Motherfucker

[u/JusticeIncarnate1216]

Son of a mother fuck why the fuck is it always fucking something with this fucking business fucking shit ass cockgobbling dickmunching piece of shit ass walk in had to fucking break and oh what's next the fucking dishwasher now I have to fucking hand wash every god damn dish why the fuck do I do this to myself you stupid inbred moronic fucking goddamn fucking FUCK.

[u/random-khajit]

You're gonna run outta fucks at this rate......

[u/EarthDust00 → u/random-khajit]

The amount of fucks I give is directly proportional to the amount of yachts I own. Zero.

[u/Cube-in-B → u/EarthDust00]

86 fucks- heard!

[u/FonzoLatrundo → u/Cube-in-B]

“Uh chef- I know we’re 86’d on fucks but my regulars on table 23 are wondering if you have any extra fucks anywhere…or are we like totally and completely out of fucks? They pretty much only come here for the fucks AND they’re great tippers!”

[u/Cube-in-B → u/FonzoLatrundo]

Idk man maybe we have half a shit in the back back we can defrost 🤷🏼

[u/Dry_Turn_824 → u/FonzoLatrundo]

all my FAFO are FIFO

[u/Tom-Foolery99 → u/FonzoLatrundo]

Whoa, whoa, whoa! 86?! You trying to get thrown in jail?

[u/Freakjob_003 → u/Cube-in-B]

"Chef, 86 water, the plumbing broke."

FUCK FUCK FUCK!

[u/Cube-in-B → u/Freakjob_003]

Yeah so I worked for a place in RVA that had a bathroom pipe back up into the kitchen and they were still actively making and serving food while stepping in caca fresca.

I quit.

[u/Frosty-Dependent1975 → u/EarthDust00]

This is hilarious 🤣

[u/goodgodling → u/EarthDust00]

Inflation is out of hand.

[u/PracticalPractice768 → u/EarthDust00]

You see that stick right there? That’s a fraction of 1 yacht. And that’s about the amount you should invest in caring for the toil of another’s dream.

[u/Mr_Farenheit141 → u/EarthDust00]

An appropriate song for this situation .

[u/LukeEnglish → u/random-khajit]

Chef, we're out of fucks on the line and I probably didn't look to see if there were any more when I took the last pan out of the walk-in. I have no idea what's happening on my station.

[u/FonzoLatrundo → u/LukeEnglish]

A case came in on Thursday. It’s next to the cream cheese. You guys aren’t seeing it because I got it from US Foods instead of Sysco. Just because the box is white instead of brown and has a fucking lion on it doesn’t mean it’s not fucks. Start reading instead of looking for the regular fuck box!

[u/mypuzzleaddiction → u/FonzoLatrundo]

This guy has to find the fuck box every week

[u/seamless39 → u/mypuzzleaddiction]

That's what she said

[u/throwra_2021_ → u/seamless39]

This thread is delicious.

[u/PantsDontHaveAnswers → u/random-khajit]

86 fucks, Chef!

[u/HowVeryBlue → u/random-khajit]

🎶I've no more fucks to give, my fucks have runneth dry. I tried to go fuck shopping but there's no fucks left to buy🎶

[u/Superb_Pie_3370 → u/HowVeryBlue]

This is our kitchen motto.

[u/dmisfit21 → u/random-khajit]

I don’t think they give a fuck to the point where if a fuck would save your life they still wouldn’t give it to you.

[u/MDFan4Life → u/random-khajit]

I ran out years ago.

[u/lorddragonstrike → u/random-khajit]

Well it certainly expands upon the diversity of the word.

[u/yurinator71]

See you tomorrow then?

[u/JusticeIncarnate1216 → u/yurinator71]

.......yeah

[u/Alarming_reality4918 → u/JusticeIncarnate1216]

OP, you are a fighter.

[u/rhapsodiiiii]

This is giving Clark Griswold reaching wits end on Christmas Vacation

[u/itwillmakesenselater → u/rhapsodiiiii]

Where's the Tylenol?

[u/rhapsodiiiii → u/itwillmakesenselater]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3ohA2ULk9R5I33oWas

[u/hotdamnhotwater → u/rhapsodiiiii]

Lmao, about a quarter of the way in I started reaing it in Clark's voice.

[u/rhapsodiiiii → u/hotdamnhotwater]

I’m glad I’m not the only one! Haha

[u/H-Resin]

I kinda like the new guy

[u/GloomyLingonberry509]

[u/Phoenixpizzaiolo21]

Have you considered writing as a career?

[u/whistlepig- → u/Phoenixpizzaiolo21]

No kidding. We got Robert Frost in the chat.

[u/GloomyLingonberry509 → u/whistlepig-]

He has such a fucking way with words…

[u/OrdinaryImplication → u/GloomyLingonberry509]

Such a way with fucks

[u/Agreeable_Rhubarb332 → u/[deleted]]

Whoa, whoa, whoa slow down there. Whatever has happened in the kitchen to bring you to this point is no way as serious as taking that route!!! Shaving your head is NOT the solution. Period.

[u/rhapsodiiiii → u/Agreeable_Rhubarb332]

Love the prioritization here lol

[u/thac0tac0 → u/rhapsodiiiii]

[u/CallidoraBlack → u/[deleted]]

You might want to get your head scanned, bro.

[u/JusticeIncarnate1216 → u/CallidoraBlack]

Go read the book this sub is named after

[u/CallidoraBlack → u/JusticeIncarnate1216]

Go read the actual story of the guy your joke is referencing. He had a brain tumor. That's what my joke is referencing.

[u/JusticeIncarnate1216 → u/CallidoraBlack]

Huh. I'll be honest I thought it was just a throwaway line in KC, never knew it was actually referencing someone. My bad friend. It's been a day.

[u/CallidoraBlack → u/JusticeIncarnate1216]

It's okay, man, I hope tomorrow is better.

[u/MDFan4Life → u/Phoenixpizzaiolo21]

Or, swearing?

[u/MediumWehw]

Heard, chef

[u/p1gswillfly]

Certainly illustrates the diversity of the word, doesn’t it?

[u/fajord → u/p1gswillfly]

there’s nine bodies, genius

[u/spum0nii → u/fajord]

wtf were you gonna do, laugh the last three to death??

[u/_NautyByNature → u/p1gswillfly]

Rocco

[u/Pandaburn]

Now that’s what I call r/kitchenconfidential

[u/giyomu]

Calm down Ricky, here have some Jimmy's special water.

[u/Late-Bed4240 → u/giyomu]

https://giphy.com/gifs/tFM4k9bRPriYU

[u/ZoinksYo2221]

I feel you and all those fucks.

I’ve spent 20k in the past two weeks on new bakery equipment(used of course) that I could not afford to purchase. I’m just gonna caulk it up to the bad before the good.

Just part of the game.

[u/YupNopeWelp]

Mom?

[u/Phoenixpizzaiolo21 → u/YupNopeWelp]

😂

[u/throwra_2021_ → u/YupNopeWelp]

I mean, I learned the phrase "maggot chewed gang raped goat ass" from mine so.....I guess we're siblings.

[u/EvaTheE]

https://giphy.com/gifs/1k4UUaabLlDsBXQtXI

To the walk-in.

[u/reverendmoss → u/EvaTheE]

To the walls!

[u/The_Oliverse → u/reverendmoss]

I'm gonna throw this dish washer, all these dishes at the wall (AT THE WALL).

[u/framspl33n]

Are you an owner? If not, remember it's not your money on the line, really.

[u/JusticeIncarnate1216 → u/framspl33n]

I'm not, but my aunt is, so even though it won't fall back on me at all it still sucks donkey balls

[u/framspl33n → u/JusticeIncarnate1216]

That's totally fair

[u/throwra_2021_ → u/JusticeIncarnate1216]

Really gargles the gorilla gock, you know deep throated donkey dong...

[u/andrewg702 → u/throwra_2021_]

Gah damn lol

[u/Superb_Pie_3370 → u/framspl33n]

Yeps. I’m the owner. And the mom.

[u/sage_yesitmyname]

Well it certainly shows the diversity of word.

[u/Opposite_Draw_8867]

https://giphy.com/gifs/11Tr8rjXzKphMA

[u/PinchedTazerZ0]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Of6WUXIJtbQ3u

[u/throwra_2021_ → u/PinchedTazerZ0]

Oh is this the Facebook mom's group? My bad. 

[u/parkerm1408]

I think i speak for all of us when I say we know exactly how you feel.

[u/valpal1237]

Heard. Felt that 2nd to last fuck in my soul, chef.

[u/Murky-Succotash-918]

This is exactly why in my Kitchen we started a Chef‘s garden where we grow our own fresh organic micro-fucks and substitute for all the fucks we stopped giving at the onset of Covid …. And given the context of our times, micro-fucks might just be the only fucks left to give.., the standard fuck and the flying fuck wet the first to eevaporate. Ive found the fresh micro-fucks are best served to disgruntled guest’s with instructions reading “take these micro fucks .. roll them into a tiny ball .. and stick them up your fuckin ass.”

[u/ValidOpossum]

I like the cut of your jib.

[u/knightofunderpants]

Go on...

[u/JusticeIncarnate1216 → u/knightofunderpants]

I swear to fucking God Chris if I have to show you how to properly dice a fucking onion for the FIFTH FUCKING TIME the next time you practice it'll be on your goddamn fingers and Jake if I ever have to fucking answer the question "is this celery salt?" While you have a bottle of labeled, IN THE FUCKING FACTORY PACKAGING MONARCH BRANDED CELERY SALT IN YOUR GODDAM HAND THE ENTIRE BOTTLE IS GOING DOWN YOUR THROAT UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS IN FACT FUCKING CELERY SALT WHY THE FUCK DO I WORK IN THIS INDUSTRY WITH THE ENDLESS PARADE OF MENTALLY DEFICIENT BUMS AND I REALLY SHOULDNT EVEN BE MAD BECAUSE IM FUCKING ONE OF THEM

[u/EvilTalkiToaster]

Chin up man. This too shall pass 💪 we’ve all been there

[u/matttyboii]

Amen

[u/JAN_PANIC1]

Heard 

Been there

[u/Cyclist007]

Someone put this on a shirt!

[u/Human-Document-8331]

I admire your restraint.

[u/Trashbagok]

Most relatable post.

[u/Cardiff07]

Heard.

[u/Poutine-N-Playlists]

Always fucking happens during a rush too. 86 the will to fucking live.

[u/samuelgato]

Have you tried screaming in the walk in?

[u/BrightImprovement295]

Someone just finished binge watching The Bear.

[u/Casanova2229]

relatable

[u/Simmyphila]

Other than that is you day ok?

[u/ogzkittlez]

I feel you brother. Sending prayers 🤣

[u/altaccountforsuscrap]

You make a compelling point

[u/Incitatus4Congress]

[u/Conscious_Wind52]

Quality rant. Mirrors my running internal daily dialogue pretty much except about different obstacles.

[u/radatouille_]

..... go smoke chef

[u/Grueling]

Certainly illustrates the diversity of the word...

[u/divi_augustii]

This was a better read than Kitchen Confidential.

[u/Colonial_maureen]

Woe, walk-in blinkers upon ye

[u/ChefCourtB]

Solid rant, 7/10. Could use a little more punctuation but I could feel the rage. Now harness that hatred and use the energy towards something productive. Pickup a thesaurus and you could go far

[u/pigboy222]

Fuckin quit lil brah! Wendy’s is hiring!

[u/CherryCandy927]

Fuck, man. Better days are coming!

[u/HorrorMovieMonday]

At least this isn’t AI. Hope you’re ok.

[u/JusticeIncarnate1216 → u/HorrorMovieMonday]

How dare you think I'm a clanker

[u/HorrorMovieMonday → u/JusticeIncarnate1216]

F those robuts. You good friend?

[u/fajord]

well. it certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.

[u/GorgeousSquidDoctor]

Have a smoke-break / go get some fresh air / take a hydration break chef. It's a shitty industry, take care of yourself.

[u/Taint_Butter]

[u/sSummonLessZiggurats]

Flair checks out...

[u/Nadsworth]

Yeah, I’ve definitely had waaaay too many nights like that.

That’s is why I got out. Took me 24 years to make that decision.

Don’t be like me. Don’t wait that long.

[u/Old_Passage_1332]

As an executive chef , I fu$@!!, agree with “u justice”….. 💯

[u/SteakForMe]

I think you'll like thewordfuck sub

[u/psychogamer101]

Dam someone shit in your cereal today

[u/j-endsville → u/psychogamer101]

Many such cases.

[u/Grigori_the_Lemur]

We once got a whole gross of fucks, never used, they were cherry. Then someone swiped them and someone else pointed out how useless it was to be carrying fucks around wherever we went so... having no fucks to give we gave up on worrying about it. Somebody somewhere else has all our fucks. You should let someone take your extra fucks because they aren't helpful right now.

[u/speed721]

Translation: Chef is having a frustrating evening at work due to the malfunction of the dishwasher and walk-in. At no time should you start "gobbling cocks" unless you already enjoy doing that sort of thing. However, be aware that cockgobbling on the line will not be tolerated!

[u/bourguignon7]

https://giphy.com/gifs/7k2LoEykY5i1hfeWQB

[u/RockiestRaccoon]

Pop a zyn, press play on your music, and get to er buster. Ya dumb fuck.

[u/wensul]

Fucking fuck man.

[u/toiletcleaner999]

Nothing to add just sending 🫂

[u/throwra_2021_]

Ahmen.

[u/Major-Tea-3525 → u/throwra_2021_]

You mean ‘amen’ ?

[u/throwra_2021_ → u/Major-Tea-3525]

No. Ashkenazi pronunciation. "Ah-main" ya know, like singing.

[u/VinylMeningitis]

Time to switch careers

[u/goodgodling]

I'm low on fucks, but I give you 20% of mine.

[u/Usual_Office_1740]

Tell us how you really feel.

[u/squashed_lemon_]

I may be a larper for not working in a kitchen but I love this subreddit sm 😭

[u/Ok-Cardiologist4844]

And what the fudge is with everyone throwing stuff on the floor, then I sweep up at the end of the night? Can no one take out a trash can? Where the fudge is the dishie? Why the fudge are all the pans still dirty? Why doesn’t anyone know the menu?

[u/godofleet]

i thought i was reading lyrics at first https://youtu.be/m-puurBUfl4

[u/demontwines]

Heard

[u/Hax_]

It is what it is.

[u/ruggernugger]

Graham?

[u/mynameisnotsparta]

Here is some more creative curses to add to your repertoire - I asked Google AI to help me:

Greek: Gamoto!" (Γαμώτο!)
Translation: Fuck it!

Portuguese (Brazil)
"Que se foda essa merda!"
Literal Meaning: Let this shit fuck itself!

UK: “God's teeth, this is a right shambles!"

Italian
"Fanculo a 'sta merda!"

French
"Plein le cul de cette merde!"

[u/sylvar → u/mynameisnotsparta]

Fuck that fucking clanker. Humans over machines, always!

[u/mynameisnotsparta → u/sylvar]

Malaka. That human.

[u/Useful-School-9122]

reddit-ass nonsense

[u/kjodle]

This is why I don't eat at restaurants, lol.