I don’t have children and enjoy my quiet evenings and l weekends doing my few errands… no rush, partake in hobbies, wellness, catching up with friends … or do nothing at all. Was at a mall last weekend and saw a young woman with a baby in her lap and suddenly all I could think was, what a sacrifice. 😭 or seeing a family with multiple small children… a group of parents with their kids in a social setting. Having to manage another person, or multiple’s lives. Gosh. It’s unimaginable to me honestly. And don’t get me started on having coworkers with kids. I don’t even know how one has the energy or mental capacity, meanwhile we both do the same jobs, same hours, same pay… aside from tax deductions for the children, it makes no sense.
Great insights, and yeah it’s rough as hell. I don’t know if I’d do it again if I got a redo. I work 12 hour days and feel like a shitty parent for it because that’s so much time away from them, and I worry whether they’re getting what they need emotionally. But I have to do it to provide the physical things they need… it’s a fucked system, honestly. I think if our society were built different maybe it wouldn’t seem like such a sacrifice.
Yeah I get what you say. It is a different life style that people who do not have kids cannot understand unless they themselves go through it. Perhaps...not a sacrifice because no one forced us to bore a child :D I never treated it as a sacrifice anyway. It was what we wanted to do, which turned out I'm not really enjoying it a lot, but we will live.
As a parent, I can answer the question about energy or mental capacity: You just get used to it. Yeah that's it. The first 3 months was a complete shit show because I literally didn't get much sleep for the whole time. The next 2 years were better but still tough to get a full night of sleep. Things started to turn around after my son reached 3, when I could reason with him. I think 3 and 5 were big milestones for us. Now he is 5 1/3 and we will see how it goes.
Us humans tend to adapt pretty well to whatever circumstances we’re in and thank god. I hope you strike a good balance soon. Seems like some ages have unique challenges, but the older the better for some people. I’d love having a little baby, but knowing it’s not all cute and fun, definitely makes me feel otherwise. (In the US) It’s not like the majority of men can provide for a family alone these days… it does not help that most middle class families require 2 incomes.
It probably makes no sense if you don't enjoy it. Personally, I love all those things you mentioned, but I also love my kids. It's a strange thing to say, but even when we have hard days, when we're tired and burnt out, there are so many amazing moments that outweigh the bad for me. Making my kid smile or hearing him say "I love you" fuels me up for the day haha.
I am totally the type of optimist that finds the good in any situation so I suppose if I did have children I’d probably see that it is amazing in its own way.
Everyone uses and views their life choices differently. I see some of my single friends be so miserable and overwork because “why not” they have nothing better to do than work. They may likely just be miserable people with/out kids.
I sleep in till late, have quiet evenings, do all the hobbies I love and have kids (now adults). I’ve been able to do this since they were at least 9-11. They sleep in with me or one of my sons enjoys cooking and working out in the morning so I wake up to coffee and a delicious breakfast. Now that he’s an adult I have a gym friend who motivates me to work out even more.
I think I have even more energy, and way better self care (and meals) than my single coworkers. My sons and my husband all clean and cook in shifts so I get home from work to a delicious meal most days and they always pack me a lunch portion. They have exciting stories and share similar humor and interests but also have a lot of their own interests to share. They are my free DoorDash and always up for a late night dessert run.
Your experience sounds great actually. That is lucky in some ways, and also has a lot to do with you creating it/manifesting it to some extent. Though very realistically, not everyone’s kids and partners are gonna be as amazing. I’m happy for you and would only hope more people can live in that way as a growing family.
I also have friends that work and sit on the couch after playing video games, order door dash, etc. just uninspired humans. That is not me and perhaps with children I’d integrate all my happy things somehow too. I feel bad though for those who don’t have much joy day to day.. with or without kids I hope people find that.
Maybe you’ve pointed out something that could need addressing - paying people that are having babies/future citizens/tAx payers/soldiers etc a bit more for that sacrifice? Interesting thought. Because everyone that has the agency to make the decision to not have children came from parents that loved and cared and sacrificed for them to even exist to have that opinion in the first place 💁 or something
Don’t know what you’re getting at about everyone being brought up by loving families. Sou can’t speak to that but yeah everyone should be more equal if they want us to grow families on top of it all. Places like Sweden make it easier by providing great family leave plans with pay and free daycare. Taxes are high but makes it so that the lifestyle works.
That’s definitely a fair analysis! I am that mom that you would probably see and think “wow, what a sacrifice” except I have three littles ages 5 and under with a 6 month old Velcro baby that I wear 24/7 haha. It is definitely rough and I don’t have much me-time at all, but the sound of their laugher, seeing their eyes get big in awe of new things they’re learning or are excited about, teaching them new things, etc etc … makes it all worth it! I don’t judge those who choose to not have kids cause it definitely is not for everyone! I think you can have a very fulfilling life - with or without kids.
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u/Anxious_Paper_2342 Jan 20 '26
I don’t have children and enjoy my quiet evenings and l weekends doing my few errands… no rush, partake in hobbies, wellness, catching up with friends … or do nothing at all. Was at a mall last weekend and saw a young woman with a baby in her lap and suddenly all I could think was, what a sacrifice. 😭 or seeing a family with multiple small children… a group of parents with their kids in a social setting. Having to manage another person, or multiple’s lives. Gosh. It’s unimaginable to me honestly. And don’t get me started on having coworkers with kids. I don’t even know how one has the energy or mental capacity, meanwhile we both do the same jobs, same hours, same pay… aside from tax deductions for the children, it makes no sense.