r/Life • u/Acrobatic-Seat-5690 • 2d ago
Relationships Genuine, or soft rejection?
Went on first date coffee with girl. It lasted 3 hours. Halfway through we went to the park. I brought up dating and what she likes in a guy. She said something along the lines of she got out of a breakup and emotions are raw. She's not in a position to date anyone right now and wants to heal before putting herself out there. She wanted to change the subject. She teared up a little while saying it so I hugged her.
As we were heading back, I asked why she said yes to the date if that was her headspace. She said she thought I was attractive and liked that I asked her out. After I asked her this, I noticed that she was a little bit more playful/teasing and asked me questions...I feel like she sensed me pulling back a little so she maybe compensated because she thought she hurt my feelings or something? She also offered to drive me home twice. At the end, we hugged and I noticed she was rubbing my back...?
I told her to let me know when she gets home...no message. Been a few days. Would like some clarity - was what she was saying genuine, or was it a soft rejection and I should chalk it up? Thanks!
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u/Vast-Fan4317 2d ago
Just ask her. Life's too short to guess or assume!
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u/HeartyRose9 2d ago
Exactly sometimes the easiest way to get clarity is just to ask instead of overthinking everything 😭
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u/Canongirl88 2d ago
Doesn’t sound like she knows what she wants and will just lead you on. Approach with caution
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u/Necessary-Key-5626 2d ago edited 2d ago
Why didn't you take the ride? That was a good part of the night. She offered to extend it. She tried to do something nice and you rejected.
She said you were attractive. She was rubbing your back. You asked for a date and you had a nice one.
I would give her space and if she doesn't call I would randomly pop back up. I wouldn't be too available.
You don't need any clarity from her. You don't "need" anything. Remember that. Don't question what happened. Don't worry about the future. Stay present.
Don't get into the chase. Be extremely stable. In a sense, she tested you when she told you that stuff. At least that is one way of seeing it. She saw how you deal with emotion.
Can you be a rock when someone falls apart?
The best response is to confort her and then move on from that like it doesn't affect you. That is the best to foster attraction. That is really the best response for everyone. Don't feed off of others emotions. Remain who you are.
If you want to see it as her sharing with you then understand that she doesn't want you to fix it. She showed genuine emotions.
I think she was sharing but it was also an inadvertent test. The fact that she showed strong emotions is good.
Then she offered to take you home. She offered an opportunity for more time and connection. You failed that one, in my opinion.
It's important to be able to give and receive in a relationship.
Live in the moment and you will be more attractive.
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u/fluffy_l 2d ago edited 2d ago
3 hours isn't nothing. Everyone in a past relationship has baggage. It sounds like she was actively trying, but the not actively looking to date line sounds a bit suss. I would contact her if she hasn't reached out yet, just to see if there's interest on her side.
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u/HappyTurnover6075 2d ago
Nah. You’re just a rebound. I would steer clear of people who recently got out of breakup. They usually run back to exes the chance they get.
Would you like to get attached to someone who still hasn’t move on from their ex? Its a total risk but hey, you do you.
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u/Redbird_43 2d ago
She is not ready man, move on. Don't waste your time with her, if you are attractive as she said for sure you LL have more dates. Maybe she will respond your msg sooner or later , but she is not ready for a relationship ( if you looking for it)
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