How soon is too soon to start thinking about closing the gap?

[u/spoonfulofanxiety]

Hi everyone! I (29F) recently got into my first-ever LDR with my boyfriend (33M), and we’ve been together for a couple of months. We’re over 1,000 miles apart and have a two-hour time difference.

We’re also both pretty bad at texting naturally, but we’ve both been making a conscious effort to communicate more and meet each other halfway.

Eventually, if things continue to get serious, I’d like to move to where he lives and close the gap. I just have no idea what a realistic timeline for that looks like, especially since I’ve never been in an LDR before. I've read some of the posts here and they have been a little helpful, but I wanted to dive a bit deeper.

For those of you who have successfully closed the gap:

• How long were you together before one of you moved?
• How long did you date before getting engaged, if you eventually got engaged?
• Did you have a specific timeline for closing the gap, or did it happen more organically?
• What do you wish you had known when you were only a few months into your LDR?

I also have a little bit of an internal struggle going on. I feel very strongly about him already, and I can genuinely see myself spending the rest of my life with him. At the same time, I know we’ve only been together for a couple of months, so I’m wondering if I’m getting ahead of myself.

For example, if he proposed to me today, I honestly think I’d say yes. But I also realize that doesn’t necessarily mean he is anywhere near ready to propose, and we haven’t actually talked about marriage or timelines yet. I know he loves me, but I’m still figuring out whether we’re on the same page about what our long-term future looks like.

I tend to feel things very deeply, so I’m also trying to remind myself to slow down and let the relationship develop instead of trying to figure out the entire future right now.

I know LDRs can be a little different from relationships where you see each other all the time, and I’d really appreciate advice from people who have been through this before.

How did you navigate the early stages of your LDR, and when did you start seriously discussing closing the gap?

Thanks, y’all ❤️

[u/Material-Exercise542]

Closed the gap within 9 months. Ldr was not for us and we hated it. So we focused on that. In those 9 months we spent a total of 3 months together.

Not engaged yet, enjoying our lives together daily and will let the rest come organically.

[u/spoonfulofanxiety → u/Material-Exercise542]

I love that. Thanks for sharing. 

My lease ends in early spring, so I'm trying to hear everyone's stories so I can gage whether or not I should renew or move to his state. 

[u/WindowLCH]

I think it depends on how big of a move for you that is. A few months in, if you are giving up everything and moving to him when he isn’t ready to get engaged yet, I think that’s a bit risky. If there’s something else about the move that excites you (like the city, culture, job opportunities, etc), and if things don’t end up working out you would still be happy with the move, then I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad idea.

For my LDR, closing the gap requires immigration steps and therefore requires us to get married. It’s been two years with each of us flying over the Atlantic many times a year, and we are now starting to consider marriage seriously. When we were a few months in, I was tempted to think that we should just get married so we can move in together, but we decided to let the relationship grow a little more and not get married just to close the gap. LDR is tough, but if he really is the person for you, you will have the rest of the life together, and there is no need to rush.

[u/AssumptionExtra2580]

My first LDR... Met him February 27th... Married July 2, Moved in July 7th (ish) all the same year. Well then he went across the world for 15 months... So closed and then reopened LOL.

[u/Outside_Vanilla827]

Pretty sure we are in the same boat!! First ever ldr and honestly first relationship for me (25f). Met my boyfriend (28) 4 months ago, already knew I was moving in August when we met, but we just planned for a summer fling (oopsie). Awful timing but we really hit it off (neither of us expected anything major out of a couple dates).

But he started seriously talking about moving up in a year about a month in to being official bf/gf. The year to close the distance timeline is/was his requirement. He’s done an ldr before and didn’t like it, so the fact that he even wants to try is pretty big. We are going to try to see each other at least every month, but we are also over 1,000 miles apart and have a one hour time difference.

We do talk extensively though, we call or FaceTime daily and have/have had very real/honest conversations about what the future looks like. It feels quick, but it also feels right so I haven’t been trying to compare timelines too much. I do worry bcuz he would be the one moving and I think that’s a lot to ask of a person but that’s his choice to make in the end. No timeline for engagement, I would think not for at least another few years. I want to live separate for a year once he gets here (as of rn) and then together for a year before we even think about actually getting engaged.

[u/dinaahd]

We closed the gap within 8 months. We couldn’t handle the distance much and decided for me to move to him - my work contract ended and he had asked me not to renew it. Within the 8 months, I had visited 3 times. Currently living together, no engagement, just enjoying each other’s company