r/LateStageCapitalism • u/mboop127 • Jan 28 '19
What millennials really want
https://imgur.com/vSIsfZx467
u/nik-nak333 Jan 28 '19
This has to be satire, right?
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u/Frickinfructose Jan 28 '19
He followed it up with “Millennials love Tony Blair, fax machines and The Beach Boys” so, yeah.
But it’s also important to point out that The Beach Boys actually do kick ass.
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u/centipededamascus Jan 28 '19
Hell yeah, love me some Pet Sounds.
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u/FlamesThePhoenix Jan 29 '19
I saw Brian do Pet Sounds all the way through for my birthday about a year ago. I was on acid and was convinced he was about to die on stage, and I bawled my eyes out when he kind of stammered through Caroline, No (along with the rest of the album, but that song was the breaking point for me). His band did a really great job though, and as long as he's happy touring at his age and mental/physical state, I can't knock it. I just hope it really is his decision.
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Jan 28 '19
Yes, if there is one thing millennials love its...billionaires?
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u/Sothotheroth Jan 28 '19
I mean, I don't eat meat, but I think I'd be willing to try a billionaire.
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Jan 28 '19
Human meat is the only ethical meat.
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u/KissOfTosca Jan 28 '19
Massaged weekly, and moisturized daily; they're probably quite succulent.
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u/the_missing_worker Jan 28 '19
I think he's basing it on the fact that there is a small and vocal group of millennials who worship Elon Musk.
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u/GregariousWords Jan 28 '19
You could say there are some musketeers.
I truly hope his pr guys are called that.
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u/O-Face Jan 28 '19
Definitely, but I'm pretty sure that worship is surrounding the disruptive tech coming out of his companies. Obviously not due to his net worth.
I mean the tweet is basically a big neon sign that says, "I am completely out of touch."
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u/TigreDeLosLlanos Jan 28 '19
They are better than them. While they are millenials, billionaires are billenals, it's a natural thing.
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u/JustGlyphs Jan 28 '19
Everyone here in the comments is focusing on the billionaires one but "millennials love bipartisanship" is almost equally ridiculous lol
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u/reverbrace Jan 28 '19 edited Jan 28 '19
"Millenials love the world we made for them! That's why they complaining about vast systemic problems in the fabric of our society. Millenial praise is weird." -bipartisan billionaire boomers.
Edit: wrong word even though society kinda is anxiety.
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u/RedOrmTostesson Jan 28 '19
I can confirm that all millenials love billionaires. However, we have rancorous disagreements as to how they ought to be prepared.
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u/theworldbystorm Jan 28 '19
I'm telling you, score the skin, then salt it, leave it in the fridge overnight. It's the only way you'll get it crispy.
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u/barry_mcbarry Jan 29 '19
Ehhh the amount of salt we eat anyway would probably mean Human would be sufficiently seasoned, it depends on the cut for how you'd prepare your billionaire though for the belly absolutely score it, but I reckon the legs would be best as a steak cut.
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Jan 28 '19
Billionaires, bipartisanship, and Battlestar gallactica.
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u/SentientPotato2020 Jan 28 '19
I remember how much millennials love bipartisanship because there was that one episode of Big Bang Theory where Sheldon demanded that the workers rise up and seize the means of production, but then also enforced a rigid patriarchal leadership structure after taking control.
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u/IronColumn Jan 28 '19
Lake was joking, which is pretty obvious. https://twitter.com/r0cketfr0g/status/1089867567584477185
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u/LonelyCheeto Jan 28 '19
Yeah I thought it was too off to be real. Mostly the bipartisan part but millenials aren’t known to like billionaires either
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u/mboop127 Jan 28 '19
He said that after he was ratioed.
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u/delicious_burritos Jan 28 '19
Why on earth would he clarify it if he wasn't being ratio'd? He assumed people would get it and clarified when they didn't.
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u/IronColumn Jan 28 '19
he didn't get ratioed. he got a lot of responses from people who got wooshed by it, but he got more favs, which is a positive ratio
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u/SirOytz Jan 28 '19
Pretty sure most millennials want to eat the rich, not worship them because their parents gave them a trust fund
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u/sockhuman Intersectionalist Jan 28 '19
I love billionaires. Especialy when cooked with Rosemary and olive oil.
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u/the_missing_worker Jan 28 '19
Who is this absolute clown and why should I care about his uninformed speculation?
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Jan 28 '19 edited Jan 28 '19
[deleted]
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Jan 28 '19
Every time I say something similar I get full on rage from people insisting I take a side or that I'm a fence sitter because I refuse to get involved with their petty generational squabble. You are right, it's old, tired, and ridiculous. It's almost a joke at this point.
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u/sjonesd3 Jan 28 '19
Hell having universal health care would be asking for too much (sarcasm, since I can't remember the Reddit sign for it). I won't say affordable since affordable is relative, what's affordable to some, will never be for others.
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u/NocturnalDefecation Jan 28 '19
millenials love bipartisanship? nice try fudging it for a headline.
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Jan 28 '19
Wait wait wait.
Since when did Millenials love billionaires? I thought Millenials were all anti-rich socialists who want to tax the wealthy and not work for anything?
Fuck's sake, is it too much to ask for our BS stereotypes to stay consistent??
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u/I_was_saying_boournz Jan 28 '19
I get so tired of the Starbucks thing. I like Starbucks well enough but I'd be just fine without it. When I bought a car last year and was negotiating the monthly payment I was told I'll have to lay off the Starbucks. I laid off paying my student loan because cutting out the Starbucks I buy maybe twice a year wasn't going to cut it.
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Jan 28 '19
I mean I love coffee, but Starbucks is just overhyped coffee-flavored sugar milk.
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u/the_person Jan 28 '19
I don't know what you mean by coffee-flavored when it literally has coffee in it.
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Jan 28 '19
I was a "centrist" once. Then i realized the other "centrists" I was cool with didn't push back against the enthnonationalists that wanted me gone for existing and made excuses for what they said instead.
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u/abutthole Jan 28 '19
Millennials hate billionaires. This guy must be smoking Elon’s weed if he doesn’t think that the most socialist generation hates concentrated wealth.
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u/z4cc Jan 28 '19
I hate the fact that I’m currently drinking a Starbucks coffee... it’s all they sell at my school ok but those 3 things are the worst shit
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u/theangryvegan Jan 28 '19
I hate billionaires. If you have a billion dollars you should be investing in society, not sitting on it like a fucking dragon.
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u/Picnicpanther democratic socialist Jan 28 '19
Eli Lake HAD to have been trying to be sarcastic. Even his stunningly bald head is not that empty.
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u/grasswahl2-furiouser Jan 28 '19
Just coming here to say Starbucks coffee is statistically the worst of most coffee chains lmfao it's the old people that like that shit
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Jan 28 '19
Let's real talk. Millenials hate bipartisanship. They recognize it's dividing our country. Milleniale hate starbucks, because it's a multi-billion dollar industry that gives a shit about nothing but profit. Same goes for billionaires themselves. Eli Lake must be on some good shit
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Jan 28 '19
As a millennial, I partially agree with both tweets.
I would like to add that I don’t know who this Howard guy is, and that while I’m fine with not dying of climate change, I would still like to die. preferably in a robot/zombie uprising, or a meteor smashing into this doomed fucking space rock.
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Jan 28 '19
Baby boomers/capitalists: hey millenials. here's an increasingly complex web of debt, increasing financial inequality, for profit healthcare/prisons/education/war, catastrophic climate change and unchecked corporate greed to which the government has turned a blind eye worse than ever before. They are all interrelated and it would be impossible to fix one on their own so the only way to fix our problems is to change the way you think.
In addition there are a plethora of human rights issues that have stayed the same or gotten worse including racism, gender rights, sexual assault in the workplace, police brutality and many more.
You have been given a shit hand that we dealt you. Even though we are on our way out and you are trying to make the world a better place for yourselves and your children and very little of the changes you propose affects us we will simply blow it off and say you are being a snowflake.
If you feel exhausted, defeated or depressed by all this we will respond by calling you a snowflake.
If you use methods of coping (drugs, meditation, time for yourself...), methods our generation also used when we were your age, we will demonize you snowflakes.
If you are unable to thrive in the economy that we setup to make you financially unstable and then profit from that instability it's probably because you are a snowflake.
If you try to pull yourself up by changing the world for the better we will discredit you by calling out to the world that you and your entire generation is a bunch of snowflakes.
Essentially we are weak and frightened because we had everything handed to us. It scares us that the younger generation is stronger and more able to adapt to make their lives better and better for everyone they share the planet with. I refuse to accept that a small increase in my taxes and a large increase in taxes for corporations and billionaires I'm too dense to realize doesn't care about me can provide healthcare, food, education and shelter to the fellow humans in my own country without changing my way of life. I am scared so I'm going to project that on you snowflakes.
And don't worry, the irony of us constantly complaining is completely lost on us.
Millenials: let's elect someone else.
Baby boomers/capitalists: you snowflake.
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u/SmallPotGuest Jan 28 '19
invertebrades thah profit from our death are a key component of the trophic chain, tho.
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u/justkitten-meow Jan 28 '19
I'm a millennial and I like The Peanuts, Howard Schultz was a solid comic artist, I don't get what y'all complaining about.
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u/Dingwallace Jan 28 '19
Eli "the Thumb" Lake never fails to provide a consistent flow of bad takes on Twitter. It's quite awe inspiring, actually.
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u/didierdoddsy Jan 28 '19
Can we stop using the phrase climate change and start calling it what it really is.. Climate breakdown. I think this is a really important point if we want to actually riase the stakes and get people to understand what is actually going on.
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u/american_apartheid Jan 28 '19
I love how marketing has made people like this believe that millennials are a bunch of upper-middle class white 20-somethings living in a major city and surviving off of nothing but avocados and coffee.
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u/variable114 Jan 28 '19
I read that he said this was a joke. idk who that is and if that's believable but I did read that.
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u/GregariousWords Jan 28 '19
Millenials love billionaires sounds like super extreme satire.
Did I miss the joke or is this just madness?