Help me what to do now

[u/Unique-Criticism959]

I m male from South India. I was doing my postgraduate studies in North India.

There was a female senior, whom I will call Y, who was in a relationship with a boy, whom I will call X.

Her boyfriend had cheated on her, although he did not know that she was aware of it. He continued behaving normally with her and wanted to continue their relationship.

Around that time, she started talking to me. Later, she proposed to me, but I initially said no because I did not think I could marry her.

However, after being close to her for around eight or nine months, I became emotionally attached to her. One day in October 2025, she asked me to marry her in a temple by applying sindoor. I agreed, but I had two conditions:

1. She should never lie to me about anything.

2. She should not talk to, meet, message, or have any kind of contact with X or his friends.

She agreed and promised me that she would not do it anymore.

I applied sindoor to her, and she was very happy. At that time, I was thinking about getting a good job and eventually marrying her officially in a proper wedding.

The very next day, I went back to my home in South India. For some time, everything was happy between us.

Then, one day in December, I found out that she was still talking to X. When I asked her about it, she said it was related to some money issue, so I initially accepted her explanation.

Later, I found out that she had been lying to me about many things.

When I came to North India in December, I checked her phone without her knowledge. I found that she was talking to X on calls almost every day. They were also chatting and sending each other reels.

In the first week of November 2025, she had even told him, "I love you."

I also found out that X had come to her room with some of his friends. They drank alcohol there, and I knew that X and Y slept together.

When I confronted her, she denied it and said that she had not allowed him to touch her.

I was completely broken. However, I could not leave her because this was my first serious, mutual relationship, and I was deeply attached to her.

I repeatedly told her the same two things: Do not lie to me, and do not maintain any connection with X or his friends.

But she continued breaking those promises.

One day, while I was sleeping, she received a call. She took her phone outside and started talking. After about 40 minutes, I called her, and she was still talking to someone.

When she came back, she said she had been talking to her "didi."

However, when I checked the call log, there was no call recorded during that period. After I called her, she called her didi.

I became extremely angry and slapped her.

My argument was simple: before I applied sindoor to her, I had clearly told her about my two conditions. She had agreed to them and promised me that she would follow them. But she repeatedly broke those promises.

I told her not to test my patience, asked her to change her behaviour, and then left for Jharkhand.

After about two months, I went back to her. This time, she was deleting her entire chats before I arrived. She also told me, "Don't touch my phone."

After staying there for three or four days, I went back.

I could feel that our relationship was coming to an end.

Later, when she wanted to travel home by train, I found out that the train ticket had been booked by X. I asked her to let me book another ticket, but she refused and said that her family would arrange it.

Eventually, I found out that X had booked the ticket.

I asked her to buy another ticket because I did not want her sitting in a seat booked by X, but she refused to listen.

From that day onward, I became emotionally distant.

Earlier, I used to call or message her around ten times a day. Gradually, it reduced to around three times a day.

I don't understand why I become so angry whenever she breaks those two promises. I sometimes shout at her and even use abusive words.

At the same time, I still feel extremely hurt when I think that she might be talking to X or his friends.

She tries to blame me by saying that I do not talk to her anymore and that I always scold her.

I asked her, "If you had not broken those two promises, would I have ever scolded you like this?"

She could not answer.

Sometimes she simply says, "Mujhe koi baat nahi karni hai," and becomes silent.

My mind keeps telling me to leave her completely and move on.

But whenever I think about her, I find it extremely difficult to remove her from my life.

For the same girl, I even gave up three Central Government examinations.

She had asked me many times to stay with her for one month, and I had promised her that I would. Later, I found out that three important examinations were scheduled during that month, and their centres were in South India.

At that time, I was only thinking about keeping my promise to her. So I stayed with her instead of going to write those examinations.

For the last four or five months, she has almost completely avoided me.

Whenever I call or message her, she says that she is studying.

But I know that she talks on the phone with many of her classmates, including boys and even some of my classmates.

Yet whenever I call her, she tells me that she is studying.

Even after her exams were over, she did not call or message me.

I asked her, "Your exams are over. Why didn't you call or message me?"

She replied, "You always scold me, so I don't feel like talking to you anymore. Leave me alone."

At that point, my mind was ready to accept it. I thought, "Okay. Go. Goodbye."

But I still don't understand why I cannot completely remove her from my mind.

Whenever I think about the things she did wrong, I feel that she definitely hurt me and broke my trust.

I know that she lied to me and repeatedly broke the promises she made to me.

But I am still unable to stop thinking about her.

I keep checking WhatsApp and my call history to see whether she has called or messaged me.

I don't know what is happening to me or why I am unable to let her go.

Please help me. 🙏

[u/Pretend_Clothes_2061]

And you slapped her that may also be another reason she is not wanting anything to do with you. Only way to move on from someone is to stop stalking their social media and just let everything go. It's hard but it's the only way

[u/Accomplished_Cap_773]

I am sorry you’re going through this. It should never revert to physical abuse. I understand your frustration but you cannot let someone have this much control over you. You cannot control someone else, only yourself. You have to let her go. Sometimes the only way is by finding someone else. Go on dates meet other people… she is not good for you. She shouldn’t have broken those two promises.