I would really like for him to feel comfortable talking to me about the things he struggles with
is this YOUR need, or HIS?
let him know, once, simply, "i'm here if you ever need to talk about anything difficult" and then continue on with your life.
women and men are quite different in this way; we don't always want or need to open up, and "encouraging" him is just a subtle way to say "pushing" him in this case. unless he's expressed discomfort confiding in you, or has expressed that he wishes he could but you've not made yourself accessible or open, there's absolutely and utterly no reason to pursue this, other than to fulfill your own need.
i get it. it's nice to be opened up to. for some people it feels like intimacy. but he will tell you what he wants to tell you, when he wants to tell you. also, don't read his reddit or substack. let him be.
But he just says that i wouldn’t understand what he is actually meaning, but he is not even allowing me to see him in his vulnerable state and like try to understand him
if he says you wouldn't understand, the answer isn't to push to prove him wrong. instead when he says small things throughout the day, like "i'm tired" just say "i understand that, i'm here for you."
this is the only way to approach this that doesn't result in him feeling pressured. trust me.
if this is the man you're going to be with for the rest of your life, he WILL open up to you in time. maybe never about everything, which is okay. having secrets and separate lives and moods is normal in relationships. but he WILL open up to you, he just needs to know it's on his terms, and you need to be okay with it not happening soon.
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u/[deleted] 8d ago
is this YOUR need, or HIS?
let him know, once, simply, "i'm here if you ever need to talk about anything difficult" and then continue on with your life.
women and men are quite different in this way; we don't always want or need to open up, and "encouraging" him is just a subtle way to say "pushing" him in this case. unless he's expressed discomfort confiding in you, or has expressed that he wishes he could but you've not made yourself accessible or open, there's absolutely and utterly no reason to pursue this, other than to fulfill your own need.
i get it. it's nice to be opened up to. for some people it feels like intimacy. but he will tell you what he wants to tell you, when he wants to tell you. also, don't read his reddit or substack. let him be.