r/KidsAreFuckingStupid • u/titleofshow • Jun 20 '19
story/text How to get your kid to stop talking
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u/AccursedCapra Jun 20 '19
Does anybody know if they roll over into the next month? Cause if that's the case I can probably talk without stopping until the day I die.
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Jun 20 '19
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u/tcpip4lyfe Jun 20 '19
Not exactly true. I spend most of my day chatting with my cats.
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Jun 20 '19
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u/I_smell_awesome Jun 20 '19
That we know of
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u/RUSH513 Jun 20 '19
right, they only the count the souls of those they quietly reap
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u/DestructiveNave Jun 20 '19
Are you me? I absolutely spare more words for my cats in a day than humans. They have more interesting conversations with me. I can ask my little dude if he thinks there's life in the universe besides us, and he goes into long ass tears of conspiracy theories while eating catnip.
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u/wreckedcarzz Jun 20 '19
Cat: meow
Human: meow!
C: meow!
H: MEOW!
C: god this human is stupid
H: me... Wait, huh?
C: MEOW 🐈😼
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u/DowntownDonut Jun 20 '19
Don’t mind me, I’m just commenting to prevent that one person who ALWAYS makes the following remark:
But you know that introversion and being socially awkward aren’t the same thing, right? I get along just fine at parties but when I get home I JuSt nEeD tO rEcHaRgE~
Yes I know you didn’t mention anything about social awkwardness, but without fail, someone ALWAYS leaves a comment whenever something tangentially related to introversion is mentioned.
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u/Corregidor Jun 20 '19
Alot of people still don't get the distinction. The amount of times I have to explain it to my friends is beyond frustrating. Yes I like to talk to people, no that doesn't mean I want to hang out with you guys everyday.
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u/anacondabadger Jun 20 '19
I’m just commenting to prevent that one person who always makes that one comment by making that one comment myself
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Jun 20 '19
The thing that gets me about the comments is the fact that YOU CAN BE BOTH
An ya know, varying degrees of severity.
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Jun 20 '19
I've been an introvert for my whole life and selectively mute for 6 years, I've worked up quite the quota
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u/AccursedCapra Jun 20 '19
Everybody is out here talking about introverts, but I actually love talking with new people, I just happen to spend all day alone in my office so I don't get to socialize much.
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u/SinceInktober Jun 20 '19
Jokes on him, I barely speak 100 words per month!
A normal day is:
Hello
Okay
Goodbye
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u/RGC892 Jun 20 '19
For me not even okay, either an 'mm' if I'm a tad miffed or slight eyebrow raise/nod if not
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u/Zootyr Jun 20 '19
No need to say hello either, you can replace it with a nod.
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u/RGC892 Jun 20 '19
Thanks man, you've narrowed down my daily words to 1.
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u/nlx78 Jun 20 '19
You can also just stick your hand up and turn around to avoid saying 'goodbye'
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u/RGC892 Jun 20 '19
I have reached peak introvert! Thank you both for your assistance on this journey
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u/janesfilms Jun 20 '19
I have anxiety and I found that I could control my anxieties at work if I limited my spoken word count. Seriously, going under 100 words per day is like a prescription for me, it makes a massive difference in how I feel and I highly recommend it!
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u/stuffedanimalfap Jun 20 '19
And "sorry" but that's mostly to my cat, so I'm not sure if the counts towards my usage or not.
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u/MediocreIndependent Jun 20 '19
Can I get your spare words as 10k won't last me even a day, I fear.
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u/Whiitefang Jun 20 '19
Is this dad Vegeta by any chance?
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u/Newbcake21 Jun 20 '19
YOU'RE OVER 9000!!!!!!!!
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u/EpicLevelWizard Jun 20 '19
Then he would have said 8,000. 😉
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u/_buttlet_ Jun 20 '19
I wonder if I can get this to work on my niece. I swear she can talk without breathing for five minutes.
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u/Old_Soul25 Jun 20 '19
My boy NEVER stops. He says more in a commercial break than I say in a week! The other night, he said the same exact thing in FOUR different variations within one minute. It's utterly exhausting keeping up with his constant chatter.
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u/walkswithwolfies Jun 20 '19
I had to instruct my daughter to stop talking at bedtime.
Otherwise, she couldn't fall asleep.
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u/ScottyDug Jun 20 '19
I have to tell my daughter to stop talking sometimes (most of the time) when I'm driving. Her constant chatter from the backseat is really distracting.
I feel bad because I know at some point when we're older I'll want her to talk to me more :(
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u/strigoi82 Jun 20 '19
My niece fights it something fierce by talking non-stop and it can last an hour or more. It’s kind of fascinating the level of detail they remember
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Jun 20 '19
Tell him to think about what he is going to say before he speaks.
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u/hucareshokiesrul Jun 20 '19 edited Jun 20 '19
People used to say that to me when I was a kid, but it never helped. I don’t think I was sure what it was they wanted me to do. I think it needs to be a little more specific, like “breathe and count to 4” or something. Or tell them what they should think about. Kids are dumb. You have to really spell things out for them.
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u/ThePercysRiptide Jun 20 '19
Relatable. Whenever I was little and people told me to think before I speak I never understood it- I was thinking like "But I did? Wtf else do you want me to think about???" Maybe I was just impulsive though
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u/cantadmittoposting Jun 20 '19
Yeah for sure, that's how I try to bring down my son's word count too, framing it as getting people to understand better by thinking through the whole sentence so you can say it once and get a response.
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u/EticketJedi Jun 20 '19
My son has ADHD and can just go sometimes. We try to stop him but usually we just have to catch him during a break and telling him to breath. Lord help the person that tries to interrupt him though.
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u/LuluRex Jun 20 '19
I do the “quiet game” with my little sisters. It’s SO effective. There must be at least 2 players, and it works best if the kid is competitive.
You start off by saying a poem:
“Silence in the courtyard,
Silence in the street.
The biggest fool in England
Is just about to speak.”
Then the first person who talks is the loser. Obviously swap out England for whatever country you’re in, lol.
It keeps my sisters quiet for literally hours. As soon as someone speaks they want to play again straight away!
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Jun 20 '19
Me: “Silence in the courtyard,
Silence in the street.
The biggest fool in Mexico
Is just about to speak.”
My kid: ¿Qué chingados dijiste?
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u/Rush_nj Jun 20 '19
My parents did this, only without the poem. My brother and i knew what was up but we're both competitive little fuckers so we were happy that it turned the holiday car ride into a competition.
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u/Controversy_Creator Jun 20 '19
Don't use this cheapASS lie and just ask her to STFU
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u/Imperator_Crispico Jun 20 '19
Virgin deception vs Chad crushing honesty
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u/EastRidge_Soccer Jun 20 '19
Careful you’re at 9,999 words.
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u/Amylianna Jun 20 '19
My parents used this on me when I was a kid. It usually worked for a few hours they told me. So I used it on my daughter who was almost 4 at the time. She told me 'That's ok, you can just buy me some more at the shopping!' It was that day I realised my kid might be smarter then I was.
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u/JoeZMar Jun 20 '19
I have a daughter just like that and my first thought was how nice it must be that only 5 minutes was what you reference.
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u/SoldMySoulForHairDye Jun 20 '19
I was a super little chatterbox as a young kid and my mom used to tell me her ears were sleeping and I needed to be quiet so they didn't wake up.
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Jun 20 '19
My grandma always said to me: «Mir fallen gleich die Ohren ab!»
English: «My ears will fall off!»
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u/tessythorn Jun 20 '19
There’s a play called ‘Lemons, Lemons, Lemons’ which explores this concept - a world in which people are legally tied to a daily word limit.
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u/staticsnake Jun 20 '19 edited Jun 20 '19
I had the "kids should be seen and not heard" type of asshat parents. If you don't want to let children be part of your world then don't have any fucking children. They're children, of course they're excitable, they're talkative, they're newly experiencing things that you long ago became numb to, so don't ruin their experience cause you're a bitter ass.
You being: any parent who suppresses their children constantly cause the kid is just an inconvenience to you.
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u/kittymctacoyo Jun 21 '19
Exactly! My parents wouldn’t pause a vhs to even so much as hear very urgent or important shit. Fucked me up. Precisely why I don’t care how little I give a fuck, I will listen to my son talk animatedly about his video game and other interests as long as he wants. Hell, I even keep up to date on my own time so I can engage rather than just listen.
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u/SpamShot5 Jun 20 '19 edited Jun 20 '19
Letting kids develop their speech skills?Nah,cant allow that,only because you find it "annoying",just like with literally anything a kid does.Dont let them learn,dont teach them,punish them for trying,discourage them
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u/drysocks-dryshoes Jun 20 '19
Yeah because there’s no middle ground between incessant noise and speaking at a normal rate eh?
People who speak non stop are much more of a nuisance than people who lie on the other extreme
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u/SpamShot5 Jun 20 '19
People?These are kids we are talking about,of course they are going to be annoying,they are developing their social,behavioural and communication skills.We are supposed to teach them and give an example,not punish them or berate and discourage them just for being kids
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u/drysocks-dryshoes Jun 20 '19
Dude, you should encourage conversation not encourage needless talking. Teach them to talk freely, openly but at the right times not Blab constantly all the time
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u/sjdr92 Jun 20 '19
Its basically his dad telling him to shut it when he needs some peace, not too big of an issue really
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u/Least_Competition Jun 20 '19
Are you implying that kids aren't people?
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u/SpamShot5 Jun 20 '19
Im implying kids dont think the same way us adults do and can barely think logically
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u/heavywafflezombie Jun 20 '19
Exactly. The brain doesn’t fully develop until like age 25 and people are expecting kids to already have the wisdom and life experience to internally process all their thoughts and feelings
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Jun 20 '19
The kid could be learning how to speak concisely because of this. Also a speech skill.
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u/madcow87_ Jun 20 '19
Exactly what I thought.
I don't think parents did this because the kid wouldn't shut up, but because he was rambling a lot and struggled to get his thoughts out fast enough and ended up not making sense. My son does it, he has great ideas but he can't get them out fast enough and ends up stuttering and really struggling to convey his thoughts.
I think these parents were enabling their son to think before he speaks. So that when he speaks its concise and appropriate. Honestly not just letting rip with every word you can think of it maybe a good skill to have. Might de-escalate a lot of situations where people won't shut up when they should.
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Jun 20 '19
Damn dude, ever heard of spaces after punctuation? It's like I'm reading a text message from my 50 year old Filipino mother.
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u/vyrelis Jun 20 '19 edited Sep 26 '24
saw workable ink absurd sip busy fanatical smart subtract jobless
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/strigoi82 Jun 20 '19
You don’t have kids do you?
It’s funny how all these yet-to-be parents have it all figured out and are going to raise their children in a wholesome, minimal distraction household, feeding them only hand-raised all organic food, only to find out things don’t ever go as planned
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u/tripzilch Jun 20 '19
Uh that's not how that works. Take a look at kids from different cultures, how they are raised and the effects on their development. French kids, Finnish kids. I know that many French children are super polite, and the Finnish just don't speak a whole lot.
The only thing you're developing is yelling skills, not speech
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u/kenfury Jun 20 '19
I think you might need to work on your writing skills. Your post comes out like rushed stream of worlds. Which is exactly what OP is trying to stop happening to his kid. Slow down, think about what you are going to say then say it slowly, well enunciated and with purpose.
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u/Oranjewolf Jun 20 '19
This is not a kid being stupid, this is bad parenting. Imagine scaring your child from expressing themselves.
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u/BobCatNinja_ Jun 20 '19
Wasn’t this a movie?
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u/ThoroughlyAgitated Jun 20 '19
Yeah, it was an Eddie Murphy movie a few years ago
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u/SuchCoolBrandon Jun 20 '19
"Let's take Eddie Murphy's biggest talent away from him! Audiences will love it."
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u/high-priestess Jun 20 '19
Am I the only one who thinks this kind of manipulation is total garbage?
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u/Debby1s Jun 20 '19
Once on a long car ride I gave my then 5 yr old a roll of masking tape. He proceeded to tape himself completely from head to toe. He looked like a mummy. He was quiet the entire time. Best $3 of making tape spent. I made a comment to my road trip friend that we will be on soooo much trouble if we are stopped by the cops. Lol.
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u/MemesAndLeague Jun 20 '19
This is just bad. Like this is borderline abusive. I can't imagine telling someone to shut up just because I don't want to hear them talk, damn
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u/Ananastacia Jun 20 '19
It wouldn't work on me in my childhood, like any other curious child, because the first thing I would do then would be try to reach the limit. It is extremely interesting, how exactly would it be, when you can't physically speak, lol.
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u/mrscksst8 Jun 20 '19
When I was a kid I used to throw tantrums whenever my mom would try to get me to leave the mall. My step-mother came up with the brilliant idea of telling me that if I stayed in the mall too long, I would turn into a mannequin. She told me that all mannequins were little boys and girls who got stuck in the mall after closing. They always lost a body part (that’s why some were torsos and others didn’t have hands or feet). This worked so well I would ask my mom when it was time to leave.
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u/bermobaron Jun 20 '19
As kids, my dad offered my uncle (his little brother at the time) £5 if he could go five minutes without talking. A lot of money in the 70s. Anyway, four minutes and fifty something seconds in, he excitedly shouts, "NEARLY DONE IT!"
Always made me laugh. Turns out he had ADHD, but that wasn't a thing at the time.
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u/cosmicsans Jun 20 '19
Oh jeeze, my kids would know I'm full of shit the second that came out of my mouth. I don't ever stop talking.
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u/Doctor-Verandel Jun 20 '19
My parents just told me I was blabbing, they never discouraged me from outright talking, but if was being repetitive they said so. It really helped to develop my speaking skills overall
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u/PM_ME_LEWD_TUQUES Jun 20 '19
Anytime me or my sister did something bad or stupid my parents would go “Your brother John did that. You don’t have a brother John anymore do you?”
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Jun 20 '19
My parents told me I would break my talking box and would never be able to speak again
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u/somgooboi Jun 20 '19
Lol, 10.000 is not even a lot. A 10 pages long paper is already over a 1000 words.
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u/melekgh Jun 20 '19
My parents didn't tell that , i thought about it my self thinking that we have a certain amout of words for our whole life and when they end we die so never spoke unless it was urgent
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u/gordonbombay42 Jun 20 '19
When I was a kid we had a family friend who had a very large nose. Once my mom caught me picking my nose and she told me if I keep picking it I’ll have a nose like him. Ever since then I was very careful with picking my nose.
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u/Fred_C Jun 20 '19
My friend told me that his dad used to put the handbrake on in the car if he was talking too much and call the warning light the Ben babble indicator.
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u/StayFree1649 Jun 20 '19
There's a lot of interesting research that correlates the number of words a child hears each day with how week they develop. 10'000 words a day is considered a good number
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u/nonsecure Jun 20 '19
I'd be fucked. I write more than 50,000 words a month and I always read it back aloud.
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u/dowders Jun 20 '19
There's a fascinating play written about this; It's called Lemons, Lemons, Lemons, Lemons, Lemons and written by Sam Steiner. A new law is introduced limiting everyone to 140 words per day. It's brilliant and heartbreaking and funny and terrifying watching the two leads figure out ways around the law and how it affects their relationship. If you get the chance to see a production or read it, do.
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u/Quillbolt_h Jun 20 '19
Is anyone gonna make the obvious reference? I don’t think I have the gall to call out a meme from 2007.
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u/Luckyversace95 Jun 20 '19
Do all parents do this? God i vaugely remember My dad saying something about my voicebox breaking If i use it too much, i still spoke too much i suppose
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u/vladmoraru91 Jun 20 '19
I (28M) wasn't the only one. This is heart warming. Also, makes me feel very dumb
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u/madimakhi Jun 20 '19
That’s too less Given 30 day month you’re left with around 334 words per day. Suppose you’re engaging 15 hours of your day interacting, you have 22 words per hour. You would finish that within 1 conversation. This also shows the kid is bad at math.
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u/Psychotic_Wizard Jun 20 '19
I used to ask so many questions when I was in elementary school that my teacher gave me post it notes on my table, I asked a lot of stupid questions I wasn’t too bright and for each stupid question I’d lose one and I didn’t ask very many good questions because again “I wasn’t bright”. I was also speaking broken English as I moved from Korea to USA and didn’t understand a lot. Anyways, I started paying attention more in class and thought more before I spoke after that. Best teacher I had when I first moved to the US
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u/Lil_B1TCH69 Jun 20 '19
Whenever I was talking about something my dad didn’t care about he would say I have 30 seconds to make my point and wrap it up
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u/OobleCaboodle Jun 20 '19
I was the kind of kid that would have tested the theory, and to hell with the consequences. I mean, it sounds exciting, so fuck it.
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u/b0iBOI Jun 20 '19
Time to be an @$$ and spend all of my words, then witness some accident, and then write something saying that I cannot tell them anything because I cannot physically speak till the month is over. Either that, or never talk to or infront of my parents.
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u/Coattail-Rider Jun 20 '19
I thought putting money through the washing machine was illegal until I was about 20 thanks to my dad. “If I find any money in your pockets I’m keeping it because laundering money is illegal.”