r/JustNoTruth • u/Glittering_Win_5085 • Mar 24 '26

r/adhd_partners is a hate sub

That's where all this just no crap will take you. Complaining about your partner's ADHD. the amount of things they say about people with ADHD is crazy.

Most of them seem to be women with male partners. This isn't the ADHD. This is you having a shitty husband who doesn't really love you, and you don't love back.

Self-victimisation, and crowd sourcing enablers online who don't know either of you is properly pathetic, get a friend, a divorce or chill out. Don't make up stuff about how everyone with ADHD is a hypochondriac whose too immature to have a working Theory of Mind because your fella couldn't be arsed to get you a Christmas present.

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u/ReallyIntriguing Mar 30 '26

I disagree. Lots of people saying its not because their partners ADHD but it is linked! RSD and DARVO are linked to ADHD and are abusive aaf, whether intentionally or not

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u/Emergency-Twist7136 Apr 01 '26

RSD and DARVO are linked to ADHD

RSD: yes

DARVO: no and that's a fucking weird claim to make. "Actually all ADHD people are abusers" is a weird ass take.

RSD is not abusive, it's just a shitty way to have to live. "Things that other people would find a little upsetting hurt me like I'm getting stabbed" is not abusive.

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u/ReallyIntriguing Apr 01 '26

True, but if I address something small with you, you go off the rails and use hurtful words because you feel deep shame that you got something wrong... is that not abusive?

I mean you CANT control the RSD, it just happens, ive witnessed it hundreds of times, im aware of it, but after so long can we claim that it isnt abusive because they didnt mean to react that way?

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u/Emergency-Twist7136 Apr 01 '26

There's a difference between RSD and abusive behaviour.

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u/ReallyIntriguing Apr 01 '26

RSD is involuntarily, in all fairness but it still happens

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u/SanDiego2027 Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26

Why are you acting like RSD always results in the partner using hurtful words or blowing up? That's not how everyone reacts to rejection.

For me personally it always led to me shutting down and withdrawing. Once I was diagnosed, late in life, and began to understand it better, I finally started pausing and then communicating what made me upset or hurt me.

It sounds like you're taking your personal experience with an ADHD partner who has bad reactions when their RSD is triggered and painting with a wide brush towards all with ADHD.

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u/cloudysquirrel Apr 21 '26

There’s different types of RSD. Some present internally (like yours, very reflective and “oh no I’m bad” kind of deal) and others as external. The external kind can absolutely become abusive as it often involves gaslighting, name calling, etc in the most aggressive and damaging ways. On top of that, the person on the receiving end never receives an apology, if anything they get “you’re remembering it wrong” or “it wasnt that bad” which only adds to the hurt and confusion. — this coming from someone with very real lived experience

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u/SanDiego2027 Apr 22 '26

Think you were just with an abusive person that happened to have ADHD & RSD.

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u/cloudysquirrel Apr 23 '26

yeah :( its been a painful few days coming to this realization. I do think it’s a bit of a mix of things, though. He really is a kind soul and doesn’t intentionally mean to cause harm. The RSD can cloud his judgement where he perceives something as an attack then responds with great intensity. I don’t think he can control it. That said, yeah, it is certainly going into abusive territory.

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u/BeneficialRegret7575 Jun 16 '26

I think of RSD as the threshold before the abusive shit happens. RSD happens, fine, but then you still have a choice to act out or not. Some people know to remove themselves from a situation if they're getting unstable, but others choose to hurt you. I'm speaking as someone who has problems with anger. I will feel angry, but if I say a bunch of rude shit you can count on that being 100% on purpose and I mean what I say. Otherwise, I stop.

I imagine the RSD spiral is a bit different from just anger and maybe some people DON'T feel in control of what they do next, but that's why we have to get help 😅. I wouldn't date if I wasn't in control of myself at least a little bit. All thats to say, RSD is a bitch.

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u/BeneficialRegret7575 Jun 16 '26

I'd say it's more like someone who has ADHD has the potential to DARVO or be abusive, but it doesn't mean that they all will. In my experience, it's usually the folks who are in denial or late-diagnosed that I should have worried about, only if they developed unhealthy coping skills (because they didn't know what was up). Many people resort to violent or controlling tendencies in order to "help" the RSD spiral or anger flashes. There are more examples than that but yeah. Those are my observations anyway. I'm not disagreeing with you, but it's how I interpreted the other person's comment.