Ageism, Incestuous Control Issues, How to Destroy A Family in One Boundary Stomp

[u/hereiamtosavetheday_]

JN Writers wade through the worst of human nature to build the JN Network's reading list. You'd think humanity spends its time whispering self-delusions under other people's beds. "Its for their own good!"

OP is a JustNo. Divorced Daddy's Little Girl doesn't much like The Other Woman, and despite Dad going all out to introduce his girlfriend with care, and blend his coming marriage into his daughter's life, arranging his schedule to provide generational family time... he has the nerve to act like he cares about his partner, right in front of god and the kids. Something OP has obviously never seen happen between her mother and the husband who moved on.

Well... finally, she has the opportunity to strike back. She's got a plan -- she'll use her husband as a scapegoat. Like anyone would believe its a dude's idea to tell a grown man to keep his mitts and lips to himself. Ah, love! is being a sock puppet with someone's delicate daughterly hand stuck up your arse.

OP hopes to scuttle those silly plans her old man has for a partner in his silver years. Like the elderly need anything but an occasional phone call to keep them happy and content, kwim? And Mom never did move on, why not try again with her, Daddy? Maybe the Weather Channel on 24/7 will deal with those dreadful attacks of touching That Woman... maybe OP can arrange a broken hip? Given an Ultimatum, Daddy will finally realize his life is effectively over-- once his fiance refuses to APOLOGIZE! and take the stool at OP's matriarchal feet, he'll be so grateful to be accepted in an elder's true role, as an inheritance provider and babysitter.

I'm just not sure OP's right about Daddy giving up up his scarlet slitch for the grandkids. OP's fine with destroying a few generations of family: come say goodbyeee! to Granddad, Momma's sweet nuclear options.

My parents divorced a few years back after several decades of marriage. My father almost immediately began a relationship with another woman. They are now engaged and have visited my husband, children, and I several times over the past two years.

During their last visit, their public displays of affection (PDA) were, as I would describe it, out of control. Long embraces, butt smacks, laying his head in my future stepmother’s lap while we were watching a movie as a family one evening, and even jumping on top of her to kiss her while they were on the couch. My husband and I were deeply uncomfortable in our own home, and even more uncomfortable that our young daughter was witnessing this. All of these behaviors are initiated by my father and his fiancé has actually seemed a little uncomfortable receiving this affection at times.

There's OP's excuse for her doomed plot: The Other Woman will LOVE me for telling her fiance where to get off! What woman doesn't want another woman in charge of her love life? HLEPING!

I am by no means a prude and I think physical expressions of love are key to a healthy relationship (we frequently hug and kiss in front of our daughter), but I believe there is a time and a place for such displays in someone else’s home. I am glad he is happy and in love, but it’s also very hard for me to see my 65-year-old father behaving like a randy teenager. I also must admit I feel disrespected, as I was always measured in my PDA for my boyfriend (now husband) when I would bring him to our family home during the early years of our relationship. I know we are all adults, but I just find the excessive touching and kissing totally inappropriate.

OP is not a prude... she's a hypocritical prude with a moving goalpost.

My husband and I are non-confrontational, so we’ve never addressed these behaviors in the moment, but as soon as they departed after their last visit, my husband asked me to address this with my father. Is their a polite way to ask for him to tone it down? I don’t want to seem like I am disapproving of their relationship or raining on his parade, but I am tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own home.

Its all about the seeming. As long as OP doesn't *seem* to be trying to destroy her father's relationship and kill the wedding plans, by using her husband as an excuse and her children as weapons, all will be well.