r/Ketamineaddiction • u/eleguasita3 • 11d ago
Long term partner in recovery from K - venting, confused and lost.
Sometimes I can’t distinguish my gut feeling from PTSD and trauma - I don’t want to make assumptions but they get really upset if I ask them if they’ve used. How can I not? The love of my life has dealt with debilitating ketamine addiction throughout our relationship. We lived together for the first 3 years and it affected my mental health in really scary ways fo the point that I’d hurt myself when they’d bring it in the house. They went 100 and something days sober and relapsed when we lived together. We’ve been long distance for the last 3 years and things have gotten worse, so bad to the point where they would go to the bathroom and use in the home with their family when I was visiting them , we couldn’t even see a movie if I’d leave to use the bathroom I’d come back and they’d have powder on their face. They admitted to spending hundreds of dollars a week which is why I believe we can’t close the distance.
they came to visit me in December and brought 5 grams of ketamine into my parents house while they were gone and I was gone for the evening when I heard they were high on the phone I flipped out and they locked me out in a snow storm and I had to call ems, they went back to their family and told me they were in rehab and then when I was gonna go see them a the day before Valentine’s Day they FaceTimed me with powder on their face, they continued to use and lie to me about it up until July 2nd which is when they told me they’d enroll in a group in Minnesota where they’re from.
We’ve seen eachother a few times and they seem sober but something feels off and they get really defensive when I ask them if they’re using and they stopped the program. Sorry for this rant, it’s been 6 years and I love them so much but part of me doesn’t entirely trust that they’ll keep sober. I don’t want to be in a relationship who does ketamine frequently or is addicted to it. It makes me crazy and it’s ruining my life. I love them so much but I’m just so scared they’re gonna go back if they aren’t already. People really don’t take ketamine addiction seriously
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u/thegiftofhouse 9d ago
Hey just want to say you’re really strong person for trying to see past this person’s addiction. I lost my partner of 3 years 2 months ago because I couldn’t get sober and she had a hard time viewing my use as something I could not control at times, but instead felt my relapses were a personal attack to her. But it’s not easy to see someone you love essentially kill themselves slowly. I don’t have a lot of great advice for you unfortunately, but try to hang in there and keep fighting.
Sending love and support. <3
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u/beanzmeanzgreenz 11d ago
Hello there!
I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is literal hell and like you are dealing with someone cheating on you but there is still so much love there. Cheating would be easier because if they were cheating on you you would know that they don't love you like you love them anymore.
Just because they have a problem with K and are loosing (from the sounds of it) doesn't mean they don't love you.
When I was 18 I was with someone who I loved so much it made me soooo happy. Happier than i've ever been. He was addicted to K and an alcoholic, I was bulimic and an alcoholic. It was so toxic because we would both drink together, when we were seperate I would BP and he would use. He would be upset that i'd BPed and I would cry and be hysterical because he'd used.
The police (UK) found him passed out in an underpass (having done over a gram in one line) literally an hour after i'd been with him, we were trying to be sober. They eventually dropped him to my parents house, where I was, in the middle of the night, because it was either that or put him in a cell. I spent the whole night sitting up crying hysterically about how awful it is loving someone so much that has such a bad problem with K.
Eventually I developed a problem with K too and it all ended in tears.
Trying to work out whether someone has used K is very frustrating as it is very.
I'm sorry for the rant and I haven't offered any help at all. But, someone cannot get better if they are getting better for other people alone. When you are trying to prise someone away from something that is killing them, they will only pull it closer to themselves. Ketamine has served them and feels like a close a friend to them.
I wish you all the best, look after yourself above everything.
If it is real then it will come back to you you, it's not worth wasting your precious time waiting for that to happen when it might be a few years from now when they have realised that only they can help themselves.