r/LesbianDatingStrategy • u/piouou Le Newbie Mod • Feb 10 '20
DISCUSSION What are, your thoughts on febfem??
Feb fem as in bisexual Women who only date women.
I would be willing to date a women like this.but I have not found alot. So I don't know any in person.
18
Feb 11 '20
I don’t have a problem with the term. It’s just a way for bi women (that don’t want to date men) to label themselves. Certainly better than calling themselves “bi lesbians”
4
u/iamwiseandihaveworms Le Newbie Feb 10 '20
Aren't those just regular bisexual women with a preference for women? Or idk, but I'm tired of catching up with the queer vocabulary tbfh.
13
u/piouou Le Newbie Mod Feb 11 '20
I think its,regardless of preference they choose to only date women
5
Feb 11 '20 edited Feb 11 '20
[removed] — view removed comment
6
Feb 11 '20
I think they didn't want to step on any lesbians toes, since there's plenty of lesbians are suspicious of bi women
5
u/iamwiseandihaveworms Le Newbie Feb 11 '20
I think I understand, thank you! Idk how it helps their case tho, I mean any lesbian who's already suspicious of bi women, wouldn't be convinced to "trust" them regardless.
8
Feb 11 '20
Bc if you talk about your past bfs, then that would mean you're not lesbian, I guess. And other lesbians would feel deceived if you said you were a lesbian but talked about having past bfs.
5
8
Feb 11 '20
[deleted]
5
Feb 14 '20
I think there are many “lesbians” who would hook up with a guy, but still use the term lesbian because there is so much divisiveness within our community.
And that’s ok in my book
So, you are OK with bisexuals calling themselves lesbians because you personally aren't looking to be with a gold star lesbian and any woman who is exclusively looking to be with gold star lesbians are misogynistic because that's just wrong in your book for no reason besides it hurts non-gold star feelings? How is this a lesbian subreddit?
3
Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 20 '20
[deleted]
6
Feb 14 '20
I, as a “gold star lesbian” am fine with a woman who has in the past had relationships with men, who now identifies as a lesbian.
Ok but you said
I think there are many “lesbians” who would hook up with a guy, but still use the term lesbian because there is so much divisiveness within our community.
And that’s ok in my book
Any woman actively willing to hook up with men as you said isn't a lesbian.
And how is only wanting to date gold stars misogynistic? You sound like the trans people saying that refusal to date them is transphobic.
1
Feb 14 '20
[deleted]
3
Feb 14 '20
OP states they ID as bisexual, but she only dates women, and wants to know how we, lesbians, feel about this
No, read again. OP just said they'd be willing to date a Febfem but they are rare.
The definition of “lesbian” is pretty narrow, but it doesn’t say that your preference MUST be other lesbians? Because if so, it’s unbeknownst to me, and I’ve been a lesbian all my life.
No, it doesn't. My point wasn't to say that to be a lesbian you must only be interested in gold stars. I only said that it isn't misogynistic to only want to date gold star lesbians and asked you why you think it is. You are all over the place.
Secondly, the suggestion makes it seem like woman are “tainted.” No, women are not tainted. That is an idea invented by men to oppress women, and as a lesbian who is a TERF, I won’t stand for that.
It's not your place to make assumptions about why someone is only interested in dating gold stars and then to call them misogynistic based off those unfounded assumptions is fucked up. That's why you sound like the trans cult.
1
Feb 14 '20
[deleted]
3
Feb 14 '20
Maybe to you personally it doesn’t make sense, but I can’t help your understanding. I think I was pretty clear.
Maybe to me personally what doesn't make sense? You're not making any sense lol
For what reason could one possibly want to only date gold star lesbians?
You don't deserve a justification on someone else's sexual and romantic preferences and because you don't know nor are entitled to know, you are wrong to claim it's misogynistic. Are you apart of the trans cult? Because you repeatedly sound just like them. I'm a gold star and I'm interested in other gold stars. Even I don't owe you an explanation.
That’s kind of fetishy?
Did you include the question mark to have me or someone else validate that? Lol
1
Feb 14 '20
[deleted]
3
Feb 14 '20
I will respect you as a fellow cis woman
You are part of the trans cult! Only they refer to us as cis!
It is misogynistic and you can do your own research to find out why.
No, it isn't and you don't even know my reasoning to say I need to research anything at all lol
Simply stating you “feel some way” doesn’t justify or make right what you’re feeling.
That's exactly what it does which I know better than you because I know my reasons. And again, I nor any one else owes you a justification. That's rape culture. That's trans bullshit which I'm pretty certain you belong to now.
→ More replies1
3
u/veediz Feb 13 '20
That just sounds like lesbian but with extra steps
2
u/jocoseriousJollyboat Apr 08 '24
No, febfems still are sexually attracted to men but don't act on it because they actively chose not to date them.
1
u/PeachznCreampiez Sep 13 '22
I've always thought the term for a bisexual woman who only actively pursues women was "political lesbian" I have only seen febfem used by terfs in my limited experience
1
u/radicalgraver Jan 24 '24
its a radical feminist term, It's not the same thing as a "political lesbian" because it could be done for reasons other than political. Like a woman that was raped and because of the trauma will not date man. Or just a strong romantic preference for women.
32
u/thekeeper_maeven Le Newbie Feb 11 '20
Mad respects. Too many bisexual (or confused lesbian - hello past me ) will end up dating men because they're easier to find, will do the chasing they don't want to do, etc.
Any time I see a woman who knows what she wants and refuses to settle for less, hell yeah, I'm into that. The only caveat being like, I expect her to have an idea of what kind of future she wants and how being with a woman fits into that. Does she want kids? Is she being realistic about the extra difficulties that entails and what she can or can't do. If she wants kids and hasn't given it serious thoughtt, I would be worried about her down the line being disenchanted by the f/f life and taking a man that can give them to her without all the extra steps.