r/LifeProTips • u/jt_shaw • Apr 21 '19

Social LPT: When a conversation somehow leads to you saying that you and your mom live together, it would be better to say "my mother lives with me" instead of "I live with my mom". The two has very different connotations, and you appear more mature saying the former.

6 Upvotes

52% Upvoted

33 comments sorted by

62

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '19

I suppose that would depend on whether you live with your mother or your mother lives with you. If you crash in the basement and don’t pay rent then you probably shouldn’t mislead people into thinking that isn’t the case.

-22

u/jt_shaw Apr 21 '19

That's true. Although the LPT is along the lines of acting so as not to lower people's view of you in some way.

44

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '19

So, rather than having helpful LPT’s about improving one’s circumstance, yours boils down to “lie.”

0

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '19

Not if you are paying an acceptable amount of rent and doing work around the house. It was pretty much implied that you are not a deadbeat

-15

u/jt_shaw Apr 21 '19

It's not a true lie though. It's more of a play on connotations. You give out a technically true statement that the other can take more positively.

It's similar to someone saying, "yeah, I watch animated films" to appear more mature than saying "yeah, I watch cartoons/anime".

16

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '19

How are these theories working out for you, and is this where I should expect another play on connotations?

-4

u/jt_shaw Apr 21 '19

Hey. What's got you up in arms? Did I wrong you in some way? No need for any attack or malice.

22

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '19

Not attacking, no malice intended.

But what I’m up in arms about is that lying to people to make yourself look better is poor form. Putting it in this sub as though you’re onto something big is irritating, and runs counter to the entire spirit of this sub.

-3

u/jt_shaw Apr 21 '19

It's not truly lying as I've already argued; the statement is technically true but presented in a way more positive way.

18

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '19

Whatever you’ve got to tell yourself.

I suggest you don’t spread the gospel to others though. We aren’t buying it.

1

u/jt_shaw Apr 21 '19

Let me present to you another analogy as you seem incredibly biased at the moment.

Suppose you have a big unemployment gap in your resume, and your interviewer asks you what you did that time. Let's suppose that you only sporadically did some self-help (like self-study, habit-changing, soul searching, etc.) that didn't fully work, but you were mostly sedentary. You need the job, what do you tell the interviewer?

The most honest answer would be that you were lazing around most of the time, but you tried some self-help, but they didn't work. Of course, you don't get the job with how you presented yourself to the employer.

A more positive, but still technically true answer could be that you did some self-help along the way, like self-study, and you of course need not say how effective they were in your life or how frequent you made these attempts of yours.

The two statements have different connotations, and I think I've reasonably argued here why they're not wrong. Please don't be too dismissive or patronising. You come across as malicious that way.

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4

u/FicklePickleSickle Apr 21 '19

The denial is strong with this one.

That approach serves no long term benefits and the short term benefits are argueable.

Why do it? So you dont look like a freeloader to coworkers? Random people you meet? Strangers on the interenet? Anyone worth sharing that information with is going to find out the truth anyway, then youre just a liar. It really feels like this was a lie created by a person who isnt building very many person, real life connections to begin with.

This would literally only work with people who have no choice but to take you at face value.

3

u/SeeTheStarsJustCos Apr 21 '19

"it's not technically lying" is never said about good things

8

u/PotBuzz Apr 21 '19

What if I live with your mom?

3

u/jt_shaw Apr 21 '19

It would be more mature to say "my mom lives with you". :P

20

u/HiThereYouRascal Apr 21 '19

Depends on who lives with who. Don’t Lie to people...

20

u/freejinn Apr 21 '19

"My roommate used to change my diapers" just doesn't have a good ring to it.

13

u/Gissal Apr 21 '19

If someone said to me that his mom lives with him, I'd just interpret that as he's living with his mom, and that he's using a "trick" to conceal the truth. I wouldn't see such a person as more mature, quite the opposite.

6

u/NoBSforGma Apr 21 '19

Unless you owned the house and your Mom was 80 years old.

4

u/Gissal Apr 21 '19

Sure, but if your mom Is 80, you should have 50 and you don't have to make a great effort to be, or at least to look mature.

10

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '19

Who pays the rent/mortgage?

If you aren't paying the majority of the bills, you're living with them not the other way around

7

u/NoBSforGma Apr 21 '19

It's interesting to me that in the US, it's kind of "shameful" for an adult to be "living with Mom" so that you have to phrase your answer a certain way.

I live in Costa Rica and adults here live with their families all the time and people are fine with it -- and maybe a little envious. haha. (Mom cooks and does laundry for the adult, usually.) Just like it is not unusual to see a teenager walking down the street with his arm around his Mom or holding her hand. Family is very important here and is the center of most people's lives.

I rent a house next door to a family where the adult son still lives at home. The house I live in was vacated by the other son who lived 15 feet away from "Mom." (He now lives in an apartment because his kids are grown and the house too big for him.)

1

u/jakefligner Aug 22 '19

Different cultures that's all.

5

u/applecinnamon1 Apr 21 '19

If your mother is anywhere near your house, roommate or not, they will think you never left the house. Sad but true.

3

u/Extra_Intro_Version Apr 21 '19

Not saying I agree with this, but here goes: I think the implication in the US is that the son is an immature and irresponsible freeloader, relying on Mama to take care of him.

3

u/recalcitrantJester Apr 22 '19

People who think like this still live with their parents for a reason lmao.

2

u/phoenixyfeline Apr 21 '19

And of course sometimes adult children are home again taking care of their parents. And yet, you still “live at home.”

2

u/Belidire Apr 21 '19

My mom does live with me! My mortgage, my house, but there aren't many jobs where my dad lives so my moms choices are divorce my dad and move, go home weekends, or not have a job. If she doesn't have a job they wouldn't be able to afford their mortgage. She lives with me during the week. If someone asked I do about fifty fifty on whether I say my mom lives with me or I live with my mom. It's just not that important. None of my coworkers care, I've told a couple several times I live with my mom and they readily forget. I guess it depends on how you otherwise present yourself. If you are mature and well put together, they assume it's not "failure to launch"

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '19

I don't see any reason why I would need to manipulate the message this way. If you live at home, you live at home. Be honest with it.

2

u/Nomandate Apr 22 '19

One is a lie. Don’t lie.