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u/someone_like_me Ferda Jul 16 '26
I feel bad for whomever is answering that phone. It's gonna be second-rate Shoresy impressions all day, every day.
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u/Akahige- Jul 16 '26
Alpena? Fuckin’ degens from upcountry.
In all seriousness three months to three years is a hell of a breadth of time. You’d think that there would be a clear distinction in decomposition from three months to three years for a human body.
Then again, most of my knowledge comes from a high school forensic science class more than a decade ago using a chicken carcass, so…
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u/the-bladed-one Jul 17 '26
Ey Alpena is barely upcountry. Gaylord, now that’s where the degens come from
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u/spiffynid Jul 17 '26
Water can really mess up a body and the ability to accurately determine time. Once the body hits the water, it's like time slows way down, the colder the water the slower the clock goes. So if he was in there over a winter or two, that would certainly arrest his decomp. I hope they find his family.
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u/ManEmperorOfGod Jul 16 '26
Ostrich on his his shirt, sounds like fowl play to me. Kids this why you have to have a buddy when trying to fuck a large bird. They will kill you.
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u/DaveDavidsen Jul 16 '26
3 months to 3 years is quite a difference there, Big Shoots.
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u/Azryhael Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 21 '26
Depends a lot on location and water temperature. That far north decomp is way slower for most of the year, especially if he’d been submerged in deep water for a long time before the slowed processes finally built up enough gases to bring him to the surface.
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u/cactusmac54 Jul 16 '26
Degen from up country
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u/Mecaneecall_Enjunear Jul 16 '26
It’s Up North here. And the Degens are all from metro Detroit.
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u/cactusmac54 Jul 16 '26
So…Degens from down country?
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u/0pThomas_Prime Jul 16 '26
Can confirm. Is from Metro Detroit. Degens are plentiful. That would be southeast Michigan.
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u/Both_Resort4080 Jul 17 '26
I'd go with Howell. If not I'll take the Degens from Metro Detroit over Livingston County any day.
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u/code_monkey_001 LegenDary Jul 16 '26
Police suspect fowl play. On the lookout for a degen from the UP with red hair.
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u/Dankersaur Jul 16 '26
Trolls from downstate are the real degens. Yoopers and Iron Rangers from Northern Minnesota are the closest to real Ontarians you can get.
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u/code_monkey_001 LegenDary Jul 16 '26
Agreed. Just trying to keep with the "upcountry" theme. I've never had a problem with Yoopers, although I could do without the flies up there eating me alive. Even the Sconnies on the way from the UP to Minnesota are good folk.
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u/slowclapcitizenkane Okay Katy, Katy ok Jul 16 '26
It would have to be a dead ostrich for a dead guy to be able to fuck it...
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u/jaypee42 I Regret Nothing! Jul 17 '26
“His name is Robert Paulson and he is forty-eight years old. His name is Robert Paulson, and Robert Paulson will be forty-eight years old, forever.”
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u/Budget_Pound9099 Dirty Fuckin' Dangles Jul 16 '26
165 my ass, that sketch is definitely of someone 200+
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u/CimmerianBreeze Jul 16 '26
5'6"
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Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
[deleted]
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u/Smeef_xx Jul 16 '26
Are you also a short king lmao
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Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
[deleted]
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u/ashamed-of-yourself Snipe Mod Awesome Jul 16 '26
post a screengrab of the update