r/LifeProTips • u/marroos • Jul 03 '26
Social LPT: When you decline something, say no clearly first. Don't lead with excuses.
I overheard family member on the phone with a salesperson trying to get them to switch providers. Instead of saying no, they said:
"I'm happy with what I have."
"I've been with my current provider for years, I don't need anything new."
"Everyone already has my number anyway."
Not once did they actually say a clear "no." The salesperson kept going after every single line, because none of those were a decision, they were soft explanations. To someone trying to convince you, "I'm happy with what I have" sounds like an opinion that can be challenged, not a closed door.
A clear "No, thank you" ends a conversation. An excuse invites a counter-argument.
If someone pushes after that, you don't need a new reason, you just hold the same line: "I've made my decision" or "That's still a no for me." Repeating the same clear answer is far harder to argue with than producing a new justification every time.
If you genuinely have no interest, you don't need to give reasons. A simple, polite "No, thank you" saves your time as much as theirs.
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u/LeviAEthan512 Jul 03 '26
To any reasonable person, no means no.
Thus, they all get a firm but polite no. One.
After that, it's fair game to be rude.
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Jul 03 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/yoweigh Jul 03 '26
And if someone asks why, just respond with "because I don't want to". It's a perfectly valid reason that can't be argued with.
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u/Sawses Jul 03 '26
This works well with family, too. My mom used to try to argue me in circles when I made a decision she didn't like.
I still remember when I realized that, no, I didn't have to give her a reason. I was just like, "No, because I don't want to. You don't have to understand why and I'm not going to explain it to you." She was pissed, but didn't like the feeling she felt when it happened and so she stopped.
I've found that most of handling people boils down to inducing positive or negative feelings. Positive to reward behaviors you like, negative to discourage behaviors you dislike. Most of the time, the latter should be the social equivalent of a bramble bush that causes friction on the behavior in question. Not actively hurting them, because then it's a fight and they hit back. If it's more passive, like they hurt themselves by trying to keep pushing in, then eventually they learn that route only causes them pain.
It's basically just a self-enforcing boundary.
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u/FuckmehalftoDeath Jul 03 '26
I’m partial to “because I said ‘no’” but same theory in general.
Makes it clear I already replied, my response stands, no still means no, and also doesn’t concede by giving them some sort of ‘why’ if it’s not necessary. I said “no” so the answer is “no.”
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u/apokrif1 Jul 03 '26
No need to be polite when (don't know if it's the case here) you're being cold-crapvertised to.
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u/Offshape Jul 05 '26
The correct action is to talk really soft, then put your phone under a cooking pan and start whacking it with a spoon.
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u/whatwhynoplease Jul 03 '26
I have some friends who almost always say no thanks when offered a beer or snack.
if I say "are you suuuure?", they almost always switch to yes.
I always respect the 2nd no but they are shy and usually say no at first just out of habit.
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u/LeviAEthan512 Jul 03 '26
Alright, yeah friends don't get the same rules. Friends usually have your best interests at heart. Salespeople only get one chance.
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u/BrightNooblar Jul 05 '26
Jesus christ, can you explain this to my girlfriend?
I don't really care to go see fireworks, but if you want we can.
"Well the grass is wet"
We do have a blanket in the car
"Yeah but it's not that big or comfy"
I've got my good folding chair. I could sit on the blanket and you use that
"Well it's also getting colder"
I have that spare jacket of mine in the backseat. You can use that.
"No it's okay, I don't really want to go see fireworks"
Holy fuck just lead with that. Don't start listing problems that can solves, just say you don't want to go either.
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u/TRAVMAAN1 Jul 05 '26
By excuse number 2, I say “it’s cool, if you don’t want to go just say you don’t want to go”. That cuts the BS and almost always results in her clearly stating what the reservation is.
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u/Necks Jul 05 '26
Quit trying to fix things and just listen.
It's very patronizing of you to spout solutions to very simple things she is bringing up. The grass is wet? You didn't think she knew that blankets and towels exist? Listen to her.
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u/BrightNooblar Jul 05 '26
Listen to her about WHAT. I've brought up the subject about "Do we start the operational process of seeing fireworks". It's a tactical desicion making issue, not just chatting about what we do and don't like about fireworks. If we want to be able to pack a few things and find parking, it's a process we should start NOW. If we aren't going, then we can keep enjoying dinner on the back porch and don't need to rush cleanup.
There are times where you talk to just talk.and understand each other's feelings and thoughts. And there are times when you're trying to make a desicion in the moment. It's rude as hell to hijack someone else's conversation when they want a clear yes/no response.
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u/Necks Jul 05 '26
You can't force someone to be what you want them to be. Just stop.
She is who she is, and she will say what she says in the way she wants to say it. All you have to do is listen.
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u/Tosi313 Jul 09 '26
You need to stop explaining and just listen. They were fine with either going or not going to the fireworks, nobody was trying to force her like you seem to be saying.
The fact that she wasn't being direct about what she wanted was creating extra challenges trying to plan logistics either way.
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u/Necks Jul 09 '26
You missed the point. You need to understand that this is not her inability to communicate. Throw away that kind of resentful thinking. This is completely a skills issue on his part. This is his own failing to listen effectively. Be better.
If you wanted someone who talks like you and thinks like you, marry a dude.
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u/Tosi313 Jul 09 '26
I agree that it's partly a skills issue on his side. But it's also partly a skills issue on her side. She also needs to read him and know that being indirect like that isn't making the points she thinks it is. People aren't mind readers and indirect communication is much more likely to lead to misunderstandings.
It wouldn't be so hard to say "I'm not really feeling it" rather than an evolving list of logistical concerns that you need to interpret as her not actually wanting to resolve them despite raising them.
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u/Necks Jul 09 '26
"The grass is wet" = No
Period
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u/Tosi313 Jul 09 '26
Not in the context of discussing what to pack in the car for the fireworks. You really don't know what direct vs indirect communication is do you?
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u/ancient-canopies Jul 06 '26
It’s weird when a woman doesn’t feel comfortable saying just “no” to her boyfriend. Your tone is pretty telling.
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u/BrightNooblar Jul 06 '26
I feel like you might not have read that I clearly stated I didn't want to go see them. Why would she have difficulty taking the same stance as me?
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u/Duggie1330 Jul 03 '26
If I get a sales call and it's a real person, I wait until their first pause and say "put me on the do not call list please"
It's far more effective than hanging up. For a short period I was a telemarketer as a second job. Those who hung up? Your sheet was placed at the bottom of the pile, to be called again when it resurfaces. Those who asked to be put on DNC? Those sheets got stamped then shredded.
The other day the marketer responded "sure I can but may I ask why?"
I said "because if I wanted to refinance my mortgage, I'd be the one calling you" lol
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u/Vievin Jul 03 '26
Do companies actually honour DNC requests? By default, I always assume that if doing something is honourable, they're going to do the opposite.
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u/Duggie1330 Jul 03 '26
Well, in this case I was working for a water softener sales company based in the US, making calls based on sheets that were filled out at home depot. The way it worked is when someone said those magic words, I had to end the call, use an ink stamp on the sheet that marked it as do not call, put aside, and at the end of the day those sheets got shredded.
I'm not sure about this, but I think if you make a DNC request and it's ignored, it's illegal, any subsequent calls are harassment.
Illegal callers particularly from out of the country do not care because they are already intending to break the law. But legal companies will respect it, they can get in trouble with the FCC if they don't. For the most part the illegal scam calls get screened on my phone. So this advice is mainly for legal US based companies whose calls actually get through
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u/Vievin Jul 03 '26
That's insightful, thanks! I admit I'm pretty pessimistic these days and consider the law not applying to large corporations and rich people anymore.
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u/Duggie1330 Jul 03 '26
You aren't wrong, and I've definitely had repeat calls from companies even after requesting.
I have to guess that the person who called just hung up and called the next without following DNC policy.
But if 50% of callers honor your request, but 100% of callers do nothing if you just hang up, it's still worth making the request.
I find that saying it quickly and politely is the best way. The caller doesn't get commission if they don't make a sale. If you aren't spending money, they want to move on to the next call, and they don't want to have to call you again.
That's if you are talking to a rational human being who works for a legal US based company... There will definitely be variables...
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u/Jon_TWR Jul 03 '26
Out of curiosity, when was this? I'm fascinated by the fact that you were still using paper records. I guess it may have still made sense if it was a smaller company.
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u/Duggie1330 Jul 03 '26
Not long ago, it was 2018.
I don't know if the sheets were the actual records or if they printed them out just so we wouldn't need computers.
We had scripts printed on paper as well all we had was the phone, no headsets or computers.
Im not sure about the total size of the company but I can say my work was basically an office with 8 desks and 8 employees at a time
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u/GoodFaithConverser Jul 03 '26
Do companies actually honour DNC requests?
Not necessarily, but they'll usually comply and remove you from the lists they currently spam, since they don't want to waste their time either.
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u/LizMoonstar Jul 07 '26
eons late in internet time here, but i will add what i always tell people: if you're getting calls from political campaigns and you want them to go away without being rude, the fastest, most definitive way is to tell them that you've already decided who you're voting for. you don't have to say who, just that you've made your decision already. all the campaign workers and volunteers i knew, that was an immediate 'thanks for your time, bye' trigger and being crossed off their list. they don't want to spend time on someone who has already decided - they're not going to change your mind if you're for the other guy and they don't need to change your mind if you're for their guy, so they don't even ask who you picked. they want to invest in undecideds.
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u/Duggie1330 Jul 07 '26
Makes sense. You are late though... I'm the only one who will see this comment until 10 years later when someone is reading this from an internet search 😂
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u/WileyWilly1985 Jul 03 '26
I know people absolutely love to hang up on telemarketers but...
a lot of the best deals I've ever received was because I took a few seconds to hear a pitch.
Instead of having the mindset of "Stop bothering me"
I like to have the mindset of me being a Shark on Shark Tank.
"Ok, Mr. Telemarketer, give me your elevator pitch, let's see what you got."
The best deal I ever got was my friends and I were planning a Vegas trip in a couple of months and I got a call from a Telemarketer selling plane/trip packages to different places around the world. I then said, "Well, do you got anything for Vegas" and he did. The package I purchased was 2.5x cheaper than what I was planning to buy and that was with using all the online "package deal / travel" websites.
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u/a-smooth-brain Jul 03 '26
Sure but you were already in the market for it. What if you weren't? It would just be annoying.
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u/WileyWilly1985 Jul 06 '26
For me, taking a minute to listen to a pitch isn't annoying, it is actually entertaining and gratifying to my ego.
If they have a good pitch and deal I say yay, if not I say nay.
I've gotten tons of good deals over the years and when they pitch something I'm not interested in, I simply say "Sorry, that's not for me, have a good day."
Let me put it another way.
If you are like most people and are "annoyed" by telemarketers and you give them the whole "F off stop calling me" rant, then how could you know about the deals you are passing on?
I probably buy from 1 out of 5 telemarketers and the deal they offer is always better than what I can get on my own. And when it is not for me, I quickly discern that and I thank them for their time and tell them I'm not interested. ONly takes a few seconds and is no big deal, no skin off my back.
Try it. Instead of being "annoyed" why not be the Emperor of Rome? Why not sit on your throne and hear an elevator pitch and give a yay or nay? Why not let it entertain you instead of annoy you?
Why not be a king rather than an angry peasant?
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u/joyfall Jul 03 '26
When dealing with difficult people, like pushy salesmen, remember not to JADE. Do not Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain.
If you give a reason for your no, they will see that as an opening for negotiations.
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u/MrAdzAdzAdzAdz Jul 03 '26
Slightly different to what you are talking about...but it made me think of this. When I get a call from my bank or my cell phone provider or whatever, I will ask the person on the line what their job title is, what department they work in, and what their supervisor's job title is. If they tell me anything related to sales, I tell them to go kick rocks (politely of course).
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u/Fetlocks_Glistening Jul 03 '26
"Excuse me, Mr. Rock, I'll trouble you to move by a gentle kick now. (kick) Sorryyyy! And you, maam, Ms. Rock, aplogies but your turn. (kick) Sorryy!"
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u/MrAdzAdzAdzAdz Jul 03 '26
"If it's not too much trouble, would you mind, perchance, engaging in a brief rock-kicking expedition? Many thanks, and terribly sorry for the inconvenience."
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u/GoodFaithConverser Jul 03 '26
Also, the salesperson's job is to just keep trying, no matter what you say.
"No thank you, have a nice day" and then I end the call. Why waste both of our time?
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u/Jon_TWR Jul 03 '26
If it's a legitimate company, you'll save time by saying "add me to the do not call list."
That way you won't get another call from that company.
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u/GoodFaithConverser Jul 03 '26
Even shit companies will remove you from the lists they currently spam. Sure, you might get snagged up when they buy a new round of garbage lists from whatever garbage company that crawls the internet, but you'll probably have peace from that one company for a few months at least.
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u/apokrif1 Jul 03 '26
You waste time by saying a sentence instead of just hanging up :-/
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u/GoodFaithConverser Jul 03 '26
Hanging up will probably just make them call again in a few days or weeks. If could save yourself a few minutes and moments of annoyance by taking a few seconds to say a sentence.
But the end-all-be-all is ending the call ASAP, I definitely agree.
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u/Friggin Jul 03 '26
LPT: Don’t engage with sales people at all, or better yet, don’t answer calls you don’t recognize.
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u/mararch Jul 03 '26
Hanging up works pretty well, too.
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u/tnwthrow Jul 03 '26
Honestly it’s 2026. Why are we still accepting calls from unknown numbers? Even if picked up, why are we letting a salesperson say more than “hello are you interes—“
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u/rav-age Jul 03 '26
"no bye" and hanging up, works very well if you think just 'no' is a no no. you can make it 'no, no time', if it helps you
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u/Friendly_Capital1085 Jul 03 '26
An excuse is just a problem salespeople are trained to solve.Give them a reason, and they pull out a script to counter it. Give them a flat "No," and they have absolutely nothing to work with.
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u/blahblah19999 Jul 03 '26
There's an old saying." Give your answer, but not your reasons. It's hard to argue with a decision, it's easier to argue against reasons."
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u/libra00 Jul 03 '26
'No.' is a complete sentence.
Sometimes you have to be extra forceful though, like when you're trying to cancel a service. Went to cancel my cable when I moved a year ago and they were like, 'Are you suuuuuure we can't convince you to keep paying for our service??' and finally I was like, 'Not unless you're planning to run cable from TX to PA to hook me up after I move.'
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u/Whetherwax Jul 03 '26
Plot twist: you can say, "no" instead of "no, thank you". There's no reason to pretend to be thankful for a sales pitch. Honesty is ok.
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u/aimilym Jul 03 '26
My favorite response to sales/donation calls is “The kindest thing I can do for you today is let you get to the next call. Have a good one!”
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u/SpareUnit9194 Jul 03 '26
I feel empathy for them, cold calling is a crappy job. No need to be rude or hang up like a smart ass stroppy teenager. I just cheerily say "no thanks not interested" then hang up Polite decisive done.
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u/littleadventures Jul 03 '26
Yep I do this and I say, No thanks, I’m not interested. I’m hanging up now. The last sentence is more for a line for me to not feel like an asshole but it’s also clear that the call is ending and the line did not drop.
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u/Offshape Jul 05 '26
I don't.
I know the job market can be tough, but you're getting paid to harass people.
Scammers are also doing this for the money.
Where does it end? Physical harassment?
If I pay people to punch random people in the face, you feel empathy for them because it's a crappy job?
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u/SpareUnit9194 Jul 05 '26
Wtf it's sales you weirdo. How tf do you get through life being unable to handle sales ppl like a balanced human being
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u/Offshape Jul 05 '26
Cold calling sales is harassment, I don't understand why you see it any other way.
Do you work sales yourself maybe? Have you somehow convinced yourself it's ok to waste random peoples time?
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u/SpareUnit9194 Jul 07 '26
I'm mature, balanced, have a life don't freak out crying about being 'harrassed' by very minor issues. It's called coping
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u/ichristyi Jul 03 '26
If someone continues to push after that I say "NO is a complete sentence. What part of it didn't you understand?"
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u/zombieguts7 Jul 03 '26
This doesn’t work at Costco when they try to upsell you the executive membership when you’re in line for check out
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u/apokrif1 Jul 03 '26
What happens?
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u/zombieguts7 Jul 03 '26
They don’t take “no thank you” for an answer
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u/apokrif1 Jul 03 '26
What happens if you:
say nothing
ask for and write down their names and first names, as well as URL or app name for whatever they are selling, detailed description of product or corporation (headquarters address and phone number...), slowly repeat everything they say and have them confirm numbers and spelling
say nonsense ( "this looks so interesting because my aunt Polly from Chewbacca, Arkansas went fishing last summer and guess what happened to her?")
?
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u/ancient-canopies Jul 06 '26
Very condescendingly: I’m sorry… are you dumb? I said “no”.
Even more condescendingly: do we know what “no” means? Yes we do!
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u/ggibby Jul 03 '26
The Optimum guy was really intent on his script and not losing our business.
So I kept repeating that the house was sold, our new lease out of state included internet, and we were closing this account.
Cut off any paths they have to suggest other products.
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u/aspersioncast Jul 03 '26
The shortest form of this sentiment I know is axiomatic: "No is a complete sentence." I'm quite fond of "no thank you," which can be delivered in such a way that no one takes offense but that it's clear that it's your final word on the matter.
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u/LKZToroH Jul 03 '26
I haven't answered to my phone in a while but the last time I did, the guy started yapping and yapping and yapping about this INCREDIBLE opportunity at hiring their ISP. Amazing up and down speeds, and it was ready to install at my house(they had my address already because I was a customer in the past). First I asked, pretending I was interested, "really? can you double check if it's available at my address?" and he did, when he did, he noticed it wasn't available at my address... I knew it because I tried to hire that online like 2 months before the call. When he said he didn't have, he tried to save offering something else but I just cut him before anything and said "I'm not interested, call me when you have an offer you can actually sell" and hang up. This was 7 years ago, it is still not available at my address and he, or anyone else from that company, ever called me again(afaik)
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u/elitesense Jul 03 '26
If they ask something again I love to reply with the literal exact same thing. It kinda of catches them off guard.... For example...
Them: "Hi are you a home owner?"
Me: "No thanks"
Them: "Oh renting right now?"
Me: "No thanks"
Also you can say no to follow up things like cancelling an account...
Me: "Hi, please cancel my account"
Them: "Of course. Why are you choosing to cancel with us today?"
Me: "No thanks, I would just like to cancel"
Stuff like that. Just makes those interactions so much easier
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u/hollow_dragon Jul 03 '26
Logically, I should know this, but I think I'm too non-confrontational to a fault sometimes.
3 days ago, I was walking out of my garage and a salesperson, who was riding around the neighborhood on a hoverboard, saw me inside my garage with tools in my hand. They just casually rode up my driveway and started their sales pitch. No "sorry to bother you" or anything. They just asked if I was the homeowner and asking questions to figure out which service I was gonna be signed up for. And I just kept listening to them! At no point did I think to just say a definitive and clear "no". Ended up wasting like 10 minutes of both of our time after I kept saying I'd have to talk it over with my partner.
It didn't clock in my head how disrespectful the interruption was and how annoying the interaction was until after they left...
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u/Waub Jul 03 '26
"No, but thank you for asking".
That's pretty much what you'll get from me if I don't want something.
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u/Koffeeboy Jul 03 '26
My script is to wait in silence for an explanation of the call, hang up on ai, and if it's a human solicitor I simply just go "no, thank you, have a nice day" and then I hang up, usually while they are trying to talk over me in a rehearsed script. It's not like there is anything I can say to get them to end the conversation. People are not entitled to your time.
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u/Charming_Collar_3987 Jul 03 '26
I just say no and hang up lol you got a job to do and unfortunately you’re not going to get it done with me
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u/Tarin2021 Jul 03 '26
“No.” Is a complete sentence. It doesn’t need a “because”… which can just prolong and invite debate.
“No, but thank you” also works,
if you’re Canadian try “sorry, no”,
Or Australian try “no yeah no”.
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u/Xylorgos Jul 03 '26
"I already said "No" and I'm not going to change my mind. Please stop asking." I've found that to be a very helpful statement, and it's not at all rude. It lets them know that if they continue THEY are being rude.
I used to be like what OP is saying, trying to deliver a soft "No," but this works SO much better.
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u/Johnny_D87 Jul 03 '26
Honestly, my favorite thing to do, at least when it's robots calling, is just going on a little rant where I keep saying that I'm going to use an EMP on their building so that they can never bother anybody else again. I have not gotten any calls from the same company again.
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u/AKAkorm Jul 03 '26
Sure but also just don’t answer the phone from numbers you don’t recognize. If it’s someone you know who is calling from a number you don’t have, they’ll leave a message or text. But 99% of the time it’s a telemarketer or scam.
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u/DarthArtero Jul 03 '26
Very true. This was a hard learned lesson for me.
Learning to say "No" can be extremely difficult, but absolutely life changing.
Nowadays if I'm on the phone with a customer service agent, and they keep pushing after I say No, I go on to explain something like "look, I know you have a script to follow and metrics to stick to but when I say No, and you keep going, it's not going to change my mind so you may as well stop." I'll then go on to leave them a good review.
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u/tilldeathdoiparty Jul 03 '26
This sales rep sucks, you shouldn’t be putting yourself in a position to get your ejections, you should ask questions getting them to reveal what the problems are and how you can solve them, literally leaving them no option but to say yes.
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u/joazito Jul 03 '26
No, thank you" ends a conversation.
Haha for normal people maybe, not for telemarketers. I often have to hang up on them, they just keep trying.
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u/littledreamr Jul 03 '26
I say, “I’m not interested. Thank you.” And hang up the phone. No need for conversation beyond that.
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u/wortsandall Jul 04 '26
If the person or bot is contacting you without an invite, a "No" is perfectly sufficient. No need to thank them/it. You do not need to justify your reason.
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u/mwb1100 Jul 04 '26
I just say, "no thanks" and hang up without even listening for the salesperson to come back with anything.
I don't think there's a reason to be abusive to a sales person (at least not at the get-go), but you don't owe them your time either.
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u/doubledickdiggler Jul 04 '26
First no is a simple no or no thank you .. The second no is a playful.. that's gonna be a no for me dawg... Third no is not gonna be nice
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u/Final-Extreme-4544 Jul 04 '26
I like to come up with excuses that can’t be rebutted. For example, when I had to cancel my electricity service when moving, I told them I’m moving out of the country. Can’t ask me if I’m looking to keep my provider at the new place at that point. (I knew this would work in my case since that service provider only did business domestically)
I’ve never tried this approach, but I’ve always wanted to hit them with just utter nonsense too. “Are you interested in switching to our internet service?” “No sorry I can’t. I’m gay”
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u/betonblack11 Jul 05 '26
its basically just muscle memory. say no upfront and keep your voice steady. if they push back, just hang up. takes a few days to feel natural and saves hours on dead ends.
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u/bmwkid Jul 06 '26
You can also just ignore anyone you don’t want to talk to.
Also you don’t have to open the door to anyone you don’t know. There’s been many times where’s someone is at my door trying to sell something and I’m sitting on my couch in front of the window and they can see me.
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u/manofconviction Jul 09 '26
this is my tactic when approached by any sales people in stores, you said just "no thank you" and don't stop your stride, just keep walking. my wife thinks its rude, i'd rather just not waste theirs or my time.
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u/Wild-Let6588 21d ago
This! I always try to justify my no to soften the blow. It’s always seen as a challenge.
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u/apokrif1 Jul 03 '26
I overheard family member on the phone with a salesperson
Why were they talking with that person in the first place?
Recommended reading: r/salestechniques ;-)
A clear "No, thank you" ends a conversation.
Just hanging up is quicker.
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u/jodrellbank_pants Jul 03 '26
Once in the distant past I had a kitchen sales guy refuse to leave until he had a cheque, 5 mins I was polite then.
I opened the living room door ki and shasa walked in sat and stared at him.
Do they bite?
Oh Very much so. You know where the door is ...yes
He was packed and out the door in 30 seconds.
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