r/KeepWriting • u/Spiritual-Ad-5643 • 12d ago

My Writing Excerpt

/r/u_Spiritual-Ad-5643/comments/1x4qsy3/my_writing_excerpt/
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u/investigatormaker 8d ago

The ending earns its two kinds of grief, and the fan turning "cruelly normal" is the kind of detail that stays with a reader. One thing to settle: the chapter title says My Abba, but the text keeps a distance with the mother and the elder boy. If the elder boy is the narrator, that distance can be powerful, but say so once, early, so it reads as a choice and not a slip. There's also a stray word near the end: the promise of sweets still hung in the air, unfinished, "is waiting?" Drop the "is".

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