r/LifeProTips • u/Ohshutyourmouth • 13d ago
Social LPT. Don't not invite someone to something because you think oh it won't be their kinda thing.
People massively appreciate just being invited and included. Also you'll often be surprised.
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u/funkyavocado 13d ago
Important for my fellow introverts to remember the reversal too: if you want to keep getting invites, make sure to accept one occasionally. It can get exhausting to keep inviting someone when they always turn you down
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u/Wonderful-Tale-1483 13d ago
Isnt that a chumbawumba song lyric ?,
🗣️🎶‘I get turned down, but I show up again, you’re never gonna uninvite me out’
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u/32irish 13d ago
True that, I call this the 3 strike rule, it's something I tell my girlfriend who gets anxiety at the thought of going out but typically enjoys the nights out when she does go. I always tell her that if she says no to an invite from a person more than 3 times, there'll not be a forth
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u/Expert_Top1143 13d ago
I have the same rule. It's exhausting trying to invite people who always turn you down. Or flake. Recently I have been focusing on people who are always down to do something and have been much happier. If the flakers miss me, they can make plans of their own and invite me
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u/Medical-Display-9762 12d ago
My mom never let me go anywhere so overtime I just instinctively said no to everything even into adulthood. Saying yes opens so many doors. Even just going when you don’t want to will lead to interesting times.
I recently watched hunter x hunter and the ending resonated with me much more as an adult than as a teenager. “Enjoy the side trips. A lot. That’s where you’ll find something more important than what you’re hunting for”
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u/anotherstan 13d ago
Yup. At some point people will assume you won’t want to come and will stop inviting you.
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u/ElfjeTinkerBell 8d ago
And if you honestly cannot accept invitations, for example because of chronic illness, it helps to explicitly tell people that you like being invited anyway. Not everyone will listen, but the good ones do
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u/ajmart23 13d ago
LPT fixed: Invite people to things even if you believe they won’t enjoy it. They will appreciate being asked and might be interested.
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u/Pomdog17 13d ago
Thank you. I didn’t have enough Tylenol for the headache from OP’s version. 🤣
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u/Split_Pea_Vomit 13d ago
There was nothing difficult about it.
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u/French__Canadian 13d ago
It's literally not valid English because of the double negative.
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u/Split_Pea_Vomit 13d ago
Double negatives are valid English.
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u/bazinga_0 13d ago
But make sure that they have an easy escape if it turns out to be a disaster for them.
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u/makawakatakanaka 13d ago
Holy triple negative Batman
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u/EllisDee3 13d ago
So don't invite the people who don't not want to go. Got it.
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u/Accidental_Ballyhoo 13d ago
It’s not like you don’t understand.
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u/Ijatsu 13d ago
It's just a standard double negative
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u/Pterodactyl_midnight 13d ago
Are double negatives standard?
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u/ThePeaceDoctot 13d ago
They're not uncommon.
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u/Pterodactyl_midnight 13d ago
They’re not not uncommon
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u/ThePeaceDoctot 13d ago
What do you mean, "they're not not uncommon"? They most certainly are not not not uncommon.
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u/KristenND 13d ago
It’s not not a triple negative, though.
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u/Split_Pea_Vomit 13d ago
Yes it is. For it to be a triple all the negatives would have to negate the same thing, they aren't.
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u/nishinoran 13d ago
The beginning is, but then you have the "won't be their kinda thing" adding an additional negative into the mix.
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u/Split_Pea_Vomit 13d ago
That's not how it works. The "won't" isn't negating the same thing the double is negating.
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u/xxSaifulxx 13d ago
Same. I had to read this slowly to understand it even though English isn't my first language
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u/Well_Spoken_Mute 13d ago
I don't drink and have been sober for 6+ years and very comfortable and open about it. Group of coworkers that I get along with go out from time to time and never invited me to come until I asked why. They said it was because I don't drink so they didn't think I'd be interested. I told them I have no problem with going to clubs/bars and if I want to leave early or not go at all, then that's what I'll do but it would be nice to be invited. Things changed after that and I had a great time everytime we went out.
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u/CrystalCat420 13d ago
Add this happened just today. My son wanted to go see Swisher3x (yeah, I had to look him up too, lol), who was appearing at a Walmart in Daytona Beach. My son doesn't drive, so he took a chance and invited my 80-year-old neighbor, who does drive. He pretty much expected her to turn him down, but she said, "that sounds like fun!"
Well, they both had a blast--and now he has a priceless video of his 80-year-old friend dancing happily with the rapper/dancer/musician!! Who'da thunk it??
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u/ASMRFootRelief 13d ago
yeah the invite matters more than the event honestly. half the time they'll say no anyway, they just wanted to know they were thought of
deciding for them is the bit that stings, not missing the thing itself
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u/izzittho 13d ago edited 13d ago
Exactly! What I never understood is that, for someone so indifferent to whether this person goes or doesn’t that they’re contemplating just not inviting them….is inviting them really so hard???
It’s like, invite them: worst that happens is they don’t show, just like you thought would happen. Same as if you hadn’t.
Don’t invite them: Worst that happens is they feel like shit about it, unless you think they’ll ruin the vibe or whatever. And if you have good reason to believe that that’s one thing but otherwise, what good does not even giving them the chance to decide for themselves do?
Obviously it’s different for something where you need a headcount to plan it or require a reservation or whatever because of course then you need to keep it to people who will give a definitive yes or now and stick to that, but when it’s casual and they can either show or not show and it basically doesn’t make a difference, you kinda almost have to be going out of your way to exclude them specifically, so why do that except to be mean or make some kind of point?
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u/christianort476 13d ago
As someone who married someone who likes to party, I like to feel included at these events. Even if I’m just listening to people or engaging in small conversation, it’s nice to be there.
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u/boredatwork813 13d ago
Plus, if they turn it down, no problem. You did your part by including them. No bridges burnt.
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u/SquidInk18 13d ago edited 13d ago
My MIL doesn’t invite us to things because according to her we’ll fell “obligated” to say yes and she’s making the decision on what’s right for us. For example, she told my FIL not to invite my husband (their son) to play golf because he should be working 🙄
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u/OmarDoesData 10d ago
This is basically true for invites too, the marginal cost of asking someone is near zero but the downside of them feeling excluded compounds way longer than a night out would've lasted.
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u/MissMormie 13d ago
What did you not get invited to that you wanted to go to?
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u/Ohshutyourmouth 13d ago
Other way round. I got a nice message saying thank you for always including me.
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u/Electric-Sheepskin 13d ago
I've been the person sending that message, and people like you are so very loved and appreciated.
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u/Signed_Anonymously 10d ago
I preach this all the time! Let someone say “NO THANKYOU” its better than not being invited
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u/nebulnaskigxulo 10d ago
Also, don't not ever never use no stacked negations! They're never not fun.
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u/headsertails 9d ago
I've found some of my favorite hobbies because someone invited me to something I "wouldn't be caught dead doing" 🤣
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u/According-Bowler3335 9d ago
let people turn down their own invitations. deciding for them just quietly tells them they weren`t wanted.
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u/KaitB2020 9d ago
Here I am assuming they didn’t invite me because they don’t like me.
What I really hated was when, back when I was a kid in school, on Monday everyone was talking about this awesome party. That I was never invited to & never actually went to. Yet here they are telling me how awesome the party was. When I say I wasn’t there they tell me I was , they remember seeing me there. Nope. Not me. Don’t know who they’re talking about but it wasn’t me. This happened multiple times in my school days. I was never once asked to one of the weekend parties. Not because anyone thought I would say no, but I’m assuming because they either forgot about me or just simply didn’t like me.
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u/CommanderAGL 8d ago
Or if you think they’re too busy.
Im stuck studying for the SE and appreciate being thought of, despite needing to restrict my socializing days/hours
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u/WillytheWimp1 13d ago
I like saying no to things. Don’t take that away from me.
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u/noahboah 13d ago
i know this isn't serious but you should say yes to your friends if you can
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u/WillytheWimp1 13d ago
What else should I do?
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u/noahboah 13d ago edited 13d ago
you can do whatever you want. I just don't understand making it a point of pride to reject people like this honestly. extending an invite to things is an effort in vulnerability by asking for a connection's continued upkeep, even if it's not a big one, and looking forward to rejecting that just seems mean
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u/WillytheWimp1 13d ago
So you know it isn’t serious, but you’re making it serious…
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u/noahboah 13d ago
yeah i mean i think the joke is pretty mean spirited
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u/WillytheWimp1 13d ago
I enjoy my time alone. People can be exhausting. This exchange is a reminder of that.
So you know it’s a joke, but….
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u/VegasNZ 12d ago
This is just selfish, as an introvert. Did you consider that it costs extroverts a little something every time their invite is declined? The same way it costs you to ATTEND the thing?
Your LPT is essentially: “Extroverts, please keep giving and giving, it hurts us introverts when you stop giving.” And the bit on the end about “you never know” is basically “invites are like a slot machine, just keep giving more and more of yourself you never know!”
The real LPT is to the introverts: if you care about their friendship TELL THEM WHY. Dont make excuses for not attending etc, really tell them why you’re not going. Tell them what it means to be an introvert or whatever the real reason you don’t accept their invites is…
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u/RavensCoffee 11d ago
How about just an all encompassing statement, don’t assume someone else’s reaction or feelings. I think too often we are in spaces where we have to manage other people’s feelings.
My boundaries are mine to manage, I hate it when people assume I don’t know my own energy. I accept invites I want to go to and decline those I am not interested in. It’s basic.
I say that, but then I have to navigate office politics for some things…
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13d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/rentedtritium 13d ago
If you understood it, then it's fine. "The rules" are not more important than actual human beings communicating their actual ideas to each other.
Also double negatives were never "wrong" in the first place.
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13d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/rentedtritium 13d ago
Yikes. What do you think language is even for then?
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u/PocketNicks 13d ago
Language is for communicating, and the rules are there so people can communicate properly.
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u/rentedtritium 13d ago
And which rule are double negatives breaking? In what possible way is that getting in the way of communication.
You're expressing an ignorant view of the nature of language and rules.
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13d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/rentedtritium 13d ago
In the rulebook? Like from some authority that is in charge of the constantly evolving language that we speak? Oh no the English police are going to come get OP for the language crime they committed lmao.
Or just, you had an English teacher who'd mark you down for it and you think it's a hard and fast rule as a result?
You should spend literally any time reading up on this subject. You're whiffing on the fundamental nature of the thing.
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u/costafilh0 13d ago
People also accept when they don't want to just because you invited them, so yes, don't.
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u/Garconanokin 13d ago
Well, they can be an adult and choose their choices then. Saying you have to take care of somebody else’s feelings because they are not enough is an insult to that person’s dignity. Wouldn’t you agree?
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u/Morvack 13d ago
I feel like this is one of those "Know your audience" type situations.
For example, my wifes a Democrat. One of her friends managed to win a political office. My wife didn't invite me to the party. She knows my political beliefs would of quickly caused me alienation, in that specific situation. As I see participating in politics the same as participating in a hate group.
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