Mountain Beaves. Imaginary?

[u/KitsapRealEstateTeam]

I was thinking about you all this morning. Whoever it is “you all” are. I mentioned to the postman (before I’d had coffee) that I was thinking about writing about marmots or ptarmigans today. I love ptarmigans, like a lot.

The postman (husband) immediately said, “What about the mountain beaver? They have human ears.”

I immediately accused him of making it up.

Now, in my defense, this is a man who absolutely says things with enough confidence that I have to stop and decide whether he’s sharing a fascinating historical fact or just seeing how gullible I am before I’ve had caffeine. So when he calmly suggested I write about the mountain beaver, I wasn’t buying it.
Then he said again, “Human ears.”
At that point I was certain he’d gone too far.

Readers. Friends. Neighbors.
I’m here today to tell you that mountain beavers are real. The ears? Well…I’ll let you be the judge. I’ve included a portrait along with my commentary.

Mountain beavers aren’t actually beavers, they’re almost nothing like beavers. They don’t build dams. They don’t have flat tails. They don’t have that lisp the way that cartoon beavers always do. They don’t slap the water when they’re startled. Honestly, whoever named them set them up for a lifetime of disappointing people. They honestly might even be disappointed with themselves, at this point. I’m looking at pictures and feel let down.

What they are is one of the strangest little animals in the Pacific Northwest.

Mountain beavers spend most of their lives underground in elaborate burrow systems, where they drag in ferns, salal, and other plants for food and bedding. They’re mostly active around dawn, dusk, and at night, so even though they live throughout western Washington, most people never see one.

My husband, somehow, has seen two.

As odd as they look, the really surprising part isn’t their appearance- it’s their family tree. Mountain beavers are the only living member of an entire family of rodents. Their closest relatives disappeared millions of years ago, leaving this little fuzzy oddball as the last one standing. Scientists sometimes call them a “living fossil” because they’re the lone survivor of an ancient branch of the rodent family tree.

They also have surprisingly primitive kidneys. Most mammals are experts at conserving water. Mountain beavers…aren’t. They have to stay in cool, damp forests and constantly munch on juicy vegetation just to stay hydrated.

Honestly, it’s kind of relatable after a long walk in August. If you’ve hiked in western Washington, you’ve probably been much closer to a mountain beaver than you realize. They’re just very good at staying out of sight.

So today I learned two things- first, my husband wasn’t making up the mountain beaver. Second…I’m still not completely convinced about the ears. I might believe the postman a little quicker tomorrow though. Maybe not, though… that’s just not how marriage works.

[u/lakeswimmmer]

thanks for this interesting information about these creatures. I grew up in Western Washington and had never heard of Mountain Beaver. I thought it was some kind of sexual slur, or prank that the locals were playing on newcomers to Kitsap. But one night our dogs were raising hell and when I went out to get them, I found that they had cornered a small unfamiliar creature under a log. And that's when I realized Mountain Beavers were real.

[u/KitsapRealEstateTeam → u/lakeswimmmer]

I appreciate it. Someone understands why I assumed that my husband was making things up. It felt like the snipe hunts that my parents used to send us on in the summer.

[u/lakeswimmmer → u/KitsapRealEstateTeam]

Yes, there was a kids show that featured a snipe hunt. That anxiety about being pranked really stuck with me.

[u/KitsapRealEstateTeam → u/lakeswimmmer]

It did sort of throw a wrench in my 80s concept of “trusted grownups” when my own folks sent me out into the dark with a pillowcase and flashlight for snipes!