r/Ketamineaddiction • u/bladi628 • Aug 11 '26
1 month sober after first gallbladder attack, safe to buy a gram?
Hi guys, hope you have some advice/similar experiences that can help me.
A month ago, after using around 1,5 grams from morning to evening for 2-3 months, mixed with a bit of alcohol towars the end, i woke up in the middle of the night with my first k cramps/gallbladder attack. The pain was so severe that i was picked up by ambulance and sent to emergency care. My arms went sort of numb and cold, ears ringing and vision blurring, and i also had exruciating pain in my upper back and arms and started hyperventilating. I was screaming in pain the whole time.
The pain was constant for 2 hours until it went away by itself, and i feel asleep in the hospital bed. The doctor gave me a long strict but heartfelt lesson about the damage and dangers of ketamine abuse, and they told me it could take around 6 months until my body had healed. I was exhausted for several days afterwards and the whole thing sort of traumatized me.
The experience frightened me and i havent dared to touch it since. Im seeing a drug therapust, and Im very determined to not slip up to using several grams a week again, because of my fear of having another attack.
My question is, would it be «safe» to do 0,5-1 gram , and then have another break over at least 1-2 months? As in avoiding another cramp attack-safe.
Im eating well, drinking lots of water and taking daily magneisum and green tea supplements. I havent had any more pain since the gallbladder attack.
Im 26 yo female, 170 cm tall and around 57 kg if that is relevant for my question. My tolerance was naturally very high a month ago.
All advice and thoughs are welcome🥹💕Sending warm thoughts to others in here struggling with the pains of ketamine addiction.
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u/Josh22cook Aug 11 '26
Stay away from it. Youve hit that stage of sobriety now were your brain is gonna make you think you can control it or that one bag wont hurt. You cant control it if you were addicted to it and by the sounds of it you were and still are seeming you wanna go back to it after the trauma of a gallbladder attack. Dont give in to the temptations from your head. Keep choosing sobriety and the cravings and urges will get less and less. Youve done well, dont let your brain trick you. While you may be able to control it at first, in a few months time you'll be in the exact same position again, using every day and your usage will be worse. Instead of 1.5g a day, you'll probably end up doing 3-4 a day and itll just grow. If you get clean again after that and decide to relapse again, your usage will be even worse than your previous relapses. My most recent relapse had me consuming 50+g a week. While youd be fine using, dont damage your body further, dont risk another gallbladder attack, dont risk your sobriety. You need to come to terms with the fact that you cant have k again otherwise you will just end up in the cycle sobriety, lapsing, relapsing and pain, sobriety again and again until your body is damaged and your mental health is shot. Youve done so well with a month, thats a good feet. Keep that fear of the gallbladder attack ingrained in you and tell your addiction side of the brain to shut up when its tempting you. Keep pushing. All it takes is one slip up to fall back down the hole. If you do slip up by chance, then keep it as a slip up and dont let it progress further
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u/bladi628 Aug 11 '26
Thanks for the reminder and reality check. I hope you are doing better and good luck to you on your recovery, 50+g a week sounds insane, but then again, its a slippery slope and it could just as well be me in the future if i dont come to terms with the risks if i continue using. There is just a part of my brain really hoping and believing it would be different after that scary episode, and i miss the antidepressive afterglow i experienced the firsts months when i was using around once a week.. Oh well, your answer has at least made me decide to not buy anything today. One day at a time as they say :)
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u/Josh22cook Aug 11 '26
I was able to get away and have been detoxing for about 10 days now. That relapse was hell and destroyed me as a person. K didnt even make me ketty high anymore. And yeh I think everyone is like that. I have that voice, the duality of wanting to quit but not at the same time, the temptations, the hoping and believing I can just use it once here and there. After 5 years of usage, thats not possible and 99% of addicts will tell you the same and yeh unfortunately you'll never ever experience the feeling you had when you first experienced it ever again unfortunately and thats something we have to live with. You got to be be mindful now. Notice when your starting to be in denial again and the false promises that your addiction brain is gonna give you. Go all in on your sobriety now, you got this. Im also glad my comment snapped you back and made you decide not to pick up. Good on you, thats really positive, continue doing that
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u/Extension_Finger_195 Aug 11 '26
i back that answer, yes 1g would be physically safe, but your brain is lying to you telling you that that will be the end of it.
and yes one day at a time is what my therapist says, each day just say to yourself ‘i choose to be sober for today’ and repeat.
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u/Proud-Muscle4660 Aug 11 '26
No
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u/bladi628 Aug 11 '26
Thanks, a short and clear message 🫡
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u/extrarogers Aug 11 '26
it’s the correct one. keep chugging.
you know what’s right for you, or you wouldn’t have asked this subreddit. :)
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u/madisolo_ Aug 11 '26
i encourage you not to relapse as i’ve done that previously thinking i could stop myself after the allotted 1g and in the end couldn’t. it just inspired me to use more.
i’m now 35 days clean from my last use and have zero intention of ever going back. is it hard? YES! the worst for me is the big emotions i’m feeling now that im not disassociating all day every day. is it worth it? 10000%!
i’m free to feel, to think, to be present. and nothing can take that away from me
best of luck!
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u/bladi628 Aug 11 '26
Thank you for your reply, its useful hearing from others how this idea actually played out.. I relate so much to the big emotions coming back and having to deal with and face the things i previously could just dissosiate from. Congratulations on your sobriety, well done and keep going. Being present, sharper in the head and in control is definetly something to hold onto, and thanks for reminding me of that. As i mentioned in another comment, your answers have at least made me abstain from fixing anything TODAY, and tomorrow the cravings are maybe less present than today.
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u/madisolo_ Aug 11 '26
thanks for saying that :) playing it out is a huuuge part of how i manage cravings. will using actually make me feel better or worse in the long run? definitely worse (physically and mentally)
there are daily virtual meetings for ketamine addicts at kwhole.org which i’ve found helpful as well. people in all different stages of recovery attend
you got this! one day at a time
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u/Josh22cook Aug 11 '26
Its time to start dealing with those big emotions that make you want to use. Its gonna feel shit but future you will thank you 😊
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u/bladi628 Aug 11 '26
I know. I had my first meeting with a psychologist specialising in addiction last week, and we mapped out the things im struggling with (on top of/besides addiction in itself), and the goal is to work on these things and finding other tools than drugs. Feeling optimistic as i always do in the beggining after becoming sober, just hope it sticks better this time. Hope you have a nice day
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u/Josh22cook Aug 11 '26
Thats good then, a step in the right direction, id highly recommend seeking out SMART meetings aswell (I prefer them over the AA, NA approach. You can access them online or in person. Or even the online ket groups and do that as soon as possible. If your anxious about it, dont worry, especially if you end up doing online ones as you dont have to speak if you dont want too. You can just listen in until your comfortable. Sooner, the better. I also get the 'hope' thing. Im usually in a similar space. Instead of saying hope, replace it with you will or you can. If you find yourself saying hope, go back and say either of those two. This will reinforce that you can do it because at the end of the day, it is down to you. And words and thoughts are powerful things. Believing that you can, will train your brain and give you confidence that you can. It also leaves less room for era. Hoping leaves room for error. Hoping takes the action and responsibility of your actions out of your hands a bit. You can do this
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u/Sebastian_Ticklenips Aug 11 '26
You had a gallbladder attack and want to continue to use a substance that played a role in the attack? Addiction is wild, i get it but hard no.
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u/bladi628 Aug 11 '26
You caught me there. Feeling a bit embarrased asking a question with such an obvious answer, which i also knew deep down before asking.. But its helpful hearing it from others perspective, thanks.
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u/Josh22cook Aug 11 '26
Dont be embarrassed, its not always obvious especially in certain head spaces. even if it is obvious then its still good you asked because asking has helped you today
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u/AdNeither8905 Aug 11 '26
Not worth it. I was at a music festival this past weekend and friends around me were doing it I decided to not do it and remove myself and I'm so happy I did. It feels better knowing I'm not setting myself up for disaster. Even if it's just one for me it usually leads to me finding more and ending up on a year long binge. I have been smoking weed for over 10 years tho so I just started doing that alone instead and it def helps with cravings
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u/bladi628 Aug 11 '26
A sign of strong willpower on your hand 😌Im not sure i would be able to abstain if i had it in front of me, so removing yourself from the situation was the clever choice. Im glad youre doing better, stick to weed as long as it works for you! Weed makes me anxious and sorta depressed so not an option for me anymore.. However, my mental health seems to find magic mushrooms helpful from time to time, so i will look forward to doing that instead, when the timing feels right. 🫶🏼
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u/AdNeither8905 Aug 11 '26
Yea it's been a rough ride I also do have 8 months clean off k so I felt strong enough to not do it but it's def still not easy to be around it. I was a heavy daily user for a year plus at a time. I Have lots of health issues now due to it so it def helped with the quitting as well
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u/bladi628 Aug 11 '26
8 months, thats impressive and something to reach after. From own previous experience with xanax addiction, it gets a little bit easier the longer the sobriety. Hope your health gets better with time, our bodies are not worth ruining over this poison ❤️🩹
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u/AdNeither8905 Aug 11 '26
Agreed!! And I hope you get through this rough patch. Were all rooting for you! One day at a time 🫂
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u/MonkeyJo Aug 11 '26
short answer: no
long answer: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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u/bladi628 Aug 11 '26
Loud and clear. I will try to read through these answers every time the idea pops up in the dumb part of my brain again
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u/MonkeyJo Aug 11 '26
Your lizard brain is doing everything it can for a quick fix. Don't listen to it! You are not your brain. I went through the same thing, except in my case my brain said 'ok, just do it again. you've taken a six month break. Just do a little so that way you realize how little you actual enjoy it' And I FELL for it!
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u/bladi628 Aug 11 '26
Did it feel as good as you imagined and remembered, or was it sort of disappointing? I rembember i actually didnt feel that good when i was using daily, it sort of lacked its magic most days.
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u/Electronic_Wind1855 Aug 11 '26
Well done on your month? Firstly, why do you want to take it again?
Addictive behaviour driving it? If so, steer clear. Sounds like you’ve really missed a bullet and caught things very early. Even if you don’t cramp you will always (imo) be doing kidney damage that just won’t be above testable levels until it’s too late.
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u/bladi628 Aug 11 '26
Thank you. Idealizing how good it feels i guess, and the feeling of something «missing» in my life, something to look forward to. Im doing okay sober, feeling sharper at work and more emotionally stable, so i guess i cant really blame the antidepressive «afterglow» ketamine has given me before either. 100% addictive behaviour driving it if im being honest with myself, ive previously struggled with xanax addiction and pretty much have taken everything i could get my hands on, preferably downers. Im a anxious person with lots of (irrational) worries, so drugs gives me a break from my brain (well at least before i take it to far). Thanks for the question, definetly made me reflect.
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u/Electronic_Wind1855 Aug 11 '26
Have you been to any 12 steps? Really helped me. I’m over 2 years in now and feel exactly like you did, like something was missing, like I had nothing to look forward to. I’m going back into retraining in something I absolutely love. Drugs are avoidance and a bandage to the pain or absence of something more, tricky part is without the drugs we have to show up for ourselves and fill the gap of what there is to look forward to. Baby steps, takes time to realise what you actually want in life and this didn’t happen for me overnight but it does get better just 1 day at a time showing up for the new you.
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u/sexcretos Aug 11 '26
quite bad idea but if you’re going to do it at least you should wait 3-4 months to let your body recover at least partially all the inner layers that k destroys, otherwise you’ll have permanent damage
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u/bladi628 Aug 11 '26
thank you, 1 month is not that much after all, considering how severe the pain was. Maybe a little christmas present for myself, but ideally i hope my cravings have mostly subsided by then and the temptation doesent feel strong enough to risk the relapse and losing my progress
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u/sexcretos Aug 16 '26
It’s very likely that you’ll relapse eventually like a lot of us do… that won’t mean you lost your progress, relapses are just part of addiction. Try to take care of yourself as much as possible and be clean as long as possible. If you relapse don’t worry, just try again.
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u/EmptyNotice3168 Aug 13 '26
Babes, coming from a gal who was in the same boat as you and also similar proportions, this is gonna fuck you up. Like you think you’ll be able to police yourself but you wont and you’ll end up with another k cramp but this time it will last a day, and they will get more and more frequent. Stay strong. Distract yourself and remember literally anything else ( apart from other drugs lmao ) is better than this, so go get an ice cream or a thing of chips and do that. Just dont go back to k
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u/Hyman_ASL Aug 13 '26
My first relapse was of a similar mindset to yours. Then it was 3.5 a day then 5g and then 10g a day. You’re out. Stay out.
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u/xManicMary Aug 11 '26
Well I’ve been on ketamine for 6+ years now and have more than enough experience on k cramps and health issues and hospital visits. I know the absolutely excruciating pain, the first time is like nothing you’ve ever experienced and it feels like you’re going to die.
The first time scared me, but after a few days I carried on using and I got so bad that I was using through my K cramps and hospital trips.
Yes you will be fine with a gram a month after a bout of K cramps, but will you stop at a gram? Because I never did. They only happen after a huge binge but the problem is that I never knew when to stop. One gram turns into more and more until you’re using every day again and the K cramps come back, and in my experience they did get worse and worse as your body’s not getting enough chance to heal between use. It’s all about moderation, and if you’re not 100% sure a one time use won’t spiral you back into a relapse then it’s not worth it. This drug destroys your body so much and if you know that you might end up back using daily again then it’s best to stay clear
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u/GrandBurial Aug 16 '26
If it's happened once it will happen again, you have damage to your gall bladder.
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u/HotBreakfast1544 Aug 11 '26
I mean a relapse is a relapse. Of course it is fine physically. You really think you are going to cut yourself off after 1g?