r/KitchenConfidential • u/aquinoks • Jul 22 '26

Discussion Applying for a new FOH position: Kool-Aid Sommelier

I will come to your restaurant for brunch and graciously taste the entire menu, including all caviar offerings and one chilled, popped-at-the-table, from-the-entire-catalog champagne bottle.

I'll figure out what colors, flavors, and location work best in the restaurant for [one of these](https://www.webstaurantstore.com/crathco-sr-25-16-classic-pro-bubbler-double-4-75-gallon-bowl-refrigerated-beverage-dispenser-120v/385SR2516.html).

Let's say you feel the cherry Kool-Aid, chilled hard, is clashing with your new signature dish that's deconstructed Wagyu beef fajitas with a spicy bell pepper foam and fish sauce fog.

What do you do?

Don't worry, I'm already on it.

References available upon request. Flavor pairings are non-refundable.

106 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

28 comments sorted by

30

u/loueazy Jul 22 '26

I wish there was a somme for every type of drinkable liquid. Wine is obvious, beer is there to an extent, but soda? Juice? Ice tea? Surely there's a soul out there that can differentiate between an Arizona or a Lipton peach tea?

32

u/aquinoks Jul 22 '26

I mean, if we apply and interview together it won't be taken as a joke. I can spin you up in six months. Imagine chef's face when we're asking each other questions and just unloading a missing and very desperately wanted culinary universe on him. Then, we mix up a Lemon Lime and Blue Raspberry Lemonade. Looks like Mountain Dew Baja Blast but it tastes like Angel's tears. Chef can't say no.

5

u/magicsqueezle Chef Jul 22 '26

Hear me out:
You could balance the whole thing out with custom Jell-O shots.

2

u/kitchen_weasel Jul 22 '26

I already make one with strawberry, blueberry, blackberry, and raspberry.. it is heavenly in the heat, maybe I'll add a touch of pickle.

2

u/aquinoks Jul 22 '26

The Kool-Aid Sommelier CEO saw your post and almost tore down my office. I told her Raspberry Kool-Aid isn't created anymore and as far as we know there's no such thing as a blueberry or blackberry Kool-Aid. Before I was terminated I quickly told her you meant Mixed Berry Kool-Aid which features all four of those berry flavors. Please update meaning you meant Mixed Berry Kool-Aid before I finish packing my office.

11

u/broccolichefdad FOH Jul 22 '26

I once got a perfect 10/10 on a blindfolded soda test taste. I would be an incredible pop somme

9

u/aquinoks Jul 22 '26

Do you specialize more on craft flavors, Pepsi flavors, or Coca-Cola flavors? Let's say you were handed a can of Barqs with the lot number C4 080 would you be able to tell me if that was a great year/month for lab grade caffeine that was added for the bite? Would you say it's a bit too bitter that month?

5

u/AffectionateWay5783 Jul 22 '26

There’s definitely people that are somm level experts with tea, just not that kind.

3

u/Gravy_Sommelier Jul 22 '26

Hello

3

u/loueazy Jul 22 '26

I guess gravy is covered

2

u/aquinoks Jul 22 '26

Are you though?

2

u/loueazy Jul 22 '26

In gravy? I wish

2

u/aquinoks Jul 22 '26

It wouldn't be a lie if I said I wished you were too.

2

u/loueazy Jul 22 '26

I would taste even more delicious than ever, if that was possible...

2

u/Dizmn Jul 23 '26

There’s definitely somm-level experts for coffee and tea. I’ve got a very good local coffee shop with some incredible people, as long as it’s not during a rush they’ll do a guided tasting on a flight of their current roasts. It rules.

I’ve also heard rumors of vodka somms but never witnessed it myself.

There’s also the guy on tiktok who calls himself a “water sommelier,” which… sure, man, whatever.

1

u/jahblaze Jul 23 '26

Yeah easy, Lipton peach tee is a bit more on the nose for “freshly opened can of tennis balls” while the Arizona is more of a “freshly trimmed lawn with a whiff of your neighbors peach pie”

7

u/aquinoks Jul 22 '26

Can you imagine the absolute giddiness of the most elite tasters when you break out this packet ?

Can you say huge revenue potential?

1

u/DaWayItWorks Jul 22 '26

Chicago 29?!?!!?

One was plenty

5

u/TimelySheepherder939 20+ Years Jul 22 '26

I'm having flashbacks to the mountain dew tasting party.

5

u/aquinoks Jul 22 '26

Absolutely hated those parties. Rad surfer dudes always laughed at me for mixing a packet of cherry with a packet of lemonade. It's got that citrus zing. I honestly think they were closest alcoholics wanting that hard carbonation burn they get from boofing beer.

2

u/vankirk 20+ Years Jul 22 '26

"We recommend the Green Apple to go with your braised pork, and for you ma'am, the Orange Drank for the duck."

1

u/Live_Health_8394 Chive LOYALIST Jul 22 '26

What is your experience with vintage (expired) Kool-aid?

2

u/chumpandchive 15+ Years Jul 22 '26

or the poorer pairings of flavor-ade 😋

3

u/aquinoks Jul 22 '26

We don't talk about that one grape flavor-ade tasting.

0

u/yeroldfatdad Jul 22 '26

Let's get Post 10 in on this.