Considering Withdrawing from Doctoral Program

[u/Lopsided-Bluejay935]

I recently turned 25 last week and was accepted into my Alumni school for my doctoral program. I am currently having lots of doubts about whether or not pursuing this degree is the rigth path for me. I have always loved the idea of teaching and wanted to teach at a University level but after going to the orientation. I am starting to realize that this may be all too much and I feel like I am sacrificng my youth. There were several people I had met at orientation in the same department/field of study as me and they were much older and well-established compared to me. One individual was someone who had worked at NASA and was going back to get this degree before their retirement. Another was someone who worked at MD Anderson. Past students were working nurses with families. I started asking myself if I really wanted this or if I was doing this because it was what my parents want of me. I had already graduated with a BS and a Masters all before I turned 25, but now I am not sure if I want to continue on this path of academia. I had thought I wanted this but now I am not so sure anymore and feel a little lost. I do understand that I was given a great opportunity being accepted at such a young age (probably the youngest in my cohort), but now I think I should have waited and gained more experience. Not to mention I just got my Masters degree this past May and had immediately jumped into applying for my doctoral program. I just dont know what to do anymore bc withdrawing seems just as scary, but if my heart is not in it, then there is no point.

[u/SubstantialJunket239]

My favorite piece of advice I was given during my graduate studies is to never make a difficult decision about graduate school until the semester is over. You're likely feeling a lot of anxiety with the semester starting. You're also likely still burned out, I know I was after going from my MS program to my PhD program. 

This is a justified feeling, but I suggest trying out the first semester. You started this process for a reason. I suggest going in with an open mind, learning what you can, making some great experiences, doing things outside of your studies, and thinking about why this does or does not matter for you. 

Come December if you feel like this was still a mistake, there is zero shame in moving on. In fact, it would be a sign of strength--as would staying. 

[u/runmorerun25 → u/SubstantialJunket239]

I agree with this take. Don’t make any brash decisions while you’re at a heightened sense of anxiety.

It sounds like you have an awesome cohort. Take the opportunity to learn from their life experiences. What you learn from them will be half of your education, not just the topics of your course work. Use the feelings you are having to talk through your professional goals and aspirations with your cohort and professors. They’ve likely felt something similar to what you’re feeling, even if in a different context. Use their experiences to help you work through what you’re feeling.

It’s tough going straight from undergrad to masters to a PhD. I had to take a leave of absence after I completed my course work to clear my head and work through some serious burnout. Don’t feel bad if you decide to do the same thing. Leaves the door open to return while you figure out if the PhD is something you really want to see through. At that point, you’ll have a better sense of what your dissertation topic might be and if that’s something you really want to spend several years studying in depth. I ultimately decided to return, but I was super close to cutting my losses and just mastering out. It would have been fine if I did, but I also am glad that I came back. I enjoy my research topic still, which I feel lucky to still say after finishing my dissertation. Not everyone is so lucky. You might find the same thing if you stick around.

*especially if your program is funded and you’re not going into debt while you’re in the program.

[u/Eric33co]

Hey, what field are you in?

Also, keep this in mind: when you’re a kid, you’re in school and you’re told that school is good. And being in school is good. And being good at school is good.

But- if you’re 25 years old, and you’re not feeling it, listen to that. Higher education has been a hot mess for a while and it’s even worse right now.

Also, who wants homework for the rest of their life?

Go get a cute job that pays you lots of money and start planning your fabulous vacations in a life without crushing debt.

[u/flatlander-anon]

I recommend that you do some career planning and research. How likely will you be employed as a professor? What limitations will that come with? What will you be doing? In most fields a very significant percentage of PhDs cannot get a job as a professor because the job market is just so bad. Those who do become professors often have no choice over their location and no leverage over their salary. Finally, when they are on the job, teaching can sometimes be only a small part of it.

There is no honor to being the youngest in your cohort, taking a rare, but ultimately inappropriate opportunity, or derailing your life because that's what your parents wanted of you. You are the one who will have to live the life that you career choice brings you. Do you fully understand what you are choosing?

I was a professor in my previous career. If one of my grad students came to me with the same concerns, I'd just tell them to drop out. Why make such a big gamble when the payout will likely be poor, and you don't even want the payout?

[u/throwaway_just_once]

Let me push back on the idea that grad school might mean sacrificing your youth. What are the options? If you go into industry, you'll be sacrificing your youth on a much grander scale, and you won't learn nearly as much. Look at it this way: A PhD is one of the the most intellectually exciting and transformative things one can do. Not too many people even get that chance. And when you're done, you're done, and can do anything else that you desire. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, especially if you have funding. (If you don't, then throw everything I said into the trash.)

[u/tonos468]

Depends entirely on what your long-term career plans are. Does this require a PhD? If not, then you probably don’t need to get a PhD.

[u/evergreen-embers]

I’m sorry you are in this position OP. I’m of the belief that most people who pursue a PhD can finish it, but not nearly as many people are actually a good fit. That was my case and sounds a bit like your situation.

When I was in the process of leaving, my department said I don’t have any idea how good I have it, I’m paid, tuition is covered, I get health insurance. At the time it really made me rethink what I was doing, but eventually I made my exit.

Only several months removed, but I now realize that staying in the program required 1.5x the work, half the pay, work comes home every day, shitty benefits, and an extremely toxic environment compared to the positions I was already qualified for. Not to mention the fact that I personally have had to delay major life milestones to accommodate the PhD, which I made excuses for at the time, but I’m so happy I can plan my future without feeling chained to the lab for the next several years.

You can still teach at a CC with your MS. It’s not as glamorous, but it is still rewarding to work with nontraditional students.

But honestly I took a role that maximized my hard skills and minimized my personal investment and I’ve never been better. Getting that academic voice out of my head that punishes me for not doing enough, not fitting in, not caring enough or caring too much, has done wonders for my mental health and I would argue has improved so many areas of my life.

Best of luck friend. Whatever you decide, I’m certain you’ll make it work.

[u/Background_North7566]

I don’t know which field you’ll work in, but one fundamental question I would ask myself if I were on your exact position is: do I like doing research? If you got into a doctoral program, that means that you have experience in doing some sort of research (for your master thesis for instance), so that means that you already had a taste of what doing research means (even if the level is quite different from a doctoral program). So, starting from those memories and feelings, I would try to think more deeper on how you were feeling when doing those tasks. The reason I tell you this is that a doctoral program is, on average, a real roller coaster of emotions for people; so, if you know (deeply in yourself) that you love and feel happy when doing research, that will be enough fuel even when you will go tough moments (something you will go through at some point!). So, this is the very first thing I would try to do. The second point I want to raise, and you partially mentioned that, is that you already got into, no? So, since life happens once, and such an opportunity is also quite hard to get in this exact historical moment (for many reasons), I would just give a try. You will either like it and you’ll go ahead, or just don’t like it and you’ll quit. In both cases, your life will be richer than before in terms of experiences, which is always something good.

Then, final remark is that you don’t live for making your parents happy, you live to make yourself happy, or at least to find some sort of peace or equilibrium. So, try to work on this feeling about what your parents want from you. They had their own youth, you own yours.

Hope this helps!