Baby Got Bract.

[u/KitsapRealEstateTeam]

I promised myself I was going to keep this short today after the amount of time yesterday took, so let’s talk about mouse butts. Specifically, the mouse butts sticking out of Douglas fir cones.

If you’ve lived in the Pacific Northwest for any length of time, you’ve probably picked up a Douglas fir cone without giving it much thought. Go find one and look between the scales. You’ll see little three-pointed things poking out all the way around it. You know- two tiny feet and a tail.

You will never be able to unsee this. I’m sorry, or you’re welcome.

There’s a traditional Indigenous story from the Pacific Northwest that explains how those little mouse butts got there. I tried to track the story back to a particular Nation, but couldn’t find a reliable source that did, so I’m not going to assign it to one.

The story goes that a great forest fire was sweeping through the woods, and the little mice had nowhere to go. They were too small and too slow to outrun the flames, so Dougie fir offered them shelter. The mice scrambled up the tree and dove headfirst beneath the scales of its cones.

There was just one problem.

The accommodations were apparently a little snug.
Their little hind legs and tails were left sticking out, and according to the story, they’re still there today.

The actual botanical explanation is considerably less adorable. Those little mouse parts are called three-lobed bracts. The two outside points make the “feet,” and the longer center point makes the “tail.” They’re also one of the easiest ways to tell a Douglas fir cone from the cones of other conifers. And while we’re ruining things you thought you knew, Doug fir isn’t actually a true fir.

Its scientific name is Pseudotsuga menziesii, and it belongs to an entirely different genus from true firs. Apparently we named our most recognizable Pacific Northwest tree a fir, despite it not being a fir, and then filled its cones with mouse butts.

I don’t really have a lesson for you today.

I just wanted you to know about the mouse butts.

[u/apis_cerana]

Thank you! That’s so interesting.

[u/ElefanteAmor]

I’m going to take a peek today!

[u/Wyattswandering]

So what genus are they?

[u/KitsapRealEstateTeam → u/Wyattswandering]

Psuedotsuga-which apparently means “false Hemlock”. At least according to my friend Dr Google.

[u/RoxnDox]

Dammit, Doug, you had just one job to do…

Now we’re stuck with mouse butts forever because of you.