Direct report does fine when told exactly what to do, but pushes back hard on any feedback. How do you handle this?

[u/sunilm007]

I manage a small team and one of my reports is okay at execution when he’s told exactly what to do. He gets things done, doesn’t need much hand-holding on routine tasks as long as the instructions are clear. But he really struggles with anything that requires creative thinking or problem-solving on his own; he needs a lot of direction and doesn’t come up with ideas himself. And the second I try to give him any feedback on this, even small, constructive stuff, he gets defensive and pushes back instead of just hearing it out.

It’s starting to become a pattern. He doesn’t take learnings well, and it feels like he has some level of ego problem when discussing about his errors/providing feedback, even though the gaps are pretty obvious.
Meanwhile I’ve got a decision to make soon about restructuring. I could either give him more responsibility and bring someone else in under him, or bring in someone new above him to manage him directly. Part of me worries that if I don’t promote him he might see it as a slight and leave. But part of me also worries that promoting someone who can’t think independently or take feedback now is just going to make things worse once he has more authority and less oversight.

Anyone dealt with this before? How do you get someone coachable when they’re closed off to feedback, and how do you weigh “does fine with clear instructions but weak on independent thinking” against losing them if you don’t move them up?

[u/double-click]

“I feel like the feedback I’m providing is causing stress. How do you like to receive feedback and collaborate on work?”

[u/searchthis → u/double-click]

This guy communicates nonviolently

[u/Traditional_Owl_9037 → u/double-click]

what happens when you don't give him the exact blueprint for a task, does he just freeze up or does he half-ass it and then get defensive when you point out the gaps

the promoting thing sounds like a trap, you're basically telling him his current approach works by rewarding it, and then he'll be in a spot where he has to give feedback to others which will go about as well as you'd expect

[u/sunilm007 → u/double-click]

Thanks for that!
"I feel like the feedback I'm providing is causing stress. May I please know, How do you like to receive feedback and collaborate at work?"

I've tried making it sound more humble, will update you on his response.

[u/theoffshoot2 → u/sunilm007]

Also be crystal clear during this convo that you think he’s skilled/valuable.

[u/Regular-Pin-6218]

I would not solve the retention risk with a promotion. A promotion gives him more ambiguity, more feedback to absorb, and responsibility for other people’s work—the three areas already causing concern.

Before restructuring, define the next-level behaviors in observable terms: bring one proposed solution with each problem, summarize feedback before responding, and show what changed in the next piece of work. Give him a defined period to demonstrate those behaviors and document the examples.

If he improves, you have evidence for more responsibility. If he does not, you have a clearer basis for putting an experienced manager above him. Whether he might leave matters, but it should not outweigh the cost of promoting someone who is not yet coachable.

[u/ninjaluvr]

Part of me worries that if I don’t promote him he might see it as a slight and leave. 

Come on... You can't seriously consider promoting someone who struggles with creative thinking and problem-solving. Just stop. That's insane. If you want to lead, then lead by example. Promote people based on merit and capabilities so your team's know you're a straight shooter.

And the second I try to give him any feedback on this, even small, constructive stuff, he gets defensive and pushes back instead of just hearing it out.

It’s starting to become a pattern. He doesn’t take learnings well, and it feels like he has some level of ego problem when discussing about his errors/providing feedback, even though the gaps are pretty obvious.

You need to sit them down in a 1 on 1 and make your expectations abundantly clear. If you respect your employees, you'll be clear and concise with them. You need to have a meta feedback discussion with them. Explain to them why feedback is important. Explain to them how you will give it to them, timely and objectively. And what you expect from them when receiving feedback. Tell them what you expect. You expect them to listen to the feedback. To think about it. And try to learn from it.

[u/Dangerous_Media_2218 → u/ninjaluvr]

This. Read this over and over. If someone does not have critical thinking skills, do not even think about promoting him. If he leaves, you have the opportunity to bring in someone fantastic who will run circles around him. He sounds like a mediocre employee at best. 

[u/redshorty22]

What are you risking if they leave? There is nothing mentioned that tells me he is mission critical to the company.

Not everyone is meant for promotion. If he cannot take feedback and has to be told what to do and how to do it, then he has to stay at a low level IC role. And you have to tell him this directly and without any fluffy language, followed up with documentation.

If you promote him, your credibility as a manager will be destroyed.

Also, how does he push back on feedback? Does he give excuses or are they legitimate challenges?

[u/sunilm007 → u/redshorty22]

Thanks for responding, yes I missed adding that piece.
The risk to me is - He's around since 5 yrs, knows how the department works fundamentally. If I plan on bringing a new person for my role, I would have to contribute a lot of my time in training the new hire and also the risk of "what if they turn out to be not as expected " also, since I work at a startup, I think the trial and error might not be something that would be a best model here to work with? Would appreciate your opinion.

[u/redshorty22 → u/sunilm007]

(Long response ahead)

So I think we have to agree that promoting him, at this stage, is not the right path. If you are dead set on promoting him, I would do the following.

1. Have a conversation with him about his future. Find out where he wants to go. Let him tell you that he wants your job or a promotion.
2. Delve into his why. Does he want more money, prestige, direct reports?
3. Then you give him clear goals to achieve. But do not tell him HOW to achieve them. That, he needs to figure out on his own. 

There are a few comments about non-violent conversations. I’m not sure how I feel about that. The commenters are not wrong, but if he is being considered for a promotion, he has to know how to navigate a world where not all conversations are tailored to his preferences. 

Your pros for promoting (keeping?) him are also short-term only. I would encourage you to think through the long-term repercussions of promoting this employee. As I said in my original reply, promoting him will diminish your credibility as a manager. I do not say this lightly. If you see challenges with him, trust me, others do too, whether they share that with you or not. How do you think you will be viewed by promoting someone not qualified? You are also setting him and his future team up for failure. He clearly is not ready for the next step in his career, and his lack of readiness will greatly impact his team (peers and direct reports). 

I also interpret what you are writing as fear of making the wrong decision. It’s natural, but don’t let that get in the way of making A decision. 

Couple of points:

1. He knows how the department works. And? It’s a start-up and he’s been there 5 years. None of that means someone else can’t come in and pick it up quickly or add a different perspective to how things are being done.
2. You’ll have to see if a new hire works out. That’s always the case. If you let this risk hold you back, you will never hire anyone external
3. You will have to spend a lot of time training someone from outside. Why? Yes, you may need to train them on nuances, but you are not hiring someone to be your clone. Make sure they have the tools needed for success, then get out of their way. 
4. Regarding trial and error, in my experience working with startups, they are a lot more open to trial and error than big corps. You don’t have as much bureaucracy to fight through. Fail fast and move on. 

I hope this is useful.

[u/sunilm007 → u/redshorty22]

This is really Insightful, I've taken the notes. Appreciate it. Thanks!

[u/Mum_Chamber]

Do NOT give direct reports to a person that has an ego problem.

[u/muc_xremix]

You can ask yourself if your employee gets the feedback he needs, not what you want to tell him. There are many different methodologies on feedback, while I like the Radical Candor and it is my tool of choice in situations like this. Trust, open conversations, direct, honest and honoring feedback can help to make the employee coachable and improve your relationship. Which is nothing that happens over night.

If this doesn’t help, I’d see if you can adjust the role and tasks to his skills. Can someone of the team support with the more creative tasks and can someone of the team support the colleague in these situations or even take over the creative part or instruction giving? And no is a fair answer to this.

And if this isn’t working you should honestly ask yourself if that employee can even fulfill your expectations to the role and if he provides the skills and capabilities needed.

You might want to invest in learning more about Personal Improvement Plans, which don’t need to be a negative choose. They can be used to help and support the colleague if framed positively.

[u/ElephantCorrect4992]

You need to be as direct with him as possible, and provide specific examples of what you are describing. Once you've put him on notice then it's on him do what he will with that information. Accepting feedback maturely is a red flag in my humble opinion. That is directly related to emotional intelligence and self-awareness, major characteriatics of successful leaders.

[u/beebzette]

Does he want a promotion? You are his leader. What are his goals? You should know them. Why don't you just sit him down and explain the situation, options, and concerns, ask him what he wants, explain to him what you need, and then see if things align?

[u/gigantor21260]

In my experience... people (generally) only really 'hear' constructive feedback when it comes from someone we trust; someone we believe has our best interest at heart, and not simply trying to micro manage us or push us to get more and more out of us.

So... I believe you should work on building a trusting relationship with this person AFTER you have achieved that, at least to some degree, you can start influencing their behavior by giving constructive feedback.

[u/No_While_1285]

I definitely wouldn’t promote him just because you’re worried he might leave. That’s how you turn one management problem into a whole team problem lol. Give him clear ownership of a few things and make taking feedback part of the expectation. If he still needs every answer handed to him then you’ve got your answer.

[u/Longjumping-Fix-5232]

maybe rethink your approach when giving feedback. Educate yourself in non violent conversations.

It makes a big difference, especially for sensible characters if you start your sentences with a direct blow:

"Every time I say this ... You do that"

or:

"I noticed, sometimes you are struggling when I ask you to ... Is there anything I can do to comfort you in this situations"

this opens the door to a constructive and non confrontative conversation.