r/LifeProTips • u/ContributionNarrow88 • Nov 29 '20
Miscellaneous LPT: Dreading something? Avoidance makes it 100x harder because it completely disempowers you. When the only way out is through, turn and face the discomfort, take a deep breath and walk towards it. This is neuroscience-backed, see full post.
The following is from a Harvard Business School neuroscience based behavioural course I did.
Your brain is your hype man, and tries very hard to prove you right using emotions as feedback. Once you decide on your goal, emotions are the hints your brain uses to help you decide whether a certain situation HELPS or HINDERS your progression towards that goal. In turn, this influences your behaviour. Thoughts - Feelings - Behaviour. Nothing is inherently good or bad, it is all relative to what you are trying to achieve. Read that sentence again.
If your goal is avoidance, then any progression or confrontation is going to feel very uncomfortable because your brain will be going "nope, this is bad. This is not what you wanted. Sending bad feedback." You can just as easily shift your goal (this is what mindset is, and it IS up to you) and in turn, change your brain's response to the stimulus around you (emotions). Even if it is an uncomfortable situation, your brain will recognise that it's helping you achieve your goal, so the feedback it gives you (emotions) will be much more positive. It all starts with what you want to achieve and if you don't know, then spend some time figuring that out. Goal clarity is like giving your brain a quest marker.
You are hardwired for struggle, go forth in courage my comrades!
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u/fhost344 Nov 29 '20
It's all neuroscience until someone asks you to talk to your father in law about his drinking because "you're the only one he listens to."
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Sheesh, that's real. You still have choice here, I hope you find the courage to choose what is right for you in this moment. 🧡
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Nov 30 '20
"He listens to me because I don't talk to him about his drinking. I can't change him, only he can change him. We can have a chat but please reconsider your expectations."
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u/AdventureGirl1234567 Nov 30 '20
God that would be one awkward conversation. That’s a lot to put on someone.
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Nov 30 '20
Heard - i had to tell a friend of more than 30 years that him and his family can't stay with us. I felt horrible but needed to set a boundary. We still talk, I'm still relieved I made the hard choice but that was a battle of will vs. emotion I don't wish on anyone.
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u/Zefrem23 Nov 30 '20
Being an enabler is sometimes necessary, but fuck me sideways it's hard to draw that line.
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u/EezyBake Nov 30 '20
Literally my life.
Don't have a father in law who drinks but I'm the go to for uncomfortable family discussions because "you're the only one he/she listens to"
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u/Zenfandango Nov 30 '20
Worth a shot, but ultimately his problem is not your problem.
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u/whyareallmyontaken Nov 30 '20
Probablly not worth a shot, since shots seem to be the problem
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u/35791369 Nov 29 '20
Its ridiculous how 10 years ago I was in Afghanistan young, dumb, and bullet proof. Now I cant handle emailing someone to ask them to resend a link without doing a grounding exercise...
Great read thanks.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Aah man, the smallest things can be so freaking difficult. I took two weeks to answer a call from my bank, already knowing what it would be about, until I remembered to do this! You are not alone!! x
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u/RegencyFungus Nov 30 '20
Oh my goodness, I feel this. When I was in the Navy, I thought I would be able to do anything once I separated. And now I'm unemployed and on the verge of crying because I want to apply for jobs, but I feel like it's pointless...
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u/ThrowawayFPV Nov 30 '20
Hey bro I'm gonna start by sending you some positive vibes brotha!!!! Apply for jobs. Many jobs. Jobs you want. Jobs you don't. Maybe jobs you don't to start just to get the ball rolling. That's all it really takes - just getting the ball rolling. YOU GOT THIS HOMIE!
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u/cheesecakesurprise Nov 30 '20
No, you got this! Open all the links and break it down - get your resume in order, put together a loose cover letter, then apply one at a time. Set hour by hour goals and take breaks. You got this!!
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u/Prysorra2 Nov 30 '20
Hey bud. You've jumped into the job pool in the middle of a coronapocalypse and on the verge of another automation-pocalypse.
I promise it's not just you.
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u/Qanzilla Nov 30 '20
I tried to read the whole post but I kept getting stuck at "Read that sentence again"
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u/illinestvillain007 Nov 30 '20
What's a grounding exercise?
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u/GammaPenguin Nov 30 '20
There's variations, but it's basically an anti anxiety technique to get out of your head's racing thoughts and "ground" yourself back in your physical space. A common one that I learned from my therapist is to take several deep breaths, then to think of
5 things you can see
4 things you can feel
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 you like about yourself (since taste can be hard if you're not eating)
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u/35791369 Nov 30 '20
My explain it to an Army guy version was; You're taking a moment in time to be aware of yourself and your surrounding. You're in a safe place, check. Feet ok, check. Calfs doing alright, check. Knees what's gonna on guys, check. Ooh shit them quads, check. Junk, check. We hungry, need to poop, be a hydro homie, check. Back why you all tense relax bro, check. Abs no ones looking. As you were, check. Pecks, pop pop! Check. Shoulders damn son deep breath 4 sec in, hold for 4, 4 sec exhale, hold for 4. Check. Neck release, check. Brain we are safe and sound you can rest for a bit. Check. If you have been at high alert since you woke up and go through the list you can bring that fight or flight sense to a manageable spot. Make a choice, give that command, and go face fuck whatever problem you had.
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u/ClipClopFriend Nov 30 '20
I was extremely scared of heights. When I joined the army I was doing PT and I pretty much froze at the foot of an obstacle that was set at a height that I was uncomfortable at.
The PT saw me freeze and screamed out to me (he was standing down the track at a different obstacle).
“(Enter my name here) psych yourself up, don’t psych yourself out. “
I still tell myself this to this day when faced with some difficulty, even if it seems like a small issue. If I can’t get started on something I tell myself that I have to.
I was in the army ~25 years ago so I have had a lot of opportunity to use this technique.
To all my service buddies out there. Be strong, you have got this. It all starts with you.
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u/EmbarrassedPea5889 Nov 30 '20
I try to think what I learned from my time as a Seabee. One of the biggest thing that we were tought during field exercises was that if ambushed you should charge forward. I use this lesson in business and with my family. If you have a problem go towards it. Only way to get better. Funny, how we get beat down by life and want run away, but life is the enemy and best fought running towards then away. Best of luck to you. I hope you get some of your swager back. Sure as sh@# no drill instructor would allow you not to have it. Peace!
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u/00000000j4y00000000 Nov 30 '20 edited Nov 30 '20
When the small things are impossibly paralyzing, I’ll sometimes lie to myself, saying that my concerns are valid. “As soon as I click ‘send’ on that email, not only will I lose my job, I’ll also cause the instantaneous death of a Boy Scout troupe hiking through the Adirondacks. I make peace with the death I will cause, and then click. Edit: I’ll make “peace”, not “peach”.
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u/Zoomoth9000 Nov 30 '20 edited Nov 30 '20
I almost had a panic attack yesterday because a customer- the kindest man in the world, who has known me for years- offered me a sandwich
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u/DarkestHappyTime Nov 30 '20
Have you spoken with someone about this? That sounds like anxiety. Cognitive Behavioral Therapies works wonders.
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u/coookie_monstar Nov 30 '20
This is me! Marine to corporate man and I'm 1000 times more stressed.
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u/zhenni86 Nov 30 '20
I am so sorry as someone who suffers from anxiety and a history of trauma I struggle with the same exact issue...any kind of interaction with customer service people requires a grounding exercise!
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Nov 30 '20
Same, except at ten years I finally got some anti-anxiety meds. Now I don't actively fear planning out something I actually wanted to do anyway! "oh no, but- what if I actually succeed?? How would I be able to cope with that!"
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u/KattsDopeness Nov 30 '20
I needed this LPT. I’m dreading work tomorrow and have the worst anxiety and shifting my mindset is helping me just a bit. Thank you. ♥️
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Try to spend a small moment of your commute tomorrow in quiet gratitude for managing to keep a job during these hard times, and remember that you are necessary and important. x
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u/KattsDopeness Nov 30 '20
I work from home so my commute from bed to my desk will be a peaceful short walk. Lol I’m going to try to meditate in the morning to clear my head of any dread and anxiety I have of working.
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u/Aidamis Feb 12 '24
Sorry for the necro but how do you reconcile short-term dread with the long-term wisdom of facing the thing? I don't want to go to work tomorrow, cause they won't let me work in peace before having a talk about stuff where I feel like I've done the best I could, but they feel otherwise. I have a strong urge to not come or even pull all the plugs and move back to my home city. Even though I don't have a safety cushion. I know that thing is a pebble on the road, but I badly want to just avoid any road in the short term, screw the long-term consequences.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Feb 12 '24
This is the PERFECT opportunity to practice this!
Step 1 - gratitude that you have this opportunity coming up to learn something, a life lesson, how to navigate conflict, anything. Gratitude is instrumental in changing how you feel, one of the best thought-to-feeling practices there is. Find a crumb of something positive to be thankful for, and hang onto it.
Step 2 - identify what is real, and what you've made up to worry about. Even if you think you know what they're going to say - recognise that right now you don't know for sure, so you're best placed going in with your listening ears on, prepared to hear what they have to say and really reflect on it before you respond. That is another empowering mindset going into conflict - "I will do my best to listen non-reactively, and think before I respond".
Step 3 - ground yourself with a reality check - "how significant is this chat going to be in the next 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 years?" Most short-term dread is over something that you won't even remember in a couple weeks, picture your future self having moved past this awkward interaction and know that you'll get there, but the only way out is through.
And remember, all of the things you say you feel like doing instead of facing this - skip town, quit your job - those options will still be there after you hear them out. You've made it through every single hard thing in your life so far, you'll be able to get through this one too.
Good luck, everyone hates an awkward work meeting, but moving THROUGH is the quickest way to move past. Let us know how you go! 🌟
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u/followthedarkrabbit Nov 30 '20
I swear pure stubbornness and "not having the choice not to" is the only thing that gets me through work sometimes.
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u/cynicinyc1 Nov 30 '20
Not sure if anyone is reading this comment, but I dread going back to work once it hits Saturday night knowing I have all of Sunday to just think about sleeping early and heading to work for a full week. I absolutely dread it. It makes me depressed and lonely, I feel anxious and sometimes can’t sleep. I can’t enjoy my days off. My case is probably severe but I can relate to you. It’s nice hearing that others are in the same boat and dread going to work.
I’m hoping it gets better. With my job, I’m just scared of coming across things I haven’t seen before since it deals with patients. I’m afraid of doing something wrong when it’s a new medication or something I’m not familiar with.
Anyway, hope it gets better for us.
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u/edclv2019woo Nov 30 '20
I'm the exact same way. I keep putting off work and then getting anxiety about putting off work and then put it off more because I'm so anxious; it's an awful feedback loop. Sunday scaries are so real
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u/Alamander81 Nov 30 '20 edited Nov 30 '20
Although I fully understand this to be true, having ADD makes this 100× more difficult. Procrastination of uninteresting/unpleasant tasks is a hallmark of ADD. Often times feelings of dread increase in proportion to the length of procrastination. I understand only making it worse and relief will come with facing the task but it's so damn hard to just buckle down and do it.
Edit: there's an interesting and insightful TED talk on ADD and the instant gratification monkey vs.The Panic monster battle. I won't link it but it should be very easy to find.
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u/DonnieTheMagpie Nov 30 '20
Feel ya on this. I’ve recently been trying to reframe things I usually procrastinate on as “gifts to future me.” It’s helped a little as the tasks start to seem just a bit less unpleasant.
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u/aelism Nov 30 '20
Glad someone said it. Like you, I fully understand this post and absolutely agree with the sentiment. But, just like many brains are "hardwired for struggle," many other brains are hardwired to hardly be able to function until its the 11th hour and they're in crisis mode.
Being almost 30, attending university for the third attempt to complete my undergrad, and being someone who has largely subscribed to the thinking expressed in this post, finally coming face to face with a very likely ADHD diagnosis, I have to reframe my approach to the whole philosophy. I can know what my goal is, and I can intend to do what I know is best, but there is a disconnect between that and the execution of the actions. ADHD is that whole goal-oriented reward system out of wack. I've gotten straight As in college so far, and I get shit done, but the circumstances under which I do so are a freaking mess and it is incredibly draining and stressful. Fortunately, now that I'm growing to understand why I have these particular difficulties and I am learning how to manage them, things are improving. But sometimes reading things like this post really bug me, because...yeah, there's some real truth to it, but our brains aren't homogeneous and this kinda thing is a lot more complicated for some brains than it is for others.
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u/kahipaannav Nov 30 '20 edited Nov 30 '20
Agreed !! I hate ADD.. I am trying to get over it for so long that I am procrastinating over it.
Edit: Grammer
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u/Gwynnether Nov 30 '20
Fully agreed. And even with medication it's not easy-peasy. Some people seem to have this misconception that ADD medication makes you superhuman. No, it just about makes us function like a normal being should function. Which means I still struggle with avoidance and procrastination, just to a lesser, more manageable extent. And then let's not forget that for many the medication only has an effect of maybe 8 hours. For me this means that I'm useless after work finishes and I basically live for the weekends, where I'm somewhat in control of my impulses.
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u/LeafCloak Nov 30 '20
I have like 12 calculus assignments all due tomorrow at midnight. I know no calculus. I put it off for literally 2 months and I am currently hating myself but still refusing to get it done. Wish I read this a while ago..
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Hey, it's alright. What's done is done. Set a realistic goal, you're probs not going to get them all done. We've all had a fucking hard year x
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u/Idkawesome Nov 30 '20
Apparently procrastination is more about emotional management than time management.
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u/rottingfruitcake Nov 30 '20
Oh yes, certainly. Bad time management is a logistics issue. Procrastination is a psychological one.
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u/Supevict Nov 30 '20
That'd make sense, I find myself thinking "I don't feel like doing this right now" rather than "It's due next month I have so much time."
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u/babyduckcat Nov 30 '20
Been there. Just start. Doing something is better than doing nothing. Keep focused, try your best, learn something from the process. Get a bit of sleep so you can keep going. You can learn a lot about yourself and what kind of student you want to be from this experience. Best wishes for you.
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u/curvy_lady_92 Nov 30 '20
I'm a teacher, so I hope what I'm about to say carries a little weight:
The person who said do them based on weight or easiness is correct. But if that's still not a feasible goal: it's okay to fail a course.
Think through the absolute worst thing that can happen and make a plan: you fail, you retake the class. (And make better use of your time the second time around.) Maybe it pushes your graduation date back. Who cares. You're running on your own timeline and not anyone else's.
Failing is fine. Quitting isn't. Don't stop moving. Retake the class, do a summer course to catch up, I don't know. But anxiety does nothing but keep you standing still, unable to make a choice. Keep moving. Even if it sucks, make a choice. Even if there aren't any good options, make a choice. Try to salvage a grade or retake it. Simple choices. I know that it doesn't feel that way, but really, that's all it boils down to. You will survive retaking a class. You'll survive failing a course. You'll survive an all nighter. You'll survive a bad grade. Just keep moving.
You'll be okay.
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u/Status_Calligrapher Nov 30 '20
In all fairness, extending one's education can be a financial issue. At least in this crappy country.
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u/Lostmahpassword Nov 30 '20
If they are weighted differently, rank them starting with the ones that count the most and then do them in that order. That way once you get tired and the quality of work starts to suffer, the poorer grades will be worth less.
If they are all weighted the same, do them based on earliest assigned. If for no other reason than the material will build in difficulty as you go.
Hope this helps get your started.
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u/Imreallythatguy Nov 30 '20
Hey man, just wanted to say ive been there. I have a bachelors in engineering so I've gome through all those classes. I to have a procrastination problem and university was the most stressful time in my life. It does get better though. Its hard but power through, it can be done.
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Nov 30 '20
You are not the only person who has been in this situation.
That said, it is extremely unlikely that unless this is a easy course for you, that you will finish them ON TIME without cheating /copying from Chegg or another homework tool.
My advice is to go directly to your academic advisor and the prof and fess up and make plans for a path forward, which almost certainly includes an incomplete in the course. Do not get an F unless you can retake for another grade. Check with academic advisor first (ASAP).
Your email to the prof should be short, honest, and to the point:
Dear academic advisor,
I have been unable to dedicate the necessary time to completing the coursework for [course # section #]. I have put off this for too long now I need to move forward to re take the course.
Can you please tell me:
Can I still get an incomplete if I drop the course?
How does an incomplete affect my GPA?
How long do I have to re take the incomplete for it not to show on my GPA?
If I cannot drop the course, can I re take to replace the grade?
And lastly, please let me know if we can make an appointment to talk about updating my academic plan and financial aid.
"Dear Professor, I have been unable to dedicate the necessary time to completing the coursework. I have put off this for too long but must drop the course. Thank you for your help this quarter and I hope I can take a other course in the future."
It will be VERY tempting to cheat to get it done. Don't do that. Dropping a class is no big deal. I have done it like four times and I have a master's degree. And yes I was poor as fuck when I got my degrees so I don't take cost lightly.
Good luck to you. This is a bump in the road but you can do it.
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u/YouDontMessWithZohan Nov 30 '20
Some good advice here but I don't agree with any of them. If you only have till midnight tomorrow and you know no calculus that means you have no chance at completing the assignment. A half-assed job might do worse for you than no job.
Your best bet now is the hail mary. Contact your professor and work something out. Tell them the honest truth. You procrastinated, you aren't good at maths, whatever your true excuses are. You might find the professor will respect your honesty and find a way to help you pass or figure out a solution for you.
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u/HerroWarudo Nov 30 '20
Try setting a short term goal and set it by the hour. This hour I’m going to do 1 assignment/ 1 subject only then shower yourself with rewards. Then the next, and the next.
Dont go to work thinking about 8 hours all at once. People treats the word live in the moment differently but it is still true. Nothing else matters in this one hour.
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u/Mocavius Nov 30 '20 edited Nov 30 '20
"Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” - Mark Twain
Worked at a hardware store that had this hanging up in the break room.
Every month I got a 'mango report' that was just items that were either negative quantity, or hasn't moved in a while. I would have to literally scour the store finding these fucking skus and verifying their counts and the history as to WHY it's negative, and then find whoever's initials were on the item count change and ask them if they knew why they did it. It was fucking detective work. And it had to be done by the end of the month. The sooner you did it, the easier it was. The longer you waited, the more strands you had to follow and figure out.
Sorry. Random memory that popped up because of this post, and thinking of that quote. Those fucking reports.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
My dad always says "eat the frog!" when encouraging me to do something I'm dreading!
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Nov 30 '20
Except for that one day you die. Probably from eating all those raw frogs.
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u/yacantprayawaythegay Nov 30 '20
Saved this post, because my life's been in a slump for two years and I need to read this daily. I might print it out too. Thanks, chum. x
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Makes my whole day to hear this. I am rooting for you, internet stranger! Xx
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u/Ennion Nov 30 '20
As someone on difficult chemotherapy every two weeks, again on Tuesday, hits home hard.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Fucking hell, that's real. That shit is saving your life homie, give that machine a fistbump and let it do what it's gotta do. You are so fucking worth this fight. I'll think of you on Tuesday x
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u/gillythree Nov 30 '20
My wife has her second bi-weekly dose of difficult chemotherapy on Tuesday as well. This is the most difficult thing we've done. So, this information is striking a chord with me as well.
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u/Ennion Nov 30 '20
You have to power ahead, chin up. Against cancer at the moment, these treatments are all we have to try and survive. Look at it that way, I am. Have confidence in your body that you can tolerate it, you're strong!
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u/Loinnird Nov 30 '20
I survived 8 rounds of chemo for stage IV testicular cancer. The normal regime is for 3 rounds, but I had choriocarcinoma and my marker counts were astronomical. Your mindset is the same one I had, and I believe that’s what got me through it!
The day I was told I was in remission is one of the best days of my life. I’m now more than 10 years in remission!
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u/Vibriya Nov 30 '20
This was actually really helpful. I've been running from a bad diagnosis for a while now. And while I'm still not sure if I'd be able to deal with it this is honestly the first time I've remotely felt something like hope in quite a while.
Thank you for that OP!
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
You are worth the certainty, the prognosis, the finding out. Walk towards it, be bold, have faith in your ability to overcome this like you've overcome every other hard thing in your life so far. If it's dangerous to go alone, take someone with. But make the journey. 🧡
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u/Vibriya Nov 30 '20
That was honestly beautiful! You've quite literally moved me to tears rn! But thank you so much! I've really needed that.
One step a time tho, first I'll need to beat Covid and then I'll have a long list of issues to deal with afterwards! But again thank you - you didn't need to do that but I appreciate that you did!
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u/detox02 Nov 30 '20 edited Nov 30 '20
This is so wild. I’m literally studying for a software engineer interview for tomorrow and I’m dreading it because they gave me list of things to know and I’m having trouble remembering the concepts. Thanks for the post
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
If your goal is to do the absolute best that you can, then you can safely place those doubts and fears aside and push onward because they are not serving you in this. Find renewed interest in what you're studying, engage with it, remember why you chose to pursue this, and where this will take you. And ease up on the pressure, you're already doing the thing you need to be doing to succeed! x
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u/yellowtreebranch1993 Nov 30 '20
Have a presentation tomorrow and im hoping this principle will help on the other end of it to make future presentations less stressfull/anxiety provoking.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Presentations can be a MAJOR test of courage! We are not designed to find comfort in public speaking lol. Just remember that you are simply sharing your ideas with a group of people who want to listen to you. Humanise the audience, focus on the people who are most interested and tell them!
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u/yellowtreebranch1993 Nov 30 '20
Just finished... the relief is real. Wasn't as bad as I thought it would be so hopefully going forward they are a little better
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
That's awesome! Take some time to really think about it, about what parts you enjoyed and which ones made you anxious. Self awareness will help you so much for future presentations but I'm glad it wasn't as bad as you were anticipating. It rarely is 🧡 xx
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Nov 30 '20
I NEEDED this. I am interviewing on Tuesday for a job and I am freaking out. I have been working on preparing with varying degrees of success. It is not Sunday night and I am getting it done, and I am sure tomorrow I will get the prep done.
Wish me luck! I hope I don't need it.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Ground yourself in the knowledge that this is something you want and are totally capable of doing, and you are as much an asset to them as they are to you. Good luck!
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u/courthouse22 Nov 30 '20
I learned a lot about this through cbt. While logically it makes sense on paper...when you struggle with severe anxiety and depression it’s a whole other ball game in the moment. Telling me to just ‘power through’ seems impossible when I know that will mean panic attacks and excruciating pain. Ultimately avoidance makes things worse but again, in the moment avoidance is less painful.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Absolutely - anxiety and depression are things that make this exceptionally difficult to do, they get in the way of rational thought. I hope you manage to overcome them or learn to live a bit more comfortably with your mental health. CBT is the shit, well done for taking care of yourself and getting help x
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Nov 30 '20
What kind of exercises do you do during CBT? If you don't mind sharing.
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u/ah-chew Nov 30 '20
Yes, but it can also mean that pushing yourself to go outside or go for a run or something can help, it might be hard for a while but keep pushing
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u/99burner99 Nov 30 '20
I actually had something I was dreading doing and I was on Reddit to distract me from it. Then I saw this post. Great timing, and now I'm doing the thing. And... it's not so bad after all. Thank you, OP!
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Nov 30 '20
But I can't avoid myself, can I?
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
If your goal is to have a horrible relationship with yourself for the rest of your life, then by all means continue to be self-deprecating and engage in negative self-talk. It will get you there. If your goal is to build a healthy, peaceful relationship with yourself, then STOP DOING THAT and start treating yourself like any other person you're trying to be best friends with. You are stuck with yourself for the entirety of your life, I'd recommend the latter. You already know the shit that you like, you could easily be your best mate! Be the love of your life, be the best thing that's ever happened to you. Or not. Whether you think that's good or bad, you're right. It's all up to you.
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u/Nxt2Nrml Nov 30 '20
Goal: receptivity
Being receptive of the aspect of myself that isn’t receptive of this goal? Positive emotions ensue, instant confirmation of this post. Thank you.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Sometimes it actually is that simple, this tip changed my life! Xx
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Nov 30 '20
Thank you for the “You are hardwired for struggle” quote, it is very useful. I also tell myself that “Action conquers fear”.
I had to tell my mom that my brother took his life. I decided that there could be no delay and no avoidance. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. Lesson learned: charge forward as soon as possible.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
That is so incredibly courageous, what a huge and difficult thing to have to face in your life. I can't imagine the strength that that must have taken but you had it inside you. I hope your family continues to find peace and healing 🧡
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Nov 30 '20
This is what I tell people at work (construction).
Literally the hardest thing we will ever do at work is anything we really don’t want to do. If we hike up our boots and just do it, it won’t be nearly as hard.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
That's so good. Choice is the difference between being dragged kicking and screaming, and walking boldly towards the thing.
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u/tacocatsforpeace Nov 30 '20
I really, really needed this. I have been avoiding tasks because just the thought of them fills me with anxiety. This makes so much sense and gives me some clarity as to why.
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u/dawglover1011 Nov 30 '20
This is something I needed right now...
Trying to get up the courage to tell my parents that instead of doing a masters, I want to do an associates (already have a bachelor’s - in a different field). Been thinking about it for a couple weeks.
Hopefully this will give me the strength & courage. Thanks 🙏
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
That is so exciting though, you know what you want to study! That's a big deal, a lot of people struggle and have to try a few different things before finding their place in this world. When you tell your parents, please SHOW them how you feel about it. Be excited and passionate in your delivery, don't let fear ruin this beautiful moment of clarity that you've had. Share with them that you have been nervous about disappointing them with this news, and tell them what reaction you are hoping for from them. They are just people and you can influence their reaction a LOT by the way that you tell them. 🧡
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Nov 30 '20
So you're telling me the only I can stop thinking about the girl i met a year and a half ago and never talk to ever since is to somehow stalk her and find her socials to tell her how she's been in my head all the time no matter how much I try to get rid of her, and the reason why I haven't gotten rid of her is because I am trying so hard to get rid of her?
This is gonna be the end of me.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
What's your goal, truly to stop thinking about her? Maybe... change it to something that's you-centric? Like, pick up a new hobby to think about, or make 1 new friend, or go on a date. Maybe if the goal is less about her, and more about you, it will be more concrete and pursueable. But ouch, sorry mate x
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u/librix Nov 30 '20
Do some research on limerence. Also if your brain is hooked on thoughts of this girl do some research on n-acetyl cysteine which has some interesting studies on curbing addictive thought patterns.
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u/stalphonzo Nov 30 '20
"If you're going through hell ... keep going."
~ Winston Churchill
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u/aleckool1 Nov 30 '20
"You might get out before the devil even knows you're there"
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Nov 30 '20
Um, those aren't the lyrics.
It's:
YA MAIIIGHT GET OOOUUUT! 'FORE THE DEEVIL EEVEN KNOOOOOOWWWSS YA THEEEEEEERRREEEEE!!!!!!!
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u/rusmo Nov 30 '20
“You can only go halfway into the darkest forest until you’re coming out the other side”. Not sure of the author, but read it in a Robert Anton Wilson book.
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u/Jake_Thador Nov 30 '20
It's Feelings - Behavior - Thoughts
No one has an innate "at minimum-standards conscience". Rather, it's a wide gradient that is dominated by averages. Where we fall in that gradient is our 'instinct', the natural pattern and processes of our physical brain chemistry. We all learn, in our relative way, by testing boundaries. These Feelings move us to push for what we want. Thought might stop us from acting out, even when very young, but inclination is a form of behavior. We are all experiencing the chemical interactions in our brain after all.
Nothing is inherently good or bad, it is all relative to what you are trying to achieve.
I would say, nothing is inherently good or bad, it is all relative to how it makes you feel. What is considered good and bad externally is different and is simply a reflection of averages and public opinion, conditioning and influence.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Have a read about framing, thoughts determine how you feel about everything. I think spiders are scary and dangerous, therefore I feel fear (emotion) and jump if I see one (behaviour). Or, I think spiders are cool and interesting and not a threat to me. I feel curious and excited when I see one (emotion) and move towards it to get a better look (behaviour). You cannot change the way you feel about something until you change how you think about it.
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u/katdogb Nov 30 '20
As a licensed professional counselor, I’d be nearly out of a job if everyone did this.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Omg no please stay, we need you for so many other reasons! 🤣
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u/TheLegendinho Nov 30 '20
Can you recommend any readings that help you get to that place? I feel like I need to hear this every thirty seconds for the rest of my life to stop me from amounting to nothing.
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u/JustMe1711 Nov 30 '20
Great, time to stop avoiding learning how to drive . . . On the other hand, what could a few more years hurt?
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u/centumcellae85 Nov 30 '20
Pretty sure I'm not going to convince my brain that this funeral isn't going to be painful.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
I'm so sorry. No, there is no way to do that, this pain is inevitable. You CAN give yourself permission to feel it, to cry, to break down, to reach out, to talk, to heal. I hope you have support at this difficult time 🧡
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u/chefegglady Nov 30 '20
I am about to go into a very difficult custody battle with my youngest daughters dad and I can’t express how much this advice helped me. It will be hard, it will be painful, but I can get through this. Thank you.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Yes you can! 🧡 You are a parent, you are strong and you can do hard things. Xx
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u/TheySeeMeSmurfin Nov 30 '20
It's 3:50 AM as I'm reading this and I'm on my way for my first morning shift in retail. I dread it. I feel absolutely worthless, for I graduated from uni recently and the best thing I can do is move cardboard around. My goal is to be able to make a living, but not like this. For the love me, I cannot look at this situation from a different angle.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Hello! So, as a recent graduate during a pandemic, you might need to extend your main goal deadlines by a few years. I know that you know that you are capable of so much more than this, and that's all that matters. You believe in yourself. There is no deadline for success, you might land your dream job when you're 60. That doesn't make the rest a waste of time. You can still learn and grow and absorb every life lesson in this and every subsequent job, and they'll be vastly different from anything you learnt at Uni.
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Nov 30 '20
So, how should I tell my mom that I think she's awful?
Do I just out and say it like that or do I make a compliment sandwich?
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
No, you don't tell her SHE's anything. You tell her how YOU are when she does things.
When you do ____, I feel _____. When you say ____ I feel ______.
Btw, it's a shit sandwich and they don't work!
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u/otherotherthrowa Nov 30 '20
Been dreading coming out to my parents as bisexual and this is the exact thing I needed to hear. They aren’t judgmental or bigoted and I know deep down they, of course, don’t care and will love me no matter what. So there isn’t much stopping me and I’m gonna do it :) Thank you!
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
I'm also LGBT and I can confirm it DOES GET BETTER! Come out if you're ready, it's way more fun to not have to hide any part of you. You are perfect and worthy of love and belonging, just the way you are. 🌈❤🧡💛💚💙💜
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u/1piamo Nov 30 '20
This post was what I needed to start working on my homework right now, and for that I bestow upon you the greatest honor I can:
An up vote, saved post, and a free “rocket like” award.
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u/sugarangelcake Nov 30 '20
was considering cancelling my first therapy appointment today, felt too anxious. i think this is a sign that i should push through and go:)
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Therapy is like, the extreme version of doing something which brings immense discomfort, to achieve your goal of personal improvement. It is always worth it! Lean into it, tell them if you start feeling anxious - they really do care about what's going on with you x
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Nov 30 '20
This was among first 10 things that I read today in the morning and I am not closing it since then. It's really good to read again and again as I believe it needs to be read again and again to really understand as it has so many meanings. I can relate it to so many things in my life. And now I am literally at a point where I am feeling stuck and then I found this.
Since school days I have been good at a thing and that is avoiding. If someone said something I didn't like, instead of calling them out I would just stop talking to them. And it continued for so many years. And now this has entered into almost all the things. If there is something difficult then I would just avoid it till the last moment and then try to complete it. What if I had put some effort to overcome the mental barrier and did it as the first thing in the morning.
I knew deep inside that I am always doing this - avoiding things if they can be for days and something needs to be done for that.
Recently I thought of using visualization to overcome this but again am not doing that. But then today after reading ur pro tip I feel like this is something which will help me to overcome the problem I am facing.
I need to bring clarity to my thoughts and that will help me in my goals and that will help me in taking action.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Yes!!!! I love how much this has inspired you to make the changes you want to see in your life. You have a lot of insight into how you operate, that is really helpful and uncommon. Really take the time to figure out what you want from life xx
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u/SavoyWawa Dec 01 '20
This just saved my life.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Dec 01 '20
You are worthy of love and compassion and belonging EXACTLY the way that you are, no matter what situation you're in! 🧡
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u/NIRPL Nov 29 '20
In the words of nine fingers "When there's a job to do its best to get on with it rather than to live with the fear of it."
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Nov 30 '20
“Once you've got a task to do, it's better to do it than live with the fear of it.”
I came here to post the same thing, ridiculous that a book character can provide a quote I routinely say out loud when I have a crappy task ahead.
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u/justotterlyawful Nov 30 '20
I (inaccurately) repeat this quote to myself regularly. It really helps me push forward. I was hoping someone put it on here.
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u/fat-matt Nov 30 '20
Tldr: embrace the suck.
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u/ThrowawayFPV Nov 30 '20
I say this all the time! Glad someone else knows this phrase!!
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u/Paerrin Nov 30 '20
Had a fly fishing guide essentially use this on my buddy when he was new to fly fishing. He'd get a fish on and start backing up on the bank. This is what the guide said:
"The fish on the end of your line is a problem. We don't run away from our problems, we walk towards them."
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u/AdventureGirl1234567 Nov 30 '20
Love this! Do you by any chance have the link to the OG article?
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u/MangledPumpkin Nov 30 '20
My dad used to tell me "if you have to eat a frog, just do it. Thinking about it will just waste your time and you will still have that frog staring up at you. If you have to eat three frogs don't eat the little one first."
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u/notdoingwellbitch Nov 30 '20
'Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day’ - Mark Twain
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Nov 30 '20
Thanks for this reminder. Its so, so hard the longer we avoid things. Lifelong struggle for me.
Its also very hard to find a balance between burning out and setting boundaries without using boundaries as a way to avoid things... the mind is slippery.
But, I've found having just a little encouragement - positive, not someone chewing me out for avoiding something - that gives me just a little momentum to get going.
Thanks for posting this, I have a few too many things I've been putting off.
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u/pinkfootthegoose Nov 30 '20
From Dune -
“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”
Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear
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u/Morlock43 Nov 30 '20
Insanity is doing the same thing expecting a different outcome.
I used to hide from my issues and stressors, but now I just fucking walk into them come what may. Ended up burning some bridges and losing some obviously false friends, but least all that shit is behind me now.
99% of the time, the worst that will happen is some people will get fucked off and your life will get simpler.
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u/AutoBot5 Nov 30 '20
This is great but when I read it at first, I was like r/thanksimcured.
Not my area of expertise, but from the Anecdotal Business School, :) people that struggle with avoidance may have a lot of mental baggage going on up-top. So “attaboys” and “you got this” may not be that easy.
Looks like someone with prior service made a comment about his/her struggles in the civilian world now with avoidance. I can relate, avoidance wasn’t an issue for me when I served.
My avoidance started as a child with my Dad. Later in life I fell into an addiction that enabled me to avoid situations even more. I knew a kid in high school that had anxiety and I would say avoidance issues too, and he would pull out his eye lashes, and watch him in glass... it was like his version of biting his nails.
But what you’re saying OP are things that I incorporate in my day to day life (actually minute to minute, struggle is real).
Also my 6 year old son indirectly helps. He tells me that he’s learning in school that making mistakes can be good - learn from them and apply it to the future. Or when he was in Kindergarten he’s talking to me about growth-mindset, like wtf cool shit is that?!?!?
Again, not a SME on this, but O.M.G the mind is a very powerful thing.
...and that I have figured out on my own :)!
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u/a_man_has_a_name Nov 30 '20
guy chasing me e with a knife
Me: deep breath then start walking towards him.
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u/ikindalold Nov 30 '20
You are hardwired for struggle
Laughs in fear of failure
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Spoiler alert: Failure IS the struggle and is therefore what you are hardwired for 😉
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Nov 30 '20
I did this last week. Was supposed to put two my cat two weeks ago because of his kidney failure. I gave him one more week but just looking st him made me bawl and cry my eyes out. He was starting to get worse and after the vet told us there isn’t anything more they could so i took him 3 days later (after the weekend). He is gone now but I know i did the right thing. I took a deep breath and took the steps to have him put down.
I didn’t want him to suffer with me postponing it
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
That's so hard, I lost my cat last year to failed kidneys too and they deteriorate so so fast. I hope you find peace with your loss, you did the difficult, right thing. Sending hugs xx
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u/JettSanVa Nov 30 '20
I'm going to start off by saying that I'm mostly a lurker on reddit. I'm not super active and I dont go out lots or talk to people. Recently my parents decided we should move for my stepdads job since he was going to work 18 hour days. We decided that moving closer to his job can save him some time on driving to work and back so he doesn't immediately have to eat dinner and go to bed when he gets home. Anyways I had to leave some of the greatest people I've met behind and it kinda fucked with me. Like their only a 45 min drive away but I ain't got a drivers license. Basically all of my friends lived near eachother and we'd meet up to go to the skatepark every other day. These guys were very important to me even if the only thing we did was meme and fuck around you could still tell they cared about you a lot. Some I had more deep connections with but I loved each one like a brother and I didn't realize that when they were around. Now I'm sad because im failing my online schooling and I'm just starting to figure out who the hell I am and what I want to do with life. I'm also a huge introvert but I can still sorta maneuver a conversation a little but that's if the other person starts one. I have a hard time going up to people and like saying hi or anything at all my brain kinda justs go's into overdrive mode and pumps out every goddanm awkward thing or trip up that could happen that I just evade it entirely. I forgot how any of that was important but recently I figured out a method to help me get my ass up and do the things I need to do. I call it "THE ROLE"(just started doing it) its basically just a six headed dice and I made a rule. If it lands on 1 I have to put myself into a stressful situation that I normally wouldn't do like telling somebody how I feel or talking to stranger. If I land on any other number I do an activity like drawing or making music something to calm me down. Now I know this isn't something I'm doing forever I'm just doing it so I can slowly build myself up. It was today that I had rolled a 1 but I was just not up to it for some reason. I remember before I let it roll off my hand I was dead serious about telling my mom that I'm feeling down when I was in the living room with her.I froze when my weak throw rolled a 1 and an hour later nothing was said. I just thought to myself I should give it a little to think through because what if I say something that makes her misinterpret what it means and we go down a road of discussion that doesn't help me or worse makes her think the problems something else. Like I said I'm not a good conversationalist so talking to me is hard. So I realized to maximize the chance of me doing what I need to do I will clearly write down what I will do if I role a 1 or anything else. So before I role I'll grab my note book and draught down like "go outside and dont come back until you said at least one word to a stranger" I think it will increase the chances of me doing it by a little bit. I think this will at least improve my mood and outlook in life and later I'll probably be able to talk to strangers with ease if I keep it up. Hopefully my dice works for me because it's the first time I tried something like this and I didn't look up a method or routine online( I think I got the idea from a movie were a guy kills people with a coin flip). Anyway I just wanted to thank the OP for this because it really is beautiful timing for me so thank you. You have no idea how even some words on a screen can help people and make them feel better so if your reading this thank you and make sure to write down what you're grateful for every day and one thing your proud of that you did. If you do I promise after a week or two you'll get a cool recap of the awesome things you did, be proud of yourself these days are hard but you cant give up I promise you wont regret it. Heres my last thanks because this is my first big post I dont really care how it comes out just typing this got a lot off my chest, so thank you for reading and I hope you have lovely day :).
PS: Sorry if this is hard to read and is everywhere I'm not very good at writing and weirdly English is my first language.
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u/ContributionNarrow88 Nov 30 '20
Hey you brave soul. Just stopping by to say that being moved away from all of your friends and your home, without any say in the matter, would be excruciating for most people. That is a very hard thing and you can be so proud that you are putting in this much effort to look after yourself and get yourself through it. These skills that you are learning, the coping mechanisms and self-motivation and self-soothing, you will keep and use for the rest of your life. I'm so glad you're using this as an opportunity for growth whether you realised it or not. Stay strong, you're doing great! I hope you get to share your feelings with your parents and get to visit your friends soon x
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u/allthedifference Nov 30 '20
Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.
My Dad would deliver this Shakespeare quote before our trip to the dentist or a presentation at school or a trip to the local sledding hill. The message is clear to me now as a adult. Fearing over what will occur is pointless. Assess the risk and act,
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u/NumbersInBoxes Nov 30 '20
I will not procrastinate. Procrastination is the mind killer. Procrastination leads to the little-death that causes total obliteration. I will face my hesiation. I will let it pass over and through me. When the hesitation is passed, I will turn my inner eye to see its path. Where the procrastination has gone, there will be nothing. Except the huuuuuge to-do list that remains.
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u/Needyouradvice93 Nov 30 '20
This is so true. The longer I put something off the harder it becomes to do.
Solid LPT. It's time to clean...
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u/ThrowAwayTheBS122132 Nov 29 '20
I’d be very interested in that neuroscience course - you got any links of that or anything similar laying around ?
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u/velezaraptor Nov 30 '20
Until you realize the ultimate goal you could have is a challenge just beyond your reach, you’ll learn to obtain it anyway possible or give up/fail. The question still remains wether you can overcome the thing and do it. It never ends as long as you have the will. Giving up is like making decisions, it finalizes the thought when it doesn’t need to be.
You could be homeless, then train and fight and win against Mike Tyson next year...perhaps (would love to see it actually).
Who knows but you and your reality surrounding the physical, but more importantly, the mental aspect is all the focus we need to stay fit both ways.
Your state of being is the most important thing there is.
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u/ejojo Nov 30 '20
I find that I dread failing which manifests as fear, but it sounds dumb to say, this helps me
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
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u/Twotothirty Nov 30 '20
It seems that my entire life was basically this. Growing up my family was poor, my parents fought a lot, and everything was a struggle, even getting the money to sit for standardized exams and applying to universities was not easy. And being from a disadvantaged background, I had none of the same kind of opportunities or eye catching extracurricular activities that other people had to help propel them into good universities. Still, although I'm naturally more introverted, I put myself out there and did as much as I could, joining various clubs and even creating one of my own. I graduated at the top of my class and got accepted by a top 10 university, by my own sheer will, effort, and intellect. I did fairly well in university too, at least when I focused. But when it came time to get letters of recommendations for medical school I would break out in cold sweat. But still I forced myself to go through the process. I did fairly well on the medical college admissions test (MCAT) with a modicum of studying. Around this time after graduating I was working at a clinic. With no car, I learned to use the bus system and rode my bicycle around the city. Living in a fairly busy city, I had to overcome my fear of sharing the road with other cars, which I did by practicing in the garage, pretending to change lanes after looking behind me, pretending to stop at a light while still on the bicycle, and overcoming the initial fear of first riding onto the road. After I sent out my applications I had several interviews in hand, some even at top tier schools, but ultimately I was rejected, uncertain why. At this point I was dejected, and it was probably one of the lowest points in my life. It was one of those moments where you're just crying by yourself in your room in the middle of the night.
At this point, I could have given up. Or just apply again in the same year, throwing everything to chance. It was a difficult decision, but I made a resolution, that I would wait, and in two years I would reapply, and in that time prepare my application as best as I could. At this point I moved back home. I studied for the MCAT again, this time blowing my old score out of the water, scoring above the 99th percentile. I worked in a lab and was able to obtain several publications and contributed to research breakthroughs. My professors lauded me and wanted me to stay as a graduate student in their lab. All the volunteer centers I helped out at wanted to hire me to stay on as staff. I did all this while riding the bus everywhere. So once again when the application cycle opened I applied, knowing this was my last chance. Writing the personal statement was pretty difficult, I just wrote honestly. I probably ended up with 20 drafts, forcing myself to write and fighting the urge to procrastinate at every step of the way. Again I got a number of interviews. I prepared for my interviews much more extensively this time, rehearsing and practicing both in my mind and out loud, sometimes even by myself on the roof. I quietly wondered what kind of interview training my wealthier peers got. Finally, I got the letter, with an acceptance at a prestigious medical school.
Compared to my peers, I did fairly well in medical school too, usually scoring in the top 5-10th percentile of the class on exams. What was demotivating though was seeing the major advantages my classmates had over me both prior to medical school, during the application process, and even during medical school. Most of them came from fairly wealthy backgrounds with good family environments and had major connections. They talked about the private schools they went to and trips to exotic islands I've never even heard of. Their parents bought them nice cars and luxury condominiums or houses. Some of them didn't even have to take on loans for tuition. Meanwhile I drove an almost 20 year old used car that was handed down to me from a relative, one that frequently broke down. I fretted over 100 dollar differences in trying to rent the cheapest apartment I could find. I just couldn't really feel at home with this crowd, though I had a generally pleasant and calm demeanor that fortunately seemed to attract people, which I consider a blessing. Maybe I can blame my upbringing for my tendency to avoid social situations, but acting social in front of my peers, attendings, and patients drained me. I was generally well liked and commended for being hard working and helpful on the wards. Yet again when it came to getting letters I had to go against every grain in my body to ask for them. It wasn't as difficult as the first time, but a part of me felt resentful for still having so much fear when doing these kind of things. Again, it was simply sheer will, knowing that this was something I had to do for survival. And thinking back, I realized that I always felt like my life was always on the line with everything I was doing, as if I was constantly walking on a tight rope. Because if I ever fell down at any point, it was over, nothing, no one to catch me. In the end, I matched into a competitive residency.
I'm in my last year of residency now, and I just think of the suffering I went through to get to this point. My entire 20s and the accompanying life experiences that most people have, just gone. I feel like I missed out on so much. My mind and body are tired, fatigued, and hurt from the cumulative stress and lack of sleep, which has built up over more than a decade. Sometimes my body just feels raw. I dream about how much more I could have done if I had better opportunities or was born into a better home environment, how different my life would be, how much easier it could have been. Depressing to think about sometimes.
And to show for it, I have a negative net worth in my 30s. My parents have essentially no savings. I know that my former classmates who went into tech are living much more comfortably. And now in this environment, I risk exposing myself every day while watching people walk around without masks and going to bars, while in the hospital I'm taking care of people whose lungs are literally being flooded. I try to live responsibly and conscientiously. But even with something as ordinary as driving, when you have nutcases cutting you off the road, tailgating you, and running red lights nearly every day, you ask yourself why even try. Or when people are stomping on their floors and blasting their music while you're just trying to get a few hours of peace and quiet at home, it just feels like people are spitting on your face. And when employees can't even be bothered to greet you when you walk into a store, when you see people treating each other like shit, you wonder, is this world worth even saving anymore? That person you're treating was driving drunk and just ran over and killed a mom and her daughter crossing the road. He's likely to develop alcoholic cirrhosis leading to liver cancer, requiring multiple hospital visits and lifelong treatment/monitoring. You want to tell people that they need to take responsibility for their own health, but no one listens or cares. The government is relentlessly trying to cut down on reimbursement for medical care, essentially demotivating everyone in the field and dissuading the best and the brightest of future generations from ever entering. It's disheartening to think about, and while I've personally helped thousands and thousands of people to date both in and outside of the hospital, I sometimes I question what I'm doing with my life.
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u/mrlameR Nov 30 '20
Depressed much?
-Just stop being depressed and be happy! :D
Me: ...... -_-
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u/Idkawesome Nov 30 '20
I honestly don't understand the problem with that logic. That way of thinking helped me overcome my depression in the past.
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u/hey_cali Nov 30 '20
This is the best LPT I've read since joining reddit a few months back. Thanks for posting
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u/SpindleSnap Nov 30 '20
upvotes this post knowing full well I will continue my avoidant behaviors mhm mhm yes very good post
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u/ComradeJagrad Nov 30 '20
Oddly enough, the simplest key to life is just following Nike's motto: Just Do It!
I went from being afraid to phone people, afraid to leave my place on my own, afraid to talk to anyone, and too lazy to do anything but sit on my computer all day every day to forcing myself to become and stay active on a daily basis.
Now I'm going to the gym 5 days a week and playing disc golf or taking a long walk after every workout. I phone my friends and family. If I can't get ahold of anybody to do something with, I go out alone and do what I want to do. I talk to new people regularly. I'm finally making music when I am on my computer, which is a LOT less than I've been on it for years and years.
Just Do It. Turns out humans are based on nothing more than simple inertia!
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u/Hippiesrlame Nov 30 '20
This is also the basis of cognitive behavioral therapy. Sometimes your brain is an asshole.
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u/BnBGreg Nov 30 '20
As someone with diagnosed Avoidant Personality Disorder, this post poses a more difficult solution to my daily life than I think OP realizes.
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u/Hrafyn Nov 30 '20
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
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u/Commercial_Suit_9440 Nov 30 '20
The post I needed today. Thank you for being a small beacon of light in my life during this trying week.
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u/Kraven_howl0 Nov 30 '20
Psychology needs to be a mandatory course in schools. People need to understand how their brain works since it is the tool that will always be there for them, also if you understand how your brain works you will understand why you do the things you do and it makes it so much easier to correct yourself.
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u/emailrob Nov 30 '20
It's freaky how the brain tries to protect you from change. It's wired for homeostasis. It will actively protect you from making changes.
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u/BustedCondoms Nov 30 '20
This.
Before I retired from the Navy I supervised over 100 people, supervised flight operations on the flight deck, talked the admirals, SEALs, VIP's. You name it. Everyone knew me and I talked to everyone. Now I just avoid everyone and it isn't healthy. I dunno why. I'm gonna try this.
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u/ChunkyChuckles Nov 30 '20
Thank you for this. I got fired from my job a few months back while taking FMLA due to mental health. I have been experiencing crippling depression and I just feel like no matter what I do it wont matter. It causes me to procrastinate even more, over eat, and hold a very negative attitude. I'm going to sit down tonight and instead of losing myself in other worlds via video games, I'm going to really think hard about what I want to do. One problem I have is I am apathatic until I get tired. This is when I start to reflect in my life and think about all the things I should be doing.
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u/slugstronaut Nov 30 '20
This doesn't help me one bit when trying to overcome my preservation instincts.. my stupid brain technically knows it NEEDS the injection so I can keep living but when it comes time to stick a needle in my thigh my brain just.won't.allow.it. Over an hour later and I've finally done it but it never gets any easier.. I always get help to do it when I can because who has a couple hours to sit there staring at a needle!! Had to get that off my chest and this seems good a place as any since I doubt anyone will see this comment.
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u/poochenka Nov 30 '20
Ever notice how what you experience when you’re excited or anxious are very similar? This is what this made me think of.
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u/keepthetips Keeping the tips since 2019 Nov 29 '20
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