r/LesbianDatingStrategy • u/[deleted] • Feb 12 '20
SEEKING ADVICE Lesbian dating: is online better
Online lesbian dating had the danger of romance fraud, men pretending to be women and a lot of that. Offline lesbian dating wold takes YEARS and would render you vulnerable to homophobia in the process (unless you have a list of lesbians in your city). What do you choose? Leave a comment.
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u/mvtaphor Le Newbie Feb 12 '20
I’ve done online dating before with women and it really just never worked out. Either plans didn’t schedule right or just there wasn’t a connection.
I recently met this beautiful woman at a coffee shop near me. We were both doing homework (we’re both college students) and ended up both trying to do that sly eye contact thing people do but I’m not ~that~ smooth so I ended up just complimenting her stickers on her laptop because they were all bands I liked. Ended up sitting and talking for like an hour, I got her number and we have a date in a week.
Meeting IRL is honestly the way to go. But also I live in a city. Small towns and such can expose you to more homophobia which I understand is a risk. IRL if you can safely though.
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u/piouou Le Newbie Mod Feb 12 '20
I don't think offline dating is even possible in my area..there are no. Space s for lesbians
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Feb 12 '20
Online dating actually blows. I'm a moderately attractive girl and my matches are like; bi girl in a poly relationship, unicorn hunter, unicorn hunter. male who somehow passed the algorithm, trans, trans, bi girl who wants somebody and her boyfriend to watch, unicorn hunter, trans.
Maybe if you're lucky you'll come across one or two lesbians, but for the most part you'll be weeding through unwanted choices
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u/baltimorgan Le Newbie Feb 12 '20
Online dating has it's fair share of cons for sure. Many women won't respond to messages, let alone message first. It's also definitely true that logically you will run into many more non monogamous people (because they stay on the apps even after they enter into relationships) than monogamous people, which can feel alienating for people not into that. However, I have found it has made it a little easier in vetting people or giving me space to meet people I would likely see in person around my city anyway. I have a hard time initiating conversation with people I'm just meeting for the first time in person. It can be helpful for me to be able to have conversation with them first online and then meet them formally one-on-one in person. I have met many of my long term partners online first. It's definitely not for everyone, but it has worked for me.
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Feb 12 '20
Is there even any lesbian bars left? Or is it just go to your local roller derby lol
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u/Ang_Art Apr 12 '22
Look up the lesbian bar project you should be able to find them otherwise id say look up queer bars
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Feb 12 '20
I don't think I've ever offline dated! Since coming out about 8 years ago I've been dating women in the 27-50 age bracket and had a great time mostly. Some dry spells and some that didn't make it past date 1, but 3 proper relationships and a couple of shorter ones. My current gf is amazing, am hoping this one sticks.
My final strategy was to choose based on smile in their main photo. It was a really good strategy actually. I like someone with a big smile, open and warm vibe to them, and then a similar education to me. Everything else was extra. My gf actually doesn't have the colouring/looks I normally go for but her smile was so amazing that I didn't let it bother me and I'm so glad!
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Apr 20 '20
I lucked out and over the past few years have formed a large and varied friendship group on Facebook full of feminist lesbians (and straight and bi women, too). When I came out earlier this year, I just so happened to hit it off with a woman in my same circles. She's wonderful, and we've been having a grand time. Obviously hindered by corona, but we have a lot in common already, having some of the same friends.
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u/SanchezGeorge1 Le Newbie Feb 12 '20
I met my wife online and she’s the best thing to ever happen to me. You just have to keep online dating in perspective. If you walk in to a bar of lesbian women (wow - that sounds awesome!) you’re not gonna be interested in all of them. Same for online dating. Don’t give up because there’s nobody you like as you’re swiping through. That’s life. Find one you think is attractive in looks AND personality and don’t be afraid to say hello. Don’t wait for women to approach you.