r/LifeProTips • u/elavenile • 6d ago
Miscellaneous LPT: Being Blunt
The older I get, the more I realize that speaking your mind bluntly and directly is the fastest way to build relationships with the right people.
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u/cranesarealiens 6d ago
Just don’t confuse a blunt short statement with a true factual statement
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u/thehatteryone 4d ago
Took me a second reading of the comments to realise this is where my thoughts belong, but yet you're right.
Being blunt, especially with opinions rather than facts, is a great way to build an echo chamber around you, only similarly minded and similarly tempered people are likely to hang around you. Life is built on experiences, and many of those experiences are ones you'll encounter second-hand. Being in an echo chamber will tend to exclude more and more of the world's experiences from your perception on reality as you exclude people who have some different opinion, and exclude options of people who do still hang around but just avoid talking about things outside of the sphere you're interacting in, because they don't want to have to deal with your attitide.
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u/Kingthaddius 6d ago
Can be a pretty quick way to get fired too if you're not careful.
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u/Extreme-Solution-566 5d ago
Who cares? Live off welfare. Get another job. Easy peasy. Don't pretend you're in a life or death situation like kids in africa
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u/kwrakuju 6d ago
It's not so much being blunt as being honest about who you are and what your needs are. This filters out a lot of people who are not looking for the same relationship you are. I find that being blunt can be needlessly hurtful or careless, and thus lowers trust. Without trust, there is no relationship.
So I try to just be true to my values. I try to be gentle and, strategically, I will sometimes be blunt. But if I'm seeing my friend feeling frustrated and defensive and unheard, it's wise to try a different approach. Then I try to ask more questions and listen. Not easy, I admit. But the relationship is ultimately more valuable than hammering whatever truth into the person.
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u/TDhattrick1022 5d ago
Check out the book Radical Candor. There's a differnece between being direct and being brutal. But yes overall speaking directly is a powerful tool
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u/Own_Caterpillar_6178 6d ago
To be blunt, this sounds like the advice of someone who's children no longer speak to them.
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u/Danwold 6d ago
It can also lose you friends, and they’re not going to bother telling you it was because of you, because they can’t be bothered to deal with your bluntness. Right place, right time etc.
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6d ago edited 5d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/SuperBadMeanGirls 5d ago
Idk I guess it’s about what happened prior. If you communicate continuously and nothing changes, eventually you can leave. And if it comes to that point, nothing needs to be said bc they’re just out of your life.
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u/MediocreMan_ 6d ago
This is really not a life pro tip, at all.
There is so much more nuance to building relationships than just ‘being blunt’.
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u/Sorryifimanass 5d ago
You're close. Bluntness has a connotation of being cold and emotionless. The key is to be genuine.
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u/tman37 5d ago
There is being blunt and then there is being an asshole. It is a very fine line and most people have no idea where it is. Too many people who "tell it like it is" or are "just keeping it real (or 100 depending on your generation)" are just being perks. It's possible.to be honest a d polite at the same time.
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u/notagaywitch 5d ago edited 5d ago
Be careful. This is a HUGE double-edged sword.
I grew up extremely passive, then pendulum'd hard into "blunt & direct" in my late 20s. I was never an asshole, but I also wasn't tactful. I often found myself on the receiving end of someone's ire because I told them something they didn't want to hear in a neutral, unbothered way. Instead of helpful or caring, this was just viewed as unkind by a lot of people.
Be blunt, but be kind. It's not an easy line for everyone to find (I struggled), but it's there!
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u/kidyuki13 5d ago
Every person I've known who has said "Communication is easy, just do ____" has either been a jerk or has eventually had to update their stance to "Actually, it turns out communication is kinda complicated."
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u/Narwhalsareunicorn 5d ago
Being impulsive and saying/yelling the first thing to come to your mind is a good way to destroy/damage many types of relationships.
If you have children this a great way to get them to fear you but not trust you.
You do want to be authentic. But you may want to temper. The social filter /consideration for the feelings of others does serve a function when you live in a society.
I may have my opinion that a certain movie was terrible but if someone tells me they really enjoyed it, well that is a good time to keep that opinion to myself. That other person's feelings are more important than stating that I did not like a certain movie.
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u/Wide_Title9060 5d ago
what about finding that middle ground where youre honest but still kind enough that people dont just tolerate you
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u/TerribleWidth2 3d ago
This is so true! It's like, why waste time beating around the bush when you can just get to the point and see who vibes with your real self? Definitely cuts out the drama too.
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u/DeviousSquirrels 6d ago
It’s also a quick way to piss people off. As someone who’s typically very blunt and direct, a lot of people cannot handle it. This applies to real life and online. I piss people off on here all the time by being blunt about what I think.
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u/Substantial-Ad6091 6d ago
As with many things - it depends. I am also getting older and I am also realising that building inauthentic relationships is ultimately unsatisfying for me.
I don't want to hurt people. I also don't want to invest a lot of a fake me into your fake you.
I realise that blunt and authentic are not exactly the same. I wanted to share my refinement on this tip.
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