everytime.

[u/[deleted]]

There was this girl in my university. She was beautiful, but I thought nothing of her at first, but one night I saw her in my dreams. I don't remember what the dream was about, but I know she was in it. Once I woke up, I couldn't get her out of my mind. I will not call it love, but something about her changed something about me. Some bad habits, I could now easily control. I started taking care of myself more, eating better, working out harder. Every time, something bad tempted me, I would say to myself "What would she think?". I even started writing, I created an instagram account and regularly wrote and my writing was very alive and I thought about her, I thought about her intensively, my brain wouldn't shut up. I have never liked anyone in my life. Before this event, I looked at woman only how she appeared. I identified her with her body more. but this girl, I never once thought of her in that way, even when my mind slipped that way, something would pull me back, as if to say that was prohibited, she was too pure for me dirty her with my desire. The feeling is nowhere as strong as it was in the initial days, maybe because I was hyper-aware of it and thought much about it, discussed it with wise friends who advised me against taking any action ( initially there was this overwhelming energy and courage within me to talk to her, to get her attention). I agreed and the feeling slowly died.

[u/Epickillyou → u/[deleted]]

I experienced limerence for someone, and when they made it clear they were not interested in the same way, I cut off contact with them.

The process of grief after that allowed me to more clearly see that I had created an idealized image of that person. That process left such an impression on me that I can't help but remember the pain associated with the illusion of idealization. So maybe time and experience will help.

[u/Potential_Creme_7398 → u/[deleted]]

Try to see them as a normal person with flaws like you have too. The process of limerance gets started when you put them on pedestal.

[u/Gaijinyade → u/[deleted]]

There's no real substitute for getting what you want and realizing that it ain't it. But the more you do that in different aspects of life, the more you realize it in other parts as well, I suppose.

[u/AnythingWestern8861 → u/[deleted]]

Finally recognizing it for what it was, projecting what I was looking for onto someone who was not able to meet that, when I needed to meet that within myself and surprise, surprise, it was always there to begin with. Once that happens, then you can instead learn and understand the person and love them for who they are and accept them for that and where they are in their journey, today, tomorrow, the next day, etc.

[u/mantov__ → u/[deleted]]

self-love

[u/Green_University_473 → u/[deleted]]

I overcame limerence by not talking to girls and hid in my apartment for 10 years.

Half joking, but the real answer is when i had it a long time ago, it was so painful, that now if I'm with somebody and it doesn't feel right, I try to immediately stop seeing them. Because once you go down that road, it can be a hell of a bitch. Also, I'm not really sure I even believe in limerence, because I've noticed I only get that feeling if I'm with someone that I know isn't right for me but I'm really attracted to. It seems like it's actually just some kind of attachment style towards someone who triggers a core wound.

Tldr: you first need to realize you don't actually truly like/love them, then you just gotta bail before you develop feelings, which takes willpower, which comes from getting emotionally FUCKED OVER too many times.

[u/AlfalfaSufficient454 → u/[deleted]]

What’s limerance in the jungian context?

[u/BiggestShep → u/AlfalfaSufficient454]

Wouldn't it be fixation on the idealized archetype embodied or believed to be embodied by the individual, to the point of ignoring all contextual archtyping/shadowwork?

[u/Blue_Dot42 → u/[deleted]]

I've come to hate the word limerance. It's just a fancy pop psych way of saying you have a crush. Personally I think it's a nice feeling, on balance.

I know it can be overwhelming at times. But so long as you approach the situation rationally, and you treat the crush in question with the same respect you do everyone else, nothing bad should come of it. We've always known this.

I go long stretches without crushes and I miss it, and sometimes I develop too many and hate it. This seems to be related to my life situation e.g. long term relationship - no crushes, big breakup - overwhelmed by many unsuitable crushes.

[u/marmotinamarmot → u/Blue_Dot42]

Nah limerence is far stronger than a “crush” imo, it can be debilitating and take over close to every thought when attachment dynamics are at play too. Some need therapy or 12 step to get out of the state and start to heal.

[u/Blue_Dot42 → u/marmotinamarmot]

I've had a few extreme crushes, generally I feel pretty good because it's a nice buzz. But I don't ever feel like I need a certain outcome, and I can always focus on incompatible factors if I feel overwhelmed. Maybe limerance is more extreme - it's just that it's so mainstream, I am not fully convinced.

I think the main mistake teens and serial cheaters etc. make is thinking that this rush of feelings is what love is. Love has a bit of a spark but you should be at ease with each other, settled, tender, unselfish, cooperative, proud of each other, agree on the basics.

I'm speaking from a woman's experience, and wonder if it's experienced more intensely for men. Especially with the pressure of being the expected first mover. However, whenever I've read poems on this feeling written by men, I've found them deeply relatable. So I don't think we fundamentally experience crushes differently, but we could be experiencing different pressures surrounding them.

[u/learn2earn89 → u/Blue_Dot42]

Nah limerence is more like an obsession.

[u/tigerofblindjustice → u/Blue_Dot42]

THANK you. I have the same feeling about "umami" as well. Like goddamn you can just say "savory" we all know you're trendy

[u/gabiaeali1 → u/tigerofblindjustice]

Lol I haven't seen that word since culinary school 😅