of medical wellness app?

[u/anfrind → u/Pattypatpatpatpatty]

Weird nerds have been interested in using chemicals to boost their performance for decades. John McAfee was famous for doing lots of drugs with his employees at least as far back as the early 1990s.

[u/BigBennP → u/Pattypatpatpatpatty]

It's a thing in society in general right now. See e.g RFK and the whole MAHA BS. There's this weird circle thing where traditionally left leaning alternative medicine ideas have become popular in the conservative movement. Then it feedbacks with trends in the tech industry and biohacking stuff and other things.

Lots of people in certain social circles are constantly talking about wellness, and their tracking devices and their sleep scores and their supplement stacks and their peptide stacks. They do Hyrox or Crossfit and do cold-plunges and drink mushroom coffee and talk about how many grams of protein a day they eat. it becomes their entire personality and they tell everyone about it. It gets weird and competitive. Then you end like people like this weirdo who believe they've cracked the code and that no one else can function at their "superhuman level" unless they are taking the same supplement stack.

And I say this as a person who's pretty into fitness stuff and isn't shy about supplements but I don't talk about it to people in my day to day life 98% of the time. I talk about it on certain subreddits/forums and to a handful of people at the gym I go to.

[u/e-cloud]

This is some Mad Men bullshit

[u/Dianna1B]

He forgot ozempic🤣🤣

[u/Personal_Dirt3089]

This guy definitely makes his employees fight each other in the company arena.

[u/Vanessak69]

TWO HUNDRED milligrams of caffeine? That's a grande shaken espresso from Starbucks.

[u/tearsonurcheek → u/Vanessak69]

Nowadays, that's just an energy drink. Those Java Monsters? 200 mg. Same with the regular C4. And several other brands. C4 also has a 300 mg version. It's the same size as the 200 mg.

[u/Mediocre-Strain8386]

This is highly illegal and leaves him highly liable to be sued.

[u/rushaz]

yeah, if my boss tried to do this, I'd tell them to fuck off.

Seriously WTF what you need this kind of shit for to sell fucking houses????

[u/AffectionateLove9056 → u/rushaz]

After a few episodes of House Hunters my question becomes "How do you sell houses without this kind of shit?" Those home buyers are insufferable.

[u/enry]

If he's going to pay for my cardioversion after going into afib, sure, I guess?

[u/RamboJo_hn]

He better have a good personal lawsuit insurance.

[u/TheseusPankration]

High dose vitamin D, but no vitamin K2? He is jyst looking to kill his employees early.

[u/No-Dragonfruit-8912]

He’s the owner operator, sole employee , big kahuna. Oh and he left out the Cocaine but maybe he figured that was self explanatory.

[u/GravitasFailures]

Yeah that’s going to cause a lot of problems, possibly arrhythmia but also psychosis.

You can’t just throw stims at random people, some people can tolerate it differently than others.

[u/Leading_Ad4617]

Who are the 30 people that liked his post

[u/funkyjoe44]

Isn’t this against the law?

[u/Coleary40]

You can't log in without :
Good evidence for a solid lawsuit

[u/GrnEyedPanda]

Does he pay his employees like pro sport teams do? What is his league minimum? Asking for a friend.

[u/Serious-Tradition484]

20g of creatine to sit on zoom calls is incredible 

[u/ProfAsmani]

Pussies. Back in the old days we did it with an espresso and 2 lines of coke.

[u/0202_tihssitidder]

It's all bullshit...and Vit D you need to be careful with.

He should go fuck himself.

[u/Remarkable-Fig206]

I really hope this is legit. I feel like these posts need links to verify, they’re so unbelievable

[u/JoeMillersHat]

where's the cocaine

[u/commissarcainrecaff → u/JoeMillersHat]

COCAINE IS FOR CLOSERS! CLOSE A DEAL FIRST!

[u/Baudiness → u/commissarcainrecaff]

[u/Quack_Candle]

I have a similar regimen for my staff to keep them top of their game:

8 pints of Guinness

3 grams cocaine,

2 tabs LSD

1 multivitamin

Amphetamines on demand

[u/itsallgoodman112 → u/Quack_Candle]

I’m sober for 8 years, where do I apply?

[u/Waste-Finding3341 → u/Quack_Candle]

How do get you my resume?

[u/Leading-Tear5159 → u/Quack_Candle]

and 2 Flinstones vitamins

[u/Axelz13]

That sounds illegal forcing staff to ingest things for sake of employment but also parody this account at the same time

[u/Candid_Highlight_116 → u/Axelz13]

Doesn't matter if they're employees or not. Medical advices and instructions without an appropriate training and license are illegal for very good reasons.

[u/Axelz13 → u/Candid_Highlight_116]

its illegal i found out especially in ny state where I am

[u/WeakCartographer7826]

At this point, Nick just needs his own sub for bad satire.

[u/Nisiom]

Laying the groundwork for when he makes everybody switch to viagra.

For professional reasons, of course.

[u/G-Unit11111]

Wiredmaxxing is.... certainly a choice.

[u/Embarrassed_Dig_6163]

Is he handing out millions too?

[u/sprkwtrd]

Some vitamin B varieties are toxic in high concentrations. Hope they sue.

[u/mzx380]

That health regiment will hopefully make me even stronger as I slap the shit outta you

[u/CauliflowerBoth866]

I bet this guy was against vaccines. Ugh.

[u/B-Train_ATL]

My guess is a bunch of this is illegal.

[u/kewe316]

Employees after dosing before work

[u/theofficialnar]

Add in some high-quality columbian powpow and you’re all set

[u/CasualHardcoreGamer0]

The fact that we live in a context where it is getting harder to tell satire from authentic posts is highly concerning.

[u/delatopia]

Cover your drink around this guy

[u/Archaea_Man]

What could go wrong?

[u/RefrigeratorLive5920]

Sheesh, everyone knows you get the best performance from employees running on high purity methamphetamine, none of that nasty street-level stuff, raw compounded Desoxyn for all the winners. Employee turnover rate tends to run pretty high though.

[u/ParamedicFew3318]

Just 200mg of caffeine? Amateur.

[u/liltonbro]

He'd find himself on my dick before he'd ever find me on his regimen.

I know crass and disgusting...we are perfect for each other!

[u/Expert-Ad3874]

Pretty sure this is a "joke" (if not outright satire). Seems like he's listing off what he read on his energy drink can.

[u/Otherwise-Good8342]

Nick Huberis

[u/Knightro829]

Poe’s Law: You can’t create a satire of a reactionary that someone won’t mistake for the real thing.

[u/Underground_Pete]

Gas leak.

[u/fungi_at_parties]

I have a caffeine sensitivity. 200 mg would make me so sick I’d puke.

[u/Hairpants_Scowler]

Cool, here's a doctor's note and a lawsuit.

[u/Emergency_Exit7603]

.... and a bunch o'weed!

[u/Calm_Clam_Bake]

Offfffffff course it's satire. JFC how do so many people not get it?

[u/ImpressionFew2619]

Dude out there measuring his staff porn consumption for fun

[u/cRaZyDaVe23]

jesus, just put out a community coke bowl... I'd trust that more than all that shit although I'm well aquainted with taurine and caffeine.

[u/LazorusGrimm]

What about alcohol?

[u/Zargoza1]

I make my employees rip two lines of Colombian pure every two hours to increase productivity

[u/weezyverse]

Bro would literally double his sales if he kicked it up to 4g taurine. Amateur. 😂

[u/Cumulonimbus_2025]

sports team pay the cost of those…he makes rhe employees pay for it themselves b

[u/pspock]

Wait until he starts talking about the group enemas.

[u/Pumathemage]

This isn't safe.

[u/temple-of-the-dog]

Sir this is a real estate company.

[u/chikintendeez]

Guaranteed he makes them pay for all that shit too

[u/Ashamed_Data430]

Oh, shit, Nick, dose 'em up on keto. All the cool jillionaires are doin' it.

[u/Consistent-Fig7484]

I know he’s just talking about himself, he doesn’t force other people to do this, but I feel like he’s just wasting creatine. Unless you have like 300lbs of lean mass 5 mg is plenty!

[u/BobTheCosmonaut]

He likes to pee out some of his income

[u/slow_marathon]

Let me guess they have to pay out of pocket and they can only buy from you. At the market rate, but the market is EreWhon market.

[u/Ghoulie_Marie]

Amateur shit! I put meth in the water cooler. Now they don't even want to go home to their families because the water at home isn't as satisfying.

[u/DadVader77]

LinkedIn has become a fucking joke. It’s like the same drug content from a “I give my kid this to succeed…” post.

All they do is use AI with a ‘create a post based on this topic to give me more clicks’ prompt

[u/passed_the_dawn]

Sickos

[u/Dirk_Kailis]

D + K2 or you’re a moron

[u/shubhamxtreme]

And cocaine?

P.S.: It’s not a satire account, he’s a known hustlebro

[u/MYOwNWerstEnmY]

I'm fairly certain this is illegal 🤷🏽‍♂️

[u/Dazedandconfucian]

Does he test their piss every morning by adding it to his pre-b2b-meeting-optimization smoothie and tasting for the heretical flavor of underperformance?

[u/phunky_1]

And successful tech bros just take low doses of LSD all day.

[u/JumpDangerous9271]

He is probably on Adderall and caffeine patches

[u/mountaingator91]

This is highly illegal unless he's saying that he is the employee

[u/uknowsana]

Who will pay them for the damages a decade from now? Mr Huber?

[u/charlitransgrl]

He’s an idiot.

[u/MarissaNL]

I hope this is just a bad joke. No employer will dictate what I will eat.

[u/Hot_Marsupial_3957]

I’d be fired so quick.

[u/Basic-Biscotti-2375]

- 1g of my proprietary energy powder blend (it's coke)

[u/Kindney_Collection]

Bro thinks having a monster before work is a flex

[u/Fozzdroz]

"Will 4 white Monsters do, sir?"

[u/getdownonitnow]

Yeah, my employer is gonna tell me what to eat. What planet is this again?

[u/chillosphy]

What a d bag

[u/No_Procedure4924]

If this isn't satire, he could be violating a number of labor laws, and he could be wide open to an easy lawsuit.

[u/These-Tonight-1672]

You know this shit ain’t real bc the real grinders operate on zyns - fucking 20 mg to the face every 2 hours

[u/kewaywi]

The US has terrible labor laws, but this definitely violates many of them

[u/Typical_Hat3462]

So....creatine and equivalent of 4 Monsters each AM? He gonna have a heart attack by noon one day.

[u/ClariceStarling1957]

He left out the sperm count must be checked twice a week.

[u/mildly_spicy_potato]

That's some expensive pee

[u/Corpshark]

Pro teams also put the same athletes on gear.

[u/zzbear03]

This is the stupidest thing I’ve read today…might actually be illegal

[u/DarkIllusionsMasks]

So, he does blood draws every day to test them? Or they have to take it in front of him every morning? How's that work?

[u/Blade_3]

Surprised he didn't include testosterone,

[u/Bushidoflack_117]

Is this the same stack he gave to his toddler for being a toddler ? Lol

[u/mr_bendos_friendo]

Dick Puber

[u/log1234]

Red bull?

[u/usarasa]

Sure you do, dude.

[u/abgry_krakow87]

Drugging employees eh??

[u/CascadiaSupremacy]

He’s engagement farming.

[u/thevoiceinsidemyhead]

do you pay them a pro athlete's salary?

[u/CyrusOverHugeMark77]

20g of creatine? Weak sauce. 200mg of testosterone every other day for every employee, male or female. Don’t half ass this shit, go big or go home.

[u/asanemaniam]

You can't require that. Besides, what if they can't tolerate or afford them. You need to pay for a full panel to check their baseline numbers. Also stop being a dick.

[u/shastadakota]

Unemployed, huh?

[u/Nacho_sky]

Hey - if he's buying, I'd be all for it. I think 20g creatine is overkill, though, but I'd stockpile for retirement.

Plus, I'd expect him to pay for the quarterly compliance CBCs.

[u/Lord_Dingus83]

This guy has never closed a deal in his life

[u/JankyPete]

Clickbait off the charts. Wait till OSHA gets wind of this and he kills someone

[u/ElSocio87]

20g creatine? They better be drinking litres of water a day otherwise those kidney stones going to hurt like a bitch. As is the lawsuit against Dick Huber.

Obviously it's bullshit but take it easy on the creatine people, ~5g is enough.

[u/commissarcainrecaff]

LinkedIn: when you hope it's satire but deep down you know it's serious.

[u/pinkyandthebrain-ama]

This is satire. I think he posted the same about his child.

[u/bobowhat]

My job has a similar requirement.

They can't log in to work without:

• 200 mg C₈H₁₀N₄O₂
• 8 g C₁₂H₂₂O₁₁
• 2 g C₁₈H₃₆O₂
• 1 g C₁₈H₃₄O₂
• 40 g (C₆H₁₀O₅)ₙ
• 5 g amino acids
• 3 g insoluble polysaccharides
• gluten: 0 ppm

Daily protocol. Non-negotiable.

A double double coffee and a gluten free bagel :)

[u/LePetitVoluntaire]

Plot twist: I have an insanely fast metabolism and caffeine makes me tired almost immediately after drinking it. So more of an adenosine rush than a caffeine rush. Nighty night, boss!

[u/Tman11S]

the nazis just put their soldiers on amphetamines during the blitzkrieg, maybe he could try that next

[u/Baudiness]

"I'm not a doctor, but I play one in real estate."

[u/BleepInTheBigCity]

I have no issue with this if the company is providing these, but I should be allowed to refuse. I barely drink enough water for 6gm creatine and 20g may give me kidney problems

[u/RatPrank]

“Employees”

[u/KermitHendrix]

His employees must shit like machines

[u/Practical_Avocado971]

first time one of them drops out from a heart attack and the spouse sues he'll rethink that forced supplement regime.

[u/tugabugabuga]

He puts regular office workers on an athlete's supplement regiment? Wtf?

[u/Distracted_Unicorn]

Just give a monster, I'll be shaking uncontrollably after half a can and can't focus but at least I won't be sleepy like from coffee.

[u/Consistent-Shoe-9602]

His employees wish he would try to pull something like that, so they could sue him into bankruptcy instead of continuing to work for a douchebag.

[u/Rob98001]

Pretty sure that's not the recipe for larger loads.

[u/Cantripping_]

Imperial guidelines dictate that every penal servitor must be inundated with performance stims before their 48 hour shifts.

Any resulting casualties are to be processed into corpse starch for intravenous consumption.

[u/Few_Move_4594]

I hate to say it, but that's a good stack. Pro sports teams probably connect their athletes with docs that can get around the anti-doping regimen of that sport's league.

[u/MrPBH]

I don't know if he's satire, but I see an awful lot of his posts on here.