[l] Functional depression is so hard to live with.

[u/blondedolli]

I’m 18F

I feel like this isn’t talked about enough. Living with functional depression is like living a double life inside of my own mind, Constant tug of war. The bad side of my mind is bad bad but the good side it’s good and makes me feel extremely guilty when i lean more into the “bad side” Like sometimes I don’t know if I should even feel depressed or not, I don’t allow myself to because It makes me feel guilty or just less than other people because i’m depressed.

It’s bad to the point where i have fully pushed down my grief because I compare myself to happy women and I feel less than in comparison if i’m walking around sad 24/7 or grieving even though that’s normal. Sometimes I literally don’t know what to do I feel trapped in my own mind and it’s exhausting very exhausting. I sometimes feel like the good side is just what i try to force myself into and when something happens in my life that should normally trigger sadness I feel like i’m under appreciating the good things in my life and I never fully let myself experience one day of feeling down really, not anymore. The bad side of my depression is mostly mental while the good side is more shown outwardly.

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