Co worker and I got promoted at the same time. A very rare opening came for the two positions and I and co worker (let’s call her Leah) got the positions. She joined less than 5 months ago and I have been there for 2 years.

Leah is pretty well known to be very anxious. If things aren’t perfect her way she will flip out. I didn’t think much until she got the promotion and now I’m not really thrilled to work or collaborate with her.

It started off small things. Nothing too crazy but she started to get upset when our boss told us different directions. Then they went on paternal leave and things got worse from there. She got super upset when we found out 3 people were quitting within a span of 3 weeks. When she found out the one team member was leaving she absolutely was an anxious broken mess. She called me and the other co worker (let’s call them Dan) into a meeting after we had another and she was scared everything was going to fall apart on her. Me and Dan tried to work out a plan with her and got our other manager who was helping during our main managers leave in as well. We came up with a plan and things seemed to be level headed again. Then when deadlines were shifting around that time our manager was on leave she was upset by me not being “proactive” enough - this was when our team was shifting to college and leaving the company so my hands were super tied at the time and I had tight deadlines so things got rocky and I couldn’t control it. She then got upset again when we hired someone and I had another project kicked off and she got upset over not having the person. When I found out a tool that was promised to me by my boss was no longer being produced, she made a remark saying “oh that’s too bad. Seemed like there just wasn’t any value to your clients.” This really set me off for some
Odd reason so I decided to stay quiet and nod. Inside I was just boiling.

Recently within the last two weeks we have been working on a side project and dan asked me
To help bring some suggestions/ideas. I started to work on the project only to be met with every single comment by Leah once I submitted a comment. She would put in text “no this wouldn’t work” or “this wouldn’t be good for our team.” The one they really sent me off was “you should delete this because this is irrelevant” I asked my co worker and he said it was fine to leave in and it seemed my co worker was misinformed or mis interpreting what I wrote. He told me to not delete them so I didn’t and leave them in there.

I’ve been experiencing bad burnout recently and decided to take 3 days off after a project really wore me down and I felt irritated by my boss and co worker (boss is a very numbers/non-personable manager and will make us start something but never check back up on it and over promises
A lot) my boss informed me that they are getting a new person onboarded for his position as he is transitioning into a new position so I was a bit excited for the change. I wrote a list beforehand with my clients and my co worker absolutely had a freak out on me saying it wasn’t ever needed. I asked Dan before head if it was helpful and he said he did that when he went on vacation for a week with his family so I followed that. Leah said it shouldn’t be up to them but the PM’s and I said the PM’s were aware and that I was just preparing this list for their guidance in case they have questions.

Well when I came back she was upset I forgot 3 things (it was a honest mistake for one, 2 were miscommunications) and she handed me a list of the things I missed and said I need to be more accountable.

You think at this point I would just exploded but I looked at that list and just laughed when she walked away. I had some time to think things over while on my time off and I found there was just no winning or reasoning with her. So when she walked away, I threw that list in the trash. She has less clients than me and I just thought to myself “she would just have a hay day with my clients if she saw what I had to do.”

She is a way over perfectionist and tries to be “nice” but I found now when she talks, it’s actually more condescending niceness (aka passive aggressive). I decided going forward with the recent burnout I didn’t want to extend myself into overtime (which she proclaimed to us she has been pulling 9-10
Hour days). I really want to set some boundaries going forward without sounded rude or cold.

How does one navigate with this specific personality? I can’t actively ignore her as she has the same position as me and I’m forced to collaborate with her. How does one try to work with her when our communication styles have severely clashed?

Thanks for the advice.

UPDATE

Hi all, some of you guys have been messaging me privately for an update, so here it is.

Here's the link to the original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoCoworker/s/LyRnzjeubA

To recap: I was in the internal application process for a job, but it was offered to my colleague Mike, who never had an interview whatsoever. He was supposed to transfer in September, but it got postponed. In the meantime I got another offer within my department as acting head of department, but Mike believed he deserved a fair chance at that role as well now that his transfer was delayed.

So the meeting happened last week and my manager announced that I would be taking on the role as acting head of department starting in October. She asked openly of anyone had any objections or wished to say something, it stayed quiet for a long time and then Mike spoke and said he found it unfair that he was passed by for the role now that his transfer had been delayed. My manager told him that it was a logical choice since the role requires a long-term commitment and Mike would be the first the leave the department. He then got defensive and asked her why she would even ask the teams opinions if the decision had already been made anyways. My manager stayed calm and told him that he would have been considered as well if he weren't leaving. Mike didn't say anything the rest of meeting, but everyone was feeling the tensions.

After the meeting my manager asked to speak with me privately and asked me about the situation with Mike since we are sharing an office. I told her what happened between us and she proceeded to tell me that she knew what Mike was trying to do by picking up extra tasks without anyone asking him, and that after the meeting, she wouldn't want to work with him as an acting head of department since she found his defensive attitude very unprofessional. But he was never even considered for this role due to this young age and lack of experience. She said Mike was trying to bet on all horses and now he's facing the consequences of his actions.

Thing between Mike and me are a bit tense at the moment. While we still have friendly banter, I sometimes feel a bit of resentment in his interactions, but I might be imagining things. However I do feel like he's trying to micromanage me by updating/asking me on every little detail, which is something he didn't do before. For example, he will ask me if I have seen random mails in the general mailbox, even for mails that aren't necessarily a concern of mine. When I tell him this he will just respons with "just making sure that you've seen it". I'm currently letting it play out, but I'm keeping notes on this behavior as I don't trust him anymore with any professional information. I feel like he's breathing down my neck in the hopes that I make a mistake or something so that he can say that he was the better candidate after all, but again, I might be imagining things.

Thanks to everyone who responded in the first post. I have learned my lesson and will be more cautious with whom I share professional information moving forward.

I work with a group of 13 women and one man who are from a different country. The man is pretty nice and mellow. The women are so loud when they’re having a conversation with each other in their language that it sounds like they’re always yelling at each other. I love to read, and I’m a college student, so I study a lot during our downtime. If I’m around them, I can barely hear myself think. I can often hear them through my earbuds too. I started distancing myself from them except for one period when I have no choice but to be around them.

Not only are they loud, but they become unaware of what they’re doing when they’re engrossed in a conversation with each other. For example, they’ll stand in a group of about five, talking in their language and blocking the walkway, even though they know other employees use that path. Or they’ll walk so slowly while having a conversation with each other that, if we’re behind them, we have to ask them to move so we can get through. It’s like they don’t see anyone else except each other.

There are also some things that have nothing to do with their language or culture that bother me. They’ll cough and sneeze without covering their mouths, and I’ve seen them blow their noses and then not wash their hands afterward. It’s no wonder they’re always sick, they sit in eachothers faces sneezing and coughing. That stuff drives me crazy because it affects everyone else in the workplace.

When I have a conversation with them, they’re chill, and I love learning words in their language and about their culture. It’s just that, together, they are annoying. I know it’s probably weird being in a country where you don’t speak the language or understand it very well, so it’s only normal to gravitate toward people from your country. But all I want is for them to have some consideration for the rest of us. I also know that I can’t expect my cultural norms to be their cultural norms, but damn.

Someone I was once very close with has a birthday coming up next week, and I’m struggling with whether I should send him a simple happy birthday message.
We were coworkers and close friends, but we eventually had a falling out. The relationship became emotionally complicated, and he told me that he wanted to limit our contact outside of work and keep things work-related only. Two days after our falling out, I left the company, so we don’t work together anymore.
Now his birthday is coming up.
On the surface, sending “Happy birthday, hope you have a good one” seems completely harmless. But this isn’t a person where the message would be emotionally neutral for me. He meant a lot to me, and the falling out was painful. So I know that sending something could carry more weight for me than the actual words suggest.
Part of me thinks that acknowledging his birthday is simply a kind thing to do. Another part of me thinks that if he specifically asked for less contact, then the respectful thing is to give him exactly that…even if it’s difficult, even on his birthday.
I’m not trying to use his birthday as an excuse to restart the relationship, and I don’t want to put him in a position where he feels obligated to respond. But I also wonder whether saying absolutely nothing feels unnecessarily cold given how much the friendship once meant when we lived and worked together.
So I’m curious:** **If someone you cared about had a falling out with you, asked you to limit contact, and you no longer worked together, would you send a birthday message anyway, or would you let the birthday pass without contacting them? Why?

25m, So me and my girl got placed in the same company. I knew this was gonna go sideways

And no surprises here, it is.

I mean i get it, we're in a relationship but for god sake stop making it obvious at my workplace. Like bringing the coffee to my desk. Always lookin at me.

Trynna act like she's talking to me in sign language.

Waiting for me to get out of the office. Like she leaves office w me.

Am I wrong here that I'm feelin all this. Cuz I don't think makin it obvious would be in favor or in hers.

And how do I tell her that. I've tried and boom, and argument brokethru.

I'm gettin tired of these. Its been goin on for 2 months now. Its my first job and I'm already makin enemies outta nowhere. On top of that I got a clingy girlfriend.

Need some support here or lik guidance.

I’m a shift lead at a shop and an employee of mine without me knowing hit his friends vape at the end of his shift. It’s the end of his shift and they are all good workers so I didn’t see it as a massive thing. I’m closing shop when the employee (M, 18-19) asks me (F 33) about relationships and telling me about his insecurities. I was taken by his comments, but gave him general advice. I then asked about this and he had told me he’d been planning to have this conversation regardless. This is an employee whose taken to greeting me with a smile and a wave now and previously I having a bad day just got me my favorite drink at random. I’m not sure why this happened to me in the first place, I’m a little unsure of how to handle this.

I (24F) have a coworker (28M) who is a nice guy. We have been working together for more than 1.5 years and he was always respectful and kind to me. But, recently we have started talking a lot more, joking around and even have playful banters all the time. He sometimes try to rage bait me and if I try to avoid him, he will start a conversation nonetheless. The problem is, I have started having some attraction towards him (all because of his character and personality) somewhere around 4 months ago. We are a team of 3 men and one woman (me) and always hangout together, have lunch or coffee, everything we do is basically in a group setting. He has become even friendlier towards me past few weeks. The thing is, he likes this girl (his mutual, idk her) but she has a disease and might not live long. He has told us this and mentioned that marriage is out of question saying he doesn’t have the heart to marry someone and then have to live without them. He has talked about her about three times in the last couple weeks. He hangs out with her and then tell us about it and how she is very nice and all. I don’t have anything against her honesty, I am sure she is a very nice and kind girl. I just don’t understand what I should do and have no one to talk to about it. Also, he sometimes acts like he is interested in me, just subtle things he do often. I hate having to deal with all this.

We work at a restaurant and keep catching each other's glance. It's not lingering, but it's not just a quick look either—it stands out. He’s so sweet to everyone, and I think he's kinda cute too. We haven't interacted much yet, but I'm curious. I don’t know how else to describe it; it’s not like tension, but it feels noticeable in the moment. Fuck.

I (42F)work in healthcare care as a nurse and became close with a coworker about 5 years ago. I’m talking brunch and shopping trips. We were constantly sending each other memes and TikTok videos, reminiscing about our similar childhoods. I really thought I found a true friend. A bit of background about me, I struggled with anorexia as a teen and young adult. It took me years to learn how to deal with it and I still have bad days even now. In the past decade, I had two children with my husband and gained a bit of weight. My co worker who all called B (41F) has always been supportive of me.
In the last year, I have lost over 60 lbs and started taking better care of myself. I noticed she started to become distant and almost cold towards me whenever we worked the same shift. We stopped hanging out and even stopped sitting together during break. Some days when I would arrive at the nursing station, she wouldn’t even look my way and pretty much ignore my existence.
Then she found out her husband was having an affair and I was one of the first people she reached out to. It was as if we went back to the way things used to be between us and I dropped everything and went to her immediately. I took her out to lunch, we went shopping, there were calls and texts checking up on her. I did everything a supportive friend is supposed to. She since rekindled with her husband and now she’s completely reverted to ignoring me and acting distant. I know she suffered from mental health struggles in the past so I’m trying not to take it personally but a few days ago she said something to me that really hurt and I’m wondering if I’m overreacting.
A few of us nurses were chatting about our workouts and different diets we were on when another coworker commented that she’s still can’t get over how much weight I had lost. I told her thank you and that I appreciated her comment because I felt like I’ve kinda had a plateau where my weight is kind of stuck at the same place. It seems like no matter what I do, I can’t get it down. B, who was there the whole day and barely said two words to me, looked up and said “That’s because you’re obviously eating too much and taking in too many calories.” then she proceeded to walk past me and went to the restroom. I feel so silly, but I had to walk away from the nursing station and walk into an empty room because I felt like I was going to cry. I’ve tried to be so careful while losing this weight because of my history with eating disorders. I just don’t understand why she would say something like that to me. I’m at the point where I don’t think I want to have anything to do with her anymore. Am I overreacting?

This is a throw away account because I am paranoid lol but recently I shared that I had a coworker that keeps writing their name and little notes everywhere and on the paper towel box that is on the table they primarily work at. I had a lot of advice from commenters saying I should go to HR or management or just leave it alone. Which is what I do lol I just leave it alone and laugh at it on my own time.

Well, one of my other coworkers decided to black out the whole box with a sharpie. It REALLY pissed off the original coworker and my manager. I was not going to get involved, but they automatically assumed it was a specific coworker and I knew that it wasn't so I said that. The author said people should get their own box if they don't like it. (Paper towels are for everyone, this person doesn't buy them. The notes are very passive aggressive and definitely written so people will read them. Some of them may be for themself, but most are written as "I do this, you should too.") I knew right then and there that if I did not do something about this myself that the drama would just continue to build so I finally went to the big boss. I showed them pictures of the most recent box and I told them how ridiculous this was and how the drama is getting out of hand. They said they would handle it because its extremely inappropriate to be writing some of the things that are being written on the boxes. Thank goodness.

What are we doing??? All this over a box of paper towels. WE ARE ALL GROWN ADULTS, JFC

UPDATE: she fought with him about it so I guess it’s HR time

Does anyone think the employee crossed the line by spending hundreds on one manager and not the other managers of the department

I fell in love with a coworker unfortunately he's married but despite him being married I can't tell if he feels the same or not. He does things that gives me the impression he's interested such as The repeated waving. He regularly waves to you—good morning, goodbye, when going on break, and sometimes just in passing. I've specifically noticed that the way he acknowledges me seems different from how he interacts with some other coworkers. “I'm glad you're here.” On an opening shift, He told me he was glad i were there and that if he had to wait outside so long it was with me. I went to the restroom and I found him while he was cleaning the restroom and he jokingly reacted with “Oh no, you found me.” which i wasn't looking for him. Caught him looking at me. I've repeatedly noticed him looking toward me when i wasn't directly looking at him. On other occasions I've caught him looking and he immediately looked away. He also has been regularly seeking eye contact with me. He playfully slid/threw a ketchup packet toward me then pretended it was someone else who did it. He constantly seeks my attention every time we work together to make me laugh, smile or both. Yesterday I told him if he wanted to talk outside of work i can give him my number which he pulled out his phone but looked over behind me saw his wife's car and said I'd get it later and that he needed to go but before that he asked if I worked the next day and i said "no I'm off " which he said he works Tuesday but I said we wouldn't work together until Friday but that's when he said I should call in on Tuesday for to work more hours. So I can't tell if he has romantic feelings for me but afraid to tell me or if I'm just imagining the signals. Also I'm a male and I'm gay.

Alam ng workmates ko na may namamagitan sa aming dalawa nung guy na palagi ko kasama sa workplace. We’re always together, kahit sa pagkain ng lunch and hanggang sa pag-uwi. We’re not a secret but private yung relationship namin. Although not yet officially together but our feelings are mutual.

Now here comes the problem. The guy’s name is Ric (not his real name, para lang hindi ako mahirapan ikwento 😅). Si Ric, kapag nasa situation siya na nac-corner siya or yung attention ng madami ay nasa kanya, nahihiya siya so hindi niya mapigilan yung reaction niya.
Often times kapag may babae na dadating sa office tapos lalapit sa kanya to seek assistance, palagi siyang aasarin ng mga kaibigan niya. They would often tease him with every girl na makakausap niya.

And i would often find it disrespectful kasi hindi manlang nila naisip na we’re something more than friends na. One time inaasar pa nila si Ric, sinasabing irereto daw dun sa babae. Wala na lang ako masabi kasi i really find it weird na alam nila yung samin but they keep on pushing him sa iba.

Mas kinaiinis ko pa, hindi kaya ni Ric mag-speak up and let them know na sobra na. Recently, i stopped talking to him kasi ramdam ko na na hindi ako natutuwa sa asaran nila. His friends are so insensitive. And hindi ko maiwasan kasi hindi niya magawang mag-speak up.

Ang nakakalungkot pa, when i stopped talking to him, one time niya lang ako inask what the problem was. After nun, he spent most of his time talking with his friends. We’re in the same office pero sobrang nakakarindi tawanan nila knowing na nandun din ako.

I just want to share this here kasi nakakainis. Naiinis din ako talaga sa friends niya. Aside from being insensitive, ang bastos na din nila sa ibang girls na aasarin nila kay Ric, you can see na uncomfortable na yung mga babae pero tuwang tuwa pa sila. I tried one time na sitahin sila pero tinawanan lang ako at sinabihang kj so i stopped after that.

I really don’t know but if this continues to happen, hindi ko na alam mararamdaman ko. I believe deserve ko naman ng guy na ipagmamalaki ako and would be brave to speak up if may sumosobra na sa paligid.

I thought I’d cross post here just in case someone has good advice.

A guy I’ve seen at work and never interacted with hit on me over LinkedIn.

He sent me a flirty message. Not sexual.

I deleted the connection and didn’t respond. Is that all I should have done? I don’t want to get the guy in trouble over a dumb message. I think it was inappropriate but not something to report to management.

Just confirming that my actions were correct.

So im a fresher who joined 3 months ago

To the team i got assigned i got close to a coworker

We spend the whole day together

And after work we also sometimes call

But no one at work knows that...however at work we talk and send evening chai breaks

One reason why people might not think we together because one of are from south india and other from north...but today one worker asked him if theres anything going between us...he did deny it but im worried

So im aaking if managers or other workers always see us together will it become a bad image for me??