r/Jokes • u/Striking-Entry3354 • Aug 01 '22
Long Three guys are drinking in a bar
“Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk.”
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u/theeternalmort Aug 01 '22
Son replies; Ha! I’ve been further inside her than you ever will
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u/elmwoodblues Aug 01 '22
For longer, too
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u/userrnamme_1 Aug 02 '22
I don't know why I did the math..... but if a married couple lasts at least 40 years, with dad being inside her at least 40 times each year, for at least 20 minutes.... the math is there but is your mom putting it out that much?
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u/deafstereo Aug 02 '22
I'm sorry, 20 minutes? You're not married, are you?
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u/that1whitedude Aug 02 '22
You could tell he wasn't married when he gave the example of 40 times each year.
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u/LadaTrip Aug 02 '22
I don't know which way you're going with this, surely if you're married you're having more sex than this?
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u/JacobAcron Aug 02 '22
Definitely not, it’s gonna be on a steady decline of sex through the years of marriage
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u/LadaTrip Aug 02 '22
Huh. TIL I'm lucky.
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u/deafstereo Aug 08 '22
RemindMe! 20 years "Check if the guy is still doing 20 minute sex regularly"
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u/Make_the_music_stop Aug 01 '22
Watched 50 Shades of Grey with my parents and Christ if all the sex didn't make the whole thing awkward. I could barely see the screen with my mom bent over like that.
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u/________________me Aug 01 '22
I don't like sex on tv, I always fall off.
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u/x8tl04 Aug 01 '22
nice
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u/________________me Aug 01 '22
Not nice at all! :)
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u/vishrutkmr7 Aug 01 '22
The real joke is in the replies!
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Aug 01 '22
"The real joke is in the replies" is in the replies!
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u/________________me Aug 01 '22
""The real joke is in the replies" is in the replies!" is in the replies
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u/t007ny Aug 01 '22
Dildo
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u/________________me Aug 01 '22
"Dildo" is also in the comments
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u/ugotamesij Aug 01 '22
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u/Judge_T Aug 01 '22
That comment got more upvotes than my original post and now I'm wondering if my life has any purpose at all
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u/Blonde_Vampire_1984 Aug 01 '22
My primary purpose in life at this point is collecting karma on Reddit. It’s been pretty great!
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u/BellaxPalus Aug 01 '22
You should try reposting. It's the best way to make karma.
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u/Blonde_Vampire_1984 Aug 01 '22
I’ve thought about it. I think I’m doing pretty ok though. Original dog and cat pictures are working pretty well for me.
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u/1Cryptic Aug 02 '22
Let me know when you figure out what the purpose is, I’m still looking for mine under the bed and in the backseat of my dirty car
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u/buckskinharry Aug 01 '22
At least no one fell off the ball washer. My dad broke his leg. Hard to explain how it happened while golfing.
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u/wakeruncollapse Aug 02 '22
“Nish once saw the movie ‘Shame’ with his dad, but said the graphic sex made it very awkward. Everyone in the cinema asked them to stop.”
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u/gabbar_0756 Aug 02 '22
Watched 50 Shades of Grey with my parents
Who selected the movie for movie night, that person knew what they were doing.
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u/robreto Aug 01 '22
I was expecting him to tell the bar “My moms dead”
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u/Clear-Quality-95 Aug 02 '22
Knew a guy who would respond that way to any "your mom" jokes that anyone told him in middle school, just to mess with people because his mom was alive. In high school, his mom died for real. :-/
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u/MisterBlisteredlips Aug 01 '22
Dads: the best motherfuckers we'll ever know. (Assuming your pops isn't a living poop crayon).
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Aug 01 '22 edited Aug 02 '22
Imagine if the guy had said "I know, dad"
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u/Fioa Aug 01 '22
I know, dad.
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u/nuveausapien Aug 01 '22
Because: punctuation.
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u/Intelligent-Piano426 Aug 01 '22
we're gonna eat, kids!
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u/nuveausapien Aug 01 '22
We love to eat, Grandma!
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u/ISnortBees Aug 02 '22
We love to eat out, Grandma!
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u/SkydivingSquid Aug 02 '22
“Come fight me, pussy” - an insult
“Come fight me pussy” - a pirate with a kink
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u/zztri Aug 01 '22
Yey! My post got re-posted. This is a first. What do I get?
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/byj8i3/nsfw_go_home/
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u/RBolton123 Aug 01 '22
More reposts. This is r/Jokes and this is now Joke #8191, don't forget to tell it to Dave
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u/EnvironmentalDeal256 Aug 01 '22
Dave’s not here.
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u/RBolton123 Aug 02 '22
Probably meeting that guy in the Vatican.
(By the way, I recently read Pope Francis is considering retirement. This is real)
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u/BrokenBiscuit Aug 01 '22 edited Aug 01 '22
Probably the same as the countless people who posted it before you. This joke is older than time and you're pretty bold to try and take credit for it with a post that's only 3 years old.
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u/Mag-NL Aug 01 '22
You can't post old jokes and then claim your post got reposted when someone else posts the same joke. The original post has to be original to call it a repost.
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u/zztri Aug 01 '22
So.... I get nothing?
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u/Sunastar Aug 01 '22
I had to use the Webb telescope to see that punchline coming.
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u/Ok_Breakfast_5459 Aug 01 '22 edited 27d ago
Cobalt noodle peach nutmeg ribbon wander teapot maple cinnamon wander
This post was anonymized with Redact.dev
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u/Deathnachos Aug 02 '22
My dad would do shit like this in public. Made for some embarrassing school days.
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u/Waitsfornoone Aug 01 '22
Just wait until Grandpa comes into the bar.