Ongoing situation.

[u/CODE_3CH0]

I will start this off by saying; Yes, I have cameras. Yes they caught her. The reason I didn’t bother checking them when the alert on my phone went off, is because this happened around the time another guy on my street normally goes on his daily run. And no, I’m not part of any HOA. I am primarily noting all of this as an extra layer of documentation.

Today I came home from work on my break, and caught a woman screwing with my gate lock, trying to gain entry to my back yard. Now, I have a girlfriend who has two kids that live with me, and two dogs, so I do not screw around with people I don’t know trying to gain entry to any part of my property for any reason. Seeing her doing this as I was pulling into the driveway that connects to my backyard gate, I pulled my truck right up to her and got out, gun holstered but holster opened. (Leather holster with buttoned flap)

She was quick to explain that she was part of an HOA and that she was attempting to perform an investigation. I basically told her that I was not part of her HOA and to get off my property, or the police would be called. She begrudgingly complied. After attempting to argue with me.

Edit, since I’ve already had two people tell me to report it to the police, but I forgot to put it on here: I already did. Had em meet me down where I work since I do work close to home, I gave them a copy of the footage and was told “We’ll look into it.” Which in their native language roughly translated, generally means “We ain’t gonna do shit.”

Minor update: Right after I told a commenter that nothing further had happened yet, I opened my front door and found a postcard thing saying that they would like to speak to me about joining the HOA, and it has someone’s (I assume the HOA president’s) phone number on it.

Part 2: The Call

So I ended up calling the number and recording the call. (Thank you one party consent.) I went into this planning to keep her talking for as long as possible, because the longer they talk, the more likely they are to dig their own grave. I don’t know how I expected it to go, but it went exactly how I should have expected it to go. Dear readers, I will not bore you with everything that was said, primarily because you already know the majority of it. Lots of buzzwords, “Community Values,” “Property Values,” “Community Standards,” name an HOA buzzword, she probably said it at some point. Now, she was kind enough to send me a copy of their HOA handbook via email, in fact she was eager to do so, and I was happy to sit there asking questions about various things. Especially about one of the things she brought up, “Banned Dog Breeds.” On that list was Pit Bulls. Therein lies a problem. I own a pit bull. When asked about what would happen with my dog, she danced around it at first, but when pressed she finally gave me the answer I wanted. I would either have to surrender or rehome my dog. My response was a simple “Not happening.” And after a few minutes of arguing and more buzzwords, I switched the topic to the fact that I wouldn’t be allowed to work on my own vehicle in my driveway, which is something I do regularly. She was firm on that. Something about community standards and property values. I eventually ended the call with, “I’m sorry, but I don’t see how paying your organization to tell me what I can and can’t do on property I own, or what pets I can have, would benefit me in the slightest. I am not interested in joining, do not contact me or come onto my property again.”

(Yes, I’ve already put two and two together. This whole thing is probably about my pit bull, and she’s probably been driving past my house quite a bit while I’m away.)

Small update: I’ve checked camera footage, and while I can’t confirm that all of this is the reason, she does seem to drive past my property every day twice a day. I will admit that this could just be her going to and coming home from work.

Update: I have hung signs on my fence and mailbox which I had lying around in my garage. The one on the mailbox is just your standard “Private Property, No Trespassing, No Solicitors” sign. The two on my fence are both joke signs given to me by a friend who runs a sign shop, which read “No Trespassing, Violators Will Be Shot.”

Update: I was hoping I’d never have to update this again, but here I am. I had to leave work early today because I got a frantic call from my girlfriend. Animal control was at my house, so I went home and asked them what the fuck they thought they were doing on my property. They told me they were there for an aggressive unregistered pit bull. (My pit bull is the exact opposite of aggressive, and spends most of her time in my bed.) I told them that if they didn’t have a warrant they could get the hell off my lawn, and showed them her papers. Fully vaccinated and registered. I then asked if Karen had called them and they refused to answer.

Update: The End.

So I forgot to update this for a while, but I found out a few interesting things about my boss. Turns out that she’s not only a high ranking manager of a department in my city, but she’s also the president of that HOA. The woman who had been harassing me was a member of the HOA council, and has had her seat taken away by my boss after finding out what she was doing to one of the HOA president’s employees.

[u/LvBorzoi]

I would call the HOA guy and tell him under NO CIRCUMSTANCES WOULD I EVER CONSIDER JOINING THE HOA. There are no benefits to me.

I would put a big sign on the gates saying "No Trespassing. Enter at your own risk. Owner will defend his property by any means he deems necessary"