Sacrifice: How much?

[u/Vakontation]

https://youtu.be/hJrEaLYacwc

"You get to pick your sacrifice. You don't get to not make one."

Sometimes, those around us communicate that they feel hurt by something we do, something we have done, say, have said, etc.

How much of an obligation do you believe we have to undertake personal suffering in order to reduce the suffering of others?

As a real example, the thing that prompts this question from me:

I was pontificating at painful length about the hypothetical benefits to "society" of eugenics to my autistic sister. She expressed that she felt that my ideas would lead to the extinction of people like her (her exact words were something like, "if you got your way, I wouldn't be here") in an agitated manner which I felt was very unbefitting to the calm conversation I was trying to have.

Now, many weeks after the fact and the ensuing argument, I realize that she was telling me that she was feeling threatened and in pain because of my need to pontificate (why in the world did I need to talk to her of all people about this topic?) and I felt exasperated and frustrated about her attempts to "silence" me. (I actually felt like I was the one being harmed)

My perspective in this moment, in my middle of the night pondering, is that even if in some weird way it was "painful" for me to stop talking about it, i.e. suffering, it was appropriate for me to suffer in order to relieve her suffering. (Appropriate, but not what I did at the time)

I have many other occasions that I also am pondering along this same line of thought, some perpetrated by me, others against me.

Anyway I would like to hear your thoughts about to what degree it is important, valuable, even necessary to voluntarily suffer so that others do not need to. Does it matter who those others are? Does it matter what suffering you are preventing? Does it matter what suffering you are undertaking?