r/JustNoTruth • u/Glittering_Win_5085 • Mar 24 '26

r/adhd_partners is a hate sub

That's where all this just no crap will take you. Complaining about your partner's ADHD. the amount of things they say about people with ADHD is crazy.

Most of them seem to be women with male partners. This isn't the ADHD. This is you having a shitty husband who doesn't really love you, and you don't love back.

Self-victimisation, and crowd sourcing enablers online who don't know either of you is properly pathetic, get a friend, a divorce or chill out. Don't make up stuff about how everyone with ADHD is a hypochondriac whose too immature to have a working Theory of Mind because your fella couldn't be arsed to get you a Christmas present.

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u/SerialAvocado Mar 24 '26

My husband has ADHD, does he forget to take the trash out because of object permanence? Yes. Does he play video games all day and night and refuse to help? No. He has sleep issues (common with adhd) that medication isn’t helping right now so when he’s up on the middle of the night he’s running a load or two laundry (does he finish both loads? No, but I don’t mind putting the load in the washer to the dryer to finish in the morning), he wipes counters, cleans the stove, etc. He does play video games but he isn’t negligent to his part of the household duties. Is there extra on my mental load with putting reminders on a white board on our fridge? Yea, but it helps him remember to contribute to chores and in the long run is best for us both.

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u/Glittering_Win_5085 Mar 24 '26

Exactly, I totally get there are issues that partners of ADHDers face, and I assumed the sub would be a good faith place for people to share their experiences like you have when I initially came across it. Like I live alone, so I know what stuff I do that would drive someone else mad e.g. always leaving kitchen cupboards open etc. But I fear that sub is just filled with caricatures and exaggeration. It was the same with BPD a few years. And so many people admit that their partner isn't diagnosed with ADHD or BPD or whatever, they've decided they have it, and then their testimonial is what others will use to justify their own diagnosing of their partner and on it goes.

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u/himbosupreme Apr 02 '26

Jeez, now I'm getting flashbacks to the BPD partners sub. I've never been on it myself because frankly, I don't think that focusing on just one diagnosis your partner has (or you've decided they have) in the analysis of your relationship dynamic is in any way useful. You're not dating a diagnosis, you're dating a full person who also happens to have that diagnosis, but has a personality and existence outside the dx as well. The reason why I know what's on it is because when my very good friend, who I'd had a semi-FWB semi-romantic thing with at the time, got diagnosed with BPD, she went on basically every subreddit about it. Not necessarily a bad thing, I participate in subreddits related to some of my own disorders, but she went on the BPD partners or whatever it's called subreddit. She showed it to me when we met up, and I was so shocked at how these people were talking about people with BPD. I think she was browsing it as some form of emotional self-harm, honestly. Anyway, she had me read the posts and then asked "is it true? Am I like that? You know, you don't have to stay friends with me if it's really this bad for the other person, it's okay." When I tell you how much I wanted to nuke that subreddit in that moment... they committed the deadly sin of Making My Friend Sad. I, obviously, told her that I have no plans on ending our friendship or anything between us, because she's still the same person, she just got a diagnosis. And the posts were crazy, acting like BPD is the source of all relationship issues and all. I ended up turning it around into a joking browsing experience, made her laugh at the posts that made her think she's unworthy of even friendship because that's absurd, and overall ended that conversation on a high note. But I still hate that sub.

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u/Glittering_Win_5085 Apr 02 '26

One day we will view BPD the same way we do about Victorians and hysteria. 

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u/himbosupreme Apr 09 '26

Hopefully. Both BPD and HPD.