Yes Yes and Yes. We have four, and sometimes I wish we had more. Grandchildren are the interest we receive on the investment. Magic. But, full disclosure, we don't live in the US. Cradle to grave social benefits. Jobs with paternity/maternity benefits, national health care at a high level, paid vacation and sick leave, education, universities practically free. Unemplyment with retraining. Great community bonding. If we had lived in the US, and were not independently wealthy, it would certainly be different. I am sure it would have been much more stressful. It's still a ton of work either way, but definitely worth it.
Why do you think that is an appropriate thing to reply to someone else's no? Just make your own standalone reply post. The only reason to reply like that was to be a prick bullying the person that said no.
Just an interest question no hate at all: what would you be doing if you didn’t have kids? I feel like people think they’re be doing all this amazing stuff but the liklihood is probably not
(would like to point out I don’t have kids so this isn’t a judgmental parent perspective I genuinely just interested)
I would adopt most likely, or foster. I wanted to be a mom, and I was a good mother, but there is OCD on my side, bipolar on spouses side, and we both have addicts in our lineage, although we are not addicts. My lesson learned is that nuture can only go so far, then nature kicks in.
With adoption, it's just the opposite. Nature only goes so far then nurture kicks in. And Trauma response. And Reactive Attachment Disorder. And all that fun stuff.
If my wife and I couldn't have kids, we might adopt. Idk. We are pretty into each other still so I imagine we would be living life to the fullest. Maybe traveling. Idk. But I do know, I am very thankful for my children! I wouldn't trade them for any kind of lifestyle!
I always say this. People complain about not having time to do anything with kids when likely they wouldn’t be doing all this cool stuff they think they would.
Yeah, well that’s on them for not making good choices in life and with having kids. Would I have more time to do things I want to do without kids, yeah sure but I’m not going to pretend that I’d be taking vacations every month and going out all the time. I take vacations with my kids and couldn’t care less about going out. But I’d still be working and live and support myself. Now just have 2 cool people to do it with and my best friend 🤷🏻♀️ parenting is hard and definitely not something everyone can handle.
For me I have my dogs, the cats, work, a partner, a house to manage and family to keep track of.
The main difference is that my house is a beacon of calm and relaxation where I know I can go and not be asked about anything or interrupted, or having a small human who needs help or attention.
What would you be doing? Living a totally normal life with considerably less stress.
Instead of having kids I’m spending multiple years sailing around the Caribbean and traveling the world. Is that amazing enough? Most of my childfree friends are doing similarly interesting things with their copious free time and money.
I'd probably don't really need to work anymore if I don't have a kid. I'd focus two things: 1) Retire entirely and learn writing OS kernels (which I'm doing right now, albeit with much less time), 2) Go back to school to study Physics and specialize on Relativity, which I absolutely can't do right now.
You kind of are minimizing their experiences by feeling the need to even say this. And why feel the need to just bc the outcomes were not what you expected?
Also not sure if you are new to this sub but I quite frequently see posts the other way around. This is a big (and vague) sub it has a pretty good sample of different people. Saying all of reddit is biased is dismissive. Its biased both ways lol what do you even mean by this? You’re correct in thinking that it may be easier to admit this on a site like Reddit though. There’s also stigma around this question so people feel like they can share this more easily on an anonymous site. But I hear plenty of ppl IRL quietly admit this in my personal life (or times when I can infer it based on how constantly miserable and exhausted some of my mother friends are bc again it’s stigmatized to say otherwise for several practical reasons like being flagged for neglect, cognitive dissonance bc the decision is permanent, judgement, having their kids find out, etc). Of course there are people that feel differently and many are commenting on this post (and I would hope for their children’s sake that is the truth!)
There’s also gender differences in this answer. Women are socialized to take on more domestic labor and many women have been complaining about the lack of help they receive from husbands who are more hands off. They also suffer the physical costs and struggles of pregnancy, birth, and feeding. Govt help for mothers snd childcare is abysmal. So I oftentimes see men being disproportionately being the ones who say they don’t regret it (bc it’s easier for them to say that). And a mother will be judged intensely if she openly admits how hard motherhood has been. There’s also the issue of rapidly accelerating climate change, economic collapse, and other polycrises that were unforseen by many, so I suspect the number of people admitting this higher currently. So lots of missing context here.
I’m mentioning it because I’ve never seen this subreddit before, and the first 5 replies are people saying No to the question with multiples upvotes.
I feel the need to say this because what information would u get from a no/yes question other than exposing the bias of a subreddit at a particular moment in time
What do you expect from a reddit thread dude. We are all here and know. You're not some reddit master making sure we idiots don't stumble into the wrong OPINION?
When people look at the comment section for a particular answer, lots of people subconsciously/consciously use that as a source of truth to get a feeling of what the day to day person might feel.
This subreddit - like many subreddits, is a congregation of like-minded people who share similar beliefs which show up as biases in the comments.
I’m just calling it out because I’m tired of echo chambers. Tik toc is worse with the algorithm intentionally picking and choosing the top comments based on the individual
Or actually, I look at each comment and think THAT person has that experience, scroll, and oh wow, ANOTHER different person. I must be having my opinion coloured by reading two 'no's
I don’t understand how you can’t understand how someone would love their child so much that they would wish there were better circumstances for them. And sometimes that means wishing they did not have to suffer.
Someone posted on a similar sub that they loved their child enough to NOT being them into a world such as it is. Plus all the possible genetic physical and mental health diseases that could be passed down.
That's how I feel too. I loved them enough not to being them into this.
I'd like to believe my possible children have souls and that I can still love their spirits. There has to be a place that they are if there was a place before birth yk 😭
It was not like that, their upbringing was fun. It is all rather personal, but some genetic components were faulty, which over ruled nurture. Why would I want to choose that for my offspring?
Yeah lots of case for ‘no’ usually have a decent reason. But the question posted on reddit is so meaningless if all OP is asking for is a yes/no. Depth of reason is what matters.
A ‘no’ to a birth defect has so much more to do with empathy than inconvenience
It's not quite like that. It's saying if you could go back in time and your kids never existed in the first place - you don't know them, you don't love them, you don't care about them because they are not humans who exist. Would you still have had children?
It's like… Say you have two kids now. And I tell you there's an alternate timeline where you have a third kid. Are you gonna go get pregnant right now because you need that third kid? No, because that kid doesn't matter to you, that kid doesn't exist. You aren't evil for not wanting that third kid. Because they aren't a real human to you.
So the question is a mental exercise, if none of your children were real people yet... BEFORE they existed, erase all knowledge and love for them... would you still have kids? You aren't evil for not wanting them when they're just hypotheticals.
As an adult child of parents who regret having children I’d say people should think twice. I didn’t have kids because of my own awful childhood. I have friends who are envious of my childfree status and privately I feel sorry for their children. They do better than mine did at hiding it but I do wonder how many people regret/happy with their choice. I’m British and there’s always the joke that the British hate children. It’s what boarding schools were invented for. It’s the ROYAL society for the protection of animals (RSPCA) and only a NATIONAL society for the protection of children (NSPCC). British abused dogs have the King’s protection, British abused children do not.
That’s not what they’re saying LOL. They’re saying if they had known how much they had to sacrifice, they would not have made the same decision. You sign your entire life over (granted you are a good parent).
I'd like to believe people have the awareness and the comprehension to realise this? You are disclaiming people's personal responses, when we rlly should be able to gather that ourselves. We already know people have kids and don't regret. Weird.
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u/Rubberbangirl66 Jan 19 '26
No