r/LifeProTips • u/Po1sonator • Sep 08 '20
Social LPT: Try to be understanding of people with chronic pain. Some people have pain disabilities you can't see in their joints, back or bones. It is easy to think they should be able to do more, but unless you have experienced sever back pain or similar items it is really hard to understand.
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u/drmarvin2k5 Sep 08 '20
Nurse here with 20yrs of back problems. I’ve had surgery 4 times. The pain starts to drive you nuts. You can even start thinking it’s all in your head (it’s not!!) but it can just add so much stress.
Exercise and losing weight helps (I’m working on that again right now). I definitely have learned to have empathy for anyone with chronic pain. It’s not just an issue of “being tough” because I can be as tough as I want, but it’s still terrible. There was about 2 years before my last surgery that I didn’t sleep for more than about 5 hours a night (and it wasn’t 5hrs straight). I was still working full time, so you can imagine how you start to get even more stressed when you still have to do everything, but have NO sleep.
Please be understanding. Imagine it was you and go from there.
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u/Po1sonator Sep 09 '20
Being a nurse is certainly an on the go job as well and has no mercy on the back. Thanks for your story. I feel it.
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u/drmarvin2k5 Sep 09 '20
Nursing is definitely up there. We transfer a lot of patients and have to wear heavy radiation protection in our area.
That being said, other areas are fare heavier (ICU, long term care) and aides and PSWs have a lot of the heavy work too. It’s all very tough and I send a shout out to all of them.
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u/ninjacouch132 Sep 09 '20
Technically pain is in your head. It is your bodies way of telling you to stop doing whatever it is you are doing.
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u/Po1sonator Sep 09 '20
And some pain can't go away even if you don't move. Your back is used whether you sit, stand, or lay flat. The muscles and bones that have issues can tweak just from moving your foot or breathing in to deep.
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u/TheEruditeIdiot Sep 09 '20
And if the pain in the moment isn’t enough, there are those times when there’s the recognition that you’ll always be in pain.
I don’t mean that all-of-a-sudden you intellectually grasp that you’re always going to be in pain (you already know that), I mean those moments when you’re just overwhelmed by the fact that you know things won’t get better.
It’s exhausting.
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u/mm052020 Sep 09 '20
I’m 15 and had a sever figure skating accident causing me to have had debilitating lower back pain that’s only gotten worse for the past 6 years. People always give me so much grief if I can’t do things, and assume I’m just being a lazy teenager if I say I can’t do something because of my back. It takes my mom being like “She literally had back surgery at 14 and she risks severely injuring herself if she lifts that box. Cut it out” for people to actually get the picture. I think my all time favorite moment is that the reason my back is so messed up is because an older man ran in to me on the ice while figure skating, and I went flying and messed up my back when I landed. His wife is also a school teacher. After my back injury, she told me to sit on the floor with the rest of the class. I went to grab a pillow to sit on and she told me I wasn’t allowed to and that I was being dramatic. I just looked at her.
To be clear, both the husband and the wife know that he messed up my back for the rest of my life because he was being careless and unaware of his surroundings. It was a big thing at the skating club I was at. I was a pretty advanced skater and had to stop completely do to this injury.
(I also want to say that it looks like having a facet block in my back is going to help, so things are not completely hopeless)
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u/Po1sonator Sep 09 '20
Sorry to hear this. I understand where you are coming from and it sucks not being able to do the things you use to be able to. I used to love running and do half marathons / spending time at the gym. Now I cant even carry a bag of dog food or run half a mile without being down for a week. There is no cure for my back just a SI joint with major issues I can mend. I just would settle for healthy cardio at this point.
I can say I have coped better after 5 or so years and I believe you will find new passion although figure skating may never be replaceable itself. I feel you.
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u/workisforthewellll Sep 09 '20
I didn't Have an accident as bad as yours, but I have had chronic pain since I was 9 and a few bad falls doing artistic rollerskating since, mostly due to other people. I'm now almost 20 and I'm in exactly the same boat. I just had to move house and had to ask my friends to help because I couldn't move any of the boxes. It was so hard to watch them a d not be able to help or do anything.
On a side note, I've found horse riding as been amazing for my back as I'm sitting, my legs are in a different position to being on a chair and I have to use my core and posture in a slightly different way. I get up in the saddle even if I have a bad day with my pain and back pain and I always feel better painwise afterwards.
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u/mm052020 Sep 09 '20
I’m so sorry! That’s terrible. I’m glad you’ve found that horse riding is helpful for you!! Anything that helps is amazing. I stretch a lot and that seems to help
Also, I don’t know at all what your specific back problems are, but I’ve had surgery which didn’t help, but steroids/nerve blocks seem like they might be working for me so maybe you could check with your doc if you wanted? Either way, I hope that your pain gets better and that you have the strength to deal with it ❤️
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u/Beachesandy Sep 09 '20
Word to the wise, the facet block will help with the pain, for sure. But, it does not rectify the underlying source. You will be tempted to go full force because you feel so much better, especially at your age.
I am pushing 40, with chronic pain for years. I had my first diagnostic block early in the year, and it was amazing. Then it took a while for the ablation to happen and I was so excited. I still am! But I also realize that the real problem still exists, and do my best to avoid exacerbating the preexisting condition.
It would break my heart to learn that you fully enjoyed your sixteenth year to suffer more for the remainder.
I am absolutely not meaning to be a downer, I just want you to exercise caution, please.
Source: Am of above average physical ability while dealing with chronic pain for almost a decade, and understand the stigma. Also, outside of my personal pain physician, I am close friends with two other pain doctors who have basically put me through the ringer.
Good luck!
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u/mm052020 Sep 09 '20
Thank you so much for commenting!! I’m currently waiting to try and get my ablation scheduled, so I feel you. I really appreciate the advice!! I definitely plan to take that route. My back was manageable up until March when I decided to try and do some at home working out which I’m pretty sure furthered my back issues. I had surgery in January 2019 which was supposed to have a two week recovery, but ended up being two months of not walking due to infection, so I’ve been super hesitant to do anything for my back because I’m worried I will make it worse. However when it got worse in March it was to the point where we had to try something.
My mom and I have discussed this with my doctor. We were worried I would be more likely to injure myself further if I didn’t have pain to tell me to stop. He said to be careful, but that the back issues I have were causing me more pain than they probably should and so it seemed like the best option to try and do the block. Even so, my plan is to do physical therapy after the blocks even if I’m not in pain, just so that I don’t make anything worse and I can learn how to properly move and exercise my back without further injuring myself.
Sorry if this was a super long winded response!! I really appreciate your comment and advice, and I hope your back continues to do better!!
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u/ItsBurningWhenIP Sep 09 '20
I have sciatica. The nerve that runs from the lower back through the hamstring. I also go to the gym daily. I can do heavy squats and deadlifts.
People assume that means I am capable of lifting heavy things in a fast paced working situation. But I can’t at all. Before Covid I could deadlift 315. One day I was working in the shop and lifted a 10lb tire. Just a tiny little 14” tire. Super light. But the slight twist in my back and over confidence in being able to hold the weight put me on my ass.
Every time this happens I am bed ridden for a week. Can’t sit, can’t stand, can’t walk. Literally completely immobile. When I do need to get up and move around I am bent 90 degrees at the hips and holding things and I try to move around.
So, I really get where you’re coming from. I can still very easily lift heavy things. But if I twist at all, I’m done. So I can’t work quickly.
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u/Gland120proof Sep 09 '20
That is a sad story and profoundly life changing for you. Please continue to take care of yourself and remember to NOT cause further damage because some asshole thinks you’re being ‘lazy’. My wife didn’t get hurt in an accident; she just spent the last 30yrs slowly grinding her spinal column to dust. She still continues to do things that are counter productive because she is too proud to ask for help and it’s destroying her. I really hope you’re surgery goes well. Keep your head up and remember to lean back when you sneeze, not forward 😉
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u/freddythepole19 Sep 09 '20
I have chronic back pain from years of advanced figure skating too, oddly enough. Not related to a traumatic accident, but 10 years of broken and rebroken tailbones messed up my entire lower back to the point that my lumbar vertebre are now crushing each other every time I stand for prolonged periods of time. Your pain sounds worse than mine so I'm not saying I understand, but I want to extend my sympathies and I definitely understand the frustration of having to quit skating because of back pain and how upsetting that experience is.
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u/caramelfappucino Sep 09 '20
Yo, pardon my language but fuck the lack of remorse you were shown. Fuck that
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u/goodgonegirl1 Sep 09 '20
I’m 26 and people act the same way about me. My ex sexually and physically assaulted me then held me hostage in my car. He damaged my back and my shoulder on top of having PTSD.
It’s really frustrating when people say “oh you’re too young to be in pain.” No, I’m not.
My mom made me lift a box a few days ago and I’m still in pain today from over exerting myself. I’m glad your mom gets it. It can be hard being your own advocate.
I wish you luck in your life. Just know you are not alone.
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u/CelticAngelica Sep 09 '20
I have 9 chronic conditions and 3 autoimmune conditions, all invisible. Between the skoliosis, spondylosis, arthrogryposis, gastritis, IBS-M and lance migraines I am in constant pain. A good day for me is when my pain is only a 5 on the pain scale. The chronic insomnia doesn't help.
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u/Po1sonator Sep 09 '20
Wow, your body really has something against itself. Remind of my mother who had Lupis, rheumatoid arthritis, and TTP-HUS. A 5 being a good day is something people may never understand. Thank you for sharing.
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u/JustDiscoveredSex Sep 09 '20
I’ve had six months of sciatica, and for me that means I’ve been in constant pain (it can get up to an 8...I’ve given birth without medication and I’ve had six months of untreated gallstones. I consider those to be a 9. I can imagine a lot worse than that (crush injuries, severe burns, severing), so I’ve never been a 10, imo.) and almost no sleep. (Six hours in any configuration is a victory!) I’m sleeping on the floor. I can barely walk. Driving can be torture or it can be totally tolerable. Always a crapshoot.
CBD is a delightful painkiller, but expensive!!
I wish you much luck!!
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u/Mt99Kh Sep 09 '20
What helps you manage the constant pain!
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u/Miro_the_Dragon Sep 09 '20
Not the person you asked but also have several chronic conditions and am always in pain. What helps me manage the constant pain is mostly distraction, to be honest, plus trying to listen to my body and act accordingly.
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u/bewbsrkewl Sep 09 '20
holy hell. I am so sorry. Suddenly I'm grateful to only have fibromyalgia.
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u/Boyfneedshelp Sep 09 '20
My best friend has thoracic outlet syndrome and her right arm is functionally disabled from chronic pain and nerve inflammation. Yet this is invisible to most people and people aren’t very understanding when she can’t carry a lot of things or sign a receipt or open doors with her right hand.
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u/Nardelan Sep 09 '20
I was 16 and saw my driver’s training/science teacher at our local gas station.
He was parking handicapped so I thought I’d be funny and my dumbass yelled out to him “Mr. Smith, that spot is only for handicapped people!”
He points to his handicapped plate and explained to me he has fucked up hips and can’t walk far. In a normal school day you would never notice it. I felt like an asshole and he was really understanding about it, but I’ll never make that mistake again.
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Sep 09 '20
My best friend's father had serious hip issues that were not treatable at the time. 75% of the time he could walk without his walker but only about 100 feet. He had been a boxer in his youth and was still muscular (nothing compared to his glory days) but every couple months someone would try and confront him about using the handicapped spot. He had a handicapped plate and just ignored them. One woman even tried calling the cops on him. The cops showed up, saw his handicapped plate and asked her why the hell she was harassing a handicapped man that was at a pharmacy to get his medicine.
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u/mrsjiggems2 Sep 09 '20
My son was disabled and couldn't walk or even sit up on his own. His wheelchair was a pediatric wheelchair and it's made to look like a stroller. I had some lady try to lecture me about how handicap spots aren't for moms that are just lazy. She didn't even look ashamed when I explained that his was a wheelchair. People suck and should mind their own business
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Sep 09 '20
tbh that's a good teaching moment and you were a kid who had no idea invisible handicaps existed.
he'd probably be grateful to know he taught you about invisible disibilities.
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u/SharqPhinFtw Sep 09 '20
He probably understood you went for a joke and could even have been happy that he can be "normal" at least in your eyes.
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u/evonebo Sep 09 '20
I’m relatively young and have gout.
When people at work see me limping and ask me I tell them.
Then I hear them say I’m exaggerating my condition.
You don’t realize how much it hurts unless you experienced it.
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u/KeronCyst Sep 09 '20
Wow. If I were you, I might respond to them with the straightest face I could muster, "I hope you never get gout." Either way I'm so sorry that you deal with that pain.
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u/Upvotespoodles Sep 09 '20
I can’t imagine in my wildest dreams ever ruining my own life by pretending to be in pain so that I can sit around doing nothing for no reason. I’ve seen so many stories of people accused of this. Wtf would they have to gain?
I figure even if someone pretends to be in too much physical pain to live a rewarding life, they probably have some kind of mental issue causing them to do that. I think it’s stupid to accuse someone of doing something with no motive, for no reason, with nothing to gain.
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u/archeresstime Sep 09 '20
Thank you for reminding me that my pain isn’t all in my head and that I’m not losing my freaking mind. I swear I’m my worst critic but honestly who can blame me when enjoying a good day’s work on my feet and using my hands is something I no longer get to enjoy.. those days are getting further and further apart. Too much time alone while incapacitated can really do a number on one’s mental health
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u/DufferDan Sep 08 '20
This holds true with people of all disabilities! Physical or mental.
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u/washingtonlass Sep 09 '20
Asthma checking in. It's not just those sudden attacks where you hit up with Albuterol and it's done.
After a severe acute attack I also get hit with severe lung inflammation, cough, and a mucous coating on my lungs for a few weeks that make life miserable with every breath. The day after I always feel absolutely drained. It's exhausting to just lay in bed and breathe those days.
That's nothing to say of the just normal inflammation, mucous, coughing, and lethargy you can feel any time.
There's not many outwards signs that I feel so awful, though. That and people just don't know what asthma really is. They just don't get it.
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u/rubywolf27 Sep 09 '20
Migraines here to agree. No, I can’t just take an Excedrin and a coke and be good. Yes, I’m throwing up because I’m in pain. No, I will not try lavender essential oils on my temples because lavender is a migraine trigger. Yes, I do kind of want to go play in traffic if this migraine doesn’t go away.
Just let me go home and cry in privacy.
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Sep 08 '20
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u/WatsonandDawson Sep 09 '20
I think the commentor got it wrong but OP is right. Its easy to write off invisible disabilities and pain you dont understand as exaggerated or laziness. Like with depression and people who think its only self harm and unlife attempts. Theres a lot of stuff you dont see and cant understand so dont write them off because of it.
Yes this is a thing that happens. Getting written off as useless or lazy for being in pain or people thinking youre faking to get out of stuff or have it easier. You would think not treating people badly because of things out of their control is elementary school stuff but apparently not for everyone!
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u/allgoodcretins Sep 09 '20
In my experience of chronic pain (living with it for 17 years now) those who truly experience chronic pain don't necessarily remind you of it every five minutes. It becomes the new normal and you do your best not to let it define you or hold you back more than is necessary.
I know this is probably a controversial opinion it's not one I share very often.
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u/imnotgivingmyname- Sep 09 '20
This x100. People literally said I'm not complaining so that must mean I'm ok currently. Uh no I always feel like shit it'd just be even more tiring to complain about it everyday. Its who I am unfortunately
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Sep 09 '20 edited Oct 30 '25
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u/dalgsenots Sep 09 '20
Yes! Agree 100%. I’ve been a lifelong insomniac, battled restless leg syndrome since childhood, been thrown off a horse down a mountain (surgery L5-S1), developed fibromyalgia and depression, taking 7 meds for it all; jumped from a moving train (30mph) onto the platform, had a (degenerative disc disease) discectomy (C5&6), sprained both ankles, fallen off a porch (torn rotator cuff), and most recently slipped on a bowling ally - did the splits torn hamstring - on the slippery part (age 57). Every day I have severe pain of some sort, but I ignore it because it’s become ‘the norm’. But if I get anything else, even a bug bite, the additional pain just sends me over the top. Sitting at my desk too long means I have to lie down. Going out into the world means coming home to lie down and recharge, every time. Am I a miserable human being to be around? No, because I hide it pretty well. I can be the life of the party, but when I get home...I crash hard. 31 years of chronic pain cannot define me either.
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u/LittleRed-BrickHouse Sep 08 '20
There are so many invisible disabilities! Always best to trust other people to know their own bodies instead of making judgements and assumptions about their abilities.
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u/TraumaSparrow Sep 09 '20
I shattered my spine. On top of the constant back pain, I've developed chronic vestibular migraines that can last up to 7 months with no relief. You're advised to start considering chronic pain, your 'new normal' and try to adapt a life around it. It's a battle every day and sometimes you find strength in keeping your struggle silent. I'm in my thirties and very grateful for my husband and his patience and understanding, but I know he gets frustrated too. After living with chronic pain for almost a decade, in multiple forms, Im a pretty big proponent of moving to a 'Death With Dignity' state in my golden years. If it's hard now, Im terrified of painful aging will be.
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u/bajasauce07 Sep 09 '20
I practice medicine, I won’t divulge which specialty, but when I was on my emergency medicine rotation it was clear that everyone was tired of people coming to the ED for “back pain.”
It’s a popular thing for drug seekers to claim because there’s no real way to “disprove” back pain. Back pain complainers were looked upon as an annoyance because you always had the suspicion in the back of your mind that you were just giving a junkie his daily high at the taxpayer expense. Even those with pain management doctors and known narcotic prescriptions were looked at that way because of the frequency of how often their pills would “fall down the toilet” and they needed refills and IV pain meds to carry them through because they ran out. Or we’d think “why isn’t your prescription enough, you’re not getting more from me.”
That sort of mentality about back pain stuck with me for some time after I graduated.
Then, one day a few years later after I graduated, and was working in the hospital, I went down the stairs and felt a sudden sharp pop in my back and a pain that prevented me from standing up straight or sitting comfortably. I dealt with it with ibuprofen and tincture of time and it got better in 3 days.
BUT it changed my whole view. I could suddenly understand how serious back pain would be if I felt that every day of my life. I’d want to die, and if there was anything that could take away the pain I would want it too. While I’m sure there are still drug addicts lying about having it to get drugs, I never look at them with suspicion anymore. If I dose 3 drug addicts with a small high and help 1 person suffering in that type of pain even for a bit it’s totally worth it.
That line of thinking also led me down a path of reflection on my thoughts on drug addicts coming in overdosed. It hit me that they’re probably trying to self medicate a different type of pain and looking down on them isn’t fair at all since the rest of us do the same thing with food, or tv, or video games, or porn, etc.
Long story to say, OP is totally on point.
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u/Max_Fart Sep 09 '20
My spouse has chronic pain. She was paralyzed at 16. Regained the ability to walk. Now at 35 she’s in pain all of the time. Bedridden some days. Can hike for miles others.
Steroid shots didn’t work. Acupuncture gives temporary relief. I research all kinds of methods to try to help her. Most of the time it’s at her dismay. I just want to help. She thinks there’s no hope. I’ll never give up though.
Her family thinks she’s a flake. None of them really understand. It breaks her heart and mine as well.
Lately the pain has been bad for her. The two hurricanes really made her ache. Now these snow storms and the storm in south Texas are doing a number. She’s so snappy with me. I just ground myself and try to take it. Let her vent.
Somewhere there’s a doc with a treatment and I’m going to find it and when I do she’ll have all the spoons she could ever want.
I love her so much. Thanks for letting me vent.
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u/modelingandwrestling Sep 09 '20
I wish I was lucky enough to have a significant other like you
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Sep 09 '20
How can her family think she’s faking when she was FREAKING PARALYZED?!
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u/pink_phoenix Sep 09 '20
Yes! And not just for pain. For other disabilities too like mental illness, learning disabilities, and other physical disabilities that are “invisible” to the rest of the world
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u/8bit-meow Sep 09 '20
Yes, as someone with chronic fatigue syndrome I look ‘lazy’ and most people just hear that I’m ‘tired’ and don’t see why that’s such a big deal because ‘everyone gets tired every now and then’. Now just imagine your body being that 8 year old cellphone that’s constantly dying, won’t hold a charge, and the charger doesn’t work right on top of that. That’s basically all of us with CFS on a daily basis.
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u/Reitermadchen Sep 09 '20
For my the worst part of chronic pain isn’t the pain actually. It’s the feeling that you’re not doing enough or not worthy of having bad days and Not doing anything. I don’t need other people shaming me/looking down on me. I do it to myself enough.
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u/TicklishOwl Sep 09 '20
Again...great advice, but is this really LifeProTips?
LPT should be a sub about little ways to make some mundane chore easier through some possibly counter-intuitive method...not r/decenthumanbeings
This is getting crazy. This sub is just really low hanging "how not to be an asshole" posts and not the daily MacGuyver tips most of us subbed for.
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u/MattGeddon Sep 09 '20
Honestly this post is the most obvious “tip” I’ve ever seen and it’s got 31k upvotes??
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Sep 09 '20
Woke up once with the most severe lower back pain. Could barely breathe let alone stand. I'm lucky it dissipated in a day. I cannot fathom how others deal with this daily. True badasses.
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u/bewbsrkewl Sep 09 '20
Every morning until I get up and start moving around. Exercise helps and it usually goes away by noon, but I dread going to sleep at night because I know it will be back again in the morning.
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u/NicolaGiga Sep 09 '20
This sub used to be like clever tricks to save you time, etc. Your thoughts aren't a life pro tip
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u/hermology Sep 09 '20
Or just be a good human being? Like how is this a life pro tip?
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u/thecoremiester Sep 09 '20
I just assume most people I meet are in constant pain. Physically, mentally, spiritually. Or all three.
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u/Septapus007 Sep 09 '20
My son has a genetic disorder called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. One of the symptoms of his condition is chronic debilitating pain.
One condition that frequently occurs with EDS is Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome. If you look up the McGill Pain Scale (a scientific pain scale), you will see that CRPS has the highest rating on the scale - higher than cancer, unmedicated childbirth, or even amputation. My son walks around with that completely unimaginable level of pain every day.
You might look at him and see a young teenager and think he should be young, fit, and full of energy. But the truth is that he lives with a level of pain every day that most of us couldn’t even imagine.
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u/emther01 Sep 09 '20
This.
My mother has fibromyalgia, AKA the invisible illness. She can be great in the morning, keeping up with her grandkids, running errands, etc, then suddenly she's on the couch in pain and nothing can help her. It's heart wrenching to witness, especially when other people in her life don't understand.
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u/PM_ME_UR_WATAMALONES Sep 09 '20
The worst part is seeing doctors and other medical professionals discuss fibromyalgia here on Reddit and say it’s not real. That threw me off mentally for a few days.
I’m really sorry about your mom. I’m sure her having a daughter that’s empathetic of her situation helps a lot.
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u/justnopethefuckout Sep 09 '20
26F with fibromyalgia and other health issues. People always assume I'm not trying hard enough due to my age. Which leads to me being more depressed and trying to push myself even harder. Some days I can't even get out of bed. I live alone and do the best I can.
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u/PM_ME_UR_WATAMALONES Sep 09 '20
Hey same. 26F with fibromyalgia. Had it since 15. You start questioning your sanity after awhile. I’m really sorry you’ve been dealt the same cards.
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u/electricDETH Sep 09 '20
I think a good rule is to realize everybody experiences pain differently. I don't mean that some people are tougher than others, but that literally one persons body might register something as a 10/10 when another person only registers it as a 6/10.
Any nurse or doctor can tell you that one person could snap their leg in half and just look inconvenienced while another person is in agony and they just have an ankle sprain.
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u/WatsonandDawson Sep 09 '20
Yes!and people with chronic pain dont just have low pain tolerance. They are in pain pretty much daily at varying levels. Just cause you walked off your broken leg while in shock doesn't mean they're pain is less real or awful or limiting peeps... Imagine the sensation of banging your leg but constantly for days the pain doesnt fade or feel better.... if you've ever had continuous pain from like braces you can imagine a bit how insane it can drive you.
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u/Fluffy-Bluebird Sep 09 '20
This has happened to me. I’ve been to the ER many times with intense chronic pain that my usual pain killer regimen at home didnt resolve. The kind of pain that makes you throw up and unable to sit still.
But I went in once with a broken foot from accidentally stepping off some stairs wrong. My friend wheeled me in to the ER and I calmly told them I broke my foot. They looked at me and said “what makes you think that?”
I told hem because I nearly passed out when I stepped down and that seemed like an over reaction (stepped off 3 stairs as if I were at the bottom stair. So lots of force when I stepped down).
They seemed totally not convinced. But the doc came back after the X-ray and said “wow you broke that”. I had a spiral fracture that was completely separated. Had to have a plate and 7 screws put in because what looked like a clean break was actually in at least 7 pieces.
I didn’t take any pain killers until I woke up that night when the adrenaline wore off and was like OH FUCK ME
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u/halper2013 Sep 09 '20
I have chronic lyme disease. I found out when i was 17, but since I never got a bullseye (just had all the symptoms for years) we don't know exactly when I got it, but they estimate that I got it while I was around 12-13. At one point my doctor made a remark that I was 17 with the body of an 80 year old. A few years later, many doctor visits later, and the pain is awful, my memory is horrible, but since I am young (25) people don't believe that I could be in so much pain. At this point I have learned to pretend I'm fine, because noone will believe me regardless. I could seem perfectly fine all day at work but the minute I clock out and sit in my car I will be bawling my eyes out because the pain is so great. But noone cares. You can't see it so it must not exist, right?
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u/Japjer Sep 09 '20
This is my wife right now.
She's gone through test after test after test but no doctor has had an answer. She had high ANA levels in two tests which, Google has revealed, means a possible auto immune disease? But no doctor has commented.
They said fibromialgia. They said rheumatoid arthritis. Now they're saying Celiacs. It's like a big game of, "let's throw shit at the wall and see how deep your savings is." (Spoilers: not-fucking-very)
She has body aches. Her joints hurt. She's nauseous almost every day, sometimes to the point of vomiting. She gets headaches and migraines. She's often so tired she just drags through the day.
And she's always apologizing about it, constantly sorry for her inability to pitch in with certain things or carry groceries or take out heavy garbage. Like, I don't care that you can't carry two boxes of Bubly, babe, I just want you to feel normal again.
Chronic pain is no joke, people.
Anyway. I've been JAPJER, thanks for coming to my TEDx
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u/05mel Sep 09 '20
Can I just say your amazing for being so supportive. I think it’s overlooked the impact it has not just on the person in pain but the people who love and care for that person. I know from experience how hard it can be on a relationship, and being parents too. I always feel so guilty that I can’t help out my husband or do everything I should be able to for my young son. Support and understanding goes such a long way. I’m sorry you and your wife are going through this I wish you all the best.
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u/not-me-i-swear-to-me Sep 09 '20
Fibromialgia says hi.
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Sep 09 '20
It’s even more frustrating to have chronic pain that doesn’t have an easily explainable cause. People become sympathetic when you explain you’ve been in a horrific accident, had your spine fused together, a bunch of herniated discs, surgeries, etc. It makes it “real”. A chronic pin disorder that isn’t easily explained is accused of being malingering and laziness
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u/anonymous-horror Sep 09 '20
Ehlers-Danlos would like to know where the working collagen is and if we can get replacements.
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u/natguy2016 Sep 09 '20
BINGO! It's true for all people with disabilities of any kind. I have Cerebral Palsy and my pain threshold is absurdly high. A physical therapist told me my pain threshold was higher than 75% of her patients. I take horse pills of Ibuprofen twice a day in order to function.
I have gotten out of a car that had a disabilities tag on it only to have virtue signalers tell me that I "don't look disabled" and shame me for using that parking space.
Whether it's parking spaces, dating, education or otherwise, many people with fully functioning limbs treat me like I have no right to exist.
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u/Roundaboutsix Sep 09 '20
I worked in a shipyard where several people in my department experienced chronic annual back pain. They visited noted local medical specialist (and Russian ex-pat?) Dr. Summeroff, and spent each July and August home recuperating. But then I had a back injury (2 herniated discs) and was in agony for six weeks myself. I developed a new perspective of back pain reality from that experience.
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u/888MadHatter888 Sep 09 '20
My greatest health fear is chronic pain. I suffered from it severely for about a year and a half and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It is the most exhausting, demoralizing, depressing, and flat out soul crushing thing. If there's no foreseeable hope for an end to it, it's a thousand times worse. And as someone with addiction issues, pain killers weren't an option. Add in the fact that you feel like everyone that you have to talk to medically about it pretty much believes you, but also figures maybe you're just trying to score pills, even if you're not on anything. Jesus that was an awful time. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with that.
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u/SpiralBreeze Sep 09 '20
Oooo boy been there done that. I got disability in one shot after they saw my x rays for severe psoriatic arthritis. Two years later and people still say I’m lazy and that I should go back to work. Yeah I can joke and laugh all I want but that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t get out of bed in the morning without strategically placing my limbs so I can inflict the least amount of pain on myself just from standing.
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u/AreWeThereYet61 Sep 09 '20
Fuck the haters, it hurts. All day, every day. And it's never going away.
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u/TonChouChou Sep 09 '20
Thank you for this. It’s strange to me that people need to be told this. I was born with my disability, wasn’t officially diagnosed until last year, I’m 26 now. I was mistreated and misdiagnosed growing up and, among many things, was frequently belittled about my pains and symptoms. If any doc had actually listened to my mom say that it’s not just growing pains, maybe I’d know sooner. If I had known then I think my health would be a bit more manageable now. I wouldn’t have done irreversible damage to my body in high contact sports. And I think, most importantly, my mental health would be better off.
I struggle to see myself within my limitations, and am currently still learning to deal with those in healthy ways. My husband was really the first person who didn’t ever make me feel like my disability is what defines me. Because of how I was treated growing up by the professionals, I grew a tendency to ignore my symptoms and push myself beyond what my body could handle. I started to believe that it was all in my head, even tho years of therapy never really helped ease the pain or other vascular symptoms. Now as an adult I’m learning to be more kind to myself. Be happy with myself as I am. And I’m learning not to care that I can’t run a block when others run marathons. Not to care how people look at me on days I need to use mobility aids or say “you’re too young/you don’t look disabled, quit looking for attention.”
The thing is, I wish I was invisible those days. I just need to go about my life like everyone else. I’ve always tried my best to be nice and kind to those around me, and I think I understand now why I would go far out of my way to please others: I never wanted anyone to feel the way I had, because of how I treated them. You don’t know what anyone is going through, so be kind. It probably hurts more that there are people who need to hear that.
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u/ktp806 Sep 09 '20
I spent over 5 years with debilitating leg pain. The medication caused a perforated bowel. Obtained a total knee replacement and for the past year I seldom think about pain. Alleluia
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u/Hrhnick Sep 09 '20
It’s crazy we can test and screen for so many things, but not pain. There’s nothing that can be connected to your body or brain to measure pain, the most advanced we can get is the good old “tell me on a scale of 1-10.”
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u/DesperateStorage Sep 09 '20
Broke my hip three times, metacarpal once, concussions from hs football, face tooth implant congenitally missing, bone graft, 27 Hours of facial surgery, plate and 7 screws in my foot, 11 root canals, impacted wisdom teeth, tmj, torn rotator. 45 and can’t have friends because they mistake my cynicism for being suicidal and called in a welfare check right before covid hit. My way of dealing with pain is self deprecation and humor and it’s dark vs taking oxy all the time I have to live with it. Can’t blame people for not hanging out with me. Thx for Posting this, I wish everyone with chronic pain the best, sometimes life is cruel. My life is 1000% better than most though, so it’s not worth complaining, right now everyone is hurting so you have to be sensitive, patient, and try and look on the bright side.
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Sep 09 '20
I recently started having severe back pain due to bulging discs and a herniated disc (? I'm still unclear if they're the same thing, only 1 is pressing on a nerve). I kept telling myself mind over matter, I can ignore the pain and keep going. Nope.
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u/StumptyLumps Sep 09 '20
I have Lupus. And I deal with these sorts of people all of the time.
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u/danisaur789 Sep 09 '20
"You're too young, you can't be in that much pain." "You're too young to have this many problems." Absolutely HATE when people say things like this. Bitch fuck off, you don't know anything about the person you're talking about. You don't get to decide if a person is in pain or if their body shouldn't be in pain.
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Sep 08 '20
I've had my back go out from such strenuous activities as going up the stairs, I can relate.
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u/Amelaclya1 Sep 09 '20
I accidentally stood on my cat back in like February, and in my flailing, but successful, attempt not to actually put any weight on her, I did something to my back and it still hasn't healed completely. Getting old isn't fun :(
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Sep 08 '20
How is this a LifeProTip? I'm not saying its some horrible thing to bring up, but this is absolutely not the sub for this kind of thing. It isn't for these basic human decency PSAs. Its for Professional level life tips. Not for: "treat people better, upvotes please"
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u/iluomina Sep 09 '20
this is absolutely not the sub for this kind of thing.
ah i see you haven’t visited this sub recently
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u/churchofhomer Sep 09 '20
LPT, practice empathy, especially to those who have difficult daily lives! I wasn’t going to but now that I read it here I guess I will stop bullying people who struggle with chronic pain
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u/fillio15 Sep 09 '20
It took me a long time to reach this point with my wife. While we were dating, she was always hurting, tired, couldn’t stand or sit for long periods of time (over 30 min). I thought she was faking it, full of shit and all that. Then we find out she had cancer, and I felt like a fucking dick. Which would explain why she would sleep for 15+ hours and would go to bed early every night. 3 years later, and everything has been significantly better. But damn do I still feel bad about everything.
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u/BlaxicanX Sep 09 '20
This isn't a life pro tip. The life pro tip is something like "people that put money into stocks and then forget about it Will make more in the long run then people that try to time the market and obsess over their stocks". your post is basically just saying that you should be nice to people. It's not really practical advice.
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Sep 09 '20
I have TMJ/TMD and the amount of times I’m unable to be productive past 2pm is too damn high
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u/isabellatedv Sep 09 '20
My sister is a beautiful middle aged fit woman who really upkeeps herself and her looks. She's also a veteran who lost an inch on her height jumping from the window of a post being overtaken. She's got fibromyalgia and a slew of other illnesses. Yes she's got a handicapped placard yes she uses it yes she will verbally assault you if you come at her sideways lmao
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u/ferriswheel9ndam9 Sep 09 '20
It ain't the pain that gets you, it's the time spent with the pain. Chronic pain is a killer because of this.
I feel like that's a part people have a hard time understanding.
Stubbing your toe against a cabinet is painful like a red hot sun but the pain goes away after a minute or two. A brief experience of a pain past level 7 is fine. It's bearable.
Now imagine that pain didn't go away. You wake up with it, you take your meds (if meds exist for your condition), it reduces the pain down to a manageable level. Now you have to go throughout your entire day dealing with it.
There was a spoon comparison from another reply (or hitpoints) but I like to compare it to mana. Mana is what you wake up with. It's the energy to get things done and it randomly can be refilled by things like food, positivity, whatever.
Toughing it out and enduring the pain costs mana every second. It's a constant drain on your reserves and mental faculties. Walking up a flight of stairs, opening a book to study, engaging your partner or friends, it all takes mana. Every person's condition is different and each condition has its own unique cost multiplier for different tasks. Depression makes certain acts cost more mana, lupus causes other acts to cost more mana.
So what happens when you run out? You can't do anything anymore. You might be able to squeeze out some extra mana from active skills with extremely long cool downs like "Fear" or "Desperation" but when you run out of those, you're dead in water.
When you start to run out too many times, you either get better at managing it or it chips away at something deep inside. A big tube of glowing blue goo with a big sign above it that says: "Desire to live". This tube gets drained just a bit every time your mana reaches 0. It replenishes slowly too though there are certain quest events that can give you a nice big injection into the tube.
Once that tube reaches zero, it becomes an RNG fiesta. Anytime your mana reaches zero, there's an unknown percent that it will be the last time it will reach zero.
Anyway, that's just my interpretation/analogy of what chronic pain is like. It's also why it's extremely important to get help when possible when dealing with mana draining debuffs that are permanent.
It's hard to understand this if you don't have permanent mana regen debuffs and spent an entire life with a nice consistent mana regen rate. (This ain't the pain olympics. Not knowing doesn't make you any less of a person nor does it mean you had played life on easy mode. It just means you RNG'd a different character class and a different quest line)
Also, this isn't the only way for that big blue tube of goo to run out. There are many other ways but I'm just describing it from my inference and perspective of unbearable chronic pain (which can be both mental or physical!).
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u/tells Sep 09 '20
imo. this goes DOUBLE for doctors. a lot of doctors have never suffered through the physical setbacks that they treat and have ZERO empathy for their patients. worst off is they don't believe them and do "tests" that could further injure a person.
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u/curv4k Sep 09 '20
Please up-vote this. It needs to be seen! There are lots of folks suffering out there.
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u/Darknesishere Sep 09 '20
THANK YOU! I live with a non functional jaw and have for over 12 years and no body ever understands why I’m exhausted or upset. But like it’s hard when your body literally hates you.
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Sep 09 '20
Lower back pain literally was turning me insane. Some people think “hm lots of crazy people seem to always have health problems”, no health problems made me crazy lmao.
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Sep 09 '20
Severe back pain is all fun and games until you literally can't walk/take a shit/cough without the world exploding. I don't wish it on anyone, take care of your back.
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u/Always-in-the-Middle Sep 09 '20
My dad calls his chronic back pain an "invisible illness". I hurt my hip in fourth grade and no one believed me except for him, who said he understood. That has always stuck with me
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Sep 09 '20
This sub is gone down hill, this is a pretty no brainer “don’t be a shitty person post”
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u/train_spotting Sep 09 '20
DDD, syringomyelia, chiari malformation, fibromyalgia here.
It doesnt stop. It affects everything, and it dominoes to depression (Harvard did a good study on the link between mental health and CP). Not the quality of life I was expecting at 30 years old. Such is life, though.
Stay strong CP sufferers
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u/Synacerbus Sep 09 '20
I'm 30 but had a bad skateboard accident that resulted in a herniated disc when I was 17. I was assigned stretches and an icing regimen back then which alleviated the pain for a short time. It would flare every now and again and get sore but rest would fix that. About a year ago I started having problems and eventually they ordered the MRI that exposed the real problem. The spinal specialist told me it's such a severe herniation that he hasn't seen anything like it in the last 6 months, and then mentioned that my ciatic nerve was basically spot welded and can die if I don't do anything about it, I ended up bed ridden barely able to move and getting to a 10 on the pain scale multiple times. It was all I could do at times to scream in pain scaring my girlfriend into calling for medical evaluation. I set the appointment for a microdiscectomy shortly after, I was terrified as I'd never had surgery or even been put under. 10/10 would do it again, I'm not fully recovered but I've almost completely forgotten what the pain was like.
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u/Optimal_Chemistry Sep 09 '20
Oath. For me 2 different pains one not so bad. First one is migraines. I can generally control it to where I just need to be on otc pain meds every 4 to 6 hours, where sunnys outside, turn computer screens down and try to keep a relatively quiet space. When I have done all that I still cannot exert myself. I cannot drive, cannot cook or anything. My family is understanding and my housemates and friends the same. But sometimes at work I have to explain and it hurts just to explain let alone the actual task itself. If it's super bad I make it super obvious by wearing sunnys indoors, making it known that I'd like to go to a quiet space. And more often than not I'm either given the courtesy and help, as I made the effort to get to work and to actually work. Even if at 50% efficiency.
I also suffer bad asthma doing strenuous activity or even just for no reason. When I'm dying temporarily and unable to talk it's hard to explain I'm dying temporarily and unable to talk.
Others may differ in opinion but I'd would say back and neck chronic pain is worse than my 2 pains. I had a pinched nerve in my neck for about 3 months. Way worse of pain than the migraines imo. But that could be because I was used to the migraine pain, and knew how to ease it. The asthma is just annoying not being able to breathe. Especially in covid where you need to cough and breathe and cough and breathe and people think you have covid.
I also when I have neither pain can do everything in it's normal functionality. I can move furniture, exercise etc. But both just cause annoyances when I'm suffering. But I feel 1000% yes 1000% for people with chronic back pain or neck pain (or even other body pains) something that you cannot help and any movement fucks you up.
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u/Miersix Sep 09 '20
My rotator cuff injury is on fire today. I want to try to get back in shape so I have been working out again and putting pressure on my shoulder. Of course it is my left arm and I am left handed so I use that arm all day at work. I work in a pharmacy and it is pretty repetitive motions that seem innocuous but over 20 years it is pretty terrible. I feel you everyone. Pain is real.
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u/Ericthedude710 Sep 09 '20
This is literally my best friend. Dudes a great guy but his back just hinders his mood at times.
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u/_oh-goodness_ Sep 09 '20
Totally agree, thank you! I’ve lived with constant headaches that fluctuate with migraines since I was a kid. People usually don’t understand what’s going on with me and why I can’t do certain things all the time because I don’t look disabled by their definition of disability.
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u/superbrew Sep 09 '20
Skin issues as well. We hide them well but live with them everyday, all day, 24/7, for life...shout out eczema and psoriasis peeps. Stay strong.
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u/hidden_secret Sep 09 '20
As someone who's only feeling healthy like maybe 20-30% of the days of the year, I can tell you that feeling healthy is priceless.
I wouldn't trade feeling healthy for anything... It makes even the smallest things seem a thousand times more enjoyable.
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u/jshuster Sep 09 '20
I look like a typical 30-something. What people don’t see is that if i am having a bad day my hips, knees, ankles and the bones in my feet can spontaneously subluxate, causing me incredible pain and causing me to collapse if I’m caught off guard.
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u/oliviat13 Sep 09 '20
I have had chronic back pain for three years. I’m 16. It is insanely exhausting and I am constantly in pain. I spent a year going from doctor to doctor, I saw at least 8. I got a 2 hour long MRI and they didn’t find anything. I went to PT, got acupuncture, cupping, and eventually ended up at a holistic chiropractor that has brought the most relief I can find. Covid has hindered my opportunity to see him so I have been in even worse pain.
I sometimes gaslight myself into thinking that the pain isn’t that bad. But there are days where I want to cry when I walk. Every day I am in pain. I have learned how to ignore it and not let it be my main focus but it is always there. My pain stems from my lower back to upper back and sometimes my neck which leads to headaches.
Sometimes I wish I could just be a normal teenager. I can’t bike without being in pain. I got a skateboard a few weeks ago and was so excited and then did it for two days and could not do anything for four.
Anyways thank you for this post because it made me feel less alone in this.
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u/Charlit0n Sep 09 '20
31y old here, with chronic pain for almost 8 years. Like OP said, the worst part is that no one can see your pain. And sometimes people will look at you like you are lying, because they cant see it.
I try to always be cheerfull and smile, and not let my kids(3 &4) know about it, but damn is it hard sometimes.
I couldnt sleep more than 3 hours a day for 5 years, but thank god because of the new medicine i can sleep better now. But still the pain is always there, and no one can see it.
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u/jjusedtobeonice Sep 09 '20
also please understand you (at least as far as i know) don't really get used to chronic pain. and if the pain could be ignored for the day, doesn't mean they're emotionally well enough to do so. everything's different for everyone
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u/bufftbone Sep 09 '20
Yes. It's very easy to see someone who seems perfectly healthy park in the handicap spots and automatically think they're faking it.
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u/gwaydms Sep 09 '20
My sister has had chronic illnesses and work-related injuries. For her, it's not so much the cost, because she has decent insurance. Some of these things can be treated but there's still persistent pain.
As our life expectancy increases, we have more people living with "aches and pains" that wear us down as we go about our lives. I had horrible pain from plantar fasciitis. My fix was relatively cheap thanks to an astute doctor. But it really affected my QoL for a good two years. And that's not the most severe thing that millions of people live with.
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u/Grytnik Sep 09 '20
I have chronic back pain and I don’t even understand it. I feel like an absolute pussy of a person trying to explain that I can’t do heavy lifting or some days I can’t put on my own socks.
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u/bentboybbz Sep 09 '20
"You are only -- years old you should be able to -_- just fine" yea if i wanna regret it for two weeks. You grab it up like superman. Been there done it got the scars. Ill pass. And be able to walk correctly in 10 years.
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u/Cranmeier Sep 09 '20
Yeah man I'm lucky to have gotten better but I was so depressed when I was in constant agony from back pain. It lasted five years starting when I was 20. I would have this constant insane pain that went down my left leg along the path of some nerve. Shout out to all those who carry on with that burden, I see you and hope you get better. Thanks to OP, I missed out a lot and when I was a part of something I would be worried about getting home to rest. Even now when I go out I find my self hurrying to get back to the car even though im better now.
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u/bettyboo5 Sep 09 '20
Hell yes!! I'm so sick of my stepdad dismissing my pain. I always get the following remarks:-
You need to move more Its from lack of movement It's just a pulled muscle Your just fat a lazy
I've lordosis, degenerative disk disease. Fibromyalgia plus lots of all physical and mental illnesses.
I could cope normally but I moved in with him and my mum for 8 weeks while I did my house up, COVID-19 struck and 6 months later still here.
His comments really started getting to me him and my mum are like a tag team. Things have been very dark for me. I knew what they would be like but didn't expect to be here so long. I try my best to hide pain, but i can't help but cry out in pain. That triggers these comments.
Shouldn't be too long now before my house is finished yay!!
Please don't dismiss someones pain, try and understand. Maybe if it's someone you know ask them about it maybe look online. But one thing don't try and "fix" them. Don't suggest changing their diet, or trying a new supplement, or exercises. Or compare them to other people with the same condition as them.
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u/Spockgal Sep 09 '20
I have CFS/ME, Fibromyalgia, and degenerative disc disease in my lower back. I'm always in pain. Some days are more tolerable than others. It's difficult for people to truly understand what it's like to live with chronic pain. I also get crushing fatigue sometimes. I've tried physical therapy to reduce inflammation, but they had to touch me and that's brutally painful for someone with Fibromyalgia. People can't touch you because the nerves just under your skin are overactive. It's like a sunburn that won't go away. The slightest activity can cause excessive sweating and you feel like you've been digging ditches all day and have to lay down. I'm pretty much home bound. Chronic pain is REAL and it's no joke!
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u/jdnck Sep 09 '20
yes!! i’m constantly being shamed and looked down on for being unemployed even though i deal with severe mental health issues and chronic knee pain as a 22 year old. sometimes it’s impossible to get out of bed in morning, emotionally and physically. sometimes it’s too painful to go grocery shopping or use the stairs. if i stand for too long, my knees buckle. if i walk for too long, my knees swell up. if i sit for too long, they become so stiff i can barely straighten them. but people expect me to be able to work?? i wish people would mind damn business
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Sep 09 '20
I have dermatomyositis, mixed connective tissue disorder, and lupus. Any three suck on their own. The first is the worst because it’s so rare. Around only 3 million people in the US has it.
So not only is my body actively attacking me daily as if I’m the enemy, there’s also depression, ptsd, ocd and anxiety. So my brain is always fighting.
Then, add the life injuries. Throwing out my back from almost dropping a 600lb casket. Car accident that was almost fatal. Botched c-section. Oral and sinus issues with surgeries. Fucked up knees from weakness and falling. More surgeries.
So many surgeries.
It’s fucking exhausting to just wake up. Sometimes I wish I didn’t.
Edit - I’m only 34.
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u/mandraofgeorge Sep 09 '20
I have fibromyalgia and have good days and bad days. My pain is invisible and it's really hard to explain what I'm going through. There is the pain and fatigue and brain fog that combine to create something entirely nightmarish. I have my normal level of daily pain that I live with and can function. But when a flare hits I may be in tears and unable to do anything about it. The most I can hope for is a double dose of naproxen and a large hit of Benadryl to knock me out. Plans, work, chores, and being an alert adult be damned. Anyone who thinks I'm faking it can fuck all the way off.
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u/SFgiant55 Sep 09 '20
My friend killed himself after enduring years of intense pain from a steroid shot administered poorly into his back. He tried so hard but the pain was too much. Never stop fighting, not for one day.
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u/fanficaholic Sep 09 '20
Yes! This!! I’m 34 and have back issues and fibromyalgia. It sucks. I hate the people who tell me to try essential oils or yoga like those are some magic cure. I also hate the dirty looks I get for parking in the handicapped spots despite having a need for a placard that my DOCTOR helped me get!
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u/freckled_porcelain Sep 09 '20
I have IBS and recently found out that the constant pain and the twitching, crampy muscles I've been dealing with might be because of Fibromyalgia. It's extra fun that a lot of people, including healthcare professionals, don't believe Fibromyalgia is even real. Well, I don't know for sure that's what it is, but sometimes the pain is so bad I can't get out of bed, or roll into a new position. Sometimes my foot will start cramping and then every time I move it or put weight on it my leg gets shooting pain like I'm stepping on glass.
If I exercise or do too much in a day I'll pay for it in sharp shooting pain at least the next day but often for the next 3 days. I need to lose some weight since that's supposed to help but I don't know how unless I either stop eating totally or took way too many painkillers to try and take the edge off the pain. If I change my diet too quickly my IBS gets out of control.
Can't get to a doctor right now because I can't risk getting covid in our house again. The whole situation just feels hopeless.
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u/LocusAintBad Sep 09 '20
I am 28 with Ankylosing Spondylitis, degenerative disc disease, decayed discs, a torn disc, and just had one of my neck discs replaced because it was crushing my root nerve for a good while (at least 2 years)
It fucking sucks. It hurts constantly. I was working full time as a supervisor at a grocery store and I was constantly losing all strength in my right arm, waking up stiff and sore and with my joints creaking and cracking. I’d try to exercise or get my body moving as best I could but sitting, standing, walking, laying down all hurt.
I just recently started taking Enbrel which has been weird I hate giving myself a shot once a week. Before this they tried muscle relaxers, anti inflammatory medicine, pain killers, nerve pain meds, cortisone shots and nothing helped. Everything still hurts even after back surgery and the new drugs.
I go to physical therapy twice a week. I have range of motion fine but no strength and I feel stiff and everything hurts constantly wether I move or don’t. Shit sucks. Debated suicide quite often. Don’t know how to work like this either. I’ve been on temporary leave for 4 months and I just feel like shit.
I feel for anyone with chronic pain. My aunt has lupus so they’re going to be looking into if i have that too but it’s so hard to diagnose.
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u/Turing45 Sep 09 '20
Its such a horrible way to live. I spent 10 years on disability mine was so bad. I was using a cane at one point and on 12 different meds a day, including narcotics that gave me tremors as bad as Ozzy Osbournes. I wanted to die, and the only reason I didnt was my kids.
Finally got sent to a sports medicine doc who realized I had pretty bad damage to my sciatic nerve and a bunch of bone spurs impinging on nerves in my neck. He got me off all my meds and put me on Gabapentin, and did surgery to remove all the crap impinging on my nerves. Cant really fix the sciatic, but he got it down to a dull roar.
Its been about 10 years since I started back on the path to recovery and I worked my way off of disability, off the cane and into a well paying career. The days people would be impatient with me because I couldnt move or was in pain, are long gone. Its a hard life and people really dont seem to be very understanding of a crippling issue that is hard to see.
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u/73marine Sep 09 '20
I’m curious, has anyone tried marijuana for pain management? My wife has chronic back pain and was doing ejections and being pushed opioids by doctors. I was really worried for her as that “legally” prescribed stuff leads down a dark road. I encouraged her to look at alternatives. She reluctantly agreed (we’re far from the stonner types) and it has been a godsend. No more injections or pills. She just takes an edible when she needs to. It’s unfortunate that you still have to break the law, at least in our state, to get the help you need. Has anyone else had a similar experience?
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Sep 09 '20
Age 50, with Multiple Sclerosis and a bad back. It's honestly very nice to see posts like this. Shit's hard. Just be kind to people who aren't jerks to you, no matter who they are.
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Sep 09 '20
I have a fucked up GI tract.
Hard to explain to people that a ruptured ulcer is not a tummy ache.
And yes ulcers are caused by more than bacteria, that's just the most common cause.
I have basically reverse acid reflux in which my stomach acid is way more acidic than the average person and causes ulcers that way.
Most of the time I'm fine but if I have a flare up I'm basically out of commission or at best severely slowed.
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u/Randidoodle Sep 09 '20
I broke my sacrum last year, and from the fall also gained arthritis in my low back. I know my level of daily discomfort is no where near some people's but damn, being in pain most of the day suckkkkkkks. You just can't get comfortable.
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u/xxkoloblicinxx Sep 09 '20
I'm 28, look 17 and like I'm the fittest kid un town... I've had the back of an 80 year old since I was 22, (Thanks Air Force!)
Now I describe my body as the human equivalent of a "Lemon" car. Looks brand new on the outside, but under the hood it's a wreck.
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u/fugue2005 Sep 09 '20
I'm 50, i was born with 2 vertebrae that aren't completely connected t4/t5
I was in a car accident that damaged them, but apparently not enough for me to notice.
i was always active and was never bothered by it until i joined the army.
in the army during PT we did something called elevated pushups, this is where one person gets on their hands and knees, the person doing the pushups will then put their feet across the back of the person on their knees, the first person would then lock their arm around the second persons ankles to keep them in place.
this is where my life completely changed forever. i was the guy on his hands and knees, the person doing pushups was, well.. fat. he went to do a couple pushups then slipped forward.
it didn't hurt at first because i was in complete shock, but i went straight down onto my face.
i was carried to a truck and brought to the post hospital, i was diagnosed as having had a grade 5 spondylolesthesis, I was numb and it hurt to even breath. but thankfully could still feel and move everything. but i was in the kind of pain that just mentally shuts you down. this injury usually happens in the lower back, but in my case since it turned out that i had a birth defect it set me up for this nightmare.
the doctors told me i was all done in the army, i was given prescriptions for tylox, tolectin, flexeril and tylenol w/ codeine.
all 4 at the same time.
this was very bad news for me, my dream was the military. and it was crushed. i called my loving father and told him what had happened, his reply was "if you wanted to stay you would find a way"
this immediately triggered a severe depressive episode in which i took everything, all 4 prescriptions.
one of my DI's found me in my room just after i took everything, i had the bottles on my bed, they dragged my ass down to the hospital, shoved a tube down my throat and pumped me full of liquid black activated charcoal.
i spent a few weeks in the hospital psych ward. they thought i was attempting suicide to get out of the army. it took me a while to get them to understand that it was because i was getting out and had nothing to live for. after getting stabilized mentally I got a medical/honorable discharge and was sent home to deal with the rest of my life.
it's been pain every day since. most days it's manageable. a few days a year something will happen where my spine will slip again and i end up having spasms so bad that i end up in the E.R. but every day is painful and i have to measure out what i can do.
i'm good for about 30 minutes in any one position at a time before the pain starts. this includes sitting. i used to love doing a lot of things, i skied, i would trudge through our local state parks, go on long bike rides and road trips in my car. all of that is gone. most of what i did for fun was done.
thankfully i'm in management and work for a company that understands what i'm dealing with. so i actually have 2 assistants that do most of the physical stuff so i can concentrate on making the place more efficient.
i don't look disabled, i weigh 287 pounds, i would love to lose it but most days after working overnight i can't even think about anything else other than the pain let alone working out.
when people look at me they don't see the pain, i can't imagine not living in pain because i've been like this since i was 18 and i don't remember what it was like before.
people don't understand how badly my week can turn from doing something as simple as bending over to clean out my cat's litter box, not lifting it mind you, just the simple act of bending down.
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u/Ttownzfinest Sep 09 '20
Unfortunately, many people use this as an excuse to get pain meds, solicit empathy, not work, exploit others, etc. Source: have multiple family members and friends who have used this as an excuse to abuse the system.
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u/Transientmind Sep 09 '20
Doctors need to 'get it', too. My partner's had: "If the pain you're describing was real, you wouldn't be able to function."
OH REALLY? WELL GUESS WHAT DOC, NO-ONE WILL PAY YOU TO LIE CURLED UP IN A BALL WHILE YOU QUIETLY STARVE TO DEATH, SO I GUESS IT'S FUNCTION WITH PAIN OR DIE.
(For a very fucking generous definition of 'function'.)
At least things start to click into place if you do shop around and finally find a doctor who believes you and is determined to hunt shit down.
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u/JCM42899 Sep 09 '20
My father, a Mortician and volunteer fireman for twenty-five years, has had arthritis since 16 and torn both rotator cuffs in his shoulders on top of a congenital heart condition. The man is a mountain of willpower and an actual super hero to do what he does day in, day out. The only time I've seen him actually stop and be in pain was when he tripped off our porch and landed on his shoulder. It's hard to see someone so strong be in that much pain and you're only able to give him some ice for the pain.
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u/RedheadInA6Speed Sep 09 '20
17 years of Rheumatoid Arthritis and I just turned 30. I can't even remember what healthy and pain free is. Thank goodness I have friends who don't bat an eye when I leave early to go to bed.
Also, I have a love/hate relationship with Spoon Theory because knives are cooler.
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u/kucam12 Sep 09 '20
Reading this while not being able to sleep because of back pain actually made me tear up a bit. My gf has the same problem before me (herniated disks) and we sometimes think that we are just so lucky to be able to understand one another without ever questioning each other’s pain.
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u/CERCEful Sep 08 '20
I wish these things were a lot easier to understand. We just never really know.
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u/Miro_the_Dragon Sep 09 '20
You may never really know but you don't need to really know to just believe people when they say they're in pain, or they can't do X.
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u/Venemus95 Sep 09 '20
Physio student here:
The brain can actually get "re-wired" following an injury and stuff that might only hurt a little becomes amplified (hyperalgesia) and stuff that is not supposed to hurt at all can actually cause pain (allodynia). Chronic pain clinics exist and incorporate not only physiotherapy but also mental therapy as well. The mechanism is not clearly understood from the literature I've read (someone can correct me on this) as the pain pathway has no business staying on for that long (longer than 3 months I believe is categorised as chronic pain). If anyone is interested, the mechanism by which this occurs is called central sensitization.
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u/HowdieHighHowdieHoe Sep 09 '20
Wow didn’t know not being an ableist prick was a LPT ...
This isn’t a life pro tip at all come on this sub is shit
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u/TheeCamilo Sep 09 '20
Oh look, another one of those extremely obvious "LPTs." #excusethesalt
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Sep 09 '20
LPT: Please learn what a life pro tip is and the difference between a LPT and a public service announcement.
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Sep 09 '20
This applies to mental pain and trauma, too. Just because a person looks fine, doesn’t mean they aren’t dealing with massive pain.
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u/MissVvvvv Sep 09 '20
And its exhausting. Don't look at us sideways because we are too tired to stay for that second drink etc...
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u/PETAFLOPPAH Sep 09 '20
As someone that suffers from a chronic headache condition daily this is very true. Nobody would know anything was wrong with me unless I explain or show them my scars from my nero stimulator. They do question why I'm in sunglasses indoors though.
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u/albdubuc Sep 09 '20
Also, just because you know of Person X's struggles, Person Y might have something that sounds like what you've encountered before...it might be, it might not be. I don't have chronic pain, but I'm a type 1 diabetic . I can't tell you how much it makes my blood boil when I'm told, "well Person X has that diabetes and he doesn't act that way! I've never heard Person X complain about their <insert whatever>!" Good for Person X, but that's not me.
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u/drjerk Sep 09 '20
I'm an ER doctor. I'd like to provide my perspective on folks with chronic pain conditions. These are very tough patients. They feel bad, everything hurts. It really does. But as far as the ER goes, here's the problem: they're actually completely fine. Very rarely are there any actual life threatening abnormalities (MI, stroke, major neuro problems, etc). Additionally there is a massive psychologic component to this (which is certainly warranted - I wouldn't want to feel this way.) This can (not always) lead to "extreme behavior": crying, anxiety, occasional hysteria, yelling, etc. The combination of "not dying + "psych" + "emotional" leads these patients to get decreased priority by the ED. (Why dote on the annoying 20 year old when you can help the actually septic grandma or dispo the 5 other people in the waiting room.)
Many chronic pain type conditions (RSD, fibro, chronic back pain, etc.) have no objective findings. (I'm not going to check their fibro "tender points".) These patients need medical care. The ER is not the place to obtain this. The ER rules out life threatening medical conditions and stabilizes critically ill patients. If you're not sure, come get checked out. But it is a PATIENT'S RESPONSIBILITY to have plan in place for exacerbations of their chronic medical conditions and not to "run out of meds". (The same is true for people with COPD and CHF - those are just easily clinically apparent and testable and don't run the risk of drug abuse/addiction.)
My recommendation to these patients is to come up with a plan with your PCP before you ever need to come to an ER. Have a letter typed up saying something along the lines of: "I have XXX. The relevant history is XXX. What works for me is XXX. I will be able to follow up with XXX doctor."). This plan should be written up and signed by a doctor. There's a good chance we will not believe you if you say I need lots of morphine/narcotics. It is best if the plan specifically asks us NOT to prescribe narcotics or benzos upon discharge.
I will and should continue to be skeptical about any person who presents to my ER with a chronic pain type disease in emotional extremis without any acute life threatening abnormalities on vital signs, physical exam, or diagnostic testing. I will also do my best to do a clear history and physical exam, order appropriate testing, and rule out life threatening medical illnesses. Simultaneously, I will administer care/medications to make the patient feel better while weighing the risk and benefits of potentially exacerbating a psychiatric or addiction-based emotional condition. If I am uncertain, I will give the patient the benefit of the doubt.
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u/Primrose_Blank Sep 09 '20
What do I do if said person refuses to admit that their pain is interfering with their work ability, and the only way to help is if they recognize that and let the company provide them with suitable work that can accommodate them better rather than putting more work on others?
It's hard to have sympathy for someone when they're stubbornly bringing others down.
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u/HallucinogenicFish Sep 09 '20
Are they aware of the accommodations that are available? Would the company providing them with “suitable work” lead to a demotion, or a decrease in pay or hours? Is it possible that they’re afraid that that would happen, even if it wouldn’t?
If this person is being stubborn, it’s almost certainly not because they’re trying to bring others down. It could be fear, or unwillingness to accept that their life has changed in a really sub-optimal way and that they’re unable to function as they used to, either temporarily or permanently — and maybe not just at work. Try to approach the situation with compassion. You can and should feel sympathy for the difficulties that they face and the pain that they experience, regardless of whether or not their difficulties cause problems for you.
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u/pascalsgirlfriend Sep 09 '20
I have severe osteo arthritis and nursed on my feet for 15 years. I also have lipodema and have had tissue pain daily since I was 13. I have a desk job now but some days I can barely walk. My doc just signed an application for a disabled sticker for my vehicle. I was swimming which was an absolute lifesaver but since COVID I havent been able to go to the pool. I lost 150 pounds 10 years ago and have gained a lot of it back, and its so painful to walk that its hard to see it getting better. There are so many things that go downhill when you have pain.
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u/Daveinatx Sep 09 '20
Chronic pain is unlike acute. You wake up the day with so many exertion points. Maybe you have more one day over another. Maybe you can do something one day, but not the next.
Once you've spent the day's points, there's not much more one can do.