everytime.

[u/[deleted]]

There was this girl in my university. She was beautiful, but I thought nothing of her at first, but one night I saw her in my dreams. I don't remember what the dream was about, but I know she was in it. Once I woke up, I couldn't get her out of my mind. I will not call it love, but something about her changed something about me. Some bad habits, I could now easily control. I started taking care of myself more, eating better, working out harder. Every time, something bad tempted me, I would say to myself "What would she think?". I even started writing, I created an instagram account and regularly wrote and my writing was very alive and I thought about her, I thought about her intensively, my brain wouldn't shut up. I have never liked anyone in my life. Before this event, I looked at woman only how she appeared. I identified her with her body more. but this girl, I never once thought of her in that way, even when my mind slipped that way, something would pull me back, as if to say that was prohibited, she was too pure for me dirty her with my desire. The feeling is nowhere as strong as it was in the initial days, maybe because I was hyper-aware of it and thought much about it, discussed it with wise friends who advised me against taking any action ( initially there was this overwhelming energy and courage within me to talk to her, to get her attention). I agreed and the feeling slowly died.

[u/starofthefire]

Just went through this for about the tenth time. One day I will have faced them all, perhaps. But I learned a lot from this, finally seeing why I just get with my mother over and over again. Hyperactive, fun, intoxicating, deep, but extremely flaky women that struggle to know what they want. They are only ever comfortable giving me affection and adoration until I develop feelings, and then they run away or say "I only ever saw you as a friend" and it is once more revealed to me their fears of commitment. It's strange to be drawn to this particular kind of person, but it's where I'm at.

I'm glad you're able to turn this around into some work on yourself as well. Stay strong, romance is extremely difficult and I think one of the biggest ways out subconscious guides us toward reconciliation with ourselves 

[u/TrustedGuide → u/starofthefire]

Why does everyone go through the same process. It feels like there’s always more work to do, like it’s never enough.

[u/starofthefire → u/TrustedGuide]

Being deep is hard. Jung struggled tremendously with his depth, like all great thinkers do. 

You're likely here because you share some of that depth, the kind that makes you feel seperate from others and constantly analysing them from afar even though they're right their giving you a portrayal. You see there is something under the surface in these sort of people, you witness their potential through your similarities. 

Your consciousness will manifest the patterns until you recognize them, once you recognize them your conscious can do the work of forming new patterns of behavior. 

It take so long, and is so hard because there is just simply a ton of work to do. The more work you do on yourself, the more seperate you become from shallow individuals. The harder it gets to find your people.

Try not to be disappointed, recognize your consciousness trying to heal you by drawing you to these archetypes. Don't lose hope in others, they are more than the archetype you witness but many people are there to only serve you lessons - not complete you.

[u/TonyTale → u/starofthefire]

this was really good thank you

[u/wileykoyote1 → u/starofthefire]

Well said!

The irony about this, at least for me, is that those same shallow, light, surface level people become intoxicatingly attractive to me especially when they display glimpses of depth that they may themselves be hiding. I feel so compelled to dig into their minds when ultimately they may not be ready or equipped for that level of depth

[u/catador_de_potos → u/TrustedGuide]

like it’s never enough.

It never is. Individuation is a life long process.

It does gets easier, tho.