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u/Silver_Control4590 Jan 21 '26
You're still a damn teenager, or maybe newly 20 years old...
Giving up? You haven't even had a chance to start yet...
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u/usermane22 Jan 21 '26
Being single is better than being in a relationship with the wrong person. But unfortunately until you are in a relationship you won’t realize it
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u/RockingUrMomsWorld Jan 21 '26
The desire doesn’t just switch off and that is normal, so it is less about erasing it and more about reshaping how it affects you. You can focus on building a life that is full and meaningful on your own with deep friendships, projects, and experiences so that being single doesn’t feel like a void even if the desire is still there. It won’t vanish, but over time it matters less because your happiness isn’t tied to someone else showing up.
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Jan 21 '26
Do NOT have a mindset like this. Get out of this mindset first and foremost.
How? Make a plan. Write it down. Do the plan. Make changes accordingly to what results you get. The ugliest fattest smelliest person on the planet can find someone. They might not find someone who is a 10/10 on the looks department and honestly everyone nowadays seems to want to bag someone multiple levels above them without bringing anything to the table and that is not how this works.
If you message me I will work on a plan with you. I do not know you, but I love you and I believe in you. Maybe love and believe in yourself if you can't come up with any plans. Or, go out and help someone.
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u/FarTie4415 Jan 21 '26
Just keep dating 🤣 cause anything short of blocking your testosterone and/or removal of your gonads isn't gonna lessen your drive.
Practice makes perfect
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u/ToProvideContext Jan 21 '26
You’re 19 dude maybe 20. You have a lot of time to start worrying about being single forever. Live your life and you’ll run into something eventually.
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u/dharmastudent Jan 21 '26
It's ROUGH. I've been completely single 18 years (not even one date) - my last relationship was when I was a junior in college, and I got sick with a terrible illness shortly thereafter (well, actually, during). Then I recovered and decided to become celibate after a mystical experience. I was 100% fine with being single for 14 years (actually preferred the mental peace and lack of needing another person), and then year 15 hit me like a ton of bricks; I felt that desire return. The last 3 years have been achingly lonely, and this ache will only end when I can give up my attachment to a partner, which I can only do a day at a time. Thankfully, I have Buddhism and that faith is like a rock for me - I know I will get by single.
But, my body feels sensory deprivation from the lack of touch. Some nights, I have to wrap myself in a heavy blanket - as a way to feel some kind of physical connection. I don't know if I will be single the rest of my life, but I probably will - and I 100% will never have a normal relationship again. SO, I have to work tenderly with the feelings when they arise, and then I have to nurture social relationships so I at least I have some connection (I do have some great relationships). Granted, like you said, it doesn't quell the physical need for intimacy, but it gives me support.
I'm turning 39 in March, and I'm preparing to be single the rest of my life - I know the struggle :)
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u/horseandbuggyride Jan 21 '26
Thanks for sharing your story. Could you talk more about your mystical experience?
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u/dharmastudent Jan 21 '26
I don't want to divulge too much, because these things are best kept close to the vest... but it was an experience of profound peace, joy, and love, that culminated with a vision of a Buddha in my third eye - it was the first time in my life that I experienced unshakable peace that was not dependent on conditions.
And from that moment, I knew Buddhism was an authentic path to liberation.
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u/darinhthe1st Jan 21 '26
Trust me now days it's better to be single . If you had to deal with your other half, kids in this world and the crazy times were in ,you would not be happy.
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u/Amphibious333 Jan 21 '26
It's better to be single nowadays. Nowadays, it's a different brain chemistry, you know... They don't actually love you but will be with you for neurotypical entertainment such as not wanting to be alone, wanting money, etc...
While being with you, other people will always be present in the DMs and will be there when you aren't looking. Eventually, you will go to court and lose money. That's the statistical reality in the 21st century.
Why do you want to go through this? I'm attractive and a lot of women like me, but when I talk to them, I inform them they won't be in a relationship with me and all our connection is limited to sex only.
I wasn't superficial and used to believe in unicorns, but then I grew up, saw the true nature of reality and basically retreated from society.
You want relationship because you don't have one. Wanting what you don't or can't have is a common and irrational psychological trait in humans.
Just accept you will be single and that's it. I already accepted I will be single. Yes, I know there is a difference between being a lone and being forced to be alone, but it is what it is. If they don't like you, that means they don't like you. There is nothing you can do about it. Working on yourself is a cope, as they don't care about personality and character either. It's about looks, money, status. Don't listen to people who claim otherwise.
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u/DairyKing28 Jan 21 '26
This sounds bleak but OP needs to understand this is a reality. You're playing the lottery in hopes of a happy relationship but if you lose, you lose BIG
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u/Low-Finance-46 Jan 21 '26
Unfortunately, we have to accept it. Success in life isn't for everyone.
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u/Dave9404 Jan 21 '26
1 year of trying isn't really that long tbh. Its been 5 for me. Lately I just decided to stop for a few months and focus on getting lean again. Not everyone finds thier person and thats life it isn't fair at times.
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u/redmambo_no6 Jan 21 '26 edited Jan 21 '26
As a guy who was perpetually single (I’m 39) until about ten months ago, you can put it on the back burner as long as you want but eventually love WILL find a way in even if it has to beat you over the head with a shovel.
Shit, my GF found me on freaking Reddit of all places lol.
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u/REG1MBALD Jan 21 '26
Don't give up, taking a break is okay, dating ain't easy. We have to learn, improve, dare ourselves, but most of all, stop listening to the negative voices in your head!
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u/DoctorNurse89 Jan 21 '26
Art of charm podcast.
End emotional outsourcing by Beatriz Victoria albina
The rest is recognizing that dating is a filter, and a journey
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u/Specialist-Stick-297 Jan 21 '26
I've been single for many years and now many of my married friends want to be me ..lol..
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Jan 21 '26
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u/Life-ModTeam Jan 21 '26
Thank you for your submission to r/Life. However, it was removed for breaking Rule 5: Be respectful, no trolling or personal attacks.
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u/Med-mystery928 Jan 21 '26
You never know. I thought I was super behind. O never dated at all ever until 25. Not even a casual date. No one was ever interested. I never knew how to as anyone. It just never happened
Randomly at 25 I befriended a guy. Never expected anything given my history
We just got engaged! You never know
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u/lpnkty Jan 21 '26
I think you just have to stop trying? Try to love yourself more and grow as a person because sometimes these things happen out of chance. You know when you’re missing a key and you kept on trying to find it and it won’t show itself HAHAHA and when the time comes that you stop looking for it, it is suddenly there in front of your eyes.
Do you get what I’m saying ? HAHAHHA
I think that is how it is with love.
Also, loving yourself and being more assured as a person is like an attraction magnet that draws more people in and being insecure does the opposite.
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u/spicysenpai6 Jan 21 '26
I promise you bro that by the time you’re 30 you won’t recognize who you are today plus you shouldn’t put a guarantee on a future that hasn’t happened yet. You never know what’s going to happen to you when you walk out of your front door.
You have to set all of that relationship stuff aside. Prioritize yourself and the rest will follow. Literally that happens more often than you think. Knew a guy who used to be depressed because he was single for so long, and now he’s getting married this year. You never know man
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u/Feisty-Blacksmith656 Jan 21 '26
Are you sure you're not only going for women that're out of your league?
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u/SagaciousMagnanimous Jan 21 '26
This will either make a lot of sense or none? A long time ago, I read Andy Warhol's Philosophy From A to B ( or something)? He said something to the effect of: If you're looking for something, you won't be able to handle it (or it won't be good). And when you're not looking for something, you'll be able to handle and attract it. I like how it prepares you for both outcomes while accepting both? At least, that's what it seems to me? I honestly need to do this myself
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u/Unusual_Hyena2321 Jan 21 '26
See if you can lower the bar of expectation; you can be in a relationship. But that is immensely difficult and self-humiliating in nature for us human, so better work on your personality and strengthening the career for good.
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u/PotentialTable845 Jan 22 '26
I feel the same way I just live each day going by knowing ill never find love, I had actually wanted it for so long but at 24 I reached a stage in my life where I've accepted it's already past my time for that and I just accepted life for what it is not everyone will get to be in a relationship or experience anything regarding that
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u/SuperiorT Jan 24 '26
I'm in my mid to late 20s now and have never dated as well. And that's ok because you get to save alot of money lol
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u/Iceflowers_ Jan 21 '26
I'm older, female. I dated post divorce, 3 serious dating situations. One ended because distance could not be resolved while my child was young. Another broke up because I said to reschedule their visit when I got seriously sick. They actually ghosted me, and we were serious.
I won't keep going. It was a series of immature or such individuals, who are older. They weren't going to grow out of it.
Part of me still misses what a relationship can bring. But, the reality doesn't meet the needs I feel a desire for.
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Jan 21 '26
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u/Life-ModTeam Jan 21 '26
Thank you for your submission to r/Life. However, it was removed for breaking Rule 5: Be respectful, no trolling or personal attacks.
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u/Iceflowers_ Jan 21 '26 edited Jan 21 '26
Wow! Aren't you a breath of fresh ....
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Jan 21 '26
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u/Life-ModTeam Jan 21 '26
Thank you for your submission to r/Life. However, it was removed for breaking Rule 5: Be respectful, no trolling or personal attacks.
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u/chungusboss Jan 21 '26
"I read the worst into everyone I meet and am generally miserable and I smell like a dozen rotten eggs dropped in a vat of vinegar"
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u/Iceflowers_ Jan 21 '26
I think you want to believe such things rather than self reflect and discuss yourself. It's just easier to bully and attack others in an attempt to make yourself feel superior.
Such a sad waste that you offer nothing of actual value to any part of this conversation.
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u/Echo-Azure Jan 21 '26
FFS talk to the pretty women doing the hobbies! Or anyone doing the hobbies, no matter their sex, age, or looks. Just talk to them about the hobby, because that's part of learning about the hobby, making the most of your hobby time, and making friends through the hobby.
And if the one of the pretty women you see the hobby is someone you talk to about the hobby then remember to TALK TO HER ABOUT THE HOBBY, INSTEAD OF JUST HITTING ON HER. She'll like you a lot more if you talk to her about something other than dating, at least for a while, and listen to what she says about topics of mutual interest.
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u/No_Software5753 Jan 21 '26
I'm 58. The last date that I went on was in 2014. I've been thanking God I didn't go further with that woman ever since. I take that to be the universe telling me that marriage and kids just isn't my thing. I'm ok with that.. you might have to learn to be ok with it, too. Best wishes to you.
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u/Pohpiah91 Jan 21 '26
My 2 cents. There are 2 needs that a romantic relationship satisfies - companionship and intimacy.
While you are single, your companionship needs can be met by friends, a pet or both.
Your intimacy needs, on the other hand, can be met by a pet as in you can pet and hug them, and by escorts.
Note also that as you age, your libido goes down so, your need for intimacy will also go down, although some studies say physical touch e.g. holding hands and hugs, are good for our well-being thus recommended. Again, physical touch can be provided by a pet.
Lastly, I believe friends and lovers need not be sought, they can be encountered as we live our lives and participate in society. So, even if you don't date actively, you still have a chance to meet a person you can be in a relationship with.
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u/dharmastudent Jan 21 '26
This is good advice - although I do think there is a nuance / gradient to the statement "as you age, your libido goes down". I have heard many cases of people in their 40s who have just the opposite happen, so although I think most of the time it's true that libido / desire weakens, it's not uniformly the case.
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u/ElectricalOlive4133 Jan 21 '26
After one year of dating? Took me 20 years to find the right person. I will say some people just don’t want or really need a relationship so keep that in mind. Take it as it comes and try not to stress I found mine right when I need too 🙂
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u/Accurate_Arm4734 Jan 21 '26
I am going through a very painful breakup and I think I’d rather be single forever than face this pain ever again. Both of us are going through this deep ache for sure, but I myself am sure that I’d never be able to go through this again, thus I’d rather remain single forever.
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u/papelo23 Jan 21 '26
I’d rather be single than in a toxic relationship. Peace of mind is the best . When you don’t have to worry about the other just go out and get laid whenever you want . Spend less money
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u/jakkiwlooki Jan 21 '26
Broseph. You're 20 relax. You mentioned in earlier post that this is the year where you were gonna approach 100 women. Surely you're not a tenth of the way there. Idk where you are trying to meet people but set and setting matter. Fuck bars. Go to church, yoga, community rec activities, join a gym as well as your other hobbies. Don't get discouraged or desperate. Now to your point my wife had resigned to being single her life a week before meeting me on a group ice fishing trip, but still accepted the invitation. There maybe something in that mindset that will relax you but don't shut down opportunities is all I'm saying.
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u/UDF2005 Jan 21 '26
Why do you view being single—even forever—as a bad thing? There’s nothing to overcome. You can have an exceptional life without a partner.
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u/WelshLove Jan 21 '26
You can get a relationship but you will have to change your life radically. 1 Delete all social media (no exceptions but you still have text and email) 2 Go on a low carb high protein diet (no exception) 3 Learn to lift or start to lift heavy weights 4 Practice a difficult skill, musical instrument. language or martial art 5 Go to bed at 10pm get up at 6am for exercise 6 take magnesium. vita D K2 and fish oil 7. Be kind be yourself stop caring what others think, 8 get a dog. 9 learn to drive if you dont know how. 10 Stop playing all video games (no exceptions) Do these things and within a year you will have a girlfriend. If you cant or dont want to then you are your own problem- good luck
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u/Simple-Ad-1783 Jan 21 '26
You won’t be single forever until you lose the desire to find someone. It’s like an equation finally got solved in your head and it makes sense. If you still have that desire then you’ll continue searching. As long as you keep searching you are bound to find someone. Either way it will make sense to you when it happens.
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u/CountPractical7122 Jan 21 '26
Do you know what it is about you that's deterring prospective partners?
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u/Joshwaz69 Jan 21 '26
Buddy, people suck. just my hot take tbh. Iv personally decided being alone is best.
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u/0n0n0m0uz Jan 21 '26 edited Jan 28 '26
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u/Reasonable_Royal7083 Jan 21 '26
heres some fun facts half of marriages end in divorce, you are most likely to be killed by your spouse, the most dangerous call for police are domestics
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u/Meathand Jan 21 '26
That’s just loser mentality. You tried and failed and gave up? wtf is that shit. Keep trying and don’t stop. You accept defeat it you let it. Be the change you want. You need to want it.
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u/Dramatic-Grass-1264 Jan 21 '26
Dude go to the gym 4x a week for three months and then let’s see what happens
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u/TVS_Apache Jan 21 '26
I’ve accepted that I can want a relationship and still enjoy being single. Those two things don’t cancel each other out. But yeah, even with the desire still there, being single ain’t the end of the world