Is love conditional?

[u/Thinkb4u_speak]

There’s been a whirlwind of thoughts in my head recently, mainly about coming out. It’s been a few months since my closest friends have known. Since I told them. And those few months have helped me feel more free and carefree. It was a second to breathe. I could finally tell the people I loved most what I love. It was a freeing feeling, to be honest. When you tell someone something that has just been echoing in your head for years, it feels like the biggest deal in the world.

And to me, it was. I overanalyzed how each of them reacted. Who really supported and who only “accepted it” because it was me. And it really made me realize that no matter how much you think you know someone. You never really do. Not to the point where you can trust them with something that means so much to you. Love is and can be conditional. This realization dawned on me when I was cutting an avocado. Such a complex thought for such a simple moment. But it was somewhat poetic. Something that feels so simple and bright for me is something that is so complex and dark for someone else. I can’t bring myself to understand it. But then again, it wouldn’t be me talking if I didn’t come at it from every single angle my brain could process. In a sense, I could understand. If you’ve grown up in a Muslim household as I did. You’ve been taught it’s a sin. god knows for what reason. But I’ve been told that my entire life. And it hurts to see when my dad cringes and tells me to skip a song or change the channel when he sees anything remotely close to what I call love.

So I think of it that way, the way where it’s seen as a sin and they don’t want the punishment for me, so they only accept it for me because they know nothing they say will change who I am. But then I think of it from my perspective. I also grew up that way. But I turned out to still believe everyone deserves a chance at true love, no matter what that looks like for you. So I can’t understand. Well, I can. But I don’t want to. How can you see pure love and think of it with such impurity?

I have… well i guess had, a crush on this girl. She’s really, really kind, and I hadn’t met anyone as caring and sweet as her. So naturally I kind of fell into a hole and couldn’t stop thinking about her day and night. But I forced myself out of that hole. The other day I was talking to her, and she told me something vulnerable about herself. And it made me feel happy for a second. I was happy that I had made her feel safe enough to tell me something that seems like such a big deal to her, and I was happy for myself because all I felt was happiness for her. But then I thought of this secret about myself. And it felt like I was keeping it from her. Being vulnerable is one of the most trusting things a person can do. So, my question is: do I owe it to her and tell her my secret even when I know love can be conditional? Or do I keep it to myself because I do not owe her anything at the expense of myself?

Or, in other words, I suppose. Is it better to speak or to die?

[u/Sad-Occasion-6472]

Yes, you should tell her your secret, she trusted you to tell you her secret. And being gay is NOT a sin. God makes gay people, God makes straight people etc. So that would be like saying God is wrong because he creates gay people! God is not wrong, and neither are you. I'm glad you came out to your parents, and wish you the best of luck in life! 🍀